Chapter 25
“Hey, Dad, how are things?” Tierney’s screen flickered from a still image of her father to his video feed. He was sitting at the large oak desk in his study. Rarely was he anywhere else when she called.
“I’m well, thank you, Tierney. Your call is well-timed.” He turned from the screen and mouthed something, and then louder he said, “Come and say hello.”
He turned the screen slightly, and Tierney went cold. Megan came into view, pulling up a chair next to her dad. Our dad, she corrected herself. “Meg? You’re back at work?”
“Yeah, I’ve been back a while. It’s a busy time for the business and?—”
“Wow. So, you’ve cleared the air with him after everything he did?” She flicked her hand toward her father as anger replaced shock. “But you can’t even drop me a call to say we’re okay?”
“Stop oversimplifying things.” Her father leaned across the desk. “Megan and I have a lot to work through, but I agreed to go to family therapy. We’ll find our way.” He smiled at Megan in a way that had never been directed at her.
Tierney grasped the counter and tried to stay calm, but a rushing sound filled her ears, and she thought she might fall off the stool. “I don’t… What about me?”
She couldn’t think straight, let alone string a sentence together. She just knew the torture she’d been through for the last couple of months imagining Megan grieving and alone with her thoughts had been for nothing. Everything was fine. For her dad and Megan. And they were clearly happy to leave her ostracized on an island thousands of miles away.
“Tierney, we had this conversation before. The world doesn’t revolve around you.”
Megan’s voice was distant amid the noise in her head. She couldn’t bear to look at them any longer. She slammed the laptop shut and slid from the stool to the floor, wrapping her arms around herself. A sob opened the floodgates, and with her back to the counter, she sat and howled for the unfairness of it all and with the pain of realization that her dad and Megan, the two people she’d put the most trust in throughout her life, hadn’t bothered to bring her into their little family dynamic. As always, she was on the outside.
“Tierney?” Kasia’s distant voice broke through the noise of her crying. “Where are you? What’s happened?”
She held in her sobs, hoping Kasia wouldn’t find her and would leave her in peace.
“What the hell, Tierney?” Kasia was suddenly on the floor alongside her and pulled her into her arms. “Breathe. Then tell me what happened.”
Her breath warm against Tierney’s ear, she placed comforting kisses on her temple. Gradually, her breathing even out as she took long breaths. “I’m sorry.”
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
Kasia’s voice was calming, and concern laced her words. She sniffed and wiped her face on her sleeve. “Thanks. I’m fine, really.” She sniffed. “Maybe we could get off the floor and make ourselves more comfortable.”
“Of course.” Kasia jumped up and hauled her up by her arms.
Tierney was glad of the help. She felt drained. Kasia led her into the lounge filled with a sweet baking smell coming from the kitchen. She dropped onto a couch.
Kasia sat close, facing her. “Tell me when you’re ready.”
When her warms hands wrapped around Tierney’s, she soaked up the comfort. “Megan’s back at work. She and Dad are going to therapy together.”
Kasia’s eyes widened. “Since when? And neither of them thought to tell you?”
“I don’t think they factored me into any of it. It’s as if I don’t matter.”
Kasia squeezed her hands. “Try not to think of it like that. Did you tell them how you feel?”
She pulled a hand free to wipe her eyes. “I think I made my feelings clear before I hung up.”
“But did you say how excluded they’re making you feel? You’re part of their family.”
“They’re doing family therapy without me, so I don’t think they see it like that. That’s something I would’ve benefited from my whole life.”
“But you weren’t able to say that?”
Tierney rubbed her eyes. “I tried. A little, but Megan said it wasn’t all about me, and I ended the call.” She felt the tears pricking again.
“You need to be able to speak up for yourself, Tierney. They don’t seem to take you seriously, so you have to make sure they do.”
Tierney blinked. She wanted Kasia’s sympathy, not her judgment. “I told you I tried.”
“You told me you hung up on them. You need to be more mature if you don’t want them to treat you like the naughty child.”
Tierney couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She pulled away and stood quickly. “I thought I could rely on you for a little support.” She grabbed her sweater and headed for the door and some fresh air.
