Chapter 31
Joanna thought about kissing Adam as she walked along the edge of the woods that evening. She’d never felt so trusting, so real, so free—almost as free as she had felt on Siesta Beach in Florida—as she had kissing him. She’d felt it all the way down to her toes.
She’d never experienced that with Jacob. That was why she ran. Her feelings for Adam terrified her. She’d always been in control of her emotions in her relationship with Jacob—but the freedom she felt with Adam turned into fear by the time the second kiss ended.
Even though Jacob had talked about his father abandoning his family the first night they went out for ice cream, it turned out he was fairly opaque with her. He never really opened up. He was never vulnerable with her. He’d always seemed in control too—confident and in charge.
But she’d never been vulnerable with him either. She’d never told him about her childhood house catching on fire or her mother’s depression. She’d never told him about her father’s impulsiveness. She’d never even told him about what a caring brother Leon was.
So why did her feelings for Adam terrify her?
Because she’d been vulnerable. Because she’d stopped being aware of herself.
Because her heart felt as if it might explode.
Because as she pulled away from Adam, she realized what she was risking.
What if Adam changed his mind and left her the way Jacob had?
What if it was her—what if she really wasn’t loveable?
She stayed at the edge of the woods until after dark, but the lightning bugs didn’t appear. She wasn’t sure if she wanted Adam to appear or not but still she waited. He didn’t. Finally, she trudged back to the house and on upstairs. She’d read for a while and hope sleep would come.
The next morning, as Joanna started toward the office door, she heard Becky say, “Ike’s problems aren’t the same as your Dat’s. It seems those came from my side of the family and are genetic. I want you to get tested, to have an echocardiogram, and see if you have the same condition.”
Adam said, “That sounds expensive.”
Becky said, “We’re going to pay for it.”
“If I have it, will knowing make any difference?”
“Jah,” Becky said. “There’s medication you can take if you have HCM.”
“HCM?”
“Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, a thickening of the wall of the left ventricle. It’s treatable. I already made an appointment for you, for tomorrow. Nick will take you.”
“But I don’t have any symptoms,” Adam said.
“Just the same—”
Joanna, alarmed to be eavesdropping, retreated to the kitchen counter. She grasped the coffee percolator tightly, her palms sweaty. She wiped her hands on her apron and then picked up the percolator again. Had Adam inherited the same heart condition that killed Reuben?
What if something happened to Adam? What if he suddenly died like his father had? Her hand began to shake as she filled the coffeepot. She steadied the bottom of it with her other hand.
Of course Adam should get tested, as soon as possible. Was tomorrow soon enough? Once she started the coffee, she gathered supplies to go clean the apartment. Adam wasn’t anywhere in sight.
In the afternoon, Nick drove her to the Pequea Creek house. Becky had told her Jacob and Adam would be finishing the outside trim. They’d had to strip the old paint off the south-facing window casings before painting them.
Joanna didn’t see Adam when she arrived, but she did see Jacob.
He was using a heat gun on the trim around a living room window.
She walked through the front door and back to the kitchen.
All the prep work had been done for the cabinets and appliances, and the walls and trim had been painted.
She continued through the house and up the staircase.
Adam stood at the window on the landing.
“Hallo,” she said.
He turned around slowly, running his hand through his hair as he did. “Hi, Joanna.”
“How are you?” she asked.
Adam shrugged.
Her hands tingled. She rubbed them together. “I’m just going to say what I need to say.” She leaned against the railing. “I overheard your Mammi talking with you this morning.”
He had a curious expression on his face. “About?”
“Getting your heart checked.”
He wrinkled his nose. “I’m sorry you heard that.”
“You’re going to do it, right?”
He shook his head. “What is, is. Right?”
“Wrong. Your Mammi said there’s medication if you do have the condition. You need to have the test done.”
“I’m not as much of a planner as you,” Adam said.
“Everyone should be a planner, especially when it comes to one’s health.”
He shrugged again. “We’ll see.”
“Do it for your grandparents.”
He exhaled and swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down.
“Do it for m—”
“Joanna!” It was Jacob.
Adam sighed. “He’s been looking for the extra battery for the heat gun.”
Joanna turned to go.
“Wait,” Adam said.
She turned back toward him. She’d almost said “Do it for me,” which surprised her. “Do it for your grandparents,” she said again. “You’re all they have.” Tears pricked at the backs of her eyes and her voice wobbled as she said, “They need you.”
Someone—Tim—yelled, “Feiyah!”
Joanna’s knees locked. For a moment she couldn’t move. Then Tim yelled, “Fire!” and she twisted around and tore down the stairs, fearing she might tumble she was moving so fast. She held on to the railing as she flew, yelling, “Adam! Call 9-1-1.”
She slid to a stop in the foyer, grabbed the fire extinguisher and two fire blankets from the emergency box, and tore out the front of the house.
The drop cloth and a pile of rags under the living room window where Jacob had been working were on fire.
Tim had the hose and was running toward the fire—obviously he’d forgotten the plumbers had turned off the outside water the day before.
