Chapter 18
Tierney skulked through the kitchen, pleased Kasia was nowhere to be seen. Her gut burned with shame at the way she’d spoken yesterday. She’d just received an email from Megan telling her to back off, and it had had hit her hard. Poor Kasia’s line of questioning had just pushed her buttons. She wished she could apologize, but she didn’t know how without explaining everything. And she couldn’t face sharing her whole nightmare family situation, let alone her poor way of handling it, with anyone at the moment.
Today was Christmas Eve, and she was feeling more isolated than she’d felt at any other time in her life. She wandered into the foyer. A large Christmas tree the full height of the stairs shone brightly, and Christmas carols were playing on the sound system. No one could say Kasia didn’t know how to prepare for Christmas.
The lobby was empty. The visitors would be upstairs, getting ready for their big night out at the Emerald Bar. She wondered if Kasia and Joey would be going, but she didn’t dare text Joey, in case Kasia had told them about her outburst.
She dropped onto the nearest couch and lay staring up at the lights until they blurred with her unshed tears. She closed her eyes for a moment. She didn’t have anywhere else to be.
“Tierney.”
Someone shook her shoulder. She blinked up at hundreds of tiny lights as she got her bearings. She must’ve fallen asleep on the couch in the lobby. She turned and looked at Kasia. “Sorry, just dozed off. What time is it?” She struggled to sit up.
Kasia sat down alongside her. “Are you okay? I haven’t seen you all day. I’m worried about you.”
She blinked under Kasia’s concerned gaze. Why was she not angry about the way Tierney had spoken to her? “I’m sorry about yesterday.”
“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed my nose into your business. Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?”
Kasia’s concern for her well-being made her feel even worse about how she had stewed in the misery of believing she was alone and that no one cared. She shook herself and tried to smile. “It’s nothing you’ve done. It’s just all my shit piling up, and I took it out on you. Can we put it behind us, please?”
“Of course.” But Kasia’s brow remained furrowed. “You look tired. Have you eaten? What are you doing tonight? Do you want me to walk you back to the cottage?”
Tierney couldn’t deal with all the questions, but she didn’t want to be alone with her thoughts either. “If you and Joey are going to the Emerald, can I come with you, please?”
Kasia’s eyes widened. “Of course. Do you want to come to Mass first?”
Going to church with her granny on the rare Christmases her dad had allowed her to go to Inishderry had been among the dearest memories of her childhood. She couldn’t miss the chance to revisit that happiness. She ran for the door with a new spurt of energy, then turned back to Kasia still sitting on the couch. “I’ll go get ready and be back by six thirty. Don’t leave without me!”
Back at the cottage, she showered quickly, letting the water run down her face and re-energize her. She hadn’t done any laundry for a few days, so she searched for clean clothes, finally landing on cargo pants and a white tee that showed off her curves a little. She laughed at herself. Who was she showing them off to at the Emerald Bar? She knew who she wanted to notice her, but Kasia was off-limits. She had to keep it that way, no matter how her body thrummed when Kasia brushed against her in the kitchen or behind the reception desk. A quick towel dry of her hair, a spray of scent, and she was ready to go. She pulled on her warm down coat and was back out of the house ahead of schedule.
As she burst through the doors of the hotel, Kasia and Joey were waiting in the foyer, talking quietly. She heard Kasia say, “So just leave it for tonight, okay?”
She wondered if they’d been talking about her. It’s not all about me, remember.
Kasia looked up, and a surprising smile lit her face. “You cleaned up quick.” She checked her watch. “And you’re ten minutes early.”
She nodded in approval as she blatantly looked Tierney over. Kasia was wearing a smart green shirt with skinny jeans. Tierney did her best not to check her out in return. Even Joey had given up on the knitwear for Christmas and wore a cheerful red and black plaid shirt.
“Do you like it?” They waved at themself. “It’s an early Christmas present from Kasia.”
“Very nice.”
Tierney cursed herself. She’d been organized enough to think of buying gifts for Kasia and Joey, but she’d been so taken up with her own worries in the last few days, they remained forgotten in a drawer. “I’m sorry, I just realized I forgot your presents in the rush to get back here.”
Kasia pulled open the door and ushered them outside. “That’s okay. You’ll be coming for dinner tomorrow, won’t you?”
Tierney hadn’t even thought that Kasia would need to cook for their visitors on Christmas Day. She deserved a better boss. “Absolutely. Do you need me to help in the kitchen?”
Kasia threaded her arms through Joey’s and Tierney’s and led them down the drive toward the road. “I can manage, but if you want to serve the guests, that would be helpful. Be here after breakfast, and we’ll get the guests sorted, then we’ll have our own little party upstairs. How does that sound?”
