11. Charlie
Chapter 11
Charlie
“How did we get here, buddy?” I curled my fingertips over Casper’s scalp. His ears twitched and he purred in appreciation.
An entire day had gone by since Deacon and I realized we were snowed in together. We both handled the situation by busying ourselves and avoiding one another as much as possible.
The first night I’d stayed with him, I saw a glimpse of the man my body desired. He was all dark and broody with long lashes over hooded eyes that told me the desperation I felt for him was mutual.
He’d been gruff and while he didn’t tell me he wanted to share a bed; I could see the need in his eyes to be close to me. But then he shut down the moment I started asking questions.
It seemed there was a firm boundary in place and I was starting to think that maybe he just hadn’t had sex in a long time and now that he had a pretty girl in his space, the temptation was too bothersome. Whatever connection we might have was likely just physical for him and I had to come to terms with that at some point.
Did I want the physical connection too? Would that be enough for me if things started to heat up between us? If I let myself give in to the small part of himself he might be willing to offer, would I be okay with it after the deed was done?
I’d been with men before. I’d even had a few serious relationships in my past. None of which turned into anything more, obviously. And none of which were with men who made me feel topsy-turvy like Deacon did. But that didn’t mean it would be a good idea for me to give in to the temptation because I had a feeling that if I did, I would be the one who ended up with a broken heart.
But damn was that temptation pulling at me today.
Grasping the two mugs of hot chocolate I’d made, I peeked at him through the blinds of the window by the front door. His broad shoulders worked hard as he dove the edge of the snow shovel into the mountain of snow in front of his porch. I bit my lip as I watched him work, each movement of his strong body making heat pool at my center. Before long, I was practically sweating in my jeans and long-sleeve shirt.
I’d never really been around a man like him before. One who worked with his hands in such a proficient way. I couldn’t help my mind from trailing off to thoughts of how he might use those hands on me.
My bottom lip suffered as my bite deepened. I was in big trouble with this one, and maybe I should have just stayed inside and minded my own business. Instead, I followed that invisible string that had first appeared when he’d called out to me in my darkest hour and walked outside.
Cold air bit at my skin like a thousand needles pricking me at once. Casper meowed by my side as we walked through the windy swirls of fresh snow that started coming down.
Deacon looked over his shoulder at us and I was once again stricken with the handsomeness that was carved into every plane of his being. From his black hair that was starting to grow unruly at the nape of his neck to the strong structure of his jaw that always seemed to give away what he was thinking by how tightly he ground his teeth. The green of his eyes seemed shadowed today, darkened by the looming threat of the storm. And those plush lips that I thought way too much about had been drawn into a firm line.
I wondered, then, what it might feel like to see him smile. Full and wide. Like he had no care in the world or no trace of some horrific memory from past times pulling on his attention.
As he stalked toward me his lips turned downward into a deep frown.
Today wouldn’t be the day I saw that smile, I realized.
Extending my right arm, I offered him a mug of hot chocolate. “I thought this might warm you up some. You’ve been out here working all morning.”
His gaze set on me for a moment before dipping to the steaming mug. When he didn’t take it immediately, I lifted it a fraction and joked, “I promise I didn’t poison it or anything.”
Deacon’s thick brows rose as he looked back at me. “You sure about that?”
Was that a joke? Did Deacon Calhoun just try to say something funny?
My lips pulled back and despite the frigid air, I felt heat bloom in my cheeks. “You’ll have to taste it to find out.”
He huffed a breath through his nose then wrapped his bare hands around the mug. His fingertips grazed against mine. The warmth of them shocked me and I sucked in a breath. In this weather…how could he still be hot to the touch?
I slid my hand off the mug and tucked it into my jeans pocket as I tried to ward off the butterflies in my stomach.
Yup.
I was in deep with this one and touching any part of Deacon was only going to lead to my own demise.
No matter how hard I tried to look away, I found myself gawking at his lips as they moved over the edge of the mug, and he took a long sip of the hot chocolate.
“What do you think?” I managed to ask when he lowered the mug.
The light caught his eyes, revealing those brown and blue flecks that danced amongst the green like old leaves falling from a tree against a gorgeous fall sky.
“I don’t think it’s poisoned, so that’s definitely a plus. ”
I shoved him in the chest, playfully. He didn’t laugh, but I caught a hint of a smirk and that was good enough for me.
“It’s really good, actually. Thank you.”
“Good.” I nodded with conviction. If there was one thing I knew how to make, it was a decadent mug of hot cocoa.
