Chapter Eighteen
Eighteen
The morning sun filtered through the kitchen window as I made cinnamon rolls for breakfast. The aromas of butter, cinnamon, and sugar filled the air.
I had promised Luke that I would make some, and despite last night—really, especially because of it—I wanted to honor that.
I knew Luke and Tibb had been eyeing the subtle shifts between Jackson and me.
And after last night, I didn’t want to give them any additional suspicion.
I slipped away quietly from the cabin, leaving Jackson asleep in my bed.
The rhythmic motion of rolling the dough helped me center myself.
Last night didn’t seem real. But it had been.
It was only when I moved that I knew it was.
My body ached with the lingering traces of pleasure from making love.
Jackson had driven us the short distance home with me still in his lap.
He never stopped touching me, talking to me, never allowed doubt or shame to creep in.
Once we reached the cabin, he rushed inside, retrieved the quilt, and wrapped me in it, my clothes damp and abandoned during the frenzy of our need.
By the time we settled into the cabin, I was ready for him again, my desire ignited again, pulling us back into each other’s arms with undeniable gravity.
“Hey,” Jackson said, stepping into the kitchen.
“Hey,” I said.
Jackson crossed the kitchen in a few strides. He approached me from behind, his head lowered, and his lips grazed the tender curve of my neck. His hands slid across my waist. “Good morning,” he whispered, his breath caressing my skin with a softness that sent a shiver through me.
Goosebumps prickled along my arms, and my eyes fluttered shut as I felt myself being drawn back into the orbit of his embrace. “Good morning.”
His lips continued their exploration along my neck, each kiss a flame.
His hands roamed slowly, as if mapping out a landscape he knew by heart.
Because he did. Every inch of me was known to him, every curve and line touched and etched into his memory.
I reached up, my hand finding his neck, and drew him closer.
I marveled at how easy, how effortless it was to get lost in him.
In the quiet intimacy of the kitchen, surrounded by the fragrant promise of cinnamon rolls, we held each other.
Until Tibb walked into the kitchen, abruptly interrupting our moment.
We broke away quickly, retreating to opposite sides of the kitchen. Tibb clearly noticed but did not say a word. Jackson excused himself to go take a shower.
“What’s going on?” Tibb asked once Jackson left.
“Nothing,” I said, removing the cinnamon rolls from the oven. “What do you mean?”
“What happened to you last night?” he asked, making coffee. “I saw you walk off.”
“It was…just too much…” I started, struggling to find the right words. “I just needed some fresh air.”
Tibb’s eyes narrowed. “Does this have anything to do with what we discussed? Or your dance with Jackson?”
I managed a faint smile as I spread icing over the cinnamon rolls.
“So…y’all finally…”
I bit my lip as visions of last night flashed in my mind. “Yeah…”
“Good for you.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re not surviving anymore. Jackie helped you out of that mode. Made you feel safe. And now you can enjoy everything else.”
“Everything else?”
“Joy, playfulness, and intimacy.” Tibb paused. “And it’s about damn time,” he said, taking a seat at the table.
“Time for what?” Luke’s voice came from the doorway as he strolled into the kitchen. Seeing Tibb’s beaming face, he guessed, “Something good with you and Teresa?”
Tibb laughed. “We broke up.”
“You broke up?” I asked. “What happened?”
“There’s something wrong with her,” Tibb said.
“Like what? You two seemed really into each other,” I said.
“Yeah, man,” Luke said. “What happened?”
“She didn’t like ice cream.”
The kitchen was silent as Luke and I stared at Tibb.
“You broke up with her because she didn’t like ice cream?” I asked. “You’re impossible.”
“Think about it,” Tibb said. “Who doesn’t like ice cream? Everyone likes ice cream. That’s strange.”
“What if she can’t eat ice cream?” Luke asked.
“She can eat it. She said she doesn’t like it.”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” I said. “How you can give me such great advice and then say something like that?”
“Her not eating ice cream tells me all I need to know about her. She told on herself.”
“And what did she tell you?” Luke asked.
“That there’s something strange about her. She probably doesn’t return her buggies at the store either.”
We laughed as Jackson reappeared, freshly showered and looking refreshed.
“Laugh all you want, but I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t like ice cream. She’s hiding something.”
The laughs continued around the table until Tibb spoke again. “I see the opposite for you two.”
