13. Charlie
Chapter 13
Charlie
I worked hard to focus on the positive things in my life. The fire taught me how precious life was and I didn’t want to waste a single moment of the time I’d been given.
But there were moments when I let myself feel the sorrow from the losses that came with that day. Seeing my friends disappear one-by-one had been heartbreaking as I sat in that hospital bed trying to be brave for my parents. Their worlds were rocked when they saw on the news that my building had gone up in flames.
The morning after, when I had woken up and saw their faces for the first time, I knew I needed to keep it together for them. I was their only child, their entire world.
But I wished that I had a safe place to land where I could have fallen apart. A friend…a partner… anyone who could have carried the burden for me for a little while.
Tears pricked the corners of my eyes, but I blinked them away. I wasn’t back in that place anymore. I’d gotten out and my new home was shaping up to be my biggest adventure yet.
“No one should have to go through something like that alone, Charlie. All those people who you thought were your friends and didn’t show up when you needed them most don’t understand what they were missing out on. Because you’re wonderful, Charlie. And they should have fucking been there.”
He wasn’t looking at me, but I could see the stern conviction in his eyes as he stared up at the ceiling. A muscle feathered along his jawline like he was trying to work his frustration down.
“You say that, but you also slammed your door in my face.” I wasn’t sure what came over me, but it felt good to say the one thing I’d been wanting to say since I arrived in Pebble Brook Falls. Deacon’s welcome had been anything but warm and while he was starting to show me a different side of him, I was raised to demand respect. I had let him get away with giving me whiplash for too long already.
Drops of cold water slid onto my leg from the cold pack as it slid off Deacon’s forehead when he rose to a sitting position.
“What’re you doing? You need to be laying down,” I barked at him.
When he turned around so he was facing me, I could see the struggle it took for him to sit up. He was so sick and despite the question I asked him and the growing frustration from our confusing interactions, I hated seeing him so vulnerable .
I moved to grab his hands and urge him to lay back down, but he quickly grasped my wrists with speed I didn’t think he was capable of by the looks of him. His grip loosened a little as he slid his hands downward, and his thumbs were rubbing circles on the inside of my palms.
The feeling sent tiny sparks up my forearms and all I wanted to do was close my eyes and bask in how it felt to have part of me held by him.
“You should really lay back down,” I whispered, not able to find the full volume of my voice from the bewitching circles he scribed into my palms.
His voice was oddly clear and steady as he said, “I need to look you in your eyes when I say this.”
Oh .
Wavering back a little, I was perplexed by his words and the sudden willingness to answer my question. Or at least I hoped he was going to answer it.
The strength seemed to leave him a little as he wobbled slightly to the right. Perspiration formed over his brows and upper lip and as sick as he looked, he was still the most beautiful man I’d ever seen.
His nostrils flared as he took a steadying breath in and settled his gaze on me. I worried my bottom lip, wondering what he was going to say to me.
“I made a lot of mistakes the day of that fire. For one, I wasn’t even supposed to be there. I was off duty when I was walking by the building and saw what was happening. Going in without any gear put my fellow firefighters at risk worrying about my safety. But I wouldn’t change that decision for anything because you wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t gone in.”
Chills skated along my skin because he was right. If Deacon hadn’t come into my apartment when he did, I would have died probably a minute or two later. I shook the image out of my mind. I didn’t want to think about those moments sitting terrified in the corner of my bedroom yelling as loudly as I could for someone to find me before it was too late.
“When I first heard your screams, I thought it was just the roar of the fire. I was on my way back down to aid with the survivors on the ground, but something kept telling me to keep going. When I saw you, I…” His throat worked as he swallowed and his grip on my hands tightened. “I’d never seen someone so beautiful before. Even through all the fear on your face, I saw hope shining in your blue eyes.”
I sat completely still, not fully trusting my ears. Was I hearing things correctly? Deacon thought I was beautiful from the first moment he saw me, in my most vulnerable state, clinging to life as I had tried shrinking my body under the cover of the small wet towel.