We both sipped from our drinks for a few moments, taking in the snowmageddon that had us trapped together.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like this before. It kind of messes with my mind if I stare at it for too long.” I glanced up at him and found there was a pained look on his face.
I knew better than to ask him if he was okay, so I stayed silent, even though I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him.
“I’ve only seen snow this high once. When I served in Afghanistan, our deployment ran through the middle of winter. Those mountains get colder than anything I’ve ever experienced before.”
Afghanistan. The war. Another piece of his puzzle slid into place for me. If he’d been deployed while in the military, there was a high likelihood that he’d seen unimaginable things. Just like he’d said. Horrors that no human should have to face.
For some reason it hadn’t clicked in my mind until now, the types of inhuman experiences he’d likely encountered over there.
Because I’d lived a sheltered, posh life since I was born, the idea of going to war, living in the mountains while risking my life was beyond my comprehension. I couldn’t understand how that might shape someone. What fears and nightmares one might have to endure for a lifetime afterward.
The isolation out here. The desire to be alone in the wilderness… I’d only been here a short time, but the beauty that surrounded us had already captured my heart and calmed my mind in a way I didn’t know was possible. I understood now why it was so precious to him. To his well-being.
Seeing me was probably a constant reminder of the life he had tried to leave behind. I was the person he’d saved from the fire. I knew I likely wasn’t the only one he’d saved over his career, but I’d come here. Invaded his space. Asked him too many questions.
I’d probed and prodded. Disrespected everything he’d been through.
Guilt clawed at me with such strength all the air left my lungs.
Never in my life had I done something so selfish. Been so blind to my own intrinsic desires that I ignored what someone else was trying to tell me but couldn’t.
My throat felt thick with the words I’m sorry and just as my lips parted to say them, a loud screech came from my left.
I whirled around to see what had made the sound. “Oh my God!” I yelled, my hands coming up shakily to cover my mouth. “Casper!”
“Shit!” Deacon cursed under his breath as he moved to my side.
While I was lost in thought, Casper must have snuck off. He was in one of the pine trees clinging to the branch for dear life while a large hawk circled the tree.
I took in the mountains of snow between me and him and felt my heart begin to thud against my chest. Panic rose and tears sprung to my eyes.
“Deacon, what do I do?”
He was staring at Casper in the tree as the hawk continued to circle around. The way his eyes darted back and forth between the tree and the snow told me he was assessing the situation.
But as I shifted and saw the hawk’s circle growing smaller, I knew there wasn’t time to waste.
“I’m going to try?—”
“Take this,” Deacon interrupted me, thrusting the snow shovel into my hands. I grabbed it and watched helplessly as Deacon started wading through the several feet of snow towards the pine tree.
His large shoulders tilted from side to side as he climbed into the snow pile, stomping his boots along the way to create a sturdier path.
“Hold on, Casper!” I yelled across the way. If anything happened to him… no . I couldn’t think like that. He was going to be safe. Deacon was going to get him and bring him back to me.
He had to.
The hawk took notice of Deacon slowly moving toward them and swooped toward the branch where Casper’s claws were grasped onto the trunk.
“No, no, no!” I cried. I closed my eyes for a moment, not able to bear witness to my little buddy getting hurt. Casper had been with me for so long and the thought of him suffering or worse yet…existing in this world without him had my stomach turning sour with such ferocity, I thought I was going to be sick.
When I opened my eyes again, I saw that Deacon was almost to the tree. His movements had become large and powerful as he swung his body against the thick snow with each step forward.
The hawk swooped down again, not caring that Deacon was so close. My heart lurched into my throat at the hawks near miss. Casper let out a strained cry that had my knees trembling.
“Please, Deacon,” I whispered into the winter wind. “Please.”
Every second that ticked by felt like a lifetime until I saw Deacon press his hands against the trunk of the tree.
He made it . Hope soared through my body, raising goosebumps along my skin that had nothing to do with the cold.
The coat he wore lifted up as his arms raised toward the branch. He was tall, but the branch Casper clung to sat a few feet above him.
“Jump, Casper! Come on, boy!” I moved toward the trail in the snow Deacon’s body had made and patted the top of my thighs. Casper’s attention shifted to me as he let out another strained meow.
He must have been terrified because I never heard him make that sound before.
I wiped the tears from my eyes and tried to smile, so he wouldn’t think I was stressed. He’d always been so in tune with me. Following me around, being my comfort on the hard days and my celebration buddy on the best ones.
“Come on, rascal,” I heard Deacon say as he wiggled his fingers to draw Casper’s attention to him.
