Chapter 15
Stephen
Donovan is coming to my game tonight, but it’s bittersweet.
I want to share it with him, more than anything, but knowing he’s only there as my roommate, or friend, is hard.
As our relationship develops into something, I worry he’ll reach a point where he needs more from me, more than I can give him.
Especially with him coming out to his mom this weekend. In an ideal world, I’d be by his side as his boyfriend, but it’s not something I can do. The last thing I want is to hold him back though. He deserves to be himself, be free, and live openly.
It’s a problem for future me to worry about though, right now, I’ve got a game to win.
And with my signing to the Warriors, our college team has only gotten more popular, and there’s even more pressure on me than usual.
People are hoping to catch a glimpse of what to expect if I ever play in a Warriors game, trying to see if I’m worth the hype.
I left Donovan to watch the game with my parents, Jamie, and Max, knowing it will help him to be with friendly faces, but it’s also for selfish reasons. The looks and smiles I’ll undoubtedly send his way can be disguised as general looks to my friends and family.
The nerves I feel before a game will never disappear fully, and as I wait in our locker room, my stomach churns with anxiety…
blue fifty-four… vegas… wing right… green ninety-nine…
trap… odd number… ace left… white thirty-six…
dash… even number… right… dash right… pink ten…
omaha double switch… blue fifty-four… vegas… wing right…
As well as running plays in my head, I move through the breathing exercises my coaches have given me, tips over the years to help me calm down, center myself, get in the zone.
We make our way through to the tunnel; the sound of the crowd rises but I keep my thoughts inward… ace left… white thirty-six… dash…
“You ready, Stephen?” Ryan, the other wide receiver, asks as he comes to stand next to me.
“As I’ll ever be,” I chuckle. He’s a decent guy, he knows I get anxious before games and is always great at distracting me. “You?”
“I feel great. My dad and sister have come up from Tynerston to watch; I’ll introduce you later, he’s excited to meet the newest Warrior.”
“Please don’t hype me up too much!”
“Don’t worry, I haven’t,” he says, playfully punching me on the arm. “Bet I can score more touchdowns than you tonight.”
“Oh yeah, what are we betting?”
“Loser buys drinks next time the team goes out.”
“I’ll take that,” I say.
We shake on it just as the announcer calls our team and we run out onto the field.
The noise is overwhelming, my heart pounding in time with the beat of the music blaring from the speakers.
Flashes of my name catch my attention as people in the crowd hold banners and chant.
Fuck, this is just a taste of what it will be like if I ever start for the Warriors.
“It’s just noise, Stephen!” Ryan shouts, knocking my helmet before running off to where I’m assuming his dad and sister are sitting.
I look around and finally spot Donovan in the crowd.
He’s in between Jamie and Max with my parents alongside.
Jamie and my mom are too busy looking at her purse to pay any attention to me, but Dad, Max, and Donovan all wave and cheer louder.
I can’t help but smile as I wave back, having them all together feels right.
“Drinks are on you then,” I shout at Ryan as we celebrate our win on the field.
It was a close game, but we beat the other team, with me scoring two touchdowns and Ryan scoring one.
“Yeah whatever,” he groans, but he soon breaks into a grin as more players pile on top of us as we cheer and jump around.
Adrenaline is coursing through my body and honestly, all I want to do is wrap Donovan up in my arms and run away with him; finally understanding what the other guys mean when they say that winning makes them horny as fuck.
I look at the stands and see him filing out with my parents, they said they’d wait for me in the entrance rather than come onto the field, but seeing the other guys kissing their girlfriends around me puts a knot in my stomach, wishing I could have that with Donovan.
We head into the locker rooms and listen to Coach Jenkins’ celebration speech, luckily he’s good at keeping things short and sweet. It doesn’t take me long to shower and change, before heading out to the entrance with Ryan.
He spots his dad and sister first and calls them over, his dad pulling him into a hug.
“Congratulations! That touchdown was incredible, what a catch.”
“Thanks, Dad,” Ryan says, before turning to me. “This is my friend, Stephen Choi. Stephen, this is my dad, Jonathan, and my sister, Jess.”
I smile and shake their hands. “Hi, it’s good to meet you both.”
“Likewise,” Jonathan says. “Congratulations on signing with the Warriors.”
