Chapter 32
thirty-two
ELLIE
After lunch, I decided to stop by Riley’s place before I had to head back home to start baking. I know this is just an excuse to procrastinate. But I’m dreading having to look at anything baking.
I approach Riley’s building. She lives above the town's coffee shop, Sip-Sip Hurray, in a cute little apartment. I hit the buzzer at the side door, hearing the ringing that allows me to enter. When I walk in, I’m hit with the aroma of coffee, and my body melts. Honestly, who needs candles when you can just smell coffee all day? The only time her place doesn’t smell like coffee is when the shop is closed.
She always opens the windows to waft out the smell and lights up her candles that smell like citrus. My favorite is pink lemonade.
“Hey, girly pop,” Riley shouts from her kitchen.
Her sage green velvet couch comes into view on the right side of the entrance. Her bay windows pour sunshine throughout the living room, the stained glass creating a prism across the hardwood floor. A large, fuzzy area rug sits in the middle, with a cute wooden table on top of it. A television sits on the wall across from the couch, with a decorative table underneath covered in candles, frames, and small cactus plants.
The kitchen sits on the left side of the room and is big enough for three people to stand in. The entryway of the kitchen is an arched wall that is decorated with drapes that are pulled to the side. Then there’s a long hall where her bedroom and bathroom are. Cute and quaint, if I do say so myself.
“Hey, Ry,” I say in exasperation.
“I hope you don’t mind, but Hailey is coming over.” Riley walks out of the kitchen and to the living room.
We both sit on the couch, and I move a decorative throw pillow on the floor to make more room for us.
“It’s fine. She can help me rethink my life decisions and where they’ve led me.” I throw my arm over my face and slump my body into the couch.
“What happened?”
“Oh, nothing. Just feeling existential dread. I’ve realized that I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, and I’m almost ready to give up.”
“Ellie.” Riley reaches her hand out to me, placing it on my forearm.
“It’s fine. I think everything is just catching up to me now. I’m just mentally exhausted and trying to get over this stupid hump. I know it won’t stay like this forever, but you know how it is when you feel like nothing is going right in your life, and it feels like it’s not going to change?”
“Oh, trust me, I get it. I’m living in a small, but cute, apartment, working at a yoga studio half the time and at my dad’s dentist office the other half. I can’t stand being around my parents, yet I work at one of their businesses. I gave up a long time ago…my life sucks.”
“Have you ever thought that maybe you just need someone in your life that you can go home to and forget everything else? Getting excited to go home and see them. Catch up on each other’s day.”
Riley mimics a gag before saying, “Sounds gross.”
I chuckle and lightly hit her on the arm. We hear the door open and see Hailey.
“Yo,” Hailey says, throwing her bag on the floor.
“Hi.” I wave lazily.
“Hey, Hails,” Riley replies.
Hailey looks over at me as she sits on the floor and asks, “You, okay?”
“She’s having a life crisis. Just your normal Tuesday,” Riley says.
Hailey tilts her head back and says, “Ah, that’ll do it.”
“Did you get a new tattoo?” I point to the clear wrap on Hailey’s forearm, trying to change the subject.
She holds out her arm. “I sure did.”
“What did you get this time?” Riley asks.
“Whiskey and Butterscotch.” She gets on her knees and scoots over to us.
The tattoo shows two cats, but in a yin and yang symbol, curled into each other. The cutest thing I’ve seen.
“That’s so cute,” Riley squeals. “Have you had any hot clients lately?”
“There was one guy that came in. Totally my type.” Hailey wiggles her brows.
“Oh, so Beau?” I tease.
“Ew, gross.” Hailey grimaces.
I chuckle. “What? You two are a match made in heaven.”
Riley cackles. “More like hell.”
Hailey points to her sister in agreement.
All three of us jump when the buzzer rings in the apartment. It continues and doesn’t stop, just a consistent buzzing.
“Who the hell is that?” Hailey asks.
Riley gets up from the couch, looks at us, shrugs, and hits the buzzer.
“Are you seriously letting someone in that you aren’t expecting?” I ask.
“Ellie, we live in a very small town, not the city,” Riley replies.
“Why does everyone keep comparing things to the city?” I ask.
Hailey looks at me. “Because you compare it now.”
Someone opens the door, and we see Addie rushing in. She’s huffing and puffing like she’s about to blow this house down.
“Whoa.” Hailey looks up at Addie.
She turns to close the door and drops her backpack on the ground. Her dark brown hair whips around, and she goes to the kitchen to get a glass of water.
“My brother is an idiot.” She pours herself some water from a jug into a glass and chugs the whole thing before she sets it back down.
We stare at her and then at each other, then back to her. Unless Rowan told her how the other night went, I don’t know what else he could have done to Addie for her to call him an idiot.
She sits down on the other side of the coffee table and sets her phone down in front of her. “Ellie, I am so sorry. I just found out what happened when James told me at work. I had to drag Rowan to the office and scold him.”
I look at Addie with wide eyes. “I didn’t tell them what happened.” I gesture to Riley and Hailey while I lay back on the couch and cross my arms.
“I’m scared to ask what happened now. Do I want to know?” Riley asks before looking back at Addie.
Addie looks at me for confirmation to continue. I wave a hand at her.
Addie lets out a breath and says, “From what my brother told me, it was great. He made a reservation, asked for a special menu, bought you a bouquet of flowers, and had wine waiting for you two, the whole nine yards. He then tells me that you went back to his place?—”
Riley gasps and looks at me with excitement. I shake my head at her.