I couldn’t believe it.
But I also knew in my heart it was true. Because it had been his face I’d focused on when the edges of my vision started to fade. His voice, urging me to stay with him had kept me tethered to life .
Something had happened between us that day. At first, I thought maybe it was just the trauma of what we’d both gone through together. Especially, when our first greeting since the fire hadn’t been the most comforting .
Everything was shifting now. The puzzle pieces sliding into place. And I still couldn’t move, could hardly think with Deacon’s hands on me.
There was an earnestness in his voice as he continued. “I’ve been in many dangerous situations over the course of my careers. Moments that I will never have the heart to speak about.” His eyes cast downward, and I could feel the weight of those memories hanging in the air between us. I rubbed my thumbs across the edge of his palms, needing to do something to help me feel more grounded.
“Many of those moments, I could see when hope would leave the people around me. It looked as though a flash of realization swarmed them and suddenly fear took over. A thousand times, I’ve seen that happen, but not with you. Not even when you were minutes away from the most painful death there is.”
I stopped breathing when his hand moved to cup the side of my face. Every part of me was bare to him. Deacon had seen something in me that I hadn’t even seen in myself.
“You were the most magnificent thing I’d ever witnessed in my entire life, Charlie. And it scared the hell out of me.” His voice shook and I knew it wasn’t because of the sickness. Then his hand fell from my face, and I hated the cold that was left in its absence.
“That’s why you slammed the door in my face. You were shocked to see me.” My voice was barely above a whisper and the words felt thick on my tongue like I hadn’t spoken in a long time.
The green of his eyes flickered as he nodded. “Shocked is an understatement.”
I looked down where our hands were still joined. His were so large compared to mine and it made me remember how he’d held me that day, rushing us through the threatening flames. How, even now, I could feel the heat licking along my skin. My scar ached at the memory of its creation. But I didn’t move to touch it. Not now.
“What about now?” Heart racing, I gazed up at him through my lashes.
His chest expanded on a deep inhale.
“Now, I don’t want to let you out of my sight for a single second. And I don’t plan to.”
My heart soared and a wild giddiness took hold in my chest.
“You don’t plan to?”
His fingers gripped my chin as he came in close. “Not a fucking chance.”
We spent the next two days in bed together as I forced him to relax instead of trying to finish projects he had around the house. Casper was perfectly content snoozing on the foot of the bed while I monitored Deacon’s fever and gave him scalp massages for his headache.
By the time supper rolled around last night, his fever had broken. Tonight he was feeling almost like his usual self again and he was able to move into the kitchen with me while I worked on making soup. Minestrone to be exact.
“I can handle this, you know.” I waved the wooden spoon in his direction. “You should be laying on the couch and getting some more rest.”
“I’ve been resting all day, smalls. You’re lucky I didn’t try to bust out of that room hours ago. I thought I was going to lose my mind.”
I snorted. “I might be small, but I can still take you in this condition. So, sit your ass down and rest.”
A wide smile spread across his face, making my heart stutter a beat. It was the first time I’d seen him smile so brazenly. It was the most amazing thing I’d ever seen, and I found myself wanting to make him smile like that more.
“Yes, ma’am,” he responded before he shot me a wink and slid onto the stool.
Turning back around to the pan of ground beef, I grinned to myself. I liked this version of Deacon.
Light.
Fun.
Devilishly handsome.
Too suave for his own good.
I liked it and I probably shouldn’t knowing that I was already in way over my head with him. When he was around, I was putty on the floor. There was just something about the man that made me melt.
After what he’d told me earlier, I couldn’t help but fall even harder. Right now, we were stuck in this house together as more snow continued to pile high outside. But I knew there would come a time when the snow melted and the reality of what he’d divulged to me would hit.
I just hoped he would still feel the same by then. That this thing between us was worth exploring.
