29. Deacon
Chapter 29
Deacon
The heart monitor beeped consistently next to Charlie’s bed. Two more days had passed since the accident, and I knew I was going to have to call her parents tomorrow if she didn’t wake up by then. I’d been putting it off, not wanting the first time I talked to them to include delivering the news that their daughter was officially in a coma.
They’d hate me.
And I couldn’t start out our relationship like that.
Maybe it was selfish. Not wanting them to know quite yet… It was more so not having the strength to tell them that I’d chased off their daughter with my fears of losing her, only to have that fear become my near reality.
Maybe I should have called them already, but I just couldn’t do it yet.
I’d give myself one more day.
I just needed her to wake up before then.
During the morning and evening breaks I’d spent checking on Casper, I’d finished the rest of Charlie’s bench. After a coat of stain and sealant, I’d placed it on the front porch. Right where she wanted it. I couldn’t wait to see her face when I finally got to bring her home and show her the work I’d done on it.
I couldn’t wait to hear her voice. For her laughter to fill up the space in the living room. To hold her beneath the blankets in front of the fireplace.
A knot lodged in my throat as I lifted her hand to my lips.
She’d asked me to open up for her. To let her in. It was about time I tried.
“I told you about the friend I lost overseas. The one who loved doing puzzles. But what I didn’t tell you is that there were three more guys after him. My closest friends. Guys I’d known since basic training, and we all got lucky enough to go all the way together.
“Bryant was the funniest fucker you’d ever meet. It didn’t matter if we were stuck on a mountain side being shot at, he’d always have a joke that took the edge off the situation. He was the one who kept us all grounded. To this day, I don’t think I’ve ever laughed as hard as I did with him.
“And Michael”—I rubbed at my eyes with the back of my hand—“was so damn smart, none of us understood how he didn’t get assigned to intelligence or move up the ranks faster. Looking back now, I realize how he hid how smart he was from everyone else. I don’t think he wanted the responsibility of making decisions for other people. He just wanted to serve his country and make his father proud. He didn’t care about getting awarded with higher positions. He was just a good fucking guy.” My voice cracked as emotion lodged in my throat. But there was a lightness taking hold in my heart. Like telling Charlie these things somehow made them easier to carry. It felt like I could finally remember my fallen brothers for the amazing men they were and not have to forget about them because the pain was too much to bear.
I could do this—I realized—with her by my side, I could do this.
With a smile on my face, I sniffed and wiped another stray tear off my face. “Jackson…oh, Sunshine, you would have loved him. He was so quick-witted and a complete smart-ass. He got us in trouble more times than I can count but seeing him get under our sergeants’ skin was worth every fucking push-up. Honestly, he would have been the one to tell me I’d been a jackass about you. That I should have gotten my shit together and found you in your hospital room after that fire and told you how I’d felt right then and there.”
I snorted, thinking back to how stupid I was. How much time fear had robbed me. “He would have told me to get on one knee and beg you to marry me or he’d do it himself. He…” Fresh tears welled in my eyes, clouding my vision. Squeezing my eyes shut, I felt them move down my cheeks.
When I opened my eyes, I said, “He was my best friend, Charlie. We’d been through hell and back together. Four deployments. Shit with his parents. I can’t even tell you how many bar fights he had my back in.” I laughed.
Then the sorrow of the loss took hold again. Threatening to draw me back to my old ways of silence and indifference. It would be so easy to go back there. To let myself become numb and angry. To start building that wall again.
But I looked at Charlie’s beautiful face and knew I couldn’t be that version of myself anymore. It was time to be brave. It was time to move forward.
“I wish they were with me right now,” I whispered. “And maybe in a way they are. Giving me the strength I need to be the man you deserve. To be the man I should have been all along.”
I swept a strand of hair from the side of her face then kissed her knuckles. “Come back to me, Sunshine.” This time I didn’t wipe the tears away. “Come share your light with me.”
