Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
“ Y ou’re mighty chipper this morning,” Martha said as Ava moved past her and slid a tray of muffins into the oven. “Are you … baking ?”
“You had pumpkin seeds in the pantry, and I felt like making my superfood muffins. You’re welcome to try one when they’re done. They’re delicious.” She set the oven timer.
“Hello, Alien Ava. What have you done with my moody daughter?”
Ava laughed. “I feel decent today. Even my side is feeling good.” She ran her hand over the spot that had caused so much pain when she’d first gotten home.
Her mother peered into Ava’s half-empty mug. “What was in this coffee? I’d like what you’re having.”
“Would it be okay if I drove your car to therapy?”
Her mother cocked her head to the side. “You want to drive?”
“I think I can do it. And I’m meeting Lucas at Percy Warner Park for a walk after.”
Her mother produced a knowing nod. “So that’s why …”
Ava tried to shrug it off, but she failed miserably. “ I called him last night.” She told her mother about their phone call. “I couldn’t believe he agreed.” That flutter of happiness returned, making her almost giddy.
“Does this need to see Lucas still have to do with the voice you’d heard?” her mother asked. “Because I think you’ve achieved what was asked of you.”
“You know, this began because of the voice, but the more time I spend in Nashville and with you, the closer I feel to my childhood and to who I really am deep down. Lucas was a big part of who I was. I didn’t realize how much I struggled when Dad died.
And Lucas was my best friend. I lost him too.
I can’t get Dad back, but I can have Lucas.
Even though we’re both different people now, being with him makes me feel better. ”
Her mom put her hands together in prayer and peered up at the ceiling. “That might be the best thing I’ve heard you say since you got here. It’s time to move away from the frenzied events of the crash and start living your life.”
Live out the rest of your life.
“Yeah, you’re right.”
Originally, Ava had been indifferent about the remainder of the cognitive testing with Dr. Williams, but with Lucas meeting her right after, she couldn’t wait to get there. Being behind the wheel again was slowing her down, however.
She’d given herself plenty of time for the trip into Nashville, not knowing how long it might take her to get used to driving again.
With every turn, she’d double-checked her mirrors, and she hung back on the entrance ramp to I-65 until there was no one around before she got up to speed and merged onto the highway.
Even still, she must have peered in her rearview mirror once a minute.
And every time a car whooshed past her in the fast lane, she flinched.
But it would all be worth it, because she was meeting Lucas.
Ava still managed to get to Vanderbilt, park the car, and check in ten minutes early. She was called back and waiting in the testing room when Dr. Williams arrived.
“Last day of cognitive testing. Are you excited?” The doctor opened her laptop and typed.
“I’m ready.”
“Great. Today, the goal is to assess your emotional responses and how you handle problems.”
“Okay.”
“Yesterday, you’d mentioned the loss of a parent during your younger years. Avoidance of emotion is your brain’s way of coping sometimes. It just isn’t always the healthiest way.”
“I’m feeling more open to experiencing my emotions.”
“That’s wonderful. How about your work environment? How do you feel about work?”
Did she have some kind of list of all Ava’s problems?
“I ask because sometimes, people who avoid their emotions can throw themselves into tasks as a coping strategy. Do you deal with this at all?”
She’d hit the nail on the head.
“Yes.”
Was Ava really just a series of neuroses reacting to the stimuli in her world? She’d thought her decision to work all hours of the day had been to better her career, but the work ethic she’d been so proud of had been simply to mask her grief for her dad.
Dr. Williams continued to ask about her life, and the more inquiries Ava answered, the more she began to question everything.
That voice came back to her: Live out the rest of your life .
What life, exactly? She didn’t really have one.
She was simply existing to work, giving all her free hours to someone else, some other entity, and for what?
A fancy title and extra money that she’d never spend because of the workload required to achieve that level of pay?
As the clock ticked, she became more confused about what to do with the rest of her life.
She’d never been more relieved when the testing finished.
With an appointment card for her therapy session next week in hand and a booklet that explained her initial cognitive test scores, Ava got into her mom’s car and drove to Percy Warner, trying to shake the low feeling that had come over her.
How silly of her to have entertained the thought that they could help each other.