“Thank you, it still doesn’t feel real,” I chuckle.
“I’m not sure something like that will ever feel real,” Jonathan laughs. “Oh, are these your parents?”
I turn and see my parents and Donovan making their way towards us.
“Yeah, this is my dad, Nathan, and my mom, Vanessa. This is Ryan’s dad, Jonathan, and his sister, Jess.”
They all shake hands and Jonathan recognizes my dad. “Wait a minute, you’re not Nathan Williams, as in the Nathan Williams?”
My dad laughs and they partner off to talk; Jonathan is clearly a football fan, and my dad will use any excuse to talk about his days as a pro-football player.
“I’m not sure we’ve met before,” Ryan says to Donovan, who has been standing slightly behind my mom.
“Oh, sorry,” I say, “I forgot you haven’t met yet. This is Donovan, my roommate.”
A look flashes across Donovan’s face before he smiles and shakes Ryan’s hand. “Um… great game,” he says.
“Thanks, not as good as this guy though, Mr. NFL.”
“Shut up!” I laugh.
“Anyway,” Ryan says, “we’re heading out for some food, you should all join us.”
“Oh, yeah, that would be great,” I say, “it looks like our dads are already friends so I’m sure they’ll be happy.” I point to where they’re standing and laughing, clearly enjoying each other’s company. “Is that okay with you both?” I look at my mom who nods, and then at Donovan.
“You guys go on,” he says, “I’m kind of wiped after all that screaming and shouting at the game.”
“Are you sure?” I ask, my heart dropping slightly at the thought that he won’t be with us.
“Yeah! You go; I’ll catch you later when you get back.”
He smiles, but it’s not his usual bright smile that lights up his face. If we were alone I’d pull him into me for a hug and ask him what’s going on, or I’d pick him up and swing him around till he laughs, but I can’t do that here.
“Okay, I guess I’ll see you later then.”
“Yeah,” he nods, turning and heading out of the stadium.
“Alright!” Ryan grins, throwing his arm over Jess’s shoulder. “Let’s go eat!”
Donovan
Roommate. I know he didn’t mean it to, but it felt like a gut punch.
I’m so used to calling him my boyfriend in my head, it was starting to sound normal.
But this was the harsh reminder I needed that we’re not boyfriends, we’re not even close.
I’m his secret, not even his closest friends know about me.
However he thinks of me, to everyone else, I’m just his roommate.
Fuck… he didn’t even introduce me as his friend.
I don’t even feel like I have the right to be upset, it’s not as though he hasn’t been upfront with me, he’s been honest since the beginning.
It’s been me, building this fake narrative in my head about what we are, hoping that after a while he’ll change his mind and be willing to tell the world about us.
But he won’t, he can’t. I have to accept what this is, and soon, before I get my heart broken.
Beth does casual, well, maybe not so much anymore, depending on what’s going on with my brother, but previously she has.
I rack my brain, thinking through the stories she’s told me about guys she’s been with and how she manages to keep emotion out of it, so it’s just sex.
It’s usually rough, quick, dirty as she calls it.
No whispering to each other that they’re perfect, or that it feels like they’re made for each other.
Stephen saying all that shit is messing with my head.
All the ‘you’re mine’ stuff… how can I be his when nobody else knows about us?
I must have drifted off because I’m woken by the sensation of someone nuzzling my neck.
“Hey, sleepyhead,” Stephen murmurs.
“Hey,” I chuckle, “what time is it?”
“Just after ten; sorry it’s so late, my dad and Jonathan wouldn’t stop talking. Ryan and I had to practically pry them apart.”
“You don’t have to be sorry,” I say, “you were celebrating.”
“I know, but I missed you, baby. Waiting this long to kiss you has been torture.”
Roommate. His sweet words are jarring against that word still echoing in my head. He moves his mouth up my throat and along my jaw, before kissing me on the lips, starting gentle, but as I relax into it and open to him, he claims my mouth.
“Stephen,” I moan.
“Fuck, Donovan.” He grinds against me, already so hard. “Tell me what you want, baby.” He leans back and looks down at me, his eyes dark. “You want to make out? You want me to touch you? You want me inside you? Tell me what you want and it’s yours.”
Roommate. Quick… dirty… that’s what I need. I can’t hear sweet nothings right now.
