Chapter 31
thirty-one
ELLIE
Riley: What are you doing today? Want to hang out?
Ellie: Mom asked if I wanted to go out to lunch. I haven’t really hung out with her since I’ve been home.
Riley: Aw! My mom never asks me to go to lunch. I wonder what that feels like.
Ellie: You can join us if you want? You know she loves you.
Riley: No, it’s fine. I’ll just sit in my apartment alone, dealing with my mommy issues. And daddy issues.
Ellie: Ry, stop. You cannot go back down this road again. We’ve talked about this.
Riley: You still need to tell me what happened between you and Rowan. The date was like five days ago, and every time I bring it up you totally sidetrack the conversation.
Riley: Are you ignoring me?
Riley: You can’t avoid this conversation forever, Ellie.
Riley: Fine! I’ll ask Hailey and Addie to annoy you until you talk to us about it.
My mom chose a seat outside for us to sit at the diner. The same table she sits at every time we go to Daddio’s. I smile at the memories of spending our little lunch dates together when I was a little girl. At the very same table we’re at now.
We both grab our menus and look over our choices, even though we are getting the same thing we always get on our lunches. A green goddess salad for Mom and a double patty cheeseburger for me.
“So,” she says, setting the menu down. “What have you been up to? You’ve been staying in the backyard, and I feel like you’re still in New York with the number of times I’ve seen you.”
“Sorry, sorry. I’ve been keeping myself busy. I need to make the pastries for Mrs. Anderson's event tomorrow night.” I take a sip of my water.
“Are you excited for that?” She places her napkin on her lap.
The other customers murmur around us, the grill sizzling with the orders, and little kids laughing while their parents tell them to settle down.
I shrug. “As excited as I can be to make chocolate peanut butter squares.” I laugh.
She tilts her head at me, giving me her typical mom looks that tells me not to poke fun at myself. “Ellie, you should be excited. This could be a great opportunity for other people to reach out to you for little events or parties.”
“There was a time when I would be excited for something like that. But it’s not the same anymore.” I frown.
Mom sighs and reaches across the table for my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze before letting it go. “What are your plans when the summer is over?”
This has never happened before, but my mind goes blank. I always have a plan. I always have a guide to what I want to do in life. Goals to achieve. I’ve achieved those goals, but now what? I’m slowly losing my love for something that brings smiles to everyone who has tried my desserts.
“I honestly don’t know,” I admit. And the thought of that is scary.
“Have you heard from Charlie?” she asks timidly.
I nod. Mom and Dad always thought Charlie was fine. He was nice and respectful. He and my dad didn’t have a lot in common, so conversation between them always felt forced. Charlie would talk about sports, but my dad didn’t pay enough attention to discuss it.
My dad would talk about surfing since that’s what he did growing up. Even entered some competitions and won a few. Charlie would always make sure he looked interested when I knew that he didn’t care much for it.
“He keeps texting me. Hasn’t tried to call me yet.” I cross my fingers, hoping it won’t come to that. “I don’t want to talk to him. Me coming home was supposed to be us not talking to each other. Figuring out what it is that we want.”
“Please tell me you aren’t giving that man another chance.”
This comes as no surprise to me. She always said whatever was on her mind or how she felt. She never sugar-coated things, and I admire that about her.
“With how things have been with Rowan,” I say under my breath.
Mom perks up at this. A wide smile plastered on her face; her eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. “What’s that about?”
I roll my eyes. “Nothing, Mom.”
She places her elbows on the table and looks at me sweetly while her chin rests in her hands. “I loved you two together so much. You were both so sweet to each other. You brought the best out of each other.”
I fail at the smile I’m trying to hide because she isn’t wrong about that. He was my cheerleader through everything.
“Would you give that another chance?” she asks.
I furrow my brows. “I don’t think there is another chance. At least not with how our lives are now. Me being in the city. Him being here.”
“I don’t know, Ellie. You were head over heels for him. And I know he was with you. I think he still is.”
“What makes you say that?”
“I can just tell. He reminds me of your dad.” She smiles to herself. “A sweet man who wasn’t afraid to express his love for someone. I swear, I don’t know how I got so lucky.”
“I’m sure Dad is the one who feels he’s lucky to have you.” I take another sip of my drink.
I watch Mom as she goes into dreamland, thinking about her and Dad. I grew up in a house that was filled with love. They are what fairytales were based on. Dad always looks at Mom like she’s his queen. They still hold hands, cuddle up on the couch, and give each other positive affirmations.
It’s the kind of love I only hoped for. I thought I had that with Charlie. I look down at the ring on my thumb, slowly spinning it as I think back to how our relationship used to be. He always catered to my needs, even when I didn’t ask. He would listen to me talk about my day and ask questions.
As the years went on, that dwindled. He would ask about my day, but not really listen, just nod and answer with one word. I would be the one to ask him what he wanted for dinner, and he would say it was whatever I wanted, not really caring.
Little by little, I started to care less and less. The spark was slowly dwindling until it was nothing but smoke. But I never noticed that feeling. Not until I came home.
“Well, I hope you do find what you’re looking for, honey. You deserve the best, and I hope you realize that” Mom says, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I smile at her. “Yeah, I hope I find that out soon.”