After all the questions about her nonexistent life, who was she to coax Lucas into doing anything?
Ava’s spirits lifted, however, when she found him standing at the bottom of the staircase that led up the hill. As a girl, her time with him had been filled with possibility, and seeing him again brought the same feeling to the surface. The difference was, back then, they were both fearless.
She parked the car and got out. Lucas waved and tentatively made his way down the path toward her.
“Hey,” she said when he reached her.
“Hi.” The innocence that used to surface whenever he greeted her as a kid was completely gone.
Not feeling her usual confidence, an awkward silence fell between them. Ava waved at the blue, cloudless sky above them.
“It’s a beautiful day.”
“Yeah.” A pause. “Shall we walk?”
Lucas led her to the bottom of the sprawling 250-foot stone staircase that climbed the grassy hill.
The most iconic feature of any park in Nashville, the steps were full of joggers, dog walkers, and people perched on the edges, reading or turning their faces toward the sun.
As they got ready to ascend, Ava stopped .
“You okay?” he asked. “No pain or anything?”
She pressed her hand against her side, only a dull ache remaining. “It’s not that. I think I’ve just come to a conclusion.”
He peered down at her.
“Something is clearly going on with you, and my life is an absolute mess. So, what do you say we let all the adult baggage go and just be together, like when we used to climb the crab apple tree?”
He allowed a small, relieved smile. “That sounds perfect.”
“Our biggest worry back then was whether Mrs. Johnson was going to assign homework on the weekend,” Ava said, wrinkling her nose at him.
“I hated it when she did that. No one needs fifty algebra practice problems on a Saturday.”
“I was pretty quick at math, and it still took me forever,” she said as they began their climb up the steps toward the walking trails.
“Remember, she’d take off a point for every line we didn’t write out to show our work?” he asked.
Ava rolled her eyes. “At work, when someone requests final numbers now, they would actually kick me out of their office if I tried to take them through how I arrived at them. Nobody has time for the nonsense.”
Lucas smiled at her. Was that a glimmer of fondness in his eyes? The sight of it filled her with a kind of joy that only he could bring.
“It’s nice to walk,” she said. “I’ve only just now felt decent enough to get out and stroll.”
“How are you feeling? Anything still bothering you?”
“My ribs ache occasionally, and I have a little tenderness where I had stitches if I move a certain way, but otherwise, I’m okay.”
“That’s good to hear.” He put his hand on her back to guide her as they moved out of the way of another couple coming down. “Therapy went all right with Kate?”
“We weren’t going to talk about our current life, right?”
“Oh, yeah. Sorry. It’s easy to slip into it when I have your full medical history.” He allowed a grin.
“You made another joke! That’s the Lucas I know.”
She gave him a playful punch in the arm, and he let out a little chuckle, making her heart soar. After so many years, he could still do it for her.
He cut his eyes good-humoredly at her. “For someone whose life is supposedly a mess, you sure are energetic. But then again, you always were.”
“I’m trying to tone that down.”
He gave her a curious glance. “Why?”
“My mom said that people with more life experiences have a greater introspective demeanor. It made me wonder if introspection came with maturity. Should I work at being more mature?”
Lucas actually laughed, and Ava wasn’t sure her heart could take it. “Your youthfulness is endearing. We have too much adulthood around here.”
She fell into step with him, his compliment giving her the first really good feeling she’d experienced since the accident.
“How about you? Ever tap into your youthful side? When was the last time you wrangled a copperhead?”
His eyebrows went up. “That wasn’t immaturity and youth; that was pure, unadulterated stupidity.”
She laughed. “You were fearless.”
“Reckless.”
“Hey, that’s why I liked you.”
He looked down at her again, that veil of contemplation sliding over his face once more.
They walked together quietly, climbing the final steps of the long staircase. They stopped at the top to allow her to rest, but Ava didn’t notice any of the discomfort with him there. Lucas made her forget about everything that had happened after she was fifteen.
The walking trail at the top was shaded, with pockets of cooler air.
“You know what I realized today?” she asked.
“What’s that?”
“If I don’t talk about my job or my accident, I have very little to say about my adult life. That’s not a good thing.”
They turned down one of the trails leading into the woods.