85. Anson
EIGHTY-FIVE
ANSON
I rubbed my eyes, exhausted off my ass. It had been several weeks since Rosalie ran off to see my father.
Things seemed to be going well for her and the guys now, but I knew her.
She was heartbroken over turning down the contract.
She wasn’t even wanting to practice with me now.
It was like her world had shattered, and she didn’t care to pick up the pieces.
I called Alex and spoke to him at length about the contract. He assured me he would be open to exploring the contract with her later, which offered me some relief.
“You look tired,” Trent commented as his blue eyes swept over me.
I grunted and took a deep drink from my beer.
“He just needs to get laid. That always perks him up.” Ryder clapped me on the shoulder. “Blonde. Big tits. A mouth that looks like it knows how to suck cock. Your favorite type of woman.” He pointed out a pretty blonde I’d noticed had been watching me throughout the night.
“No,” I mumbled. “Not interested.”
“You’re not dead,” Trent said. “You’re not even in a relationship with Rosalie. You’re free to look around.”
“By the sounds of it, you and Rosalie will never happen.” Ryder’s tone shifted to softer, more sympathetic. “Maybe it’s time you let shit go, man. You’re miserable. She’s even moved the engagement party ahead. You need to just drop it and let shit happen.”
“Or just make your move,” Trent cut in. “If you want her, why don’t you just go for it?”
“You don’t think I haven’t?” I shot him a sour look.
Trent winced. “I mean, like, really go for it. Don’t let her tell you no. Give her a reason to say yes.”
I sighed and finished my beer. My promise to Fox flashed through my head.
Fucking hell. I had no idea what I was doing.
I was so fucking lost. I didn’t want Fox to die, but I knew he was closer to pushing that damn button than Cole was on putting a gun to my head.
That was saying something since Cole hated me.
As much as I wanted Rosalie, this wasn’t the goddamn way I wanted her.
When it happened, I wanted her to make that decision.
But maybe Fox was right. We needed to make it for her.
Regardless, it all really sucked, and I was losing my mind with everything happening.
“Call her.” Ryder nodded at the phone I had sitting on the table.
I hesitated as I stared at my phone. It wasn’t terribly late. I was getting pretty drunk, and the alcohol was fueling my bravery and poor decisions.
“Do it.” Trent nudged me. “Ask her to come out.”
I knew she wouldn’t be able to leave the house alone.
Fuck it.
I picked my phone up amid Ryder and Trent high-fiving one another and hit Fox’s name. I walked outside alone so I could hear better. The line rang three times before he answered.
“Hey. What’s up?” he asked.
“I, uh, I was wondering what you and Rosalie were doing. If maybe you two would like to hang out.” I breathed out, really fucking hoping I wasn’t setting myself up for failure. Maybe tonight would be the night I’d fuck it all up for good.
“What are you thinking?” Fox’s voice became low.
I knew what he was thinking. That tonight I’d make a move. And who knew, if I kept drinking the way I was, maybe I would. My stomach twisted at the thought.
“Just hang out. I’m here at Beats with Ryder and Trent. Thought maybe you and Rosalie would like to get away for a night.”
He was quiet for a moment before he answered.
“Yeah. Yeah, man. We can do that.”
“Just you guys,” I said quickly.
He let out a soft laugh. “I understand. It’s just me and her here tonight anyway. Enzo and the guys are working. I’ll see you in a few. Rosalie will want to change.”
“OK.” I swallowed. “OK. I’ll see you in a few.”
I disconnected the call and closed my eyes, Rosalie on my mind.
Yeah, maybe tonight I really would go for it.
Thirty minutes later, Fox was walking into Beats in jeans, a black Henley, and his leather jacket on, his hand in Rosalie’s as he pulled her through the crowded club.
I swear my heart stuttered in my chest at the sight of her. Her hair hung around her in a mass of red curls. She was wearing a little purple, low-cut dress with a high hemline. Her knee-high black boots made me groan inwardly.
“Fuck, she looks good,” Ryder said from beside me, noticing her.
I nodded wordlessly.
“Hey,” Fox greeted me.
“Hey. Glad you guys could come.” I gave them a smile and reached for Rosalie. She didn’t hesitate to come and hug me.
“You look beautiful, LeeLee,” I murmured into her ear. “Good enough to eat.”
