Chapter 56 Rosalie
FIFTY-SIX
ROSALIE
Two days after my night with Ethan in the kitchen, I stood in my closet with my wedding dress on. I stared at myself in the long mirror.
“You look beautiful,” Cole’s soft voice called out.
I jerked and turned to see him leaning against the doorjamb. He’d been just out of view of my mirror, so I hadn’t heard him come in.
I wiped quickly at the tears on my cheeks.
Cole’s hands landed on my waist, stopping me from turning away. He tilted my chin up.
“Look at me, Rosebud.”
I stared up at him. He reached out and thumbed away my tears.
“Why are you crying?”
“Sad,” I whispered.
“Why is my girl sad when she looks so beautiful?”
I said nothing, unable even to keep looking at him.
“Rosebud, baby, talk to me.”
“I-I’m taking the dress to a donation center. I want someone else to be able to use it.”
He stiffened. “Why? You’re going to marry Enzo—”
“Cole, he doesn’t want to. I’m not going to force him. Everything is falling apart. You know it is. I-I can’t do this—”
“Marry me. Please.” He went to his knees in front of me.
He fumbled in his pocket for a moment before cursing.
“I-I have a ring. I bought you an actual diamond, baby. It’s in my damn room.
Fuck. Marry me. Say yes. Please. Fucking please, Rosalie.
I-I can be a good husband. We talked about this.
I-I’ll be the best husband. Don’t get rid of the dress.
Fuck. Marry me. I’ll do anything. Please. Please, baby. Say yes.”
“Cole.” I let out a soft cry. “Don’t do this. Please.”
“Don’t tell me no,” he choked out. “Don’t. Say yes.”
“Then what?”
“Then I marry you. I put beautiful babies in your belly just like we talked about. I’ll build you a castle from the ground up if it’s what you want. Say yes.”
“What about Ethan? Enzo?”
“I-I don’t care about that right now. Just tell me yes. We’ll figure it out.”
“Not like this,” I said. “We can’t—”
“We can. Just tell me yes, Rosebud.”
My heart ached. Guilt was eating at me for what I’d done with Sylar. I’d told Jamie, and she said not to blame myself. That I deserved to be happy. That this wasn’t happiness, what I was going through right now. It was misery.
A deep ache that wouldn’t go away over what I’d done was eating me alive. I’d told Ethan, and it had nearly killed me—the look on his face.
I hated myself.
God, I hated myself.
“I-I can’t. I-I messed up, Cole. I messed up,” I burst out, unable to control the flood of tears. All I’d been doing was crying for weeks now.
“No.” He got to his feet and gripped my face. “No. You didn’t. Whatever it is, we can fix it.”
“We can’t. Enzo doesn’t want me. E-Ethan can’t. He’s hurting too much. Foxy…”
“Baby, I want you. I want you more than anything else in this world. You’re it for me. Please. Believe that. Tell me yes, Rosalie. I need you to.”
“I kissed someone else,” I said, the words pouring out. “The night I-I left. I kissed someone else. I-I made out with him. I went to his apartment. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
He froze, his entire body going stiff.
“What?” he finally choked out.
“I kissed him,” I repeated, my words barely above a whisper. “Jamie told me about E-Enzo. I-I was so upset and hurt. He promised. It’s not an excuse. I know it’s not. And then, after, Enzo told me he was meeting with Celeste. He promised he wouldn’t, and he did. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Cole.”
“You-You cheated on me?” His voice came out hoarse.
“You fucking cheated on me?” He shook me roughly.
“WHY? Why the fuck would you do that to me? To us? What the fuck is the matter with you? Fox dies, and suddenly you don’t know how to fucking be my girl?
What the fuck did I do to deserve this? And from you?
Why would you fucking do this to me?” He was shouting while continuing to shake me.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please. I’m so sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say to make it better. There was nothing. I knew that. I’d messed up.
