5. Logan
Chapter 5
Logan
T o my great surprise, I slept like a damn baby the night before with Dakota’s arms wrapped around me. Although, the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I’d been pretty touch-starved for a while now and it was no big secret that Dakota was about as handsome as they come. Then again, there were a few people in town that didn’t agree with me on that front. For some reason, there were still a few that steered clear of him because he was Cherokee. They didn’t trust him, which made about zero sense to me. As far as I was concerned, he had much more reason to be mad at people like me after what had happened to his people. It didn’t seem fair that he should be treated like an outsider despite the fact he’d lived in Sagebrush for years now.
I was doing my best to try not to think about him in a romantic way, or a sexual way at the very least. Of course, the more I tried not to think about him, the more I did. He’d made it pretty clear he wanted nothing to do with me. Then again, maybe he thought I was like those other people in town that disliked him for no reason. I certainly wasn’t, but how would I tell him that? I couldn’t just walk up to him and say ‘hey, I’m not an asshole’ because that’s exactly what an asshole would say.
Or maybe I was getting it all wrong. Maybe he just wasn’t into guys. I’d never held a real conversation with the man, so I didn’t know him at all. I just thought he was hot, and that made me want to get close to him. Or at least in his pants.
Fuck… maybe I was the asshole…
With a sigh and a groan, I forced myself up from the tree I was leaning against. The sun had slipped down below the horizon, and everyone was settling down for the night. Beau and Dakota were a few yards away, tending to the campfire. Meanwhile, I’d gone off to spend some time alone and think. Instead, I ended up just fantasizing about Dakota the entire time. I should’ve been trying to come up with a plan to get Caroline’s business off the ground. Our idea for a small rodeo-themed exhibition was a good one, but the logistics of pulling something like that off were crazy. I was already overwhelmed thanks to the tiny amount of research I’d done, and we hadn’t even started yet. It was going to be a monstrous undertaking.
As soon as I got to my feet, I heard the sound of footsteps approaching. I looked up, a smile already on my face thinking it was Dakota. But, of fucking course, it was Beau, looking like he had something to say as usual. I’d done my best to be civil to him and failed, so I just gave up on the charade.
“What do you want?” I sighed, making it clear I didn’t want to speak with him.
“Can we talk?” he asked, tipping his hat up. “Just for a couple minutes. I promise I won’t take up much of your time.”
“Will it get you to stop bugging me all the time?” I said, fully aware of how rude I was being. “Will you stop pretending you want to be my friend?”
He cocked his head to the side like a confused puppy. “But I do wanna be your friend, Logan.”
“Because of Lucas.”
“No,” he said quickly. Then he stopped. “Well, partly. But I also wanna be your friend anyway. There’s not many like us around these parts and I figured… well, we should stick together, ya know?”
“You gotta be fuckin’ kidding me,” I scoffed, my brows furrowed as anger filled my chest. “Now you want to stick together?”
That stupid look was on his face again. He didn’t know what I was talking about.
“You’ve got your little fairy tale romance, everyone loves you, and not a single person got upset that you were gay. So now you want to stick together, now that there’s no consequences for being who you are.”
“I’m not sure I know what you’re sayin’…” He looked so uncomfortable as he shifted back and forth, kicking at the dirt. “But I’m sorry for whatever I did to upset you.”
What little reservation I had inside me snapped in and instant and I found my voice rising with every word I spoke. “I don’t give a good god damn about your apology Beau. You may have thought you had a hard time coming out recently, but you weren’t sixteen years old with every single person you knew calling you a faggot to your face.” My face flushed with heat, my fists balling up at my sides. “And then people like you who claim that they never did anything that bad just sat there and let them continue calling me that and did nothing. You might as well have been shouting along with them for all I care!”
Even in the dark, I watched as all the color drained out of Beau’s face. His jaw moved like he was trying to figure out what to say, but no words came out.
“Everyone in town has always loved you. You were Mr. Popular, and you could do no wrong. Meanwhile I was the one they kicked dirt at while you said nothing to stop them. Then, when I finally tried to get out of this hell hole, everyone told me I was being stupid. That I’d never make it in the big city.”
I stopped for a second, my breath catching in my throat. Tears formed at the corners of my eyes, but I held them back, determined not to cry in front of Beau.
“And they were right I guess,” I muttered, more to myself than anyone else. “Now I’m back here with nothing to show for it and I’ve lost my best friend to you. I’ve… I’ve got nothing left.”
“Logan…”
“No!” I cried, slapping Beau’s hand away as he reached for me. “I don’t want your pity or your friendship. Go fuck yourself!”
With that I stormed away out onto the prairie, fully aware I was acting like a child throwing a tantrum. But I couldn’t let Beau see me cry. Not him of all people. He didn’t deserve that. And as far as I was concerned, he didn’t deserve Lucas either.
I stomped through the tall grass, my vision blurred by unshed tears. The cool night air whipped against my face, but it did little to calm the storm of emotions raging inside me. I had no destination in mind, just an overwhelming need to get away from Beau and everyone else.
