Chapter 19
The morning of graduation came entirely too quickly for Bette. The early May morning in Southern Tennessee was warm but not unpleasant, and she hoped that it would continue that way throughout the day.
Zoe came over the night before to see her, and they had their first dinner with just the two of them in Bette's new little apartment. Bette couldn't remember the last time she prepared dinner. Over the years, she had cooked less and less because Shelly was always on some kind of fad diet that Bette never could seem to get right, so they would either order out or three times a week Shelly had a private chef come make the meals. Most of the time, Zoe was off at school or with friends, and spending the evening with her parents wasn't exactly something that she wanted to do often. Dinner in the Cooper household was often a silence-filled affair that became so normal that it didn't seem abnormal anymore.
Bette didn't have a fully functioning kitchen yet, but she did have a few pots and pans that she had managed to buy, and Kerrie let her borrow a few things as well so she could make the dinner. It had been a wonderful evening, and Kerrie and Kenny had even invited them to join them outside for a bit by the fire pit. Kenny had stayed up later than usual when he realized Zoe was there. They were forming a tight bond.
Kerrie and Bette had been flirting here and there, but the week had been busy. They didn't have as much time to spend together as she would have liked. Work had been chaotic. There was an increase in the number of clients because a grant had opened up.
Kerrie worked late every night and had volunteered to take a group of clients to the Thursday AA meeting when the person who normally did it couldn't. There was so much she did for Turtle Grove, and Bette couldn't help but notice that others didn't do nearly as much. Wilson never stayed over or volunteered to do anything extra. The people at the main building didn't have to run a whole building like they did at The Church. They had help, whereas Church and Tindle Street were on their own. Add that to a full caseload, and it was a wonder Kerrie ever left the place.
Glancing at the time on her phone, Bette swallowed around the growing lump in her throat. Kerrie was supposed to meet her in 20 minutes, and she still hadn't picked an outfit.
Her first paycheck finally arrived, and she had treated herself to a trip to the salon. Her graying roots had desperately needed dyeing, while her shaggy blonde bob had grown past her shoulders. She felt like a new woman walking out of the salon. It had been so nice to treat herself. To take pride in her appearance once again. She had always been one to keep up her looks. She adored makeup and nice clothes. Those were all things she had been allowed to keep in the divorce. Since moving into her own space, she had begun to feel like herself. Having her belongings back was more impactful than she had expected. The familiarity of having her things within reach. Things that made her feel like a woman. She had more of a bounce to her step. Her confidence had been bolstered. Especially when Kerrie had whistled at her yesterday morning when she saw Bette's new hair. The taller woman's mouth had dropped open as she placed her hand on her chest and breathed out, 'Damn.' Her reaction had been genuine. The adoration and heat in Kerrie's eyes had been breathtaking. Bette wanted to soak in the look.
Bette shook her head, her cheeks warming from the memory.
Checking the time again, she realized she was now down to 15 minutes, and all she had on was a full-body body shaper that squeezed everything in and lifted things that needed lifting. Shapewear was not something that she enjoyed wearing, but she wanted to look her best. Not only was Shelly going to judge her, but her mother had decided to go to the graduation after vehemently refusing to for weeks. Bette had tried to talk her out of it, but Clara would not be swayed. Then she had tried to talk Kerrie out of going because they'd all be judging her: Shelly, Jen, and her mom. Even her ex-in-laws. Only Zoe would be safe. Despite her best efforts, Kerrie had just smiled, probably seeing right through her, and said she would be ready at 10:00.
A knock sounded on the back door, prompting her to jump. "Shit, she's early."
Grabbing her robe off the bed, she slid into it as she walked to her door .
Her breath left her when she opened it. She had assumed Kerrie would wear a work outfit. A simple pair of worn dress pants and a polo, but she had put effort into her appearance.
Bette's mouth hung open for a moment as she roamed her eyes over the counselor. A white button-down dress shirt made of high-quality material was tucked into the sharply pleated navy blue slacks that were tailored perfectly to lay over her hazel bronzed oxford shoes. Her short brown hair had a little gel in it, giving it a more textured look. Even the light scent of musky evergreen cologne seemed the perfect match. Bette always thought it sounded hokey when she read in romances that the characters mouths watered just looking at someone attractive, but she was swallowing back spit like a cheap cliché.
Smirking, Kerrie motioned up and down at herself. "I take it that you approve?"
Licking her lips, Bette nodded slowly. "Yeah, you look," she searched for the right word. "Uh, is handsome okay? Is that offensive?"