It was so far from the Christmas Day Tierney had envisioned just a few hours ago that she wanted to kiss Kasia. More than usual. Still a bad idea, she reminded herself.
“Sounds great to me,” Joey said. “My dad has gone to stay with my brother in Spain this year, so it’d be a quiet one for me at home.”
“Thank you for the invite.” Tierney squeezed Kasia’s arm and hoped it showed her appreciation. “I’m sorry for how I spoke to you, Kasia. I was in a bad place. You can always ask me about my life.”
Kasia smiled. “Let’s go to church, then we’ll get a few drinks in the bar and have some fun. Tomorrow, you can tell us what’s going on at home.”
When they got there after church, the bar was crowded, but Seán found them a small corner table. Tierney sat with her back to the wall and watched the mix of locals, people who’d returned for Christmas, and holiday visitors, all enjoying their Christmas Eve. She tensed when her uncles and other members of the Walsh clan turned up around eleven. The people occupying their table moved immediately, and Desmond and Anthony nodded to them as if they were doing their duty.
“That’s my evening ruined.”
Kasia followed her gaze. “Why’s that? You’re going to make the hotel work and prove them wrong, Tierney. They should be worried about bumping into you.”
Kasia’s belief that not only was she committed to the hotel, but also that she would be successful in restoring it to its former glory filled Tierney with warmth, and she basked in it for a while as they all laughed and chatted. What would it be like to be in a relationship with someone who believed in her? To have someone who really cared. She’d never find out if she went through life doing nothing worth believing in.
As Tierney approached the bar just before midnight, Christy waved her over. She gritted her teeth and approached the table. “Hey there. Happy Christmas to you all.”
Christy shoved their second cousin, Eamonn, farther up the bench so she could sit down. He gave her a hug. “Happy Christmas, Tierney.”
Desmond didn’t bother to crack a smile. “Tierney Walsh, long time, no see.”
“Hi, Uncle Des. Sorry I missed you back in October. I’m around plenty now. Big plans at the hotel, you know?” She plastered on a confident smile, channeling Kasia’s confidence.
“Big plans, is it? Perhaps you should focus on replacing that roof first.”
“It’s on the list.” She picked up her glass. “We’ve got a lot of work ahead of us in the new year, but for now I’m going to focus on enjoying the holidays. Happy Christmas.” She touched glasses with her cousins and, less enthusiastically, with her uncles.
“So, when’s your dad going to show his face back home, Tierney?” Anthony was red-cheeked and already looked more than a few pints in.
She was past being made to feel guilty about a man she no longer had any respect for. “Why don’t you ask him, Uncle Anto? He’s your brother. Perhaps the three of you could arrange a family reunion in Granny’s memory. Make things right, and stop leaving the rest of us to tiptoe around you.”
Anthony’s mouth dropped open, and Desmond appeared just as speechless. When they both looked over her shoulder, she felt a firm hand on her arm.
“Tierney, I came to help you carry the drinks.”
She hoped Kasia could see the gratitude in her eyes.
“Anthony, Desmond, do you mind if I steal Tierney away?”
Anto scowled and shook his head.
“I think we’re all caught up.” Tierney stood and smiled at them all. “Have a lovely Christmas. I’m sure I’ll see you around.”
Kasia pulled her through the crowd to the bar, where they squeezed in side by side.
After ordering drinks, Kasia turned. “I heard what you said to them.” Her eyes sparkled. “Good for you. You’ve been stuck in the middle of their silly sibling rivalries for too long. It’s great to see you stand up for yourself.”
People jostled around them at the bar and pushed them so close Tierney felt Kasia’s breath on her cheek. She turned and briefly allowed herself to imagine what it would be like to kiss her. But that wasn’t going to happen, even if Kasia didn’t completely despise her now. What they both needed was to work together, safeguarding the future of the hotel and Kasia’s job. She wasn’t going to mess it up by giving in to her growing attraction.
Tierney turned away to look for their drinks. When she turned back, Kasia was still watching her. She laughed. “It felt good. I always imagined if I was mouthy with my uncles, I’d get told off. Turns out I grew into an adult. Or a semblance of one, anyway.”
The drinks arrived, and she passed two to Kasia, who raised her glass. “To being a grown up!”
Tierney giggled and shared the toast. When Kasia turned away, she quickly downed the extra glass of water she’d ordered. Whatever happened, she didn’t want to make a fool of herself again. She followed her as she wound her way through the revelers. Each time Kasia was stopped and greeted by the many people she knew, Tierney wondered when she’d stopped just lusting after her and had started to admire her as a person. If they had met in a different scenario, would they have stood a chance as lovers? Or were they just too different to make it work?