CHARLIE
A distant roar of rushing water surrounded me as the perpetual darkness faded to a light glow. Squinting my eyes to see, I looked around.
Tall pine trees.
A wooden dock.
Crunchy snow beneath my feet.
…the cabin.
Thick mist clouded everything around me, still making it incredibly difficult to see. But I was there—at the place where inspiration struck, and I was able to reconnect with myself. It was my home. The one I’d made for myself. A part of the one I’d made with him .
A deep ache settled into the bones of my ribs at the thought of Deacon.
Where is he?
I moved toward the dock, freshly nailed boards remained sturdy beneath my feet. A smile crept over my lips as I remembered him taking hours to rebuild the dock because he kept looking up at me while I was painting. Not that I’d ever admit to him that I saw him doing that, but it was nice knowing that I had an effect on him, even back then.
I looked over my shoulder, back at the cabin that was now shrouded in the hazy moisture hanging in the air. The small back patio was empty. No sign of Deacon anywhere.
I sat in one of the chairs on the dock, knowing that he’d make his way to me eventually. We were bound to one another. Wherever one went, the other would follow. Closing my eyes, I let the sounds of the water below me soothe the pain of his absence. I hated when he wasn’t with me.
For a few moments, I concentrated on the rushing rapids until there was a distant voice that called to me.
“ …loved doing puzzles. ”
Deacon.
My heart stampeded in my chest. I’d know his voice anywhere.
Whipping my head around, I looked to see where he was but couldn’t make much of anything out through the fog.
“Deacon!” I called to him, my voice coming out like a strangled whisper. I yelled his name again, but it didn’t go far.
“ Looking back now, he hid how smart... ” There he was again. Talking to me. He was trying to tell me something.
Straining my ears, I moved off the dock and away from the loud river.
“Where are you?” My words echoed this time, moving through the trees like rustling wind.
“ Jackson…oh, Sunshine, you would have loved him. He was so quick-witted and a complete smart-ass. He got us in trouble more times than I can count, but seeing him get under our sergeants’ skin was worth every fucking push-up…”
My mind whirled as I spun around, trying to figure out where he was. Because… Because I knew exactly what he was doing.
Emotion swelled in my chest.
He was letting me in.
He was telling me about the friends he lost and the life they’d shared together. He was… Bringing my fingers to my trembling lips, I laughed out a cry. Not one of pain, but of happiness.
He was letting me in!
“Where are you, baby?” I started moving around the backyard of the tiny cabin, peering through the thick brush of the trees to the left and right. Then I ran up the steps to the back porch and jostled the door handle.
It was locked.
I peeked through the windows but couldn’t see through them.
That’s when I heard his voice again—bright as day. “Come back to me, Sunshine. Come share your light with me.”
The mist around me started to clear and I could feel the warmth of a beautiful blue light surrounding me—it was our light.
The thread that had bonded Deacon and I together from the start. The calling of our souls, forging us as one.
Slowly turning around, I gasped when I saw him. Radiating the purest light I’d ever seen, Deacon smiled at me. His lips pulled wide—completely unabandoned. The fullest version of himself was a sight to behold. Heavenly. Happy. With no more room for the sorrow that had haunted him for so long.
He was… magnificent .
One step forward. Two. I walked toward him until his chest nearly brushed mine.
The most piercing green eyes I’d ever seen gazed at me like I was the most precious thing in the world. His fingers moved to brush a strand of hair from my face.
So warm.
So gentle.
His touch felt like…
“It’s time to come home.” His deep voice was a soft blanket over my fragile nerves.
“You found me. ”
His head tilted to the side slightly. “I’ll always find you, Sunshine. Always.”
He cradled my cheek in his palm. “Are you ready?”
I looked up into his devastatingly beautiful eyes. The green reminding me of the pine trees surrounding his home—or was it our home now? It definitely felt like it.
“Yes, I’m ready.” I smiled at him.
When he stepped closer, he brought his lips to mine and that bright light pulsed around us filling me with warmth and peace.