My face heated and I fixed my gaze on my plate.
“Who?” Luke asked.
“Jackie and Leigh,” Tibb said.
“What about them?” Luke asked, his attention divided as he piled cinnamon rolls on his plate. He took a bite, icing smudging the corner of his mouth, and he moaned in contentment.
Tibb gave him a look that Luke didn’t catch at first.
“What?” Luke asked, his mouth full, glancing from me to Jackson to Tibb. It finally hit him. “Oh…” he said, his voice trailing off as understanding spread across his face. “Oh!”
“Well,” Tibb said, grabbing a cinnamon roll, “I’m glad. Because now we can get back to normal and stop pretending we didn’t know anything. You guys were doing a terrible job at hiding it.”
I looked at Jackson, whose gaze met mine with a sympathetic look. In the hours since it had formed, we had not discussed what our relationship would mean for the dynamics of our shared living space and work environment.
“I’m not glad,” Luke said. He turned to me. “I thought you were going to marry me.”
I smiled. “My heart will always belong to you.”
Luke raised his middle finger at Jackson, who slapped him across the chest.
“Listen…” Jackson started. “I… We appreciate your support, but this is new.” Jackson looked at me, reaching for my hand. “We don’t know anything yet, so just give us some time to figure it out.”
I didn’t see Jackson for the rest of the day.
With spring’s upcoming arrival, the farm buzzed with renewed life.
The fields demanded attention. Jackson was at the heart of it all, his hands in every task, his decisions shaping our work.
I knew he would be immersed in the flurry of the new demands, and I wasn’t surprised that I didn’t see him.
Not that I was avoiding him; I needed time to think about the enormity of the step we’d taken and catch my breath.
All winter we had been moving toward something, and now that it had arrived, the reality of it settled over me.
I yearned for what we had, for what was to come, yet I found myself unprepared for the magnitude of it all.
As night fell, we finished our tasks, but Jackson missed dinner, off in Camden.
I cooked a meatloaf for Tibb and Luke, setting aside a plate for Jackson, before retreating to my cabin.
Hours later, there was a knock at the door.
Even now, after everything, after last night, he still respected my boundaries and my need for space.
I had never wanted to see someone and not see them at the same time.
My heart jumped at my love for him, but a thread of anxiety spun through me.
I opened the door, and there he stood. Without hesitation, he stepped into the cabin, and as it did last night, the world narrowed to the space between us.
The scent of earth and wood clung to him, a smell that had become so familiar.
He placed a hand on both sides of my face and kissed me senseless, his tongue sweeping, searching, reaching all of the sweet spots, and I shattered at the seams. When he pulled his lips away, the warmth of his kiss lingered, burning on my skin, and I melted beneath the heat of his affection.
“I’ve been waiting to do that all day,” he whispered, a tickle against my skin.
“I can’t stop thinking about you, about last night.
” His words and arms wrapped around me, soothing the frayed edges of my resolve and reminding me of our connection.
He sat on the bed and pulled me between his legs.
His hands reached up and cupped my face, cradling it with a tenderness that made me shiver.
“God…you are so beautiful. I love looking at you. And I’m glad I can finally say that.
Do you know how hard it was to look at you at the table or from across the field and not stare? It was agony.”
I blushed under the weight of his compliment, my cheeks warming. I took his hands into mine. This, being with Jackson, was easy—almost too easy. And that butted up against everything I had ever known. The train of my thoughts picked up speed, and I knew I needed to stop it.
“How was your day?” he asked.
Jackson grimaced but relaxed his face just as quickly. “I don’t want to talk about that,” he said, kissing my stomach, his hands moving up my thighs and butt, like he couldn’t help it, like he couldn’t resist. “I don’t want to talk at all. I want to lose myself in you. Bury myself in you.”
Desire flooded his eyes, and he kissed me again and my thoughts scattered like petals on the ground.
He was the only man I’d ever wanted, and if I didn’t stop him now, he’d have me naked soon.
And I would welcome it because my body had become a stranger to me, an imposter wearing my skin, as waves of want I had ridden flooded me.
I wanted an encore, but tension and doubt coiled my body tight.
“Are you okay?” he asked, furrowing his brow.
I took a hesitant step back, putting a little distance between us. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not having second thoughts, are you?”
“I’m…not. I just…”
His expression darkened with worry. “You are, aren’t you?”
“This is new.”