Chapter 22 Please Withhold Your Judgment
WREN
Sorry we missed each other last night. Can’t wait for roomie night tonight!
- T
>
So what are we doing tonight for roomie night?
Tanner:
Morning roomie
Tanner :
Since we went out last week do you want to just order take-out and chill at the apartment
Tanner:
Maybe play a game
Perfect!
Tanner:
Great I’m looking forward to it
Me too!
Tanner:
If you haven’t made your coffee yet try the caramel and the mocha creamer mixed with a dash of amaretto
Tanner:
Tastes like a chocolate turtle
Iopen the fridge and pull out all three creamers he suggested as well as the carafe of cold brew. Following his instructions, I craft my drink, give it a stir, and then take a sip.
Damn it’s good.
It’s delicious!
Tanner :
Told you
Tanner :
Gotta go meet with my dad
Good luck! See you later!
____
6:03 pm
Tanner :
Hey roomie
Hi! You almost here? I’m hungry.
Tanner :
Actually I’m still at the office
I check the time.
Oh!? Is everything okay?
Tanner :
Great actually
Tanner :
It’s a long story but my dad invited me to dinner tonight which is big and I think I need to go
Dinner?
Tanner :
I know we had plans and I promise to make it up to you but can I get a rain check on our roomie night
Of course! See you later!
Tanner :
You’re the best
Three dots appear and then disappear, and my heart sinks.
I set my phone down and let my head fall back on the sofa. Dolly walks out of my bedroom and the little bell on her collar catches my attention. She pauses to extend her paws forward in a big stretch and then continues to walk towards me.
“Tanner has a work thing, so I guess it’s just you and me tonight,” I say, tapping the cushion next to me, encouraging her to join me. “How does a girls’ night sound?”
She lets out a small howl and sits.
“What? You don’t like my girls’ night idea?”
She howls again, but this time it almost sounds more like a long whine, and I let out a giggle.
“That’s a new sound. Are you upset that he had to work?”
She meows, almost in response.
“I know. I’m bummed too, baby girl,” I say, my breath catching at my own admission.
Her head tips to the right like she’s studying me.
“Don’t look at me like that. That’s not what I meant.
” I stand and start pacing. “Or is it what I meant? I don’t know, Dolls, I just feel like after he met Cody a couple of nights ago, something shifted, and I know that sounds a little crazy, and I know I shouldn’t be feeling like this, but if I’m honest, I was really looking forward to hanging out with him tonight. ”
I look at my cat like she holds all the answers, but she just flops down onto her back and starts to rub against the carpet.
“Goodness, I’m talking to you like you’re an actual human and not a cat.” I chuckle, running my hands through my hair. “I need to pull myself together.”
She meows again.
“Now you say something,” I say, shaking my head and giggling.
I wish she did have all the answers, or at least could help me process the feelings I’m having.
Because the truth is, I don’t know what to think about Tanner anymore.
I’ve only been living here one and a half weeks, and I was sure by now there would have been multiple women to and from his bedroom.
But instead, it’s been sticky notes, doodles, coffee creamer recipes, comic book collections, and him taking the time to get to know me and my brother.
The only woman who’s been in this apartment has been me, which is not what I expected at all.
Then there is the problem of the butterflies I’ve been feeling. The butterflies that have no business making an appearance because I know guys like Tanner. Or at least I thought I did, but now I’m not so sure.
I told him at my parents’ that I thought he was incredible, and I wasn’t lying.
He absolutely blew me away that night, and I know Poppy had a lot to do with how the night with my brother unfolded, but she didn’t give that information to him randomly.
No, he took the time to seek her out, and all it did was turn me into the human version of the heart-eye emoji.
I really thought I had better control of my emotions, but alas I’m a weak bitch, and it appears that all it takes is one night of him being absolutely amazing for me to melt like a goddamn piece of chocolate.
Since I’ve met him, he was firmly in the cute, but a playboy camp, and now he’s crossing lines into the cute and sweet camp, and I know I need it to stop before I do something reckless and stupid, but despite it all, I can feel the crush forming, and I’m not sure what to do about any of it.
All day I could feel myself feeling giddy about getting to come back to the apartment, ordering take-out, and spending time with him.
And now I don’t know how I feel about the plans changing. I’m not sad, but I’m definitely not happy either. I guess I’m bummed and totally in my head.
I walk into my room and grab the new paperback I started a couple of days ago off my air mattress. A distraction is just what I need. Especially if that distraction is an epic fantasy that has nothing to do with the reality I’m currently living.
Turning to where I left off, I plop back on to the couch and scan the words.
“His long blond hair blew in the wind…”
Tanner immediately pops into my head, and I throw the book to the other side of the room, letting out a little squeal and making Dolly jump. Nope. I’m not about to sit here and dream up images of him as the main character in the book I’m reading.
