Chapter 40
FORTY
ETHAN
Everything hurt.
Every-fucking-thing.
This was the first time I’d been awake and coherent in days. I thought it was a dream when I opened my eyes.
“Fox?” I mumbled, reaching out for him, my heart tripping in my chest.
“Hey, E,” Cole’s voice met my ears. “Welcome back, brother.”
I blinked in confusion.
“Where am I?”
“The hospital,” came Cole’s reply. “We got you out. You’re safe.”
It took me a moment to compute his words, but when they finally made sense, I sat up with a cry, my body screaming at me.
“Fox. Where’s Fox?” I scrambled to get out of bed, my body begging me to slow down.
Cole caught me before I hit the floor.
My legs were weak. My head spun.
“D-Don’t touch me. Don’t touch me! I-I need Fox. Where is he? I need him.”
“E, come on, man,” Cole said, helping me back to the edge of my bed. I fought against him.
Fuck, please don’t touch me!
I heard the door open.
“He’s awake,” Cole called out.
Enzo went to his knees in front of me, his dark eyes filled with tears. He reached out and cradled my face.
“I’ve missed you,” he choked out. “Ethan. My brother. I love you.”
“Please don’t touch me,” I answered back, my tears falling. “Please…I-I need Fox. Please. Where is he?”
“Fuck,” Enzo sobbed softly, letting his hands fall away from my face. “I-I’m sorry. Fox… Fox didn’t make it.”
I wasn’t sure if I heard him correctly.
I blinked rapidly at his words.
“Where is he?” I rasped. “H-He said he’d be OK. H-He told me we’d be OK.”
“He died, E,” Cole said gently, his voice cracking. “He was already gone when we got there.”
A wail ripped from my lungs at the news.
There was no way. No fucking way. Fox was strong. He was stronger than I ever hoped to be.
No. No. NO!
Fuck. Rosalie. My sweetheart. She’d been shot.
Oh god. Oh god. Please.
“R-Rosalie. W-where’s Rosalie?” I managed to sputter out. She wasn’t here. My sweetheart. Fuck, please…
“She’s home. She’s not doing well,” Cole continued. “We need you to get better, OK?”
“Why aren’t you with her?” I couldn’t stop the tears. “Why is she alone right now?”
“Because you need us,” Enzo murmured.
“She needs you. She fucking needs you!” I yelled, my heart pounding hard and painfully in my chest. “Her Foxy… She needs you. Please. Go to her. I’m not worth it. I’m fucking not worth it. Don’t leave her alone. Please. PLEASE!”
“E, calm down.” Enzo reached for me again.
“Don’t fucking touch me! Don’t touch me!” My words were a garbled shout. “Help! Help me! PLEASE! Don’t touch me!”
“Ethan,” Cole said, his voice breaking. “Man… stop. You’re going to hurt yourself further. Let us help you.”
I tore the IV from my arm, my blood dripping down my skin as I stumbled around them.
I had to get out of here. None of this shit was real. There was no way Fox was dead. He promised me we’d be OK.
His soft cries flooded my head as Everett sank his dick deep into his body. I’d not looked, but I could hear him fucking him. He was so strong. So fucking strong.
This wasn’t fair.
It wasn’t fucking fair.
I fell to my knees and dry heaved on the floor, the memory of Fox morphing into Celeste on top of me. Of Everett. Of… all of it.
I gagged more, remembering how I’d come inside her. How I was likely going to be a father to that fucking monster bitch’s baby.
I wasn’t sure when the doctor and nurses arrived, but they did.
And I screamed when they touched me, but not before I saw the stricken look on Cole and Enzo’s faces.
I was a waste.
Fox should have lived, and I should have died.
I wasn’t OK. I was never going to be OK again. I had to tell them what I’d done. That I’d fucked Celeste in an attempt to save Fox. That I’d failed.
They’d hate me.
I’d lose Rosalie.
A pinprick met my skin, and my screams tapered off as warmth flooded my body.
It was over. I knew it was. Everything was over.
And even if there were still a few strings attached, I’d sever them. I didn’t want Rosalie to want me after this. I was broken. Damaged. Disgusting.
I had to tell the guys what I’d done.
“Fox,” I whimpered softly. “Fox, I’m sorry…”
“Shh,” Cole said softly, tears in his eyes as the medical personnel bustled around me. “It’s OK, E. It’s going to be OK.”
“Let me die. I want to die,” I rambled softly, fighting the meds. “I fucked her. I fucked her. Please. Please, kill me. I want Fox. I want Fox.”
“E,” Enzo said, his dark eyes wavering as a heavy fog filled my head.
“I fucked her to save him,” I whispered, my voice so low I wasn’t even sure they could hear it. “I failed. I failed. The underground. I fucked her. Everett… Don’t touch me. Please…”
I faded away, the room growing smaller until there was nothing left.
Nothing but my nightmares.