Chapter 33
Addison
It felt like all the tears I had been holding back the past few months because of this man in front of me came pouring out of me.
I didn’t bother stopping them or wiping them away.
I just let them come. I didn’t care what I looked like or how I sounded.
I didn’t care if I looked weak. I let everything go right there in my office, while Daniel stood close by and watched because that was all I would let him do.
My whole life had changed in the course of a few minutes in this office that I had worked so hard to earn, and wouldn’t be able to call mine anymore.
I wished I could put all the blame on Daniel, but he was right.
It did take two, and I was every part to blame in this tangled web we had weaved together.
I wished I could go back and change the trajectory of where we had ended up.
I would have called in sick the day of the meeting.
If I did, he would never have recognized me at that fancy bar and ordered another round of drinks that would continue back at his place.
If I did, I wouldn’t have got so caught up in him and let go of my inhibitions, resulting in a very real baby that was growing inside me now.
But I couldn’t go back in time. Instead, I had to live in this moment.
This moment of my boss knowing everything, or at least enough to know that this was bad. Really bad. I was mortified that Brian knew some of the most intimate details of my life. Even more so, I was devastated that it had cost me my job.
It was all too much. I leaned my back against my desk and slid down to the floor, putting my head in my hands. I felt Daniel sink to the floor beside me. He wasn’t leaving, and I wasn’t sure if it pissed me off or if I found it slightly endearing.
I lifted my head from my hands and looked at him. “Why did you come here?” I sniffled.
“I was desperate to see you. To know what was going on.”
“And you thought coming to my work was the best idea?”
“Like I said, I was desperate,” he answered softly.
“You’ve ruined everything,” I whispered, anger making my voice wobble.
“Let me fix it.”
“You can’t. I know you think you can get away with everything in life, but you can’t.”
“Let me just talk to your boss again.”
I shook my head and looked down at the ground.
I couldn’t believe Daniel thought he could just sweep this under the rug, as if it wasn’t his life that had been turned upside down.
There was no way Brian would let this go, and even if he did, I wouldn’t feel right about working here knowing what he thought of me.
While his assumptions about Daniel’s and my relationship, if that’s what you could call it, were off-base, I knew how it looked. It looked like I wasn’t good enough at my job, so I took other measures to secure a deal. The thought made me sick.
I felt a wave of nausea roll through me, causing me to double over.
“Are you okay?” asked Daniel, putting his hand on my back.
“I’m fine,” I said, pushing his hand away.
“We can figure this out.”
“ We? ” I snapped.
He gave me a sad look, which just further pissed me off.
“Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you’ve just lost one of the things that mattered most to you. Like you’ve just lost your future. Like you have no idea how you’re going to afford your rent.”
He thought for a moment. I could see on his face that he had never had to worry about anything like that. It wasn’t his fault that it made him so out of touch with the reality of most people.
My reality was I had hit rock bottom. I had nowhere to turn to. My parents had already made it clear they wouldn’t help me.
“You can find another job. I can help you,” said Daniel.
I laughed loudly, a smile never reaching my eyes. “Yes, please, help me find a job where people will speculate on how I got it.”
“You have to let me help somehow,” he said.
“How?”
“I know you haven’t cashed the check I gave you…”
“You think that’s the solution?”
“It will help, until you can find another job.”
“I don’t need your money.”
That was a bald-faced lie.
He sighed frustratedly before getting to his feet and walking toward the door.
“Where are you going?” I asked, not sure if I wanted to know the answer.
He could be leaving, which deep down I didn’t want, or he was going to make a further mess of the situation.
“I’m talking to your boss,” he said with certainty before opening the door and stepping into the hallway.
I scrambled to my feet as quickly as I could, which was difficult, as my bump was already twice the size it was. I had done my best trying to cleverly conceal it, but was still surprised no one had noticed. Maybe they were just being polite.
Hurriedly, I followed Daniel out into the hallway, but he was already at Brian’s door.
I felt everyone’s eyes on us, even though they were trying their best to be conspicuous.
I tried to walk calmly with a forced smile across my tightly pressed lips, but my heart pounded against my chest. Daniel was already in Brian’s office.
