Chapter 33 Remember When
CHAPTER 33: REMEMBER WHEN
LACEY - 5 YEARS AGO
I ’m standing in my childhood bedroom and I’m wearing a black jumpsuit. Black. The color that makes up most of my wardrobe, however today I hate it.
My eyes have been red and puffy since my dad called me three days ago to tell me Annie Jackson passed away. The emotional roller coaster of the past few days hit me when I least expected it.
I spoke to Annie last week, and she was so positive. She assured me everything was going to be okay, and then without a bit of warning, she was gone. Tears start to well up in my eyes at the thought of the last words she said to me: “I love you, honey.” I take a few deep breaths and stop the tears from running down my face. She would not want me crying over her. She told me as much during our weekly calls.
I finish applying my waterproof mascara and try to think about a happy memory with Annie. A lot of the memories are intertwined with memories of Jace. I hate him for tarnishing some of the happiest days of my life. Annie was everything my mom isn’t. She was a ball of sunshine and positivity. Everyone she interacted with could feel the warmth and love that radiated off of her.
My bedroom door clicks open and Poppy walks in wearing a black dress and heels. Her hair is curled and pulled back out of her face. She crosses the space between us and wraps me in a hug. We both begin to sob.
“Today is going to be a hard day, but we’re going to face it together. You’re sure about going?” She pulls back and wipes under her eyes with her fingers.
I nod. “I think so. I mean I know he’ll be there, but she would have wanted me to come. You too. We will keep our distance and sit in the back like we said. No need to stir up drama. Annie wouldn’t have wanted that.”
“You really think she never told him about y’all’s weekly chats?”
“Not that I know of. She said she would tell him when the time was right and I never really knew what she meant. Always called them our little secret because she knew how lonely I was. You know Lori is always too busy to bother to talk to me beyond what’s scheduled on the Sims’ family calendar.”
“She loved you so much, Lace.” Poppy squeezes my hand and tears threaten to fall again. I turn and grab a tissue.
“She never pushed me about him either, just respected that something happened between him and me. One time I asked her why and she said with all the confidence in the world that she knew one day we would figure it all out and then we never brought him up again.” I take a deep breath. “Fuck, life isn’t fair. She was one of the best people I knew. Why her?”
A tap on my door makes us turn around. My mom is standing in the doorway expressionless. Her makeup is perfectly done, not one strand of her blonde hair out of place. Not even Annie Jackson dying could make this woman crumble. “Goodness, Lacey, pull yourself together. No need to make today more dramatic than it needs to be.”
I take another deep breath and plaster a fake half smile across my face.
“Will you girls be riding with us?” she asks.
“No ma’am. We don’t want to make the day harder on Jace, so we’re gonna go separate and sit in the back.”
“Suit yourselves.” She turns to leave and yells, “Colton, we’re leaving in five. Please put your shoes on and wear the sports coat I bought you.” Colton grumbles something from down the hall.
“Is she fucking serious?” Poppy asks.
“You know Lori. She thinks showing any emotion is too much, so she shows none at all and expects the rest of us to follow suit.”
“It’s baffling. Annie was one of her best friends. I can’t imagine being that stoic if I ever lost you. They’d probably have to commit me,” Poppy says.
“Yeah.” I shrug and sigh. “I don’t think she’s cried once. Just pretends like nothing bad happened and goes into robot mode. She caught me crying last night, and instead of comforting me, she rolled her eyes and reminded me to steam my jumpsuit. And then, when I didn’t do it immediately, she proceeded to do it for me. How are your parents?”
“They’re both a mess. Mom keeps making casseroles for Richard and can’t stop crying. Dad’s been over at their house all week, watching TV and spending time with them.”
“This sucks,” I say. Tears stream down my face and my body begins to shake. A wave of grief washes over me.
Poppy grabs my hand and squeezes it hard. “I know, but we’re going to get through it together. Like we always do.” I wipe the tears from my face and grab my purse off my bed. We head towards the door.
The church is cold and quiet, other than the whimpers and sniffles that fill the space from Annie’s friends and family. I do a quick scan and don’t see Jace anywhere, but it doesn’t look like any immediate family has been seated. Poppy’s family is seated a couple rows behind the reserved pews with mine. I do another scan of the room, but he’s not here. Not yet.
I breathe deeply, feeling like a coward. I’ve played with the idea of trying to talk to him since I heard about his mom. Two nights ago, I almost worked up enough courage to walk across the street and knock on his door, but when I walked outside and saw his Jeep pulling away, I realized going over there was a terrible idea.
Poppy must see me scanning the crowd because she grabs my hand and whispers, “If we run into him, it’s going to be okay. We loved Annie too. She would have wanted us here.”
I nod because I know she’s right. I check the time on my phone. “Hey, I think I’m going to run to the bathroom.” Poppy nods and follows me.
We stay quiet until we’re inside. A brunette woman, around our age, is washing her hands at the sink. She’s wearing a tight, black mini dress that hits her mid thigh. Black pumps adorn both of her feet. She smiles in our direction and pulls out her phone. We move past her into separate stalls.
After I finish using the bathroom, I head towards the sink. The brunette is still there applying more mascara and red lipstick.
“Excuse me,” I say, reaching for a couple paper towels. She smiles again and makes her way to the door. “You ready, babe?” she asks, stepping out of the bathroom. The sound of her voice trails down the hall followed by a very familiar male’s voice right before the door shuts.
It’s been five years, but I would recognize his voice anywhere. Poppy’s eyes find mine as she exits her stall and I feel frozen. I knew he would be here. It’s his mother’s funeral for fuck’s sake, but I didn’t prepare for hearing his voice or seeing him like I should have.
“Was that who I think it was?” she asks.
I nod.
“So that woman must have been?”
I nod again. Poppy twists her hair around her finger and she searches for the right words.
“Fuck, what are we doing here?” I ask. “I can’t go back out there. What if he sees me?” Panic bubbles up my throat.
“This isn’t about him, Lacey. This is about Annie.” Deep down I know she’s right, but I can’t face him. Not today. A familiar country song begins to play and it sounds like a song Annie would have picked. “Come on, let’s go. It sounds like it’s about to start,” she urges.
“I’m staying in here until it’s over,” I say panicked.
“Staying where? In the bathroom?”
“Stay with me please.”
Poppy shakes her head and wraps me in a hug. Tears stream down my face. She holds me for a few long minutes before stepping back and grabbing my hands.
“Okay, Lace. I’ll stay with you.”