Chapter Eighteen #2
“This is new for me too,” he said, taking my arms back into his and kissing them. “I’ve never felt this way.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but he silenced me with a gentle finger placed over my lips.
“Never,” he said. “Now, tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I don’t know,” I said weakly.
“Leigh…you know better than that. Feel your feelings and express them. Is it me?”
“No,” I said quickly, resisting the urge to reach out to him. The thought of him believing he was the source of my doubts pained me, but I didn’t know how to tell him, what to say.
“Was it Tibb and Luke? I’m sorry if that was awkward. I didn’t think about what we would say to them.”
“Maybe we should.”
“Should what?”
“Think about what we are doing.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re my boss.”
“I’m not your boss,” Jackson said, his tone firm but gentle. “I’ve told you before. Nobody works for me; we work together.”
“People don’t know that. How will it look that we are together?”
“It’ll look like we are a couple, that we like each other and just so happen to work together.”
“It’ll look bad.”
Jackson stood abruptly and started pacing the cabin. The tension in his posture was noticeable, his shoulders drawn tight. “You don’t believe any of that,” he said, his voice laced with annoyance. “You’re making excuses.”
“I’m not,” I said, turning away from him. I couldn’t look at him, couldn’t see the disappointment in his face.
“How are we back here?”
“Back where?”
“You…avoiding. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Nothing,” I said too quickly. “Last night was great, but I don’t think it should happen again. That’s all.”
“Because…”
“Because you’re my boss.”
“I’m not your boss!” Jackson said, exasperation crashing off him. “I thought we had moved to a new place.”
“We did.”
“You’re not being truthful with me.”
“I am.”
“You’ve been working so hard at feeling and being present and expressing yourself, and you can’t tell me the real reason why you are doubting this, so I will. You’re scared.”
His words struck me like a dagger to the heart, the raw truth of his observation cutting me deep.
So I lied.
“I’m not scared. I’m…”
“What?” His voice rose, his patience wearing thin as he demanded an answer.
I had never seen him this way. The air between us crackled with tension.
His frustration was a mirror to my own inner turmoil, and I stood there, torn between the safety of my guarded heart and the leap of faith required.
“Stop denying that you don’t feel this as much as I do.
Because I know you do. What happened to that woman from yesterday?
Who kissed me in the rain? Where is she? ”
“I’m right here.”
“Then why can’t you look at me?”
Hesitantly, I looked up at him, my chest heaving, my eyes filling with tears.
Jackson stepped closer to me and lifted my chin even more.
“Last night was…beautiful. You were so sexy and wild and free.” He rubbed the back of his head.
“But I get that it was pretty intense. Especially if you haven’t felt that…
those kinds of feelings before.” His eyes probed mine.
“It’s too much for me.” I said, but it was a lie. “I think we should take a step back.”
“Is that the way you really feel?”
I nodded, despite my mind screaming the opposite.
Jackson exhaled heavily. “Do you think I want to be here right now? Thinking about this right now?” His voice rose.
“We are months away from the new season. I have poured every dollar I have, and a lot more that I don’t, into this.
My business has to work. That should be what I’m thinking about. But all I can think about is you.”
“That’s why we should stop now, before it gets too hard. Before we let this get out of hand.”
“It’s already out of hand!” Jackson said, the bass in his voice echoing around the room. “Last night was the start of something, not the end of it. Can’t you see that?”
He had never raised his voice at me. I had never seen him in so much anguish. It pained me to see, to know that I was the cause of such turmoil.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Why would you think you would hurt me?”
“Because—”
“You know…when I first saw you, I couldn’t move,” he said, his voice lowered.
“I physically could not move. You were that striking. You were looking at the flowers, and the way your face lit up took my breath away. Then I saw the bruise on your face; I knew that you were in trouble. But you smiled and I could see you whole. I could see past the woman with the bruise on her face. I saw this beautiful soul who loved flowers and needed just a little help. And I wanted to help you. It didn’t matter that you had a few cracks; I didn’t see that. I saw you whole.”
“Jack…” Every word was a sledgehammer against my defenses.
He raised his hand. “Then you came here, and I watched you work on yourself. Get stronger, confront your demons, and make yourself at home here with us.” Jackson sighed.
“I didn’t expect this. I didn’t expect you.
