Chapter 8 Is This Hell?
CHAPTER 8: IS THIS HELL?
LACEY
The Tortured Therapists Department
Lacey: I was thinking we should start having dinner together once a month.
Wren: Isn’t that what we already do with the rest of the team?
Lacey: No, this would be different. Like just us five.
Chloe: Sounds like fun. When do y’all want to do it? I’ll have to see if someone can watch Ava.
Lacey: You could bring her.
Chloe: Thank you, but I could use a girls’ night. I’m sure my mom can help.
Poppy: Should we invite significant others too? I’d love for y’all to meet Logan.
Wren: I’m very single, but if Logan has any cute friends, I’m not opposed to them coming.
Gray: LOL! I think everyone is single, but you Poppy. But YESSSS to cute friends!
Poppy: Great, I’ll tell Logan. You good with that Lace?
Lacey: Sure.
Poppy: Awesome! Is this Sunday too soon?
Gray: I’m in! I work at the hospital until 3, but should be good to meet up with y’all after.
Poppy: Cool! Logan said he can host and Tanner can cook.
Gray: Are we sure we want Tanner to cook? Does he know how? LOL!
Wren: Like THE Tanner, Lacey?
Gray: Wait, you know about Tanner? Was I seriously the last one to know they slept together?
Wren: That’s what happens when you work all the time.
Gray:
Poppy: Apparently he’s the best cook out of all the guys.
Chloe: I can do Sunday. Let me know what I can bring.
T he summer sun beats down on my body causing a drip of sweat to run down the center of my cleavage. I dip my hand into the cool pool water and splash it onto my skin.
Man, this summer is going to be really fucking hot.
“Come in the pool and hang out with me,” I say. I sit up on the unicorn shaped float I’m lying on and take off my black, bug-eye sunglasses to look over at my best friend. “Tell Logan you’ll text him later. It’s Saturday and I barely see you anymore. We have the apartment pool all to ourselves. Who knows when this will happen again!”
Poppy stands and walks over to the edge. She sits so her feet hang in the water. Her phone is still in her hand.
“So,” she winces, “Tanner invited Jace to the dinner thing tomorrow at Logan’s.”
“Of course he did.” I pull my sunglasses back over my eyes and fall back onto the float. “What did I do to deserve this? Who in the universe must you fuck so your ex doesn’t come waltzing back into your life claiming to be best friends with your best friend’s boyfriend and the last guy you slept with?”
Poppy laughs. “It’s definitely a mess.”
“It’s more than a mess. I mean is this punishment for something I did? Did we die? Is this hell?”
“Stop it, Lacey.” She kicks her feet and cold water splashes against my skin.
“I knew this would happen. I just wanted it to be the girls. I’ve waited so long for you to be out of your study hole and finally get to hang out with me, Gray, Wren, and Chloe. Now it’s turning into a whole thing.”
“I’m sorry. That was my bad. I got excited and brought the guys into it without thinking.”
“No, that’s not what I meant. You asked and I agreed. I wish he wasn’t their friend.”
“Me too. It would make things easier,” she says. I sit back up and put my feet back in the water.
“I’d be totally cool with the girls from work and Logan’s friends turning into some fun little found family, but selfishly I don’t want Jace to be a part of it.”
Her eyes find mine and she clears her throat. “He was our found family once.”
“Please, don’t go there,” I say. “He hurt me so badly. I just wanted him to love me and while D.C. was the final straw, he’d been pulling away for months. He promised long distance would work and then he shattered his promise and my heart. That’s not how you treat people you claim to love.”
“I know babe.”
“I don’t understand why this is so hard for me. It’s been ten years. He shouldn’t affect me the way he does. I shouldn’t care.”
“I get it. Beau was absolutely awful to me and I let his words control my life for years. You were in love with him and he broke your heart. You have a right to feel any way you’re feeling, but I think you are going to have to deal with those feelings sooner rather than later.”
I close my eyes and breathe in the warm summer air. I know she’s right, but it doesn’t feel fair.
“You’re not even a little bit interested in talking to him and hearing what he has to say?” she asks.
“Are you?”
“I mean, well, I don’t know. I’ve known him since I was seven and then all of a sudden he was gone. And, babe, I know what he did was awful, but it was ten years ago. Maybe he’s changed.”
Has he though? Do people really change? I thought for sure seeing him again wouldn’t make me react this way. I thought I had moved on a long time ago, grown up, and forgotten about him and what he did. But, then he showed back up and it was apparent my feelings hadn’t changed at all. Why would he be any different?
“Lacey.”
“Yeah?”
“You’re in your head about this. I’m not suggesting you date him again. I’m not even suggesting we should be friends with him again, but I’m wondering if maybe we can find a way to tolerate each other for the sake of everyone in this ‘fun little found family.’”
“Are you mocking me?” I let out a pathetic attempt at a laugh.
“No, but it seems like maybe we should have matured enough in the last ten years to have a conversation with him. I mean Logan missed boys’ night Thursday.”
I shake my head. “I didn’t ask him to skip out on things because of me. Please don’t put that on me. Logan can do whatever he wants. If he didn’t go to boys’ night, that’s on him.”
“You’re right, but hearing about what Jace did to you brought up a lot of the shit he dealt with with his dad. He just ended their toxic relationship and it’s still really fresh. You didn’t ask him not to go, but you did ask us not to tell Tanner.”
I jump in the water and disappear under the surface until my feet hit the rough concrete at the bottom of the deep end. My heart echoes off the walls of the pool. The last thing I want is to have to rehash what happened a decade ago. With one foot I catapult myself back up to the surface like one of those synchronized swimmers. My head shoots up above the water and Poppy is staring at me annoyed.
“Nice. Please continue to run from your problems.”
“Technically, I was drowning my troubles away,” I smirk.
“We have to figure this out. I’ve given you space, but it’s time. Logan and I are getting caught in the middle and it sucks.”
I make my way over to the edge of the pool and climb out using the ladder. I grab my towel, wrap it around my body, and drop into a chair. “That’s not my intention,” I say.
She turns to face me and rests her arms on the concrete lip of the pool. “I know it’s not, but we can’t keep this up. Whether we like it or not, he’s back.”
“Okay. Fine. I’m leaving for Orlando on Tuesday, but when I get back I’ll handle it.”
“Good and what do you want to do about this dinner tomorrow?”
Her phone pings. She grabs it, looks down at the screen, and then back up at me. “If you don’t want to go, you don’t have to. You just need to let everyone know.”
“Are you going?”
“Yeah. I want to get to know the girls better.”
I think about this for a minute. I’m not going to miss out on dinner with my friends because Jace got invited. I mean I planned it. It was my idea. All the girls from work are coming, so there will be plenty of people to talk to. Donovan and Enzo will be there too. The boat went fine and there were a lot less people. It will be fine.
“Okay, then I’ll go too. We can all coexist at dinner tomorrow night.”
“You sure?”
“Yes, I promise to behave,” I say, the corner of my mouth tipping into a grin.