Chapter 33
thirty-three
ROWAN
“Mom, Aunt Rosey, you’ve outdone yourselves again. The food is so good,” Addie says as she takes another bite of the twice-baked potato that was seasoned to perfection.
It was the best comfort food that I could have asked for. Mom made her famous baked macaroni and cheese, Aunt Rosey handled the rotisserie chicken, Addie made homemade mashed potatoes, and I grilled vegetables with garlic seasoning.
“So, you two, how has work been? I heard about the merchandise mishap a few weeks ago. I forgot to ask you about it,” Mom asks while spearing her asparagus.
“ I was able to handle it just fine.” Addie glances at me. “Everything was fixed within the same week. I was able to get half the money back while still receiving the correct items, and they gave us a fifty percent discount for our next large order.” She angles her head at me with a smile.
“Now that’s how you get shit done,” Aunt Rosey replies, pointing a fork at us.
“If Rowan could only trust me enough to do my job, he wouldn’t have had to rip out his hair.” She continues to look at me.
I take another bite of the chicken and down it with Mom's fresh lemonade. I continue to look down at my food, smiling to myself.
“Well, I’m proud of you for letting your sister handle things, Ro.” My mom bumps her elbow into mine.
Addie smiles. “It took a lot of nagging to get what I wanted, but it worked.”
“I know, I know,” I reply in self-defeat, raising my hands in surrender. “I’m sorry for not trusting you to control the situation to begin with. It’s a huge flaw of mine to try to do everything myself, not let anything bad happen.”
“If you keep trying to control everything in your life, you are going to have a miserable time,” Aunt Rosey tells me.
My mom nods in agreement without looking at me, continuing to eat her food.
“I’m going to start stepping back,” I say, “and let Addie do what she does best. I know it’s not fair of me not to let her do her job.”
I know it’s not going to be a cakewalk to try to let go of some of this control. I’d even gotten into tiffs with James when we first started building the idea. It almost ruined our friendship.
Addie narrows her eyes at me.
“What?” I ask.
“I don’t believe you for one second. You’re not going to step back and let me do my job. You say that now, but I bet by tomorrow, you’re going to find something to complain about.”
“Addison, why don’t you believe your brother would do that for you?” Mom asks.
“He’s controlled every single part of our lives ever since Dad left. How is he just going to change overnight and tell me that he’s going to let me take control of the things I need to do when it comes to the brewery?”
I gesture to myself. “Hey, I’m sitting right here.”
“It’s true, Ro,” Addie replies. “How can I believe that you will let me do what I’m best at? I didn’t get a degree in marketing just for fun. You know how you almost lost your friendship with James over the same thing? I know you’re not trying to push me away, but you’re going to if you keep this up.”
I set down my fork. “After what happened with Ellie on the ‘date,’ I don’t know. I kicked myself in the ass for how I ended that night. It took going out with her to realize how I’m fucking up everything in my life. Do I like the idea of trying not to control things? No. It’s going to take a long time for me to learn how to stop doing that.”
“What happened on your date with Ellie?” Aunt Rosey asks.
Addie sits back in her chair and her expression softens while she looks at me. I know she feels bad for pushing me into asking Ellie out. After she dragged it out of me, she was furious with how I handled things.
Later that day, she came back and apologized. I could tell she had been crying. Of course, I could never stay mad at my little sister when I know she wants the best for me. She just doesn’t know how to go about it in the right way.
She’s an optimist, always looking at a glass half full instead of empty. That’s how she looked at her situation with our dad. If he left, it was for good reason, and that was that. She cleaned her hands of him and moved on from the situation.
I let out a breath before telling both my mom and aunt exactly what happened. I tell them how it started, how despite me being so nervous, it felt right. Treating her the way she is supposed to be treated. I still watch the video I took of her at the restaurant when she saw the cookie skillet. And every time, it makes me smile.
I continue to tell them about what we did afterward when I scared her and the way she jumped up from the couch and screamed. The way my abs hurt when I couldn’t stop laughing. And then when she asked me that question that should have been so easy to answer.
“Oh, honey.” My mom gives me a pitying look, which I would have been offended by, but at this point, I know I screwed up.
“Rowan, what the hell is wrong with you?” Aunt Rosey says sharply.
“I panicked.” I cover my face with my hands and drag them down.
“You panicked, and that was the best thing you thought you should say?” Aunt Rosey continues. “Rowan, honey, I love you, but that was a dumbass move.”
“I know,” I shout in annoyance and then let out a laugh. “You don’t think I know that? I know I had the perfect opportunity to just lay all the cards on the table. But I got into my head. Besides, she’s not staying here, she didn’t move back. She took a break from her job. What would be the point in trying to start something with her when it’s going to end up with me being left behind? Again? I know that I’m self-sabotaging myself, but I can’t help it. The two of you have shown me so much love and positive affirmations, but it still hurts that someone who is supposed to love me couldn’t.”
The table is quiet for a moment. Addie looks down at her plate, my mom still giving me her sad eyes, and my aunt narrows her gaze at me. I look at her and don’t avert my gaze from her. I know in that terrifying head of hers, she wants to say something, and she’s trying to figure out how to say it in a subtle way.
“Your father was a great man,” she says.
Well, that was not what I was expecting. I can tell from Addie’s expression she wasn’t thinking that either. My mom's, however, it doesn’t change.
“I’m sorry, but did you just compliment a man who left his wife and kids?” Addie’s tone is anything but nice.
“Watch it,” my aunt says with a pointed finger.
“Seriously?” Addie says.
“Addie, you have not taken the time to ask your mom about your dad. Rowan has. You are automatically judging him for what he did without knowing the full story,” Aunt Rosey says.
“Because why should I care about a man who up and left us? He didn’t love us. He never tried to see us after that. Not a phone call or a letter.” Addie says.
“It’s a two-way street, honey,” Aunt Rosey retorts.
Addie rolls her eyes and pushes the chair back from the table. The legs scraping against the hardwood floor. “If you’ll excuse me. I have some work to do. Thank you for dinner.” She turns on her heel to leave.
“Rose,” Mom scolds.
Aunt Rosey shakes her head. “No. I’ve had it with her bad-mouthing her father. She never bothered to ask about him. Plus, if he had called or written, would she have given him the chance? I don’t think so. She’s as stubborn as a mule.”
“I wonder who she gets that from.” Mom gives her a pointed look.
“Rowan,” Aunt Rosey says. “I think you should see your father.”
I raise my eyebrows in confusion. She tells me that, like it’s so simple, to just go see him. A man I haven’t seen in so long.
“I don’t know where he lives,” I say.
“Three hours away,” Aunt Rosey responds.
My mom's expression is neutral, like her sister isn’t telling me to see a man who most likely didn’t care about us and lives three hours away. Three hours. He is so fucking close to us. For how long? I feel my teeth clench and I try to calm down my breathing.
“He lives three hours away, and he has not once visited,” my voice comes out angry and frustrated. I look at my mom, waiting for her to say something.
She turns to me and grabs my hand in hers. I don’t think I’m going to like where this is going.