“Tierney, wait.” Kasia grabbed her elbow. “I’m not trying to be harsh, and you’ve always got my support. But for some reason, both your dad and Megan believe it’s acceptable to patronize you, and I think you need to stand up to them a little.”
Tierney pulled herself free. “Well, once again I failed to meet your expectations, and before you ask, no, I did not ask about the fucking roof.”
She slammed the door as she left, but she wasn’t really angry. She was just sick of being a constant disappointment to everyone she cared about…but mainly to Kasia. Stomping out wasn’t a good defense against her accusation of childishness.
“Tierney! Come and see.”
A child’s voice made her look up, and she saw Aoife with her youngest, Ruane, down on the shoreline. The two girls would still be at school. The tide was way out, and they were poking around in rock pools by the side of the quay. She wandered over, unable to think of a reason why she couldn’t. She didn’t need to add a three-year-old to her list of people she disappointed.
“Hey, found anything interesting?” She stepped carefully across the slippery rocks. Aoife and Ruane were dressed appropriately in waterproof coats and rubber boots, but she’d huffed out of the hotel in the lightweight sneakers she’d been wearing all day. She was glad she’d picked up her sweater.
Ruane held up his transparent bucket. “We got a cwab.”
She crouched to see better and held up the bucket. “Wow! It’s a big ’un. Are you gonna let it go soon?”
“Yes, we are. Ruane was just talking to it a little longer, weren’t you?” Aoife winked over his head.
“Can’t I take him home and keep him as a pet?”
“No, Ruane, he’s not a pet. Remember when we talked about how there are animals that you can keep at home, and then there’s wild animals. Crabs are wild, we have to put them back.”
“But he’s my fwend!” Ruane’s pitch ascended to a wail.
Tierney handed back the bucket. “Hey, why don’t we say goodbye to the crab? Then let’s go and see what Kasia’s been baking this morning. It smelled like cookies.”
“I like cookies.” Ruane swung the bucket, and Aoife caught it before the poor crab was launched into the air.
“We need to be careful with the little creatures, remember?” She squatted over a large pool and lifted the crab onto the edge of a rock. It scuttled into the pool and disappeared from sight.
“Bye, cwab.” Ruane was already skipping along the rocks toward the hotel.
Aoife threw Tierney a smile as they hurried after him. “Thank you. The perfect distraction.”
“It’s Kasia you’ll need to thank. I just hope she’s baking something sweet.” Tierney needed to apologize for her behavior, but that could wait till they were alone.
“I worry sometimes about his connection to any creatures he finds. The girls are so close. I worry he’s lonely.”
“Isn’t the whole island full of friends? Not all kids grow up to be part of such a close community.” Her understanding of the island had changed a lot in these last few months. She always thought the way everyone knew your business would be claustrophobic but spending time as part of the island community had given her a better appreciation of how islanders looked out for one other.
“I know. He’ll be fine when he starts school in September.” Aoife sighed. “He’s just my baby, you know?”
Tierney nodded, but she didn’t really know. She’d never felt the sort of nurturing from her parents that Aoife showed her kids. She’d also never imagined staying still long enough to have her own child. But now she felt a kind of longing for that bond. What had changed? Was it being in this small community that had been so much a part of her own childhood? Or was it that she’d finally found someone she could imagine having a family with? She chased that thought away quickly. Being with Kasia was more than she’d expected, but Kasia was committed to island life. She wasn’t going to up and leave for anyone. And Tierney was never going to settle down on an island you could walk around in a day.
“Are you okay?” Aoife was watching her curiously as they walked the last steep slope to the hotel.
She shook her head. “Yeah, sorry, I was miles away.” That wasn’t strictly true. She’d been right here at the hotel, just in another version of her life.
“I said you and Kasia seem pretty loved-up.” Aoife punched her playfully on the arm. “Who woulda thought it?”
She forced a laugh out. “It’s just a bit of fun. Keeping ourselves warm over the winter, you know?”
Aoife’s smile disappeared. “It doesn’t look that way, Tierney. You won’t hurt her, will you?”
Tierney remembered the day she’d been so quick to promise exactly that to Kasia. It didn’t feel so certain now. “I’ll do my best not to. But we’re both adults, and we knew it was a temporary thing.”