He’s my roommate. Crush or no crush or maybe crush or whatever this is, I should be able to get through a task without thinking about him. It’s not that serious.
I consider texting Gray or one of the other girls, but deep down I know they’ll just egg this on, and that’s not what I need. What I need is a distraction, so I turn on the TV instead and start flipping through the channels.
Wedding Crashers comes into view on the screen, and I breathe out. This is good. This is better. No way a movie this silly will make me think about the roommate I shouldn’t be thinking about.
I settle into the couch, trying to relax. The blond male character’s face pops up on the screen, and all I can think about is Tanner’s smile. Shit.
I change the channel.
Fast and the Furious.
And again.
The Princess Bride.
And again.
Barbie.
Does he have some type of subscription to blond actors unlimited on this fucking thing?
The next channel is on a commercial, so I wait a few seconds to see what’s playing—and groan when I realize it’s Thor: Ragnarok.
Is this a fucking joke?
I try one more time and am pleasantly surprised when I stop on a rerun of New Girl. This is good. This is just about four roommates and will make me laugh. There are no blond characters in this show.
It takes all of three minutes for me to realize what episode I’m watching, and I quickly turn the channel right as Nick and Jess meet in the hallway and kiss.
“That definitely didn’t make me think of kissing my roommate,” I say out loud.
Because a thought like that would be certifiable.
Dolly meows and jumps on to the couch next to me. Her blue eyes pierce through me.
“What? Now you’re judging me? I said I’m definitely not thinking about kissing Tanner.”
She meows again, tilting her head.
“Would you please stop looking at me?”
It’s not like I’m thinking about what his lips would feel like or what he would taste like.
I pop off the sofa and move toward my bedroom. Those butterflies return, but this time they aren’t in my stomach—they’re lower. I breathe out an annoyed breath. No way in hell I’m actually turned on right now.
Slamming my door behind me, I begin to pace my room.
“Just because you’re horny doesn’t mean it has anything to do with anything other than the fact that it’s been a while since you’ve had an orgasm,” I say to myself.
Pausing, I try to count the days since I last made myself come.
“That’s it. This has nothing to do with Tanner and everything to do with the fact that it’s been three weeks since I masturbated. ”
I open the bottom drawer of my nightstand, looking at my toys. I have a few, but I know my wand will get me there the quickest, and then whatever this feeling is will be out of my system.
Checking the time, I climb into bed and pull off my shorts and thong. Tanner won’t be back for a while, so I should have no problem finishing without getting caught.
Breathing out, I try to relax and clear my mind. Starting on the lowest vibration, I press the head against my clit.
This is nice. This feels good. This is what I needed.
I up the vibrations a couple of levels and begin to circle my bundle of nerves, applying a little bit more pressure. Warmth pools low in my belly, and I can feel myself winding tighter by the second.
My head falls back, and my eyes shut, but instead of darkness, all I can see is Tanner. My thoughts begin to run wild, and I couldn’t stop them if I wanted to.
I imagine what it would be like for him to touch me. What it would be like for him to watch me pleasuring myself like this. I wonder if he would like it, or if he would join me and want to play with me too.
Tension builds deep in my core with every thought. I imagine his large hands cupping my breasts and his tongue trailing down my body.
God, I want to feel his mouth on me.
I up the vibration one more time, grinding into the head of the toy, thinking about what it would feel like for him to fill me. One hand holds the toy firmly in place against my clit, and my other grips the sheets under me.
I continue to thrust my hips upward, the vibrations threatening to carry me over the edge, and then I find my release, riding out the waves of my orgasm with Tanner’s name on my lips.
Fuck. I guess that didn’t work the way I had planned.
Tossing the vibrator next to me, I run my hands down my face in a slow movement. This isn’t good. I can’t believe I…no way I…fuck, I just got off thinking about my roommate who is supposed to be absolutely nothing more than a friend.
I kick my feet and thrash against the mattress, letting out another “fuck” before swinging my feet over the edge and standing.
I get dressed and walk back into the living room, nervously checking my phone. Dolly sits in the corner of the room, and I feel my cheeks heat. There’s no way she doesn’t know what I just did, and if I thought I wasn’t sure what to think before, I definitely don’t know what to think now.
“Please withhold your judgment.”
She stretches then rolls onto her back, meowing loudly.
My mind is going in three thousand directions as I walk into the kitchen to find some food. I open the pantry and begin digging around, looking for something to make for dinner that doesn’t require use of the stove, but the pantry is a mess and it’s hard to find anything.
Settling for a bag of tortilla chips and some salsa from the fridge, I begin to snack and try to quiet my mind.
Just because you thought about him doesn’t mean you want anything to happen. It just means…well, fuck, I actually I don’t know what it means.
Without thinking, I start removing all of the items from the pantry shelves and place them on the counter. I might be a fucking mess, but I’ll be damned if I go to bed tonight with the pantry being one too.