6. I’m Trying
6
I’M TRYING
HALLE
Today’s my first day trying. Today’s the first day of a new start. Today will change everything. I look down at my sketch pad and back out to the waterfall, breathing in deeply, taking a moment to myself to calm my nerves, and repeating to myself that today is the day. It has to be because I am so tired of feeling this empty. My shoulders slump as I close my sketch pad and pack my tin of charcoals away. I can’t remember the last time I felt happy, excited, confident, or strong. I’ve built my walls up so high that not even I can knock them down.
Feeling the heat on my face, I stand and pick my bag up, slinging it over my shoulder and checking the time. Hunter will be up soon, and after a long night of thinking and being alone in a quiet house, I need my brother. I need to know why he abandoned me.
I wasn’t sure what I was expecting when I came here. I just knew that staying there with him wasn’t right anymore. After Mom left, I stayed to finish school, then I stayed because I enjoyed my job in the craft store and because I thought staying kept me closer to her. But I was wrong. I came home one afternoon, and all her things were gone. The crushing weight of seeing her disappear was shattering, but having no proof of her existence was harder to process. I was frantically searching for her belongings in her room when Ray came around the corner, and the look on his face told me everything. My stomach dropped, and a wave of nausea rolled through me as he snapped at me. “I dumped it all. She’s not fucking here anymore because she was selfish, so her shit needed to go.”
The pain that tore through my chest, taking over the nausea, was unbearable that day. He got rid of it all: photos, clothes, keepsakes. All of our memories, just gone. That afternoon altered me. All of my resentment toward Ray came to a boiling point, and I lost it. I’ve never fought back against him , never spoke up, but my vision clouded over, and I’d had enough of it all.
His laziness, his mean words, and his lack of contribution to the bills. I was a waste of space, anyway, so I packed my bags. As I was storming out the door, I noticed a letter on the side table. I stopped breathing when I saw how it was addressed. Lil Sis, Halle . With my heart pounding, I snatched it up and ran to my car.
That’s why I’m here. For a better life, to reconnect with Hunter. But doing so when I’m bitter and angry at the world isn’t going to work. I’m going to buy us coffees and muffins, I’m going to take steps that move away from this bitterness today. I read somewhere online last night that small steps can add up, so this is my small step.
I walk up to the counter at Sunlit Espresso and smile at the barista. This place smells heavenly, with the scent of fresh baked goods and coffee in the air. There’s greenery placed all around, giving it a real welcome feel. Pots of vines and plants hang from the ceiling, and there are little centerpieces on the tables that line either side of the coffee shop.
I realize as I’m standing here that I have no idea what kind of coffee Hunter drinks. This is something I should know, right? I’m his sister, except we were too young the last time we were together to be drinking coffee. Hell, I don’t even think I liked the idea of coffee when I was a kid. My hands start getting clammy, and I start doubting that this is a good idea. I could just order a few different options to let him pick from, or I could guess, or maybe I could just ask someone. I wish I had Madison’s number right now. I could text her. I tighten my hold on my bag and scan the menu again.
“Hey, you’re Hunter’s little sister, aren’t you?” I look over at the barista who’s staring at me and glance at her name badge. Honey , it says. Curiously, I look back at her and tilt my head to the side.
She laughs softly, amusement in her eyes as she says, “It’s a running joke here, to pick names of coffee-related things. Honey is not my name. It’s Tessa, but you can call me Tess.”
I smile at her as I take her in. She’s really pretty. Is everyone in this town naturally beautiful? Like, what the hell?
It has to be the sun and fresh air. Long strawberry blonde hair falls down her back, sunkissed skin and freckles scattered across her nose and cheeks. Her amber eyes soften as she waits for… Right, I’m being awkward again, and now that I’m aware of my awkwardness, I’m even more unsure of what to do. Why is this so hard? What if I screw up?
“Ah, hi.” My voice cracks with nerves. “This is going to sound weird, but do you by any chance know what coffee Hunter Dawson drinks?” Realizing I didn’t introduce myself, knots begin forming in the pit of my stomach as I grow more anxious with this whole encounter.
“Halle… I’m Halle Dawson.” I stutter out before Tessa can get a word in. Jesus, why am I so socially awkward?
Tessa moves to the coffee machine and starts filling the group head with ground coffee.
“It’s so nice to meet you, Halle. I’ve heard a lot about you from your brother and Madi.” She smiles kindly at me, and my shoulders begin to relax a little.
Back home, I always felt out of place. I was the poor girl that everyone pitied, but at the same time, I never shied away from the people in town. I was used to their stares and whispers. I grew up with them and learned how to tune them out. It was lonely at times, but I could hold my own. The only friend I had was Stacey from the craft store. She was older than me and had her children, but I loved it when they came in to visit. I would sit there and teach her daughter how to draw and mix paints to form different colors.