“I want you inside me,” I whisper.
He smiles and goes to kiss me again, but I place my hands on his shoulders and push him away.
So far, we’ve only done it face to face, the perfect position to kiss and whisper to each other.
Tonight needs to be different. He makes space for me as I get on my hands and knees, looking back over my shoulder at him.
“Like this,” I say.
His eyes darken and he nods, reaching into my drawer to get some lube, as I kneel up to lower my boxers before returning to all fours again. I moan as he uses his fingers to get me ready, lubing up his cock at the same time.
“You look so good,” he rasps, lowering his head and kissing up my spine, the sensations causing me to arch my back, pushing my ass back into him. “So fucking sexy.” He rubs the head of his cock around my entrance. “You’re sure this is okay?”
“Yes,” I moan, and he slides into me gently, giving me time to adjust to him.
I’m getting better at taking him now, it still takes me a while, but it’s getting easier every time, and it doesn’t take long for him to be fully seated inside me.
“Holy shit, you look so fucking hot like this,” he moans, running his hands up and down my back, pausing to squeeze my ass. He gently draws out of me before slowly pushing back in, a sigh escaping him as he does. “Fuck, I’ve thought about doing this all day.”
He continues to move, his pace tantalizingly slow, rolling his hips instead of thrusting into me.
“Stephen, stop being gentle, I want to know what it feels like to be fucked.”
“Baby, we don’t have to rush—”
I cut off his words as I slam my ass back against him, crying out as I take him fully inside me as forcefully as I can.
“Donovan, my self-control is at a zero right now, so don’t fucking tempt me.”
I rock my hips again, building up my pace as I move along his length.
“That would count as tempting me,” he says through gritted teeth.
“Please, Stephen.”
“Fuck, I can’t say no to you,” he groans, grabbing my hips and slamming into me, harder than I’ve been able to do myself.
My arms buckle, my head falling against the mattress as my back arches even more.
“Put a pillow under your head, baby, and get comfy, because you’re about to get fucked.”
I do as he says, and once I’m settled he slams into me again, and he doesn’t stop. It feels aggressive, intense, dirty, as Beth would say. There are no sweet words or kisses, just the overwhelming sensation of his cock filling me, and my orgasm building inside.
“Fuck, Stephen, I’m gonna come.”
“Me too,” he grunts, “can I come inside you?”
“God, yes,” I moan.
He hasn’t done that before, usually pulling out and bringing us both to orgasm together, but all I want right now is for him to fuck me until he comes. His thrusts get more erratic, the noises escaping him sound almost feral.
I reach a hand beneath me to my dick, and it doesn’t take long for my orgasm to hit, spilling my cum all over the sheets.
He must feel it too, because he quickly follows, calling my name as he does, pulling my ass into him while he fills me.
I collapse forward onto my pillow, wanting to roll over, but he grips my hips and stops me.
“Don’t move, baby. Stay just as you are.”
“What?” I’m exhausted and can barely hold myself upright.
“I like seeing you full of my cum,” he murmurs, “if any escapes I want to push it back in.”
One of his fingers pushes into me and I gasp around him.
“Stephen,” I whimper.
He moans at the sound. “You’ve just had my big cock inside you and now you’re whimpering around my finger.”
“I’m… se… sensitive.”
“Do you want me to stop?”
He’s pressing against my prostate, which is already overstimulated from his dick; my mind feels like it’s going to explode, it’s too good… but the thought of him stopping… “No, no, please don’t stop.”
“Good boy,” he murmurs.
I can’t even tell what he’s doing, my head is spinning, I can feel him inside me and all around me, pressing me in the most sensitive places, my vision blurring.
“Stop,” I manage to whimper, and he pulls out, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me upright so I’m leaning back against his chest.
His cum leaks out of me but I try and ignore it, letting myself be held by him.
“Sorry…” I murmur, “that was too intense.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he whispers. “I only ever want to make you feel good, and if it ever goes past that point I need you to tell me so I can stop. Are you okay? Do you need anything?”
“Water, please.”
He gets me a bottle of water and helps me clean up, before carrying me over to his bed and wrapping us in his covers. As usual we fall asleep in each other’s arms, but that word keeps bouncing around in my head… roommate.