“Yeah, that was my reaction when he told me that. But get this.” Addie laughs sarcastically and holds out her hands for the dramatics. “Ellie, what did you ask my brother?” Addie looks at me with a smile.
I roll my eyes. “I asked him why he asked me out.”
“Correct. You asked him why he asked you out,” she repeats this like she’s a talk show host. “And what did he say in return?” She places her arms on the table and clasps her hands together.
“Because I’m his friend,” I mutter.
Both Hailey and Riley gasp, their mouths open, staring at me. Hailey starts to laugh, and Riley has her hand on her mouth.
“What did you say?” Riley asks.
I look at them, tired of this conversation already. “I repeated what he said to me aloud, making sure I heard correctly. I told him I should go home. He was quiet for a moment, and then he said I could stay the night.”
Riley grabs my arm. “Please, tell me what you said,” she begs.
I let out a snort. “I asked, ‘like a sleepover’. Which confused him, and he questioned that, so I said, yeah, since we’re friends.”
Hailey starts to laugh again. “Oh, shit.”
I should laugh with Hailey, but that would just look pathetic, considering my life is already one big joke. First Charlie and now Rowan.
I wave a hand in annoyance. “Why the hell did he ask me out? It seemed like a date, which I never confirmed because of everything he did for me. I’m just…”
Addie pulls her hands into her lap and looks around the room, avoiding my eyes. I narrow mine at her and angle my head.
“Addie,” I say to her.
She looks up at me with an innocent face. “Hm?”
“What did you do?” I ask.
“Well,” she drags the word out. She starts to fidget with her hands and scrunches her face. “I kind of, may have, pushed him to ask you on a date.”
“Addie!” Riley shouts.
“I was just trying to get him to stop letting his fear get the best of him!” she replies.
My expression drops and is now completely neutral. I feel confused inside, but I make sure not to show it.
“Why would you do that?” I ask.
She opens her mouth, looking nervous. She knows she overstepped with all of this. I would agree with that. But this is no surprise when it comes to Addie. She asserts herself in everyone’s business.
“I just can't see my brother like this anymore. Ellie, I don’t think you realize how much he cares about you. He won’t let himself have you again because he’s scared that you’re going to leave him. I mean, technically, you will when you go back to the city. I don’t know. I was just trying to nudge him a little.”
“You can’t push your brother to do anything,” I say. “He’s a grown man who can make his own decisions. Plus, we aren’t getting back together. I don’t know how many times I need to tell you guys that.”
And myself.
“But you’re going back to Charlie, and we don’t want you to do that. I thought maybe if I just pushed you two together, you’d see that you two are made for each other. I read too many romance books. This is all my fault.”
Hailey, Riley, and I hold back a laugh because no one can ever be angry with Addie. Not when she does things with good intentions.
“No way in hell are we allowing Ellie to go back to that pud,” Hailey chimes in.
“Yeah, if Ellie decides to give him another chance, I’m moving to New York with her until she comes to her senses,” Riley adds.
I get up from the couch, go to Addie, and take her into my arms for a hug. The little sister I never had.
“You need to let me and Rowan figure this out on our own, okay? And when it comes to Charlie.” I look around at the three of them. “Being home has made me realize that I do deserve better than that. But Rowan needs to realize that he deserves better when it comes to the situation with his dad. I think once he figures that out, he won’t be so scared to take what he wants.”
And I want that to be me.
“I punched him in the arm for you,” Addie mutters.
I laugh. “Thank you.” I let out a sigh and looked at them. “Look, I will talk to him tomorrow. I’ll talk to him, and we can navigate things. Whether that’s us trying things out again or not. I will always love Rowan. I don’t know if he knows that, but he’s never left my heart. He was my first everything, and I’m happy that I was able to have him when I did.”
Riley places her hands on her chest, a small frown appearing on her lips.
“I’m sorry,” Addie says, hugging me again.
“It’s okay.” I pull away. “I need to get going. I need to make the stupid dessert that I agreed to do for Mrs. Anderson. Wish me luck.” I salute them with two fingers.
“You’re going to kick ass,” Hailey shouts as I walk through the door.
* * *
I wrap my hair up after changing into comfortable clothes for the night. I breathe out a heavy sigh while I place my hands on my hips, looking at the kitchen in front of me. It never used to be like this. I never had to drag myself when it came to baking.
I was always in the kitchen on my own accord, testing new recipes, calling out for Mom, Dad, and August to taste test. Every time they smiled and told me how amazing it was, I felt like I accomplished something. Making people happy. It’s all I wanted.
I walk into the kitchen and look at everything I need displayed on the table. A simple dessert containing graham cracker crumbs, sugar, butter, peanut butter, and chocolate chips. At least it isn’t 800 crème br?lées.
I grab my phone and select the playlist I made for baking. I haven’t listened to it in almost two years. All the songs were upbeat and always put me in a good mood. I hesitate to push play, nervous about how I’ll feel once I hear the first track.
I hope it’s not a trauma response because that would absolutely suck.
I hit play, and the sound of a piano quickly starts, and then the voices of two women start to sing together. Dancing Queen by Abba blares from the Bluetooth speaker. I feel my toes move to the beat of the song.
A small smile forms on my lips, and I feel myself shift to a lighter mood. I’m ready.