Chapter 21 Just Be Fucking Cool #2
“I do make pretty decent money, and technically I don’t need a roommate, but Wren and I are good friends. I happen to be the guy at fault for her needing a place to live, so I offered her my spare bedroom until she could find a decent place to stay.”
Her father studies me, and sweat breaks across my brow.
“Interesting. Well, she means a lot to us, so I hope you can understand my hesitation when it comes to her living with an older man.”
“Oh, my god. Mom, make him stop. Dad, Tanner is my friend, and we’ve been over this. He’s not that much older than me. The plan is for me to stay with him for a few months, and then I’ll be on my way.”
My heart sinks at the mention of her plan again, and I remind myself she deserves more than me and that the plan is what’s best for her.
“It’s okay,” I assure her. “Yes, sir, but I promise, I have nothing but the best intentions. Like Wren said, we’re friends. She’s welcome to stay with me as long as she needs.”
“Good,” he says. “She’s very special, so—”
“Tanner, are you a baseball fan?” Charlotte asks, cutting off her husband. “Paul is a huge Atlanta fan. Have you ever been to a game?”
“Yes, ma’am. My company actually has box seats. I know we're not in baseball season, but if you ever want to go to a game, I’d be happy to get you the company tickets.”
“Really?” Paul asks, a little surprised. “I’d love that. I used to have season tickets, but then Cody had his accident, and it was hard to make it to the stadium. So now I catch every televised game right here in this chair.” He pats the leather armrest.
I can’t imagine how much their lives have changed over the last few years, and despite it all, they seem so positive, still so in love.
“You just let Wren know, and I’ll see what I can do. The box is handicap accessible, so if Cody wanted to join, he’d be more than welcome.”
“Oh, he’d love that,” Charlotte says through a yawn. She quickly covers her mouth with her hand. “I’m sorry. I’m so tired these days,” she explains.
“We probably should head out, anyway. We both have work tomorrow,” Wren says, standing to walk over and hug both of her parents. “I put Cody’s iPad on the charger, so he’ll have it in the morning, and Tanner cleaned the kitchen, so you wouldn’t have to worry about it.”
“Thank you,” her mom says. “And thank you, Tanner. It was really nice to meet you. Wasn’t it, honey.” She elbows Paul in the chest.
“Oh, yes,” he coughs out. “Very nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet y’all too.” I shake her dad’s hand, and her mom wraps me in a hug.
After we find our shoes and our things, the two of us head out of the house toward the car.
“You want me to drive?” I ask. “You seem tired.”
“I can drive,” she argues.
“You really are stubborn as hell.”
“Am not!”
“Oh yeah, then let me drive you home. You did most of the heavy lifting in there tonight. I don’t mind.”
“If you insist,” she says, tossing me her keys.
“What’s this green ribbon for?” I ask, gesturing to the metal keychain hanging off her car key.
“It’s for traumatic brain injury awareness,” she says as we climb in the car. “March is brain injury awareness month, and every year my family raises money. Last year we sold the keychains. If you look closely, Team Cody is engraved on the ribbon.”
“That’s cool. Do y’all raise a lot of money usually?” I ask, backing out of the driveway.
“It depends on the year, but last year we raised, like, five thousand dollars I think. We sell T-shirts and sweatshirts too, and then we participate in this big stroll and roll walk downtown. It’s a lot of fun, and Cody loves it.”
“I bet he does.”
“He seemed to like you too,” she says.
“You think?”
“I haven’t heard him laugh that much in a while, which is weird because you aren’t even that funny.”
I chuckle. “I’m a little funny.”
She hums under her breath and takes out her phone. Swiping on the screen, she clicks on her playlist and hits play. “Take A Chance On Me” by ABBA pours through the speakers.
“I know he uses the iPad to talk, but does he also sign?” I ask. “I thought I saw him sign to you when you were tucking him into bed.”
“Oh, no, not really. I taught him how to sign ‘I love you,’ but I think it’s the only one he knows.”
“That’s cool. And the cup, spork, and plate. Why does he use those?”
She giggles.
“Sorry if I shouldn’t ask. You can tell me to stop.”
“No.” She smiles. “I like that you’re interested.
The cup is called a Nosey cup. The rim of it dips lower on one side and makes a space for his nose, so that when he tips it up, he doesn’t have to tip his head back.
It makes it safer for him to swallow. The plate is built up on the sides, so that his food doesn’t slide off when he’s trying to put it on the spork, and the spork’s handle is built up, so that it’s easier for him to hold. ”
“I had no idea those were things,” I say. God, I sound like an idiot.
“Adaptive equipment is really cool, and it allows him to feed himself, which is huge for him and my parents.”
“I bet. I really enjoyed hanging out with him tonight. Maybe we could do it again. I was serious about the baseball game. No one ever uses the tickets, so they’d be easy to get.”
