Chapter 46
forty-six
ROWAN
“It’s a little early to be drinking already, don’t you think?” Ellie says from the stairs.
I look at her, and no matter what, she always takes my breath away. Her long hair flows over her shoulders. She’s wearing a simple outfit: jeans and a shirt, and she still looks like a queen to me.
“It’s one in the afternoon on a Saturday,” I counter. “Plus, this is the only one I’ve had.”
She sits down across from me and puts her bag on the chair next to her.
“Do you want anything?” I ask.
She waves me off and says, “Nah, I’m good. So, what’s up? What did you want to talk about?”
I sit up straight and clear my throat. When I look at her, she pinches her brows and worry spreads across her face.
“Is everything okay?” she asks.
“Uh, well. I don’t know how to exactly say this, so I’m just going to come out with it. I’m going to see my dad.”
The worry expression is replaced with shock and surprise. She opens her mouth like she’s about to say something but stutters her words as she holds up her hand.
“Hold on. You’re what?” She turns her head to the side, her ear facing me like she needs to hear this again.
“I’m going to drive three hours out of town to see my dad.” I keep my voice stern and steady. Not letting the emotions control me.
“Why?” she asks sharply.
“Why not?”
“Because the guy left you and your family, Ro. Why would you want to talk to a man who broke your heart and left you?”
“This is the first step that will allow me to move forward with my life.”
Her brow arches. “Why now?”
I look at her and I don’t say anything. Hoping that she will put the pieces together. Having the conversation with my mom and aunt and then Addie. All the women in my life are pushing me toward Ellie. Maybe seeing my dad is the extra push I need.
“Why, Rowan?” she asks again.
“Because I just need to do this. I need to move on from my past with him and start thinking about the future and what I really want.” I stare at her.
She crosses her arms and presses her lips together. “Fine. I’m going with you.”
I knit my brows together. “Ellie?—”
She holds up her hand. “Rowan, I’m going with you. I’m not having you do this by yourself, okay? I’ll sit in the car when you go talk to him. I just can’t let you go alone. Okay?”
I look at her and don’t say anything.
“Please,” she pleads.
I nod my head once before saying, “Okay.”
She lets out a loose breath, and she drops her arms. “Okay. All right. When are we going?”
I continue to stare at her and say, “Right now.”
“ Now ?” she slightly shouts.
I splay my hands out and don’t say anything. She bites the bottom of her lip, and I can feel her leg start to bounce under the table. Then I hear the little squeak that’s coming from the ring she’s spinning on her finger.
“Okay, let’s go.”
* * *
Ellie decided that she was going to drive. However, I told her that I couldn’t sit in her car for three hours. Some of us aren’t fortunate enough to fit in a small car. The face she made was ridiculously cute; she was annoyed, but I couldn’t help but laugh at her annoyance.
She rolls her eyes and asks for my keys. I was hesitant to give them to her because she’s never driven my car before, and it’s bigger than hers. So far, she’s proving me wrong. We’ve been driving for an hour, and we have not gotten into an accident.
“How am I more nervous than you? It’s not even my dad,” she says while the wind whips her hair around.
“Because you care about me and my feelings.” I turn my head on the headrest and give her a smile.
“Well, duh. I swear, Rowan, if that man hurts you any more than he already has.” She shakes her head. “I will fight him.” She looks at me quickly and then back to the road.
“El, I can handle it. I appreciate it, but it’s fine.”
I watch her chew her lip and push her hair out of her face. I can tell she’s anxious, and I don’t know what else to do to calm her down, so I reach across the console and gently grab her hair. I see the hair tie on her wrist and gesture to it with my hand.
She looks at me, confused.
“Let me get your hair tie,” I say through the wind.
She takes her hand off the wheel, replacing it with the other, and I slide it off her wrist. I, horribly, try to put her hair in a ponytail, trying not to hurt her. I wrap her hair and lean back to look at my work. Not too bad.
Ellie smiles while looking out at the road. “Thank you.”
I nod and place my hand on the nape of her neck, massaging it for her.
“I should be the one giving you a neck massage. I’m not the one going to talk to my estranged dad.”
“You can give me one tonight.”
She looks at me, and I wink at her, making her roll her eyes with a laugh. My heart still races every time I look at her. I suddenly feel her body stiffen. I look at her and see she’s thinking about something.
We pass hills, small towns, vineyards. I’ve never seen this part of the coast. Never had a reason to drive this way, not until now. I’m eager, anxious, and curious. I don’t know what to expect. I know I already look like him. But will he notice?
Will he be nice? Will he want to talk to me? Is this a smart idea? My mom didn’t stop me, and I think she would have if she hadn’t seen anything good coming out of this. She knows him more than I ever had.
I feel bad for not telling Addie, but she would have stopped me and guilted me into not going. I know it would be out of protecting me, but I need to do this. I know I will regret it if I don’t. I’m also scared I’ll regret the fact that I did.
“I called Charlie,” she says, breaking the silence, but she doesn't look at me.
“You did?”
I see her throat bob and nod frivolously. “Yeah.”
I take my hand off her neck and put it in my lap. I see her look at me, and I continue to look ahead of us. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her shoulders rise and fall, and her grip on the steering wheel tightens.
“I told him that I don’t think we should work things out. That I wouldn’t be able to trust him again.” She lets out a shaky breath before continuing, “Once a cheater, always a cheater, right? If he can’t handle my lifestyle now, what’s it going to be like if I take the new position? I don’t know. I did the right thing, right?” She looks at me quickly and turns her face forward again.
I nod and say, “Absolutely. You did what was best for you, and I’m proud of you. I know it was hard for you to do. It’s not easy walking away from someone you love.” I look at her and watch as she places her hand on mine.
I pick up her hand and kiss her. Reassuring her she did the right thing.
But now what?