Blinking my eyes open, I had to squint against the harsh white light. It took me a moment to realize I was lying down and that every part of my body ached.
“Ah,” I gasped, when the sharp pain in my skull ran through my head like a hot iron.
“Charlie!” Deacon’s gruff voice sounded next to me.
I looked to my right and saw him, but he was different from just a few seconds ago. Now, he looked exhausted with blue circles under his eyes, his dark hair was disheveled. Even his normally close shaven beard had grown out, like he’d completely forgotten it was there.
“Deacon,” I croaked, my throat suddenly very dry. The moment I said his name, my head felt like it was splitting again. I brought my hand up toward it, but Deacon grasped my hand gently and brought it to his lips.
“You have a bandage around your head, Sunshine. Do you remember what happened?”
Scrunching my brows at him, I leaned forward despite the pain and touched the side of his cheek. “I heard you.”
His head pulled back slightly as his jaw went slack. “You heard me?”
I nodded, then instantly regretted it as another bolt of pain shot through my head.
“When I was asleep, I heard you tell me about your friends. The ones you served with in the military.”
“You heard me,” he repeated, shock written all over his face.
“You brought me back, Deacon. I was lost in that place for so long—just wandering around. I didn’t think I’d ever see the light again, but then you were there. I heard your voice.”
Tears gathered in his eyes as he cusped my hand and kissed it over and over.
I felt my own eyes well with moisture as I said, “I felt that thread between us pull taut. It was so beautiful,” I whispered. “Like a bright blue light and when I turned around, you were there. Telling me it was time to come home.”
“You came back to me,” he husked, opening my hand and placing my palm against his cheek. “You came back.”
“For you. Always for you.” Tugging on his hand, I brought him closer to me. With gentle hands, he scooped me into a hug and ran his fingers up and down my spine.
To be in his arms again…that’s when I let the dam of emotions break loose. My shoulders shuddered as I cried into his chest. Not caring that my head was still splitting because nothing else mattered except for this. Being with him again. Knowing that his walls had finally come down and he was mine. Just as I had always been his.
We stayed like that until my body ached too badly for me to sit up anymore. As he carefully leaned me back against the bed, he pressed the alert button for the nurse to come in.
When he settled into his chair again, his fingers intertwined with mine.
To our left, the door swung open and two people in scrubs walked in. “Look who’s awake!” The woman in purple scrubs smiled widely at me.
“Sherry is one of your nurses,” Deacon whispered to me, giving my hand a squeeze.
“And I’m Dr. Schneider.” The man in the long white coat raised a hand in greeting. “It’s good to meet you, Ms. Banks.”
“Thank you,” I said as he moved closer to the bed and Sherry took a look at the monitors on my IV machine.
“Did Mr. Calhoun fill you in on everything that’s happened?”
I looked to Deacon and flashes of the accident flooded my mind. I winced when I remembered the car exploding, then being in the back of Deacon’s truck.
“I was in a car accident. Deacon saved me.” I shifted my gaze back to Dr. Schneider. “How long have I been out? ”
Dr. Schneider glanced at Deacon, then his dark eyes settled on me. “Five days total.”
“Five days?!” I gasped, feeling that dagger-like pain to my head again as I whipped my neck to the side, facing Deacon. “Casper?”
He chuckled. “I admit, it was Sherry who prompted me to remember the little rascal was at home. I was so lost in my worry over you. But he’s just fine. I’ve been checking on him every morning and night.”
“You’ve been here with me the whole time?”
“You didn’t think there was a chance in hell I wasn’t going to be by your side through this, did you?”
My heart stuttered at his admission, but then again, I’d known all along that Deacon was my safe haven. “No, actually,” I laughed.
“That’s my girl.”
Dr. Schneider cleared his throat and Deacon and I looked at him. “Now that you’re awake, there’s some more testing I want to do before I send you home.”
Home .
Yes. That’s exactly where I wanted to be.
And in a lot of ways, I already knew I was home because Deacon was right by my side.