“Will you be at Whiskey Cove tonight? Saturday nights are the best nights there. You should come, we could get to know each other better?” Tessa’s gentle tone brings my attention back to her.
What’s a Whiskey Cove? Is that the name of Hunter’s bar? I probably should know this, shouldn’t I? Agh. Why haven’t I ever asked Hunter these simple questions?
“I’ll be working at the bar tonight, but maybe another time,” I reply.
Tessa beams at me. “Of course! Hunter said you’ll be helping out at Whiskey while you’re here.”
As she hands me Hunter’s coffee, I sigh inwardly. Okay, so Whiskey Cove is Hunter’s bar. Thank god I didn’t just embarrass myself even more and ask her what a Whiskey is .
“Hunter drinks caramel lattes. For next time,” Tessa adds.
So Hunter and I have the same taste in sweet coffee. That’s kind of surprising to know. He gives me bitter coffee vibes. Actually, no, Asher gives me bitter coffee vibes. My guess is he drinks black coffee only, like his soul.
The thought of Asher takes me back to last night. I woke up in a panic, my heart pounding and thrashing in my chest. I needed some air, needed to switch it off, to calm it all down, and being outside always helps. So I made my way down to the park. I just wanted to gaze at the stars. I don’t know how he knew where I was, but Asher found me there. He was all tall and masculine, his earthy scent mixed with the smell of beer and something sickly sweet. I was going to ask him why he reeked, but when he asked what the fuck I was doing, I couldn’t reply. He sounded frustrated, and I knew then he wouldn’t understand, but for a split second, I did want to tell him. I don’t know why, and I still can’t quite figure it out, but a comforting silence enveloped us, and I felt safe. I just wish he felt that, too.
I grab my coffee and the muffins from Tessa, letting her know I’ll say hi if I see her tonight, and make my way back to Hunter’s.
I’m taking the blueberry muffins out of their bags and setting them on plates at the kitchen table when I hear a door open down the hallway. Then feet scuffling, and a loud groan, like it’s an inconvenience to be awake, which makes me chuckle. Hunter comes around the corner, looking like he had a rough night. His hair is standing up in every direction, and he pulls a white shirt over his head as he rubs his eyes. I silently laugh at the sight.
“Still not a morning person, I see?” I shake my head at him and turn to grab our coffees off the counter .
“Halle, are you… Are you okay?”
I sit down at the table, looking at Hunter, who’s stopped in his tracks, sounding utterly confused, and roll my eyes at him.
“I’m fine, Hunter. Look, don’t make it a big deal, okay?” I say to him as I cut a muffin in half and take a bite, mumbling around it. “I just thought I’d try a little more today.”
I swallow the muffin and stop myself from moaning out loud in front of my brother. Shit, these do taste amazing. Madi wasn’t wrong at all.
Hunter’s eyes warm as he takes a sip of his coffee, moaning with satisfaction as he slumps down into the chair.
“Ew, Hunter, don’t moan in front of me.” I scrunch up the bag the muffin came in and throw it at him. He takes another sip and this time exaggerates his moan louder. I shudder and make a gagging sound at him, which causes him to fall into a fit of laughter.
It’s funny how a couple of weeks ago, I never thought I’d see or hear my brother laugh again, yet here I am, sitting across from him, watching him laugh so hard it reminds me of when we were kids. Only this time, he’s not my hero. He’s the brother that left me behind.
The front door bangs open, and a bark rings out through the house. Excitement hits me when I hear Ace scurry down the hall, and I jump out of my chair just as he races up to me. Picking him up, I giggle as he lands sloppy kisses on my cheek.
“Who’s a good boy?” I say, scratching behind his dark ears.
“Halle, I think my dog is in love with you, and I don’t care for that at all. Gimme him back.” Connor breaks our hello with his arms outstretched, waiting for his dog, but the playfulness he’s showing me tells me he doesn’t really mean it, so I turn away from him, holding Ace closer to me and jokingly say, “Sorry, Connor, but I think Ace and I are best buddies now.”
“Con, man, look what Halle got me this morning. Coffee and muffins,” Hunter gloats as he takes a massive bite of the muffin and sighs like he’s in heaven.
He points at Connor and asks with a mouth full, “Why don’t you ever bring me coffee and muffins?”
Oh my god, is he pouting right now? I think he is.
“Hunter, pick up your bottom lip or you’ll trip over it,” I say, putting Ace down and sitting back on my chair.
Grabbing my coffee, I notice a shift in the air, and everything goes silent. My heartbeat kicks up, and I look at Hunter, trying to work out what just happened and why it’s gone so quiet. But he’s just staring at me like I grew two heads or something.
“What did I say? Why are you looking at me like that?” I ask, feeling the beginnings of my anxiety start to creep its way through my mind and body.
Hunter’s mouth tips up on one side, and he shakes his head slightly.