She squeezed me back before pulling away, her cheeks flushed at my compliment.
“Thanks, Ani. You look good, too.”
“Hey, bring us a couple rounds,” Ryder said as a shot girl breezed by. “Bring over some shooters and get my girl Red here something fruity.”
The girl scurried away to get our orders.
“Thanks,” Fox said to him. “I could use a drink.”
“You guys have men with you tonight?” Trent asked.
“Two outside,” Fox said.
I glanced at Rosalie to see her looking around the club.
“LeeLee, darling, have a seat,” I said, gesturing to one of the chairs.
She shot me a quick smile before sliding onto the seat next to Fox. We all took seats after that and drank when our drinks arrived. An hour into it, and I was more than buzzed. Rosalie swayed in her seat, smiling as Fox, Ryder, and Trent talked sports.
“Want to get a drink?” I leaned in to ask Rosalie.
“Sure.” She got to her feet, and I followed.
Fox looked at me and gave a slight nod of his head.
Fucking hell, he wanted me to do this. God help me, I wanted to. The alcohol definitely helped fuel that desire.
I placed my hand on the small of her back and steered her to the bar, eager to be alone with her.
“Six shots,” I said, tossing cash onto the bar.
Rosalie widened her eyes at me.
“Want to play a game?” I asked bravely.
Her lips quirked up. “Sure. What game?” She swayed a little, making me smile. She was a lightweight.
“Last one to down three shots in a row has to do the chicken dance in the middle of the dance floor.”
Her eyes widened. “Oh god. OK. You’re on.”
Before I could grab my first shot, she already had hers down.
“Cheater!” I laughed, trying to catch up to her as she finished her drinks, her pretty face twisted at the burning taste.
“Ugh!” She shook. “So gross. Whiskey is the devil. I swear.”
I slammed my empty shot glass on the bar and wiped my mouth.
“Dance, chicken boy,” she said, smirking at me.
I let out a huff of laughter, took her hand in mine, and led her through the crowd to the dance floor, where I proceeded to do a slow version of the chicken dance. She threw her head back and laughed as I danced around her.
I loved seeing her that way.
I moved behind her and placed my hands on her hips, her back to my front.
She tensed as I leaned in and spoke softly in her ear.
“Dance with me, songbird. Pretend it’s just us.”
“What does that mean?” she answered softly.
“Whatever you want it to.”
She hesitated for a moment before moving with me. I pulled her flushed against my chest, urging her hips to move slowly.
God, she could move. I imagined what it would be like with her straddling me and riding me until we were both delirious with pleasure.
We’d only danced for a moment before Ryder came over and danced around us. Rosalie laughed and moved away from me. I knew Ryder was shit-faced, so I couldn’t be mad at him.
“You need more to drink,” he said in my ear. “Fucking go get something. You’re out here dancing like you’re in junior high. Loosen up, man. Trent is occupying Fox. Drink.”
He tugged Rosalie roughly against him and ground himself against her.
“Come on, Red. I know you can move better than this,” he called out, his hands on her hips.
I blew out a breath and went to the bar. Quickly, I ordered a couple of shots and downed them. I grabbed a beer and turned to watch Ryder and Rosalie on the dance floor. Ryder was smooth with women. Whenever he made a move, it always ended up with the girl in his bed.
After a few moments of watching him dance with her and her laughing at him, he stopped a shot girl, and they did a shot each. I smiled as she let her head fall back, a smile on her face.
She was…free.
I put my beer back on the bar, my buzz kicked up a few more notches, and my bravery at my next move was at an all-time high.
I made my way to them and didn’t hesitate to pull her back to me.
Ryder smirked and sandwiched her against me, grinding against her and forcing her against my body.
I gripped her hips tightly and moved back against her.
She let her head fall back against my chest. I didn’t hesitate to dip my head to nuzzle against her neck.
I knew she was drunk. So was I, though, so I wasn’t going to count our actions right now. Fuck it.
Ryder finished dancing with us before he slipped away, winking at me as he went. When Rosalie didn’t pull away from me, I tightened my hold on her and continued to sway with her to the music.
“How do you feel?” I murmured in her ear.
“Mm, good. Spinning, but good.”
“Do you need to sit?”
