Chapter 21 #2
“You gonna take Donovan out to tell him about us?”
“No, it’s actually for us. Donovan wants some time alone with your mom so I said that you and I would go out and grab some food.”
“Oh… yeah… okay.”
My heart is pounding in my chest. Does Donovan really want time alone with Mom, or is Elizabeth taking me out to talk to me about something. Shit, is she breaking up with me?
We’re quiet as we leave the house, not even saying goodbye to anyone; apparently they know we’re going out to eat.
Elizabeth snuggles into me as she usually does on the bike, nestling her head into my back between my shoulders.
Would she do that if she was breaking up with me?
I’m questioning everything and it’s making me crazy.
At the marina near Miguel’s house, she found that there’s a food festival happening so that’s where we head. It’s starting to get dark, and the outdoor market is bustling with people, full of laughter from families and kids playing, and we’re surrounded by delicious scents from the stalls.
There are couples everywhere too; holding hands, kissing, playfully feeding each other, and we’re among them, doing the same.
She’s holding my hand, chatting to me as normal, pointing out the different foods we should try.
I can’t say no to her, so we get one of everything she wants, and we take our many plates and find a quiet spot to sit, sharing food and laughing.
It wouldn’t be like this if she was breaking up with me, would it?
Once we’re finished, she suggests taking a walk along the pier, it’s not as nice as the one we stopped at a few weeks ago, this one is modern, gaudy as she’d say, but it’s still nice with the sound of the ocean and the breeze.
“Come on.” She tugs my hand lightly. “Let’s sit. ”
Shit, is this actually happening? I can’t breathe. My body automatically follows her to sit on the edge, leaning against the railings with our legs hanging over the water.
“So—”
“Please don’t end this,” I say, interrupting her before she has a chance to say anything.
“What?” she asks.
“I didn’t mean to pressure you into telling Donovan. I mean, obviously I want people to know about us, but if you don’t, that’s okay. I just wanna be with you, Elizabeth.”
“Oh my god,” she lets out a chuckle, “Angel, I don’t want this to end.”
“You don’t?”
She takes my hand. “Fuck no, of course I want to be with you. I love you. And you haven’t pressured me to tell Donovan, you’ve given me so much time.”
“Oh thank fuck.” I drop my head to her shoulder, my body sagging in relief. “You had me so worried.”
She lifts my head with her hand and kisses me.
“I’m sorry I worried you, I know I’ve been off today. But as it turns out, Donovan kind of already knew about us, everyone does.”
“What, really?” I ask, “No, was he fucking with you?”
“I don’t think so,” she says, “he even said something about ‘them helping us both along when needed’ too.”
“So everyone knows, like everyone?”
“Apparently.”
“Shit, so all this time I could have been kissing you and being with you, but instead we’ve been sneaking around?”
I lean in and kiss her, not able to help myself.
“Yup,” she says, “they were probably all laughing at us too, thinking we were being so sly. ”
“They’re gonna be fucking unbearable when we get back.”
She laughs. “But do you care? It means we can be together; I think that’s worth being laughed at by them for a while.”
“Very true,” I say, kissing her again, this time pulling her into my arms.
“So you’re okay?” I ask, resting my head on top of hers. “You said you’d been off today.”
“Yeah, there is something I need to talk to you about, but it’s not about us.”
“Okay, shoot,” I say, no longer worried now that I know we’re good.
“Um… it’s about Donovan.”
“Is he okay? Is this to do with him needing time alone with Mom?”
“Yeah, kind of.” She takes a deep breath. “So… Donovan wanted to spend some time alone with your mom and Miguel this evening, because he’s talking to them about something that’s really important to him, and he asked me to tell you as well.”
“Okay, this sounds bad, is he sick?” I ask, worry creeping back into my chest.
“No, no, he’s not sick, he’s perfectly fine. I think this is a great thing.”
I take a deep breath myself and she gently squeezes my hand before clearing her throat.
“Donovan is telling your mom and Miguel that he’s gay.”
“Gay? Donovan?” I burst into laughter. “Very funny. Fuck, did he put you up to this?” I can barely control my body as it shakes from laughing, the thought is just too much. “Holy shit, you both had me going there, I genuinely thought there was something going on with him.”
“Angel,” she says gently, “I’m not joking. ”
“Come on, it’s not gonna work, you should’ve picked something more believable.”
“No, Angel,” she says, her voice firm. “Please, I need you to listen to me. I’m being serious.”
I look at her properly, and there’s not a hint of laughter in her eyes. She’s got a terrible poker face, but she can’t be serious.
“Nah, come on,” I say, “Donovan can’t be gay.”
“Why can’t he?”
“Because… are you telling me he… what… likes guys?”
“Yes,” she says, simple, matter of fact. “Donovan is gay.”
