12. I think I like it here
12
I THINK I LIKE IT HERE
HALLE
My feet drag along the sand as I push myself back and forth slowly on the swing. The chain rattles softly with the breeze, and the chirps of insects sound in the distance. The stars shine bright tonight, and for the first time all day, I feel like I can breathe.
I hate to admit it, but I think Sunlit Cove is starting to grow on me. I can feel it in my soul, the calling to find peace here. Every morning, I find myself down at Falls Creek, where the sound of water crashing against the rocks awakens my mind, the crisp fresh air calms my pulse, and the heat that beams down on me from the sun soothes the jitters I feel under my skin. Then there are the warm summer nights under a sky full of stars, where the world slows down and my mind finds the quiet. I think I like it here.
I’ve been taking it slow since Hunter asked me not to leave. We still haven’t had a real conversation about everything, not yet anyway, but we’re both trying. He’s more present in the house, asking me to watch movies with him before he heads to work for the night, having coffee with me when he wakes midmorning, and I’m doing my best to be more social with him, to not hide away in my room all the time. We head into town together to get groceries, and I even cook for us a couple of nights.
I smile at that memory. Hunter didn’t believe me when I told him I could cook. And why would he? When he was around, Mom always cooked. But when Hunter left and Mom started working longer hours, I had no choice. I had to teach myself how to cook, or we’d go hungry until she got home from work. And that’s when the yelling got more intense.
He laughed and said he wouldn’t risk it unless it was breakfast. That night, I made us pancakes for dinner. He raised his eyebrows at me after taking a bite drenched in maple syrup and said, “From now on, we’re doing Sunday night pancakes.” That’s how I ended up making them again last night for dinner. It’s apparently our new thing, and it feels like we’re slowly learning how to be brother and sister again.
Holding onto both chains of the swing, I push off harder, moving my legs in and out to go higher in the air. The breeze whips through my hair, and I sigh loudly.
It hasn’t gone unnoticed that Asher has been absent for the past couple of weeks. I’m not sure if that’s Hunter’s doing or if Asher has been avoiding me on his own. A pang of sadness hits me in the chest. Asher’s words hurt me, and they caused me to spiral, but I can’t help but think that they also helped me.
If I didn’t overhear those words, would Hunter and I be where we are now, attempting to move forward, or would we still be tiptoeing around each other? Not knowing what to say or do. At least now, we’re both trying. There’s a small part of me that should thank Asher for that.
I had every intention to say thank you to him tonight, but then he got in my space and told me to say please. The moment those words left his mouth, my stomach dropped, and my heart thumped like crazy. The teasing tone he used completely threw me off. My brain short-circuited on me, and I lost my cool. After that, I avoided him for the rest of the night, always making sure I stayed close to the girls.
I tip my head back to gaze up at the sky, watching the stars blur as I swing higher, falling through the air. I wonder if Hunter ever comes down here or if he even remembers our long days spent in the park near our broken home.
Mom always told us to be home when the street lights turned on. She said it wasn’t safe to be out after dark, but I always wanted to stay until I could see the stars. I remember how scared Hunter would become when I tried to stay longer because he never wanted to be late.
“Quick, Halle, we have to get back. If we don’t, he’ll yell at us again,” he’d say, always sounding panicked as he dragged me home. It wasn’t until I was much older that I realized it was because he would worry about Ray . I was too little to fully understand how mean Mom’s partner—our stepdad—was at the time, but Hunter knew. He saw everything. He would have been old enough to feel the tension and hear the manipulation, and yet he still left me.
That’s what stings the most. Knowing that, and once he grew up, he still decided to leave me behind, and he never came back. He abandoned me. Left me to fight the darkness on my own.
“Halle.” His voice reaches me from behind, laced with concern .
My heart starts racing, and my palms grow clammy around the chains. He’s here. Why did he follow me?
I keep swinging, hoping to keep the distance between us. He makes me nervous. The way he can see straight through me leaves me unsettled.
“What do you want, Asher?” I ask, sounding stronger than I feel.
I hear his quiet footsteps move closer, causing my nerves to fire off inside me. The swing next to me moves, and I can’t help but glance over. He’s standing there with one knee resting on the seat as he holds both chains and leans forward.
Dragging my feet through the sand, I bring myself to a stop. Heart pounding, I turn and lock eyes with his.
“How’d you know it was me?” he asks curiously as his eyes roam over every inch of me.
God, I’d love to know what he’s thinking right now, what he sees when he looks at me like that. The intensity in those green eyes makes my skin tingle.
“I just knew,” I say with a shrug.
He shifts to sit on the swing, and my heart beats a little faster as we sway together in silence.
I should say something, say thank you, but now we’re alone, I have no idea how to speak to him. Do I just come straight out with it and say, “Thanks for being mean, it helped me.” Do I ask him how his night was first? Or do I apologize for freaking out on him?
I’m overthinking this, I know, but he’s just sitting there, in his black jeans and grey tee. His curls are messy tonight, and that damn lip ring he keeps spinning. How does a girl like me talk to a guy like that?
“You’re worthless, Halle. ”
“Nobody will ever look at you like that.”
Whispers of those cruel words yelled at me over the years start to creep through my mind, clawing at the walls I try to keep up to protect myself from them. But the hurt that follows them stings, and no matter how hard I try, I can never fully block them out.
I pull at my shirt nervously, waiting for him to say something. The silence stretches on as the seconds tick by, and the tension in the air grows. The space around us feels thick and heavy. I swear, if I reached out to touch him, electricity would snap between us. I wonder if he feels it, too. I sneak another glance at him and find him staring up at the stars. His jaw is sharp and defined, lips parted as he gets lost in the night sky.
