Chapter 31
The week went by agonizingly slow for Kerrie. She had made an appointment with her primary care physician for Friday and was released to go back to work on Monday.
The whole week had been really odd and uncomfortable. After she was forced to leave Turtle Grove Monday morning, she had been livid. She couldn't remember the last time she had been so angry. She didn't even go straight home. Instead, she decided to drive around to cool off as much as she could, because she didn't want Kenny to see her like that. He fed off her energy. The tightness in her chest had come back. The dizziness didn't help. She ended up grabbing a large sweet tea and a cheeseburger from McDonald's and went to their local park to sit and stew.
Roark State Park wasn't very large but had just the right amount of trails and tree coverage. One could get lost, but not really lost. The easiest trail, referred to as the granny trail, had outdoor workout equipment along its path and a lush green canopy of limbs and leaves. It was always a favorite of theirs. Well, back before his heart attack. They used to always come out to the park, but then work became so busy, and she'd been so worried about Kenny falling that she had stopped taking him out there, which was a shame because they both really enjoyed it. Exercise was technically good for Kenny. His cardiologist said light walks would strengthen his heart. It wasn't a hard trail. Most of everything was flat, and he could sit down at different spots to relax on the benches along the trail. But it wasn't in the safety of their home, and that was a hard barrier for her to overcome for some reason. If she were being honest, she probably needed to exercise more, too. Both mentally and physically. The tension in her shoulders and the worry in her mind would improve immensely after a walk .
She tried to remember the last time they had been there. It had probably been well over a year. Maybe spring of the year before that? They used to go every week. Like clockwork, they would pick up something to eat every Sunday and then go into the park to have lunch. Afterward, they would walk around the trail a few times. She missed it if she was being honest with herself. It was as if once Kenny had his heart attack, she had started mourning his life prior. Like that one episode ended any normal life they would have afterward.
When she finally made it home, she couldn't bring herself to tell Kenny that she had broken up with Bette. She didn't even want to think about it herself. The words had been out of her mouth before she could even really think them through. She was just so angry and hurt. Bette had single-handedly taken away her profession for the week. She had made her look like a fool and made her sound weak. And Kerrie was neither.
It wasn't until Wednesday evening that Kenny finally started asking when Bette was going to come by. She had danced around the wording, not wanting to speak the words into the universe again. So she just decided to give Kenny the excuse that Bette had been really busy. She knew it wasn't a long-term fix, but it would work for the time being.
At night, it really hit. She would lie in bed alone, falling asleep to the silence of her bedroom, and it was not the soft, adorable snores Bette produced. She never told Bette that she snored. Kerrie found it kind of cute. Bette would have been horrified had she known. Her sleep was never truly restful, and twice, she caught herself reaching for where Bette would normally be when she was half asleep. Her hand only met air. She would be awake for a while afterward.
On Saturday evening, Mabel had come by to see Kenny and check on Kerrie.
"Well, there's my Kenny," said Mabel to Kenny when she walked through the door.
The look of joy that fell over his face gave Kerrie a momentary pang of guilt. Truth be told, Kenny's world was pretty small, and this week, he had not only lost Bette without realizing it but had also gone days without seeing Mabel.
Kenny hugged Mabel tightly, squeezing the woman to the point where she grimaced and had to pull back, patting his arms with a smile. "Well, I see I've been missed," Mabel chuckled.
"We were just about to have dinner. Do you want to join us?"
"I might just do that."
Kerrie made pork chops, baked potatoes, and macaroni and cheese—not the stuff from the box, but the kind that she melted real cheese for. She also made a side of Brussels sprouts that she knew Kenny wasn't going to eat, but that was fine, because she enjoyed them. She had been cooking every day, and it had been nice to actually do something that wasn't rushed. Kenny didn't even seem to mind that they had gotten off of their normal food routine.
"So, are you going back to work on Monday?" asked Mabel, cutting into her pork chop. She had made herself a much smaller plate than the twins had.
Kerrie nodded, swallowing the bite of food. "Yeah, I got my doctor's release, so I'm good to go. I'm still supposed to be taking it easy, but I should not have any problems working."
"Can I ask where Bette is? I saw her car in the driveway and her lights on."
Kenny answered before Kerrie could. "Bette doesn't like us anymore."