I try and let the words sink in, but they don’t, I just don’t understand this…
“Wait, did something happen to him at Winbrook? If someone’s done something to him—”
“No. Jesus Christ, that’s not how it works, and you know it.”
“What else am I supposed to think? He goes there, and two months later, apparently he’s gay.”
“This isn’t something that happened at Winbrook; he’s always been gay; he just kept it hidden.”
“And how do you know that?” I ask.
“It’s one of the reasons we became such good friends after we met.”
“What?”
“We were partnered together on a project for English class, so we started spending time together. One day, I wore a Pride t-shirt; we got chatting and he told me that he was gay, but that no one knew. We’ve been best friends ever since.”
My chest tightens.
“You’ve known this whole time?”
Elizabeth
“You’ve known this whole time?” he asks.
“Yes.”
“You’ve been lying to me?”
His voice is full of hurt, and I get it. He’s hearing this for the first time and finding out that I’ve known for over six months, I can understand why he feels betrayed.
“I haven’t been lying to you,” I say gently. I reach for his hand again, but he yanks it away. “It wasn’t for me to tell you, this isn’t something that I had any right to share, I’m only doing so now because he asked me to.”
He scoffs and shakes his head. I feel bad for him, but I’m also getting annoyed, knowing that if the tables were turned, he’s got plenty of people in his life that he’d keep a secret for.
“Angel—”
“Don’t, Elizabeth.” He stands, moving away from me. “Don’t fucking talk to me.”
“No,” I say firmly, standing up as well to face off with him. “You don’t get to be like that. You of all people know what it means to be loyal and keep a secret. Look at the fucking club, and all the stuff that’s said behind closed doors. No, you do not get to be angry at me for not telling you.”
“Don’t compare this to stuff you don’t know shit about, Elizabeth.” Anger crosses his face, his eyes turning dark. “Yeah, I understand loyalty, and I know how to keep a secret, but not this. This is something I needed to know.”
“Why? Why did you need to know this? How the fuck does this even affect you?”
People are looking at us now, our voices no longer quiet and private; it’s clear we’re having a heated argument .
“Of course it affects me; the club has rules. Do you know what could happen if people find out that my brother is fucking gay?”
“You’re not serious?” I ask, “Donovan told me about your shitty homophobic rule; but after getting to know you all I assumed it was something that would never actually get acted upon.”
“We take the rules of the club seriously,” he says it so bluntly, like their stupid rules veto any logical thought.
“So what? You’d disown your brother because of who he loves, and choose the club over him?”
“I wouldn’t have a choice! Shit, he’d be lucky if I just disowned him. If Frank was still El Jefe, I’d have to put him in the fucking hospital too.”
Tears fill my eyes, my anger the only thing keeping them there instead of letting them escape. Hearing this man that I’ve grown to love saying such vile things, I feel sick to my stomach.
“I can’t believe you just said that,” my words come out as a pained whisper, but I know he hears me.
My phone buzzes and I quickly check it; a ‘thumbs up’ from Donovan. I breathe a sigh of relief; he’s told them, and it went well.
“What’s that?” Angel asks.
“Donovan letting me know that Sofía and Miguel know, and that everything is okay.”
He scoffs. “Yeah, sure it is. Everything is fucking perfect.”
“What are you going to do?” I ask, terrified of his response.
“I don’t know. Come on, we should get back.”
He offers his hand to me; I take it, but it doesn’t feel as comforting as it usually does. As we head back to the bike, I fire off a ‘thumbs down’ to Donovan and it doesn’t take him long to reply.
Shit, thank you for trying.
Telling Mom told him he’s not going to be in your life anymore.”
He shrugs. “It’s what I had to do.”
“This is so fucked up!” I cry, “We’ve watched so many films and TV shows where characters have been gay, or lesbian, or trans, and you’ve never had an issue with it. In fact, I distinctly remember you saying how cute some of the stories were.”
“Yeah, but this is different.”
“Different?” I ask, “Why, because it’s your brother?”
He doesn’t answer and that just makes me angrier.
“So let me make sure I’m understanding this. It’s fine for people to be gay, you’re on board with the whole ‘love is love’ thing, unless it’s someone in your family, or someone linked to the club, is that it?”
He still doesn’t reply. I can’t hold the tears back anymore; they’re running down my face and I don’t even try to stop them.
“Angel…” my voice breaks and I try to take a couple of deep breaths.
“You need to think carefully, because this is a deal-breaker for me. I cannot, and will not, be in a relationship with someone who is homophobic, transphobic… some one who has any kind of hate purely because of who someone loves or their gender.”
I look him straight in his eyes and I can see some flashes of emotion there, but overall, he’s still cold and dark.
“If you’re really saying that you can’t, or won’t, accept Donovan… we’re done.”