A flash of brown and white darted through the air just above Deacon as the hawk tried another assault. I gasped as its claws jutted outward toward Casper at the same time Deacon yelled, “Jump!”
Casper’s shaking body flew through the air and just missed the hawk’s talons before he landed in Deacon’s sturdy arms.
“Got him!” Deacon called back to me.
“Yes!” I jumped up and down, no longer worried about the mess of waterworks on my face. My little guy was safe and that was all that mattered.
The hawk let out a long shriek before flying off to find some other prey no doubt.
Unable to wait for him to be in my arms, I sprang through the snow path.
“You’re going to catch a cold,” Deacon grumbled as he turned around and saw me bounding toward him and Casper. “Get back on the porch.”
“I’m not going anywhere until I know he’s okay.”
“He’s okay,” Deacon said, but I ignored him as I closed the distance between us.
Deacon’s forearms were wrapped tightly around Casper, little puffs of his white fur poked out in all directions, and he was still shaking. Reaching out my arms, Deacon gave him to me and ushered us back toward the porch.
“You’re a stubborn woman, you know that?” His right brow arched upward as he looked down at me with what seemed like amusement, but I couldn’t be sure. He was still so hot and cold with me; I never knew when he was jesting and when he was being totally serious.
I snorted. “I’m only stubborn when it comes to the things I love.”
It was true. I’d always been a go with the flow kind of girl for most of my life with the exception of becoming an artist despite the odds stacked against me. And making the move to Pebble Brook Falls the moment I saw the listing of Deacon’s quaint little cabin.
My parents had been devastated when I first told them I was moving, but when I explained needing a change of pace, they understood.
While I’d recovered fairly well from the trauma of the fire, I hadn’t gotten away completely unscathed. The city life didn’t call to me anymore. There wasn’t anything wrong with it per say, I had just started to feel…overwhelmed.
After we’d gotten inside, I turned to Deacon and realized all his clothes were soaked from being in the snow for so many hours and then treading through it to save Casper. He’d jumped into action so quickly while I stood there frozen. I wondered if that had been due to his military training or was something innate that he’d been born with.
“Thank you for saving him.” I rocked Casper back and forth, holding him close to my chest. He’d stopped shivering, but I could tell he was still pretty shaken up. “I…I can’t believe I froze like that,” I said, shaking my head in disbelief of myself.
When a tendril of my hair fell forward into my face, Deacon’s eyes shifted to it. I tried to shake my head in a way that would get it out of my face, but it kept falling forward. His hand reached up, the strands of my hair falling through his fingers as he slid them downward.
I sucked in a breath, air whistling into my mouth as I watched him thread my hair through his fingers again until he finally tucked the piece behind my ear. When his thumb traced the cuff of my ear, I let my eyes flutter close.
His touch was gentle. The complete opposite of what most probably thought of just by looking at the sheer size of him—and at the rough calluses on his hands.
My gentle giant , I thought.
But when I opened my eyes and saw him retreat inward, I remembered that Deacon wasn’t mine. No matter how badly I was starting to want him to be.
His words came out thick, like he’d just woken up from a long nap or something. “You’re not the only one who’s frozen during a difficult moment, Charlie. Fear does strange things to people.” The distant look in his eyes told me he wasn’t standing in the foyer of his house anymore. That his mind had taken him to faraway places.
“Well, I’m glad you were there,” I offered, trying to pull him back to the present.
His eyes flashed, then he looked down at Casper and scratched behind his ears. “Me too. We wouldn’t have wanted this little rascal to turn into hawk bait.” Deacon’s head tilted back and forth like he was contemplating what he’d just said. “Well, not today anyway. We’ll have to see if he tries to jump on my face again tomorrow morning.”
Holding Casper closer to my chest, I twisted away from Deacon and whispered, “Don’t listen to him, buddy. He’s just being a big meanie.”
“A big meanie, huh?” Deacon’s chuckle was raspy and warm and so damn sweet, it had my chest fluttering.
“Yeah.” I beamed at him. “A big meanie.”
“Well, this big meanie is off to take a long hot shower. I’ll cook us some chili when I get out.”
Cook us some chili . It was such a simple statement, but what I felt behind the words was monumental. It made me feel like I was part of Deacon’s life in a way that I was starting to crave. That maybe there could be a spot for me here, which I knew sounded crazy. But that didn’t matter to me. I’d already done wild things in my life, like picking up everything and moving to a small mountain town where the only person I kind of knew was a broody man who couldn’t decide if he liked me or hated me.
As Deacon made his way across the living room and down the hall, I clutched Casper close to me and silently hoped that tomorrow would be more of the same.