“I’d like that,” she says. “Sorry my dad made it so weird at the end.”
“He’s just protective. I get it.”
“Yeah. The last guy I brought home turned out to be a real ass, so I think he’s worried I’ll get my heart broken again even though I’ve told him a dozen times you and I are just friends.”
Friends. Fuck, I hate that word.
“What happened?”
“Well, his name was Chad, and he and I met at a ladies’ night at a bar near Farrington University. He was charming, said all the right things. We never labeled our relationship, but it felt serious, and I thought I loved him.” She cringes.
“Anyway, he was with me when I got the call that Cody had fallen. At first he was really supportive, and that made me fall harder for him, but I quickly became a shell of who I once was. I was juggling helping my parents with Cody, trying to finish school, and my relationship with Chad, and I was so tired all of the time.”
“That sounds really hard. I’m sure you were doing your best.”
“I was trying, but you can’t pour from an empty cup.
I didn’t see myself doing it at the time, but I was isolating myself, and had pushed all of my friends away.
Chad and I stopped having sex, and I was just going through the motions of everything.
The day he broke up with me, I had fallen asleep at a red light on the way to his house. ”
“Did you get hurt?”
“No, thank goodness. By some miracle, my foot stayed on the brake and I didn’t wreck, but it shook me pretty hard. I had been running errands all morning for my mom and had stayed up late the night before studying. I was just exhausted.”
“So why did y’all break up?”
“Let’s see, I think he told me that I was ‘a real bummer,’ and I was ‘bringing down his college experience.’” She makes little air quotes as she talks.
“He admitted to cheating on me and said he didn’t want to be a shitty person, but he never wanted to be serious with me and was only sticking around because he felt bad about my brother. ”
My hands tighten on the steering wheel, blood starting to run hot.
“What a fucking dick.”
“Oh, it got worse,” she says. “He blamed me for the cheating, saying that he had needs and that I was too tired to fuck him, so he had no other choice but to look elsewhere. And when I reminded him that he had told me he loved me, he gaslighted me and convinced me that I was crazy and he had never said those words.”
My hands grip the steering wheel tighter.
“What a piece of shit.”
“Yeah, it’s okay. I realize now that he did me favor that day. While he was an ass, the break up pushed me to start seeing a therapist, and without therapy I would still be living at home, and I would have never met the girls.”
“That might be true, but nothing he said was okay.”
“Oh, yeah, I know that. I just meant, I’m better off without him. He was a total playboy who didn’t believe in serious relationships, and he took advantage of me being overwhelmed by everything I had going on.”
A playboy like me.
“And you haven’t dated anyone since?”
“Here and there, but nothing serious. I know my parents won’t be able to help Cody forever, and one day I’ll be his primary caregiver. Well, me and whoever I end up with.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“Honored,” she says, smiling. “I would do anything in the world for my brother, and I know I have to find someone who feels the same way. Primary caregiver is a big ask for someone who isn’t a parent or a sibling, but Cody and I are a package deal.
Finding someone who accepts us both is non-negotiable. ”
“You really are amazing,” I say.
“So you’ve said. Do you have any relationship horror stories?” she asks.
“Oh, um, no,” I answer her, suddenly even more unsure of myself. “I guess serious relationships have never been my thing.”
The word playboy flashes in my head again.
“They’re not for everyone,” she says.
“I’m not like him,” I say without thinking.
“Like who?”
“Your ex. You called him a playboy, and I know that’s how I seem to be, but I would never treat someone the way he treated you.” I pull back into the parking lot of the apartment complex and park her car next to mine.
She unbuckles then turns to face me. “I know you’re not,” she says.
I look at her, a little unsure.
“You promise?”
“Swear it. I’m quickly learning you’re one of the good ones,” she says. “You’re gonna make someone really lucky one day.”
I inhale deeply. At least she doesn’t think I’m a piece of shit, but it’s clear she doesn’t think she’s that girl, and I can’t say that I blame her.
We make our way back to the apartment in silence. She unlocks the door and pushes it open. Dolly jumps off the couch and greets us with a loud meow and a big stretch.
“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” I ask, gesturing towards the TV. “We never did finish Iron Man.”
“Actually, I think I might get ready for bed and read a little before I fall asleep. I’m wiped.”
“Oh, yeah,” I fake a yawn and stretch my arms above my head. “Me too.”
“You’re going to read before bed?”
“Oh, no,” I laugh out. “Going to bed sounds like a good plan. Night, roomie.” I begin to walk toward my bedroom door.
“Hey, Tanner.”
“Yeah?” I stop and look over my shoulder.
“Thanks for coming today. It meant a lot to me.”
“Thanks for letting me come,” I say as she disappears into her room.
Hey
Gray:
Hi?
I have a question
Gray:
Not sure I have an answer, but hit me!
What kind of lift does Wren’s brother use