“Why?” he bellowed, the shaking painful. “I love you. I fucking love you, Rosalie! I-I haven’t been good lately, but it’s because I’m lost too! I’m fucking lost too! But I never cheated. I would never… Fuck!” He released me, and I fell to the floor in a heap, sobbing hard.
He stood over me, his handsome face not twisted in rage like I expected. It was pain. He was hurting. That made it so much worse.
“You are not leaving me,” he said, his chest heaving as he breathed.
“You’re not fucking leaving me. I don’t care who this guy is.
You belong to me. You will always belong to me.
I will kill you before I let another man have you.
” He leaned down and wrapped his fingers around my throat before hauling me to my knees.
“Do you understand me? I will fucking kill you first before I let you go.”
I clawed at his wrist, my vision sparkling.
“You promised me. You promised,” he choked out, his tears falling. “You don’t break a fucking promise to me. I love you. I fucking love you, Rosalie.” He pressed his lips against mine and loosened his hold on my throat, his tears mixing with mine and salty on my lips.
“I love you,” he repeated softly. “If you leave, I will make it my fucking life’s work to fuck everything up for you. I will kill any man who gets too close. Your happiness belongs to me. If you go to Anson, he’ll fucking die too. Do you understand me?”
“Cole—”
He tightened his hand on my throat again. “Do you understand me, Rosebud?”
“Y-Yes.”
He went to his knees in front of me and pressed his forehead to mine, both of us crying.
“I love you,” he repeated over and over.
“I-I can’t… I can’t lose you. You’re my girl.
You’re my Rosebud. Always. We-We can get through this.
I-I can get through it. It’s my fault. You needed me, and I wasn’t there.
You’re hurting, and I’m avoiding, trying to keep everything else together.
I-I need to let it fall apart. It has to fall apart so I can keep you.
Mine. My Rosebud. Fucking mine. Tell me.
Tell me you’re mine. Please. I need to hear it.
I’m going to lose my mind. Tell me that kiss didn’t mean anything.
That nothing else happened. Please. Fucking tell me. ”
“It didn’t mean anything,” I whispered. “Nothing else happened.”
He tugged me into his arms and held me tightly before pressing his lips fiercely to the top of my head.
“Promise me. Please. Keep that promise. You’re never going to let another man touch you. Say it. Tell me.”
“I’ll never let anyone touch me.”
His body shook as he cried. “I’m sorry. I pushed you away. I’m so fucking sorry, baby. I forgive you. I-I forgive you. Do you forgive me?”
“Yes,” I whispered, twisting my fingers in his shirt.
“OK.” He pulled away and stared down at me. “OK. We-We can start over. Fresh slate. None of this happened. OK?”
I nodded. “OK.”
He gave me a watery smile. “That’s my girl. Our old relationship is over. This is brand new. You’re my perfect girl, and I’m your guy. No blemishes on our records. Right?”
“Right,” I said thickly.
He let out a shaky breath. “I love you. I-I can do this.”
I knew he was telling himself this because he was still on the edge of losing it.
“I-It wasn’t Anson, right?”
“It wasn’t,” I said softly.
He nodded. “OK. I’m OK. We’re OK. Fresh start. T-Take off your dress and hang it. Get a nice warm shower. We-We can go out tonight. You and I. We’ll have dinner. See a movie. Our first date in our new relationship,” his voice shook. “W-Wear the lavender sundress for me. OK?”
“OK,” I murmured.
“OK. I’m OK. Everything is fine.” He closed his eyes and steadied his breathing. “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
I said nothing. I knew Cole loved me. This guilt was too much. He was the last person I wanted to hurt. He was the only one who made an effort with me. We’d been through so much, and I’d ruined it by kissing Sylar.
I wish I could go back in time. None of this would be happening.
“I’m going to go. I-I need to take a walk. I’ll, um, see you tonight, OK?”
“OK.”
He placed a soft, shaky kiss on my forehead before getting up and leaving me on the floor of my closet in my wedding dress, tears on my face.