As she swung open the door to a blast of hot, fragrant air, she wondered why she was so eager to make it temporary. So that she could wander around the globe looking for elusive images of birds? Was it worth giving up a wonderful woman, an island she loved, and friends who valued her?
“Tierney? Is that you?” Kasia came rushing through the kitchen door and halted as Ruane ran toward her.
“Have you got cookies, Kasia?”
“Ruane! Remember your manners.” Aoife strode after him.
“Hello, Kasia, how are you? Have you got any cookies?” Ruane’s words tumbled out. Everyone laughed.
“Well, come with me, and we’ll see.” Kasia led him into the kitchen.
Aoife and Tierney followed to see Kasia pull a box from the worktop. “We’ve got chocolate chip.” She pulled off the lid and held the box for him to take one.
“Thank you, Kasia.”
The cookie he picked out was almost as big as his head.
Aoife plucked it from his hand and lifted him to sit at the kitchen table. She broke it in half. “Eat that now, and you can have the rest after your dinner.”
Ruane scowled at her and took a bite.
Kasia produced another box. “And for the grown-ups, we have peanut butter.” She flashed Tierney a sad smile.
“Ooh, Tierney loves these.” Aoife pulled out a golden cookie and crammed it in her mouth. “Mm. Me too.” She swallowed. “Wow, Kasia, you should open a bakery. These are amazing.”
“I think I could manage that, around my other work.” She caught Tierney’s eye and mouthed, “Are you okay?” as she held out the box.
Tierney nodded and her cheeks warmed. Kasia wasn’t angry at her outburst. She bit into a cookie. “Aoife’s right,” she mumbled around the crumbs. “I’ve eaten a lot of peanut butter cookies, and these are the best.”
“I used to love to bake.” Kasia replaced the lid and put the box on a shelf. “My grandmother taught me when I was young.”
Tierney’s throat tightened at the sadness in her voice.
“Did you get anywhere with inviting your brother and his family over?” Aoife asked. “His girls would have great fun with my two.”
“He said our grandmother is too ill, and they don’t want to leave her at the moment.”
“And don’t you want to go and see her?” Aoife turned to Tierney. “You’d hold the fort here, wouldn’t you?”
Tierney wished she’d leave the subject alone. “Of course.”
Kasia had turned away and was busying herself at the sink.
“Things aren’t that simple for Kasia and her family, but she knows she could go anytime if she wanted to.” Tierney wasn’t sure what else to say.
“That’s right.” Kasia turned with a smile plastered on her face. “Tierney is a very considerate employer, but the time isn’t right for me to travel home.” She wiped her hands on a cloth. “I need to do some chores upstairs. Take some cookies for the girls.”
She took the back stairs quickly. Tierney watched her go while Aoife wrestled the box of cookies from Ruane.
“Do you have a bag, Tierney? Ruane, put them down. Stop being greedy.”
Tierney roused herself and helped her cousin pack up some cookies, then walked with them back down the road. Big spots of rain started to splash off the road when she turned back, so she took the last few yards at a sprint.
“Kasia?” She closed the door and went looking for her.
“I’m here.” Kasia appeared on the stairs. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t in the mood to talk about my family.”
“I understand that. Aoife was too busy trying to prevent Ruane from throwing up chocolate chips to notice.” She took Kasia’s hand and pulled her down the last few steps. “Thank you for the cookies. And I’m sorry for my behavior earlier.” She wrapped her arms around Kasia and buried her face in her hair.
“I’m sorry too.” Kasia’s breath tickled her ear. “I should have understood how hard it is with your dad. It must’ve been horrible to see him and Megan all cozy.” Kasia stepped back. “Tierney, you’re never a disappointment to me, I promise.” She wrapped Tierney in her arms.
Tierney turned her head and caught Kasia’s lips with her own. When she deepened the kiss, Kasia responded. Kasia continued her kisses down the side of Tierney’s neck when they pulled apart, and Tierney arched in response to Kasia’s touch.
When Kasia led her up the stairs, she wished she could record these moments of perfection so she could keep them with her forever. She wondered if Kasia would feel differently about her ability to disappoint her when she finally left Inishderry.