A chuckle rumbled through Kerrie. "Nah, I like handsome. That feels more authentic than something like pretty. You're a little more underdressed than I expected."
Bette looked down at her robed body and laughed. "Yeah, I can't decide between two outfits. Would you like to have a seat while I finish getting ready?"
Bette had one place to sit in the living room—a maroon faux leather recliner that had been in her and Shelly's family TV room in the basement. She hadn't even remembered having it until they went through the storage unit.
Kerrie went to the recliner while Bette went to finish putting herself together.
Standing in front of the two outfits lying on her bed, she was back at square one. She knew she was overthinking it. It didn't need to be this big of an issue, but she really wanted to put the best version of herself on display. To smear it in their faces that she was doing well. They didn't need to know she was just a head above broke. Or that she had to borrow a colander and spoons from Kerrie last night for their dinner. Or that she had been doing her own acrylic nails by using YouTube tutorials, which, honestly, she found she really enjoyed, but it wasn't something she would have been expected to do. Bette Cooper, always dressed to the nines in luxury brands and living in a house that had its own wine cellar. Now she was living in the cellar, choking herself with monomer and acrylic so her nails didn't resemble a child's mouth of missing and cresting teeth.
She glanced at her phone. They needed to leave in five minutes. She bit her lip and grabbed both outfits. She found Kerrie in the same spot, her head leaned back and her eyes closed. Clearing her throat, she held both up. "I need an opinion, or we'll never leave. "
"Okay, lay 'em on me," Kerrie smiled warmly.
"This dress," she held up the white dress with belled sleeves and a royal blue paisley pattern that cinched at the waist by a matching belt. "Or this." The second option was a white sleeveless jumpsuit with thin green pinstripes and belled legs.
Kerrie narrowed her eyes, sweeping them back and forth before pointing at the dress. "The dress."
Tilting her head, Bette looked the dress over. "Why the dress?"
"I think the blue goes well with your hair and tan. And on a completely selfish note, I really like your legs, and I won't get to look at them in the one-piece thing."
Flames engulfed Bette's chest, creeping up her neck while her lower belly tightened. Flashing a shy smile, she nodded. "Dress it is."
The flirtation helped to distract Bette from the bundle of nerves shooting off like fireworks in her belly. If she didn't stay calm, she'd upset her stomach and then would have to tell Kerrie they'd be late because she had to poop. There was no way in hell she'd do that.
She quickly dressed, and out they went to Kerrie's truck, where Bette further melted when Kerrie held the door open for her to slide in. It didn't last, though, as Bette examined the truck. She tried not to cringe at its age. It was older but well kept. No scratches in the paint or stains on the sandy interior. It smelled like Kerrie.
When Kerrie slid behind the wheel, she turned to Bette, eyes sweeping over her like she was reading a book. "You're nervous."
Bette dropped the fake smile and allowed the worry lines around her mouth and eyes to settle onto her face. How did she disarm Bette so easily? "I am."
Kerrie held her hand out, gently squeezing Bette's when she took it. "Is it just the day, or is it something else?"
Bette fought the urge to bite her lip, not wanting to smear her recently applied lipstick. "I guess I'm—I don't know how to say it without coming off as an uppity bitch."
"Hey now, that's not a word that describes you," said Kerrie, running her other hand lightly up and down Bette's forearm. "No woman should be called a bitch. But go on and try to tell me."
Taking a deep breath, Bette shifted to put her other hand over Kerrie's, cupping it between her own. She stared down at their tangled hands. "I guess I'm worried about judgment. Every one of them we'll meet today is appearance and social status first, everything else second. I used to be one of them. Maybe I still am? I mean, I'm concerned about their judgment. And now, now I'm living in a tiny apartment, broke, and working at a non-profit that works with people they would look down upon. My mother included."
"So, this is your first time really being around them since you left the uppity flock?"
Bette snorted. "Yes."
"Are you worried they'll judge you for being with me?"
There was a long pause before Bette could bring herself to answer in a quiet voice. "Yes."
Kerrie squeezed her hand again. "Do you want me to stay here?"
Bette's head snapped up, her blonde locks swishing back and forth as she shook her head. "No, no, I want you to go. I don't think I can do this alone. I just—I just know them. You're nothing like them, and they'll find that to be a problem."
"I'm not new to judgment, Bette. People have been judging my actions, and some of them rightfully so, for decades. I'm not ashamed of who I am."
"I think you've done amazing. If people could see you with clients. With Kenny. They'd know your heart was huge."
Kerrie ducked her head, and her cheeks reddened as she let out a nervous chuckle. "Thank you. That means a lot. I'll be right beside you today. You won't be facing them alone."