Kerrie's mouth fell open, and she began shaking her head. "No, no, that's not right. Why would you say that? Bette loves you."
He looked down at his plate and didn't say anything further, but he began rubbing his head and had a slight rock to his posture.
Kerrie winced at the guilt ripping through her stomach. "I'm sorry, Kenny. I know not seeing her this week has been hard."
"And why hasn't she been here?" Mabel asked, concern on her face.
Kerrie didn't answer immediately, trying to find the words around the truth, but she wasn't quite sure how to say it. She swallowed hard before answering. "We had a disagreement."
The old woman raised an eyebrow, and Kerrie momentarily felt like she was in trouble. "A disagreement?"
"Yeah, she was the one that told Tyler about my work restriction. And I, well, I guess I didn't care much for that."
Mabel tilted her head. She stared at Kerrie for a minute, the weight of her wise gaze heavy on Kerrie. "And I'm guessing you reacted before thinking about it."
Kerrie's cheeks burned. It felt like her aunt was getting on to her all over again when she was a kid for quitting softball because she got mad at the coach one time. She had always had a little bit of a temper, and knee-jerk reactions were not uncommon in those moments.
Mabel nodded when Kerrie didn't answer, and they moved on to easier topics, which seemed to make Kenny happy .
Mabel stayed for another hour chatting and fussing over Kenny. It was nice to have somebody else in the house. She had grown so used to having company that she found she missed it.
As Mabel walked to the door, she motioned for Kerrie to follow. "Kerrie, why don't you walk me out to my car?"
The feeling of being in trouble reappeared. Knowing there was no use in arguing, she nodded and followed the petite, gray-haired woman out to her car. Kerrie didn't look over at Bette's door, no matter how much she wanted to.
"So, are you going to tell me what really happened?" Mabel asked as soon as they got to her car. She looked sternly at Kerrie as if she were waiting for her to confess to taking someone's toy.
Kerrie rubbed the back of her head and shifted from foot to foot. She knew that even if Bette were at the door, she wouldn't be able to hear them, but it still felt uncomfortable talking about the situation so close to where Bette was. "I broke up with her."
"I see," Mabel said slowly. "And why on Earth would you do a dumb thing like that?"
Flabbergasted, Kerrie's mouth hung open at the bluntness of the old woman's words. "I'm sorry, what?"
"I believe you heard me. You got mad because somebody called you out for doing things your way, and then you broke up with someone who is so beautifully matched with you and Kenny that God himself couldn't have come up with a better connection."
"It's not like that. I mean, it is like that, but it's, damn it, Mabel. She told my boss I had lied to him about returning to work. She got me thrown out of my job."
"She got you to follow the doctor's orders. Kerrie, you weren't here with Kenny while you were in the hospital. Do you know how frightened he was? How terrified that you weren't going to come back? And all because you're overworking yourself. You're working yourself into your grave. You and you alone.
You're a smart woman, and if this was one of your clients, you would quickly tell them that they have replaced alcohol with overworking. You are utterly terrified to let go of some control, and it's going to cost you not only your health but what could be the love of your life. I'd give anything to have ten more minutes with my Howard. You've got the opportunity that I don't. And I think you're a fool for turning your back on her."
The words stung like a hundred bees poking her all at once. Her words weren't untrue, but Kerrie wasn't ready to hear them yet. Couldn't process them at that moment. She fell back on her usual excuse, though the words no longer felt completely true. "Kenny and my clients need me."
"There's a difference between needing you and using them to avoid looking at yourself. We both know that since Kenny's heart attack, you've been sheltering him to the point where it's unhealthy. I've been begging you for months to let me take him to the day group one day a week. But you won't, because you're afraid he's going to get germs or we're going to get in a wreck on the way. He needs those interactions. He wants those interactions, but all you want to do is keep him sheltered like he's made of glass. As for work, you haven't always had to do so much at that rehab. You've just been taking on more and more. It's time you learned how to say no before you can't say it anymore because you're dead and Kenny's in some group home. You deserve happiness, and dang it, Kerrie, you deserve better."
Kerrie wasn't sure what to say, so she just nodded. "I hear what you're saying, Mabel. I just don't know if I'm there yet."
Mabel nodded. "Well, I don't know how long that lovely lady is going to wait on you, so if I were you, I'd figure it out soon. I'll see you and Kenny Monday morning."