“So, do you have a job you’re missing out on right now?”
“You want to talk to me about work?” His voice was raspy from the cold. I could barely hide what the sound of it did to me as my cheeks stained red with heat.
“Mmhmm,” I responded, staring into the pan of meat afraid that if I turned to look at him, my cheeks would give me away. I want to know everything about you , I wanted to say but kept my lips clamped shut.
“I, uh, decided to retire early.”
I whirled around, shocked. “Retire early? Aren’t you in your thirties?”
He shrugged nonchalantly. “I got lucky in the stock market. Really lucky, actually.”
“Lucky in the stock market,” I deadpanned.
“Yup.” He nodded slowly. “While I was in the military, I put most of my earnings in savings and when I started working for the Charlotte Fire Department, I met a guy who was fucking brilliant in the stock market. He taught me some tips and after a while I started doing my own research. Got lucky with some biotech companies and was able to buy a good chunk of land out here when I decided to make the move.”
I was in awe of him. At first glance, Deacon was a rugged mountain man who was obviously good with his hands, but I never would have guessed he would be the kind of man who made enough money in financial pursuits to retire in his thirties.
I quickly realized that was a terrible bias I held against men who looked like him and I made a mental note to eradicate that prejudice from my mind.
“How much land do you have out here?”
He leaned his large forearms onto the counter. “Fifty-two acres that run along the east side of the river.”
I felt my eyebrows raise. “Fifty-two? Wow. That’s a lot of land.”
“I like my privacy.”
“Casper and I have kind of ruined it for you.” I laughed, but Deacon’s eyes turned dark.
“You haven’t ruined anything, Charlie.”
His gaze bore into mine. Enraptured, I couldn’t look away. The world seemed to still as he was the only thing I could focus on, just like the first day we met. Everything else drifted away while all the words emptied from my mind. We stayed like that—locked on one another like two magnets that couldn’t be pulled apart.
Then the smell of smoke tingled my nose, and the connection was lost as I shifted back to the stove top.
“Oh no!” I gasped as I took in the charred meat. “Damnit!” Moving quickly to prevent the rest of the meat from burning, I reached over the pan and turned the burner off, but when I pulled my hand back, I bumped into the handle of the pan, jostling it over the stovetop.
“Ah! Ow!” I hissed, retracting my arm to my chest. “Shit!”
Before I could turn around, Deacon was by my side. “What happened?”
I raised my wrist and twisted it to the side so he could see where the edge of the pan burnt me. With a gentle touch, he took my wrist between his hands and inspected it.
I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth at the stinging sensation that permeated the area. “I burned myself on the pan.”
His tone was tender as he cradled my wrist in his palm. “It doesn’t look too bad, but let’s get it under some cool water.”
“Okay,” I whimpered as he led me to the sink. Water rushed from the faucet when he turned the knob. I bit my lower lip as he tested the coolness of the water before sliding my wrist under it.
“Better?” he asked.
I peered up at him. There was still a paleness to his skin from how sick he’d been, but the color was starting to come back already. I could stare at him all day, I realized. Despite the pain in my wrist, I felt an urge to run my fingers through his hair like I’d done all morning to make him feel better. But this time, I wanted to do it for myself. I wanted to explore every part of his body. The parts that were honed from years of hard labor. The parts I hadn’t seen yet. I wanted to spend the rest of my days getting lost in those green eyes, noticing all the changes within them from every kind of light that shone .
And most of all, I wanted to feel him pressed against me with nothing between us.
“I’d be better if you kissed me right now.” The words I meant to keep in had slipped out, but I didn’t care.
Deacon’s breathing hitched and his gaze fluttered to my lips. When his head tilted downward slightly, butterflies flew freely in my stomach.
God, I needed him to kiss me. Please, kiss me , I silently coaxed him.
His head dipped further and I closed my eyes. But then I felt the gentle scrape of his closely shaven beard against the edge of my ear as he said, “Not yet, beautiful.”