"Thank you," expressed Bette softly. She wanted to pull Kerrie to her. To kiss her. To touch her more, but they hadn't crossed that point yet, and her nerves got the better of her.
"You're welcome. So, you ready to go show up your ex and mother?"
"Yes," said Bette with a grin.
The private college was in the neighboring town, about 25 minutes away. It was a small college with less than 2000 students, including nighttime students. Shelly had wanted Zoe to go to some prestigious college, but she had been adamant that she wanted to stay local. Between Zoe's stubbornness and Bette's unwavering support, Shelly had to give.
They were able to find the last available parking spot in the visitor's lot. It wasn't that close to the auditorium, but it wasn't too far. It was, however, up a large hill. The hike up didn't look fun.
"Are you sure you don't want me to drop you off closer so you don't have to go up this hill in those?" Kerrie asked, pointing to Bette's wedge heels, which were the color of chalk—just a hair off from white.
Bette laughed, looking down at her feet. "These are actually more comfortable than they look. I'll be fine, but thank you for looking out for me. "
"If you say so," said Kerrie, her face showing she wasn't convinced.
People flowed in natural lines like ants, moving up the sidewalk to the auditorium where the graduation was being held. Bette wondered where Zoe was. She would be with the other graduates somewhere and hoped that it wouldn't be hard to find her afterward.
As they topped the hill, both of them huffing and puffing from the exertion, Bette's phone buzzed. They stepped out of the line of people trekking their way to the auditorium as Bette fished her phone from her handbag. Her mother's name flashed on the screen, and she couldn't suppress the groan that tumbled out of her mouth, earning her a raised eyebrow from Kerrie. She rolled her eyes and answered, "Hello, Mother."
"Where are you?" demanded Clara. Bette could hear crowd chatter in the background.
"I'm outside the auditorium."
"Well, hurry up; I'm saving you a seat. They're filling up fast," demanded Clara, a hint of franticness in her voice.
"I need two seats saved. I've—uh, I've brought a date."
The other side of the line went silent, save for the crowd around the matriarch of the Cooper family. Bette tried her best not to cringe, not wanting to make Kerrie feel bad. She hadn't told her mother about Kerrie. She only knew that a coworker was the owner of the apartment she had rented. Her mother had scoffed at that, finding a basement apartment beneath a Cooper. Bette knew some of it was bitterness from Bette leaving while her mother was out of town. Clara had not been happy about it.
After a few tense moments, Bette cleared her throat. "We'll see you in a few minutes, Mother."
"Fine."
Kerrie licked her lips and squinted against the sun at Bette, her hands stuffed in her pockets. "I'm guessing she didn't know I was going to be here?"
A nudge of guilt hit her stomach. "I was still hoping that she would change her mind and not come. If I had told her about you, she would have definitely shown up regardless of if she wanted to or not. I rolled the dice and lost."
Nodding, Kerrie smiled softly, but uncertainty reflected in her eyes. "You're still okay with me being here, right? If you've changed your mind, I can wait around for you until it's over."
Bette's heart dropped into her stomach with a thunk. She's giving me an out. Shit, I'm messing this all up. She really thinks I don't want her here .
Shaking her head, she frowned. Why did it always seem like the people from her past were still impacting her current life? What did it matter if her mother was there? Clara Cooper never approved of Shelly. So why should she worry now? Her child was graduating college. She was starting to stand on her own two feet. And the kindest, most compassionate person she'd met sent her belly flipping and her heart thumping, and she wanted to spend time with Bette. Be there for Bette. Flirt with Bette. Touch Bette.
She wasn't losing Kerrie.
Digging deep, Bette repeated in her head, "I deserve to be happy," a few times as her frown turned upwards, and she locked hands with Kerrie. She looked up at the brunette with admiration. "I want you to be here. I'm new to this whole making myself happy thing. I know this has to be hard to see, but I really want you there beside me because other than Zoe, you're the only thing that's going to make me happy today."
Bette watched Kerrie swallow hard, her face briefly betraying how much Bette's words touched her. She nodded and squeezed Bette's hand. "I can do that. If you ever want space, just let me know. I won't get mad, I promise. But unless you tell me that, I'll assume you want whatever this is between us. Does that sound good?"
Bette let out a long-held breath and beamed up at the taller woman. "That sounds great. Now, are you ready to meet the dragon lady who is my mother?"
"I've already met the dragon lady that is your ex. May as well as meet the queen," said Kerrie with a wink.
Bette laughed and tugged Kerrie to start walking. "I hope you don't regret this."