Chapter 33
The ringing of her phone startled Kasia from her perch on the sea wall where she’d been staring out across the harbor. She grabbed for it, relieved Helena was calling her back. “Hi, what did she say?”
“Bernardine says the job’s still yours if you’re sure you want to accept it this time. She said to think it over and get back to her tomorrow with an answer.”
“There’s nothing to think over. I’ve been given my notice. I need a job, Helena.”
“But you told me Tierney said that she had a better plan. Don’t you want to stay there?”
Helena was a good friend, but Kasia may have overshared her dilemma. She jumped down from the wall, and the pebbles on the beach crunched under her shoes. “I do. I just don’t think it’s wise to put too much trust in some vague text Tierney sent without any real explanation. Anyway, I thought you’d be pleased to have me back?”
“Only if you want to be here. I don’t want you wandering the city moping about your lost life.” She paused. “I’m sorry, I know Tierney really got to you. It must be hard to accept that it’s over.”
Kasia jumped back as a wave threatened to soak her feet. “No, I’ve accepted it. I was foolish to think it was ever going to work.” It did hurt though. Every day, every time she thought of Tierney, pain blossomed deep in her chest . Another reason to get away from this island.
“Why don’t you sleep on it anyway? Ring Bernardine tomorrow with your decision.”
“Okay. One more day.” She hung up and continued along the seashore. How she would miss this. There were beaches in Dublin, but it wouldn’t be the same.
Closer to the quay, she heard Queen Maedbh’s engine approaching the harbor. Joey was right on time. She was looking forward to their swim and dinner, but sad she’d be telling Joey she was leaving. She reached the quay to find Joey already tying a line.
They jumped down to greet her, a bottle of champagne in hand. “We’re celebrating tonight. The bank approved my loan.”
“That’s brilliant news.” Kasia cheered, glad she’d managed to help Joey before she left.
Swimming across the bay later to where Joey floated, arms and legs spread like a giant starfish, Kasia felt another pang of regret. She wouldn’t be around much longer to benefit from the warmer water. She swam close, not wanting to keep her plans a secret any longer. “I need to tell you something.”
Joey righted themself and pushed sopping hair away from their eyes. “Are you leaving?”
“You spoiled my big reveal. How did you know?”
“You won’t have a job in a few weeks. You’re not the type to sit and let that happen to you. If I get a vote, I’d say stay. We’ll find you something else. I’ll need someone to drive my shiny new van.”
Their jokey tone belied the sadness in their eyes.
They pulled themself up the metal ladder to the quay, and Kasia followed. “I’m not a van driver, I’m a hotel manager.” She didn’t know what else to say.
Joey threw her a towel. “Just tell me you’re not going to work in Dublin.”
Kasia shrugged.
“But you’ll hate it. Find a job by the sea. In a smaller place. I’ll help you.”
“I need it to be different. Not a pale imitation of life on Inishderry. Nothing will ever match my time here.” She used the towel she was drying her hair with to hide the tears.
Joey wrapped their arms around her. “I’m sorry, I’m being selfish. But I’ll miss you so much.”
“Same here. I’ll come and visit on days off. And you’ll have to get yourself some fancy Dublin restaurant clients, so you’ve got an excuse to come and see me.”
“I’ll never need an excuse.” Joey’s hug tightened for a moment, then they released her. “Come on, let’s get dressed and go celebrate our new ventures.”
“Have you told Tierney yet?”
Kasia nearly choked on her mouthful of fish. She swallowed carefully and took a long drink of water. “Not yet. I’ll tell her soon.”
“You should tell her now. What’s stopping you?”
She put her fork down, appetite fading. “I’m not sure. It makes it very real, I guess. Leaving the hotel, leaving the island. All of it.”
Leaving Tierney she left unsaid, but she’d burned that bridge after the storm. Maybe one day the pain would fade, and she wouldn’t feel as if something special had slipped through her grasp.
“She deserves to know.” Joey lifted the plates and went into the kitchen.
Kasia got up and sat out on the porch. There was a fine drizzle, so she pushed her chair back under cover and picked up her phone. She stared at the blank screen for a long moment. She couldn’t do this with a text or an email. It would be the middle of the day in Boston. She had no idea what Tierney would be up to, but she could try calling.
The call picked up on the first ring. “Hey, I’m so sorry for your loss.”