And if you were honest with yourself, you didn’t expect this either, and that scares you.
I’m scared too. You scare me to death.” He reached over and pressed my hand against his chest. His heart banged beneath my fingers.
“This is what you do to me. And I don’t know what to do, but I know I don’t want to run from it. I want to run toward it, toward you.”
When I didn’t speak, Jackson walked to the door, his hand hovering over the doorknob. “If this is what you want, I can live with that,” he said with his back to me. “I want this, but only when you are ready. I’m a patient man, and when you feel comfortable and safe, I’ll be here.”
The next morning, I braced myself as I walked into the kitchen, mentally preparing for the awkward encounter with Jackson after what had happened last night.
But what struck me first was the silence.
It was Sunday, our usual day off, but the house was unusually quiet.
I turned the corner and saw Luke sitting at the table alone, a bowl of cereal in front of him.
“Where’s everybody?” I asked.
“They went to Birmingham for supplies,” Luke said, not looking up from his cereal.
“On a Sunday?” My eyebrows rose in surprise. “Jack went too?”
“Yup,” Luke said with a shrug, finally meeting my gaze. “And he went to the Outlet this morning too.”
“He did?”
“Early this morning. He didn’t look good. And neither do you.”
I knew what he saw, the dark circles under my eyes from the lack of sleep. I had tossed and turned all night, spent hours waking to the sound of imagined footsteps on the porch, only to find silence and emptiness awaiting me each time. Jackson wasn’t there. Because of me.
Luke’s face softened as he noted my fatigue. “What happened with you two?”
“It’s complicated,” I said, reaching for the box of cereal, pouring a small amount into a bowl.
Luke rolled his eyes and scooped another spoonful into his mouth.
“This is why I’m single,” he said, chewing thoughtfully.
“What’s so complicated about two people who clearly like each other?
You like him, right?” Without waiting for my response, he continued, “And I know he likes you. So…what’s the problem? ”
I stabbed at the cereal, watching the milk overtake the flakes, soaking them into soggy submission. “I’m scared.”
Luke lifted his bowl and started drinking the leftover milk but paused, shocked by my openness with him. “Scared of what? Jack?”
“All of it.”
“I can see that. I bet you didn’t expect this to happen when you got here. I know I didn’t. Not the way you used to get under Jack’s skin,” Luke pushed his bowl away. “But maybe it’s scary because it’s what you’re supposed to do.”
There it was: the truth. Laid out and simple, from the mouth of a man with a milk mustache.
As I sat there, the realization struck me with an almost dizzying clarity.
I had been here for six months. My path had led me here in what felt like serendipity.
Jackson and I had lived our entire lives not knowing the other existed on Earth, yet from the moment I met him, I felt as if I had known him my entire life.
Our lives were intersecting, attached by an invisible string.
Maybe I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
With him. Even now, as I look back, the signs were there.
What other explanation is there for it? I’d made a choice when I walked away from the bus crash.
I’d made a choice that I wanted to learn how to live.
A choice to find a purpose. I did that. It was then that I understood: I had found a home. With him.
“But nothing about this should be scary,” Luke continued. “Jack is very protective of his heart, but he let you in. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you. Despite his size, Jack’s a big ole softy. Don’t tell him I said that.”
A faint smile tugged at my lips. “Are you afraid of anything?”
Luke considered this for a minute, twisting his lips. “Spiders and dry counties. In that order.”
My smile turned into a genuine laugh, and the levity of the moment lifted me.
“You’re not the same person you were when you came here, Leigh,” Luke said, turning serious. “You’ve changed. This place does that to people. This is where the wildflowers grow.”
I stood and gave Luke a hug and kissed him on the cheek. “You will always be my favorite.”
Luke blushed. “Of course I am.”
I dumped my forgotten cereal into the sink.
“What do you have planned for today?” Luke asked.
“Nothing really. Why?”
“Ride with me into Camden. I’m going to see Heather.”
“No, thanks. I’m good here.”
“Come on,” he said. “A drive would do you some good.”
A few hours later, Luke pulled into the boutique’s parking lot. Inside, the soft pastels of the walls created an inviting atmosphere. The clothes were neatly arranged, each rack carefully curated. The shop was empty except for Heather, who stood behind the counter, folding a stack of shirts.