After what felt like hours but was probably only minutes, I collapsed onto the ground, my legs giving out beneath me. The grass tickled my face as I lay there, staring up at the star-filled sky. Out here, away from the lights of the camp, the Milky Way stretched across the heavens like a river of diamonds. It would’ve been beautiful if I didn’t feel so shitty.
I don’t know how long I stayed there, letting the tears silently fall. Eventually, I heard the soft crunch of footsteps approaching. My body tensed, ready to lash out if it was Beau again.
“You okay?” a deep voice rumbled.
It was definitely not Beau. I froze, my breath catching in my throat. That voice... I’d know it anywhere, even though I’d barely heard it speak more than a few words. Dakota.
Slowly, I pushed myself up to a sitting position, hastily wiping at my eyes with the back of my hand. “I’m fine,” I muttered, not daring to look at him.
There was a long pause, then the sound of fabric rustling as Dakota lowered himself to the ground beside me. Not too close, but close enough that I could feel the warmth radiating from his body.
“Doesn’t look like it,” he said softly.
I let out a bitter laugh. “What do you care?”
Another pause. “I heard you yellin’ at Beau,” he admitted. “Thought maybe you could use someone to talk to.”
“And you volunteered?” I couldn’t keep the sarcastic tone out of my voice. “You barely talk to begin with.”
He nodded slowly, staring out over the plain. “Yeah. You’re right about that I suppose.”
I glanced over at Dakota, surprised by his candid admission. His profile was illuminated by the moonlight, his strong jaw and aquiline nose casting shadows across his face. He looked almost ethereal, like some ancient spirit of the prairie.
“I’m not much for talkin’,” he continued, his voice low and gravelly. “But I’m a good listener, if you want.”
I let out a long sigh, running a hand through my hair. “I don’t even know where to start.”
Dakota shrugged. “Start wherever you want. Or don’t start at all. Up to you.”
His calm demeanor was oddly soothing. I found myself relaxing despite my earlier outburst.
“I just... I feel so out of place here,” I admitted. “Like I don’t belong anywhere anymore. Not in the city, not here in Sagebrush.”
“You know, I get it. Feeling like an outsider, I mean.”
I turned to face him fully. “Yeah… I’ve seen how some of the people in Sagebrush treat you. It ain’t right.”
He nodded, his dark eyes meeting mine. “They don’t bother me much. But back on the reservation, I never fit in. Didn’t want to follow all the old traditions and my father… well, let’s just say he wasn’t very happy to have a son like me.”
I found myself leaning in, drawn by the rare glimpse into Dakota’s past. “What do you mean, a son like you?”
Dakota’s gaze dropped to the ground, his fingers absently plucking at blades of grass. “I didn’t want to be what they expected. To stay on the reservation, marry a nice Cherokee girl, have a bunch of kids. Follow in my father’s footsteps and become the town drunk.” He paused, his voice barely above a whisper. “I wanted more. And... I knew I’d never be happy with a woman.”
My heart skipped a beat. Was he saying what I thought he was saying? I held my breath, afraid to break the moment.
“So I left,” Dakota continued. “Came out here to make my own way. But sometimes I still feel caught between two worlds. Not really belonging to either.”
“I had no idea,” I murmured.
Dakota shrugged, his eyes still fixed on the ground. “Not many people do. I don’t usually talk about it. And not many bother to ask.”
We sat in silence for a few moments, the weight of his words hanging between us. I felt a strange mix of emotions - surprise at his openness, sympathy for his struggles, and a growing warmth in my chest at the realization that we had more in common than I’d thought.
“Thank you,” I said softly. “For sharing that with me. And for coming to check on me.”
He finally looked up, meeting my gaze. The moonlight caught in his dark eyes, making them shine. “Anytime,” he murmured.
My breath caught in my throat. We were sitting closer than I’d realized, close enough that I could feel the heat radiating from his body. The air between us seemed charged with electricity.
“Dakota,” I started, not sure what I wanted to say, but knowing I needed to say something. The moment felt fragile, like it could shatter if I made the wrong move.
Dakota’s eyes held mine, patient and steady. “Yeah?”
My heart raced. I took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. “I... I’m glad you’re here. With us on this drive, I mean. And... here now.”
A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Wouldn’t be anywhere else.”
We sat there for a long moment, just looking at each other. I felt drawn to him, like a magnet pulling me closer. Almost without realizing it, I started to lean in.
Dakota’s eyes widened slightly, but he didn’t pull away. My gaze dropped to his lips, full and inviting in the moonlight. Just a few more inches and...
“Logan! Dakota!” Beau’s voice rang out over the prairie.
Then, rising up behind him, were dozens of coyotes howling into the night. Already I could hear the spooked moos of the cattle behind them.
“I fucking hate cattle drives…” I murmured, looking over at Dakota with a grin.
“Come on,” Dakota sighed, pulling himself up and holding out a hand to me. “We just have to keep them alive for a couple of days and then we’ll get to rest.”
I took his hand, my cheeks flushing with heat. “I’ll hold you to that.”