Jacob was using a second drop cloth to try to beat out the fire, but it was too flimsy to do any good. Instead he was spreading the sparks.
Adam was right behind Joanna, on the phone. She turned and tossed him one of the blankets as she pulled the pin on the fire extinguisher.
She yelled at Jacob, “Use this!” as she tossed the other blanket at him and began spraying the fire that was scorching the dry azalea bushes in the flower bed and licking at the house.
An hour later the firefighters had left and everyone returned to work, except for Joanna. She sat on a bench on the back veranda, forcing herself to take deep breaths.
“You okay?” Adam stood at the kitchen door.
“Jah.” Joanna took another deep breath and held it. The wail of the sirens still played in her head as she counted to ten.
“You were amazing—unflappable, really.” Adam stepped onto the veranda. “All of your planning paid off. You knew exactly what to do and had the emergency box in exactly the right place. If you hadn’t been working today, the fire could have spread quickly.”
Joanna exhaled but didn’t respond to what he said.
Instead she took another couple of deep breaths and thought about how when she was little and afraid to try something new, Leon would say, “It’s okay to be scared brave.
” Scared brave. When he was older he told her the definition of courage was the ability to do something even if it was frightening.
“You’re courageous when you have no choice but to do the right thing, even when you’re scared,” Leon had said. That’s how she felt in an emergency.
Adam sat down on the bench beside her. “You remind me of Anne in Persuasion. She was the one who was good in an emergency. She was the one who nursed others when they were injured.”
She realized her breathing had slowed. “Did you put the daisies in the book?”
“Jah,” he said. “I put them there for you.”
She choked as she said, “Denki.”
Adam spoke again. “Thank you for encouraging me to get tested.” He paused for a long moment and then added, “I’ve decided to keep the appointment.”
After work, Joanna was hot and sweaty and still smelled like smoke, although she guessed it was probably her imagination.
Instead of working in the garden like she usually did after work, she went straight inside with the intention of showering and washing her hair.
Mammi Lu sat in the living room reading.
She glanced up and asked, “How was work?”
Joanna wasn’t ready to talk about the fire, even though everyone was all right and no damage had been done besides to the side of the house that needed to be cleaned and the azaleas that needed to be pruned. “Fine.”
“Did you see your letters on the table?”
“Nee.” Joanna turned back toward the kitchen. “Who are they from?”
“Your folks.”
Joanna backtracked and grabbed the letters. The return address on one was Mamm and Dat’s, while Leon’s was on the second one. He hardly ever wrote anymore. She sat on her bed and opened the envelope from Leon.
Dear Joanna,
First I have to apologize for not writing more often. Life here keeps getting busier and busier. Katie delivered a baby girl—named Joanna after you, although we’re calling her Jo Jo—two days ago.
Joanna’s eyes filled with tears. Leon and Katie had named their baby after her.
Jah, she wished she’d known Katie was expecting, but it wasn’t unusual for couples not to announce a pregnancy. And she wasn’t surprised Dat hadn’t told her.
She blinked a couple of times and continued reading.
Dat was frustrated you didn’t come to Maine with him. Please don’t take him seriously. There are days when I think he’s getting better—and others when I think he’s worse than ever when it comes to his behavior. But we’re all managing. Even prospering, somehow.
Dat said he told you about our fire. It wasn’t as bad as he probably made it sound, and I hope it didn’t worry you. We all are doing fine. I miss you.
Your brother,
Leon
Besides bringing her joy, Leon’s words also comforted her.
He’d always been a strong leader and a good teacher.
She knew he was a big help to their brothers as they all established themselves.
He’d always been so dependable. And his advice not to take Dat too seriously confirmed that her decision to stay in Lancaster—at least for now—was the right one.
The next letter was from Mamm. She’d been busy canning the first of her tomatoes. Then, probably getting to the reason for the letter, she continued with,
Your Dat told me he ordered you to come back to Maine with him, but you refused and he ran out of time to change your mind.
It sounded as if Dat had really talked up her refusal with the rest of the family, which wasn’t surprising.
I wanted to let you know we have a new doctor here, a woman who has helped me quite a bit.
She ran some tests on me and found a few problems—low thyroid and other deficiencies—and I’m taking medication for the first time.
Slowly, I’ve been feeling better than I have in years.
Your father plans to see her soon and see if she can help him too with focusing and being less impulsive. I’m hopeful.
Mamm wrote a little more about how everyone was doing, including Leon and Katie’s new baby.
I’m glad you’re with your Mammi. I have plenty of people here to help me—but my own mother only has you. As long as you believe it’s God’s will for you to stay in Lancaster County, I think you should. Not that I don’t miss you—I do. But I trust you to make the decision that is best for you.
I need to close this letter and get back to my flowers and preparing for the next market.
Write soon,
Your Mamm
P. S. I’m sorry about Jacob, but—honestly—he never seemed right for you. I know God has someone better suited for you when you’re ready.
Joanna held the letter to her chest as tears filled her eyes a second time. She’d never felt so hopeful for her family. Maybe, in time, her Mamm and Dat could have a good marriage after all.