The last time I saw him, his face was smooth, but now there’s a light shadow of stubble, adding a rougher edge to his features. It suits him. My hands itch with the sudden urge to reach out and feel the light scrape of it against my palm. The thought catches me by surprise, and I grip the swing a little tighter.
“I can feel you staring, Halle,” he says quietly, lips tugging into a knowing smile.
Heat creeps into my cheeks as I glance down at my feet, my hair falling over my face to shield me from him.
A moment passes by, and then I feel the warmth of him. His hand gently brushes against my skin as he moves my hair back, tucking it behind my ear. His fingers linger for a second, sending a shiver down my spine. He leans forward, and my heart stops. I suck in a sharp breath, waiting.
“I’m sorry,” he says, his voice soft. “I should never have said you were too much work, Halle, or made you feel like you were a burden.”
The apology hangs in the air, and I tilt my head to look at him. I can see in his expression how much he wants me to believe him, and I do.
“I’m sorry, too.” I smile weakly at him as I attempt to gather my thoughts. I need to say it’s okay and that in a way, I’m thankful.
“Why do you always do that?” He leans back into his swing and starts swaying again.
“Do what?” I ask, confused by his question.
“Say sorry?” He looks at me. “You always say sorry when you shouldn’t.”
“I… I don’t know.” My voice comes out raw.
“I think you do,” he says gently, “but you don’t know how to stop. Whatever demons you’re fighting inside your head, Halle,” he pauses and reaches over to me, pulling my hand from the chain. He links his small finger with mine and brings them between us, letting our joined hands sway with the motion of the swings, “you don’t have to fight them alone.”
The sincerity in his tone speaks volumes to me, and I’m caught in a storm of emotions. I want him to break down my walls, to reach the real me. I want someone to understand me and my pain so badly. But I don’t know this Asher. He’s been Mr. Angry this whole time, with untrusting looks and mean words. I’ve felt the intensity of him not wanting me here. This softer side of him is unfamiliar and confusing.
“I’ve been fighting them alone ever since Hunter left me, Asher. I don’t know how to do it any other way.”
“Small steps, that’s how,” he replies, squeezing my finger with his own in a reassuring way.
Silence falls over us again, and this time, it’s more comforting. My nerves have settled into a low hum, and my mind finds the peace of the quiet night .
“So…” I start, glancing over at him with a slow smile tugging at my face, “no more Mr. Angry?”
He chuckles softly, the sound warming something inside me, and I smile fully at him now.
“No promises, sweetheart, but I can try for you.” He winks at me and drops my hand.
My eyebrows pull into a frown, the space between us feeling too wide with the sudden loss of his touch, but before I can overthink it, he pushes off on his feet and starts to swing higher. I watch as his strength pulls him into the air, and he whoops loudly.
I catch myself giggling. Watching him, he looks ridiculously too big to be swinging like that.
“Come on, sweetheart, I bet you can’t swing as high as me,” he calls out playfully.
He clearly isn’t aware of how many nights I’ve spent alone in a park or how stubborn I can be. Pushing off with a burst of energy, I use all my strength to catch up to where he is. The wind whips through my hair, and a feeling of freedom washes over me.
“Is that all you got?” I tease as I reach higher.
I catch a glimpse of his wide smile as he shakes his head slightly, clearly amused by my competitiveness.
“You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?” he calls out.
Giggling, I drop my legs to slow the swing, the rush of adrenaline settling as my feet hit the sand again, and I look over to see Asher doing the same.
“Did you just giggle?” he asks in disbelief. “You really are full of surprises.”
His feet scrape along the sand as we both come to a stop, grinning at one another. Wow, he has one of those smiles that stretches wide across his face, and his eyes smile with him. They crease at the side and dance with mischief .
Moving to stand, I step forward, but my legs slightly wobble from all the swinging. I hear Asher’s low chuckle from behind me, and I turn, poking my tongue out at him.
I should get back. I never told Hunter where I was going, and if I’m out here any longer, he’ll start looking for me. I glance up at the sky one last time, letting out a deep sigh.
“It’s getting late,” I say softly.
I don’t want this moment to end, but I know we can’t stay here in this bubble forever.
Asher pushes off from the swing without saying a word and nudges me forward gently.
My nerves kick back in as we walk down the street side by side. The safety of the park and our quiet little escape seems so far away now, and I’m not sure how to act. Do I put my hands in my pockets? Do I link our fingers together again? Or just let them hang by their sides. Shit, why is walking all of a sudden hard?
Reaching Hunter’s house, we make our way up the few steps to the porch, and I stare at the awful sight of the red door as Asher moves to lean on the railing.
“Asher, can you tell me why the door’s red?”
His eyes hold amusement, glancing to the door and back to me. “That would be a story for your brother to tell.”
I roll my eyes at him and move to open it. Pausing, I look behind me, noticing Asher hasn’t made a move to follow me in.
“You coming?” I ask, raising an eyebrow at him.
“Nah, I’ll head back home and let Madi have the spare room tonight.” He jumps back down the steps and pulls his keys from his back pocket.
Spinning to face me, he smiles and takes slow steps back toward his truck. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Halle.”
Opening his door, he gets in and runs his hand through his messy curls. I can’t help but stare at the movement and how the sleeve of his tee stretches over his bicep. He catches me staring and lifts his hand in a small wave. The corners of my lips lift and I shake my head at him. A wave of emotions runs through me, and for the first time in a long time, I don’t want to be pulled into the darkness tonight. I don’t want to forget.