“Maybe just a break.”
“Come on.” As much as it pained me to do it, I pulled away and took her hand before leading her through the crowded club.
The pounding music swallowed the patrons whole as we slipped free from it to a darkened, private corner where light barely touched.
She stumbled, laughing and breathless from dancing.
She leaned against the wall and gave me a dazed smile.
I couldn’t stop myself.
I moved to stand in front of her and tucked a curl behind her ear. This corner was quieter. Private. She stared up at me, her lips parted and pretty green eyes glassy, and I swear the entire world went silent.
I slid my hand along her hip as I closed the space between us. I felt her warmth through the thin fabric of her purple dress.
She didn’t stop me when I pressed her further against the wall.
She didn’t stop me even when I leaned in close enough to breathe in her sweet scent.
My heart pounded hard.
“Tell me to stop,” I murmured into her ear.
She remained wordless.
I took the leap and kissed her neck. Just once. A breath of my lips across the delicate flesh beneath her ear. Her breath hitched. She stilled before her body trembled beneath my hand.
I reached out with my other hand and cradled her face.
God, the way she trembled for me…
I slid my hand up her hip, to her waist, her ribs, her back, learning every inch of her in my drunken stupor.
Her head fell back against the wall, and I watched her let loose a shaky breath.
“I feel you, LeeLee,” I whispered. “Every second I’m near you, I feel like I’m losing my mind.
And I know you feel it too. I’m not asking for forever.
I’m asking for right now. Just for you to feel this moment with me.
To experience what it could be like. Let go for just a breath with me.
Let me prove to you that this moment and every moment after is worth it. ”
Her eyelids fluttered, her eyes glassy and guilt-ridden. Her hands moved to my chest.
“Don’t,” she choked out.
I stilled, my heart in my throat. “Don’t what?”
“Don’t make this harder than it already is.”
I leaned in until our foreheads touched. “Then stop pretending like this isn’t killing you, too. That loving me as much as I love you isn’t shredding your heart with every breath you take. That the ache isn’t real.”
She made a noise, half sob, half laugh. “You think this is easy for me? You think I haven’t thought about all the moments, Ani? Dreamed about them? Of you?”
I brushed my thumb against the hollow of her throat. Her pulse was wild beneath my touch.
“Then kiss me,” I said, breathless and desperate. “If it’s real, if anything you feel is real, kiss me. To hell with everything else.”
Her lips parted like she was going to, but her eyes closed instead. A tear slipped down her cheek.
“We’re never going to happen, Ani.”
Her words were like a knife through my heart. The silence that followed gutted me. My hands fell away from her like dead weight. I took a step back, as if staying any closer would cause me to shatter into pieces too small to find again.
“You have to let this idea of us go. I-I have to let it go,” she said, her voice shaking.
“Love someone else. Please. Please do this for me. I hate to see you hurting because of me. It’s not fair.
We can never be, Ani. You’re one of my best friends, but we will never happen.
Ever. I’m with the guys. I vowed myself to them.
And that’s… it. Friends. That is all we will ever be.
Please… I just need you to be my friend. ”
I stared at her, my heart aching. I’d never been truly rejected before.
This entire time, I thought maybe I had a shot, even if it were a tiny shot.
Not only was I standing before her because I fucking loved and wanted her, but I wanted to save Fox.
I wanted to save her . But in all that, I was destroying myself.
Her words finally woke me.
“OK,” I finally managed to say. “Friends. Forever. Nothing more. Nothing else.”
Her bottom lip wobbled before she pushed past me, tears streaking down her cheeks. I blinked rapidly. It took me a moment to realize I was crying too.
Instead of chasing her, begging her to fucking want me back, I simply stood there. A failure.
There was nothing I could do. The realization hit me harder than any punch ever did in the ring during my underground fighting days.
So this was… rejection.
It fucking hurt.
I swallowed hard and wiped at my eyes before I went out the club's back door and into the night, my heart officially broken.
If she wanted me to love someone else, I would.
For her, I would fucking do anything.
Even if it meant moving on.
Thank you for reading When We Fall Part One. Pre-Order When We Fall Part Two , the final book in the Mayfair University series. And don’t forget, Rosalie and the horsemen have an adult series coming. The Horsemen of Ruin is available for pre-order.
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