Tierney’s voice brought a crashing wave of love, but following it in on the tide were resignation, regret, and an ever-present fear of being let down. “I got your card, thank you.”
“How’s your shoulder doing?” Tierney asked.
“It’s much better, thanks. I can even sleep lying down now. Who knew that would be something to appreciate?” She was rambling slightly, but she wanted to listen to Tierney’s soft voice a little before she told her she was leaving.
“I’m glad to hear it. I was worried, but I didn’t want to bother you if you were with your family. I so wanted to talk to you.”
“You don’t need to check up on me.” It came out harshly, but she couldn’t bear to think Tierney was worrying about her. And worse, one day soon she wouldn’t care at all.
“Yeah, sorry. I mean, I didn’t mean it that way. It’s good to hear from you anyway. I’ve got so much to tell you.” There was an intake of breath on the line. “So much I want to say.”
Whatever she thought of how Tierney had handled things, she was a good person, and she didn’t deserve to be messed around. “I rang to tell you I’m accepting a job in Dublin. I’ll stay for my notice, but you may want to make arrangements for someone to be here after that.”
The silence at the other end seemed to go on for hours. “But I told you I have a plan, Kasia. I just need to confirm a couple of details, and we’ll be free to make our dream of the Waterside come true.”
Kasia kicked at the wooden slats under her shoe. "I’m glad you want what’s best for the Waterside, and I wish you all the best. But…” What did she want to say? “I need more than dreams, Tierney. And I don’t think you can give me that.”
“You’ll have anything you want. We’ll make it happen together, like we planned.”
“Your plans don’t depend on me. Plenty of people would jump at the chance to manage a newly renovated hotel. You’ll make it work, if you’re that determined.” Her chest felt as if it would burst. Her heart wanted that shared dream, but her head couldn’t trust it to be real.
“Kasia, please don’t make any decisions until we’ve talked properly. I’m leaving Boston today, but I need to talk to you face-to-face.”
This was what she wanted to avoid: a chance for Tierney to convince her to stay. It would be too painful. “I need to give them an answer by tomorrow. I messed them around before, and I’m not going to risk that again. I’m really sorry this didn’t work out differently.” Her breath shuddered in her chest, and she fought every urge to give in.
“Please wait until we’ve talked.”
The pleading in Tierney voice was too much for her, and she hung up before a sob could escape. She let the tears fall. How could she have allowed herself to get into this position? She’d spent her life protecting herself from people who would let her down, yet here she was at nearly forty with nothing but a broken heart.
Eventually, Joey’s strong hands on her shoulders helped her calm down, and she dried her eyes on the fluffy blanket they’d wrapped around her. “Sorry.” She closed her eyes and leaned her head back on the chair.
“Will you hear her out?”
“Yes, if she’s back before I give the hotel my final decision. But I’m not messing them around. Once I’ve given my word, I’m not going back on it. I can’t afford to get a bad reputation in the industry.”
“I’m gonna miss you so much.” Joey burrowed their face into Kasia’s shoulder.
She wished things could be different. She wished she could trust Tierney. She wished the storm had never happened. She wished Peggy was still here to guide her.
But she wasn’t.
If Kasia had learned anything about life, it was people left, or worse, pushed you away. Dreams and wishes were nice, but stability and hard work were what mattered.
“Maybe later when I’m settled into the company, I’ll look at chances to move to one of their hotels in the west so I can be closer. But for now, a whole fresh outlook is the only way I can get through this.”
“I know. And I’m sorry it didn’t work out. Not just because of our friendship; I’ve never seen you so happy as you were with Tierney.”
“And that’s why I’m where I am now. Sobbing on your porch. Sometimes you have to give up on the idea of a perfect life and just go with what you can get.”
“And sometimes you have to believe in someone and trust them not to hurt you.”
“Can we talk about something else?” Her heart couldn’t take any more talk about the things she couldn’t have.
Joey shifted and moved from behind her. “Of course. I was just trying to help. You want to stay over, and I’ll crack open a bottle of wine?”
“I thought you’d never ask.”
The last thing she wanted was to go home to a restless night in the hotel, playing everything over in her head and wondering if she’d made the right decision. Security had to trump the slight chance of true happiness, didn’t it? I have to look after myself in this world.
Why then, did she hold a ripple of hope, like the sea on the beach after the tide had turned, that Tierney would talk her out of it?