“Nothing, it’s just… that’s something Mom used to say to us all the time,” he says tentatively as if he knows that any mention of Mom could set me off.
I smile back at him weakly and shrug, not wanting to get into it right now. So far, today’s been going better than I expected. It’s the first day since I’ve been here that things are starting to feel okay and the fog inside my head isn’t overpowering.
“So, what’s on the agenda today, my friends?” Connor claps his hands and breaks the silence, leaning back on the kitchen counter. “And where’s Asher? Has anyone seen him this morning? Did Piper go back to his house or what?”
“Man, I hope not. Otherwise, I owe Madi,” Hunter fires back, grabbing my leftover muffin and shoving it in his mouth.
“Hunter!” I squeal. “That was mine, and I wasn’t done.” I pout at him.
“Now who’s pouting, lil sis?” He smirks.
Connor walks over to the fridge and starts rummaging through it. “Hunter, dude, would it kill you to stock this thing once in a while?” he complains.
Slamming the fridge door, he straightens and pulls half his hair up, tying it back in a knot as he tilts his head at us.
“Well, his truck’s out front, so he’s either here or back at Piper’s.”
“Wait, is that why he smelled sickly last night?” I scrunch my nose.
Who the hell is Piper, and why did he find me in the park last night smelling like her and beer? Gross.
“What do you mean smelled sickly last night, Halle?” Hunter demands, his eyes widening at me.
Oops. I probably shouldn’t have said that out loud. Great, now Hunter’s going to be on my back about walking the street so late at night. He’ll probably try and put a curfew on me. Do that big overprotective brother shit he should have done when I was a teenager. My knee starts bouncing, and I shift in my seat, trying to come up with a reason that won’t end with me getting a full-blown lecture.
“So… don’t get mad, but…”
Connor snorts, and I narrow my eyes at him as his shoulders shake with silent laughter.
“Halle, girl. Starting a sentence like that with your brother is just going to set his uptight ass into a bigger spiral.”
I glance back at Hunter, smiling innocently at him when I hear someone approach us. Looking over Hunter’s shoulder, my eyes connect with Asher. My smile drops, and he raises an eyebrow at me as if to say Please continue. I’d love to hear your reasoning . Heat rushes to my cheeks as I take him in. Asher stands there in gray sweats hanging low on his hips, his black briefs peeking out. With no shirt, his tanned skin is on full display.
Holy shit. Asher has no shirt on and, uhm… Snapping fingers move into my line of sight, and I blink repeatedly.
“Halle, eyes over here,” Hunter snaps at me.
The sound of Connor chuckling hits my ears, and I glance over at him as he moves his thumb to the corner of his mouth, swiping. “Got a little drool there, Halle.”
Oh my god. Humiliation hits me, and I look down at my hands, wishing I could disappear. I just got caught by my brother and his friend ogling their best friend whilst my brain short-circuited. Could they blame me, though? Because those abs look damn hot. Muscle stacked on muscle. He’s lean, as if running is his favorite sport, and he has those deep V lines guys seem to have, the ones I could run my tongue along and down…
“Don’t stress, Hunt.” Asher’s raspy voice pulls me out of the spiral I was just in, and my stomach twists. Heat rushes my cheeks once again as I flick my eyes toward him, hoping he can’t pick up on what I was just thinking.
“I got home last night, and Halle was up. She must have taken pity on my drunk ass because I was wasted, so she helped me to the spare room.”
Wait, what? That’s not what happened. My eyes widen at Asher, but he ignores me and grabs a bottle of water, gulping it down, and then winks at me.
Everything in me starts to go into overdrive, and confusion mingles with awe and appreciation. What the hell is happening right now? Is Asher covering for me? He’s supposed to be an asshole. Not this hot guy who walks out shirtless, covers for me, and then winks.
Picking up my coffee, I decide this is enough socializing for one morning. My temples are starting to ache, my breathing is coming in quicker, and I know if I stay here any longer, I’ll have an anxiety attack.
“I’m gonna go. Hunter, I’ll see ya later, yeah?” I quietly say to him.
Ignoring Asher and how he hasn’t moved his eyes away from me, I step by Connor, and the look he gives me tells me he’ll be asking questions later.
“Halle,” Hunter calls out to me, “we’ll head over to the bar at five. Be ready and out the front.”
Without turning back, I lift my hand and wave to him.
Five. That works. That gives me enough time to calm down and mentally prepare myself for tonight. Maybe I’ll even get a chance to talk to Hunter about everything since I didn’t get to this morning.
Just as I’m about to close my door, I hear Connor yell, “Dude, please don’t tell us we owe Madi money. What the hell happened to you last night, and where’s Piper?”
Images of Asher and another girl flash through my mind, and my chest tightens. Why would he owe Madi money, and why does someone named Piper make me feel so irritated?