I opened the door and quickly closed it behind me.
“Please. I can double the donation,” said Daniel.
His back was turned to me and Brian sat at his desk with his fingertips pressed together. He didn’t bother looking at me when I entered the room.
“You mean the donation you’ve already doubled this morning?” asked Brian, raising an eyebrow.
“Yes. Whatever it takes.”
“Don’t you think that will raise some questions?”
“Not if it’s kept private.”
“Mr. Jacobs, nothing with you is private,” replied Brian, his tone harsh.
I leaned against the wall, feeling like a child who wasn’t invited to the adult table. I didn’t know what to say. I just let it all unravel in front of me.
“Yes, I agree that questionable choices I’ve made in the past have found their way to the pages of the press. But never with my business practices. Those are held with the highest morale. Please don’t let my reputation skew the standards I have for my company or skew your opinion of Heart.”
Brian looked at him questioningly.
“I mean, Addison,” said Daniel quickly.
I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment as I realized how this situation had gone from bad to worse.
“Mr. Daniels, while I admire the business you’ve built for yourself with the morals you are trying too hard to convince me of, I can’t allow Ms. Heartly to continue working here. If, and when, this gets out to the press, the nonprofit would have to close its doors. I can’t have that happen.”
I swallowed hard. He was right. If word got out that Leading to Learn was getting donation money through questionable practices, it would be forced to close.
There would be lawsuits. It would be incredibly messy.
I couldn’t let that happen. Even though I was losing my job, what we had built still meant so much to me.
“I understand,” I said, finally saying something.
I pushed myself from the wall and took a step next to Daniel.
“Brian, I want to apologize for putting you in this compromising situation based on my poor choices. I hope you know that what transpired between me and Daniel, while it was wrong, it was real. It had nothing to do with furthering my position here at Leading to Learn.”
Brian studied me for a moment before speaking. “I’m sorry to see you go, Ms. Heartly. But it has to be done.”
I gave him a solemn nod before turning toward the door.
As I left, I heard Daniel say behind me, “You’re making a big mistake letting her go.”
I ignored it and walked toward the elevators. I didn’t have any of my things with me. I just had to get out of there. If only for a little bit.
As the elevator doors started to close, Daniel put his hand through and pushed his way inside. I didn’t say anything. Didn’t look at him. We rode in a silence that seemed loud because all the words that had been exchanged were bouncing off each other in my mind.
When we were on the first floor, I quickly walked past him and out onto the sidewalk. There, I finally felt like I could finally breathe. I sucked in the fresh air and closed my eyes, feeling the sunlight on my face.
“I’m sorry,” said Daniel, stepping beside me.
I shook my head and kept my eyes closed.
“Can I take you back home?” he asked.
“I don’t have any of my things.”
“Well, I could…
“No, you’re not going back in there. You’re not doing anything. Haven’t you done enough?” I asked, my eyes snapping open and really focusing on his face for the first time today.
That was a mistake. The sincerity I saw in those blue eyes was almost enough to make me forget the entire mess of my life and let him save me. But life didn’t work like that. I didn’t work like that.
“I know things look bad right now, but we’ll figure something out.”
There he went with the “we” again.
“You mean, I’ll have to figure something out.”
“No. I’m here. I’m in this. I haven’t left yet. That’s what people do when things get hard, they leave. Hell, I’ve been that person. I’ve never gotten close to anyone because I was afraid of the hard. Of the messy. Of the complicated. But I’m here. And things are pretty damn hard, aren’t they?”
His words dug into me like nails, and as much as I wanted to reject them, I let them leave their impressions on me. It was the first time he had really ever opened up about anything. But it was too little, too late.
“Why?” I whispered.
“Why what?”
“Why are you still here?”
“Because of you. Because of the baby. Because it’s the right thing to do.”
I thought of the baby. Of what a messy life he or she had already found themselves in and they weren’t even earthside. It made my heart break.
Of all the things I wished I could go back and change, I ultimately knew that changing anything would mean I wouldn’t have this baby inside me. The baby that had changed my life with a single heartbeat and convinced me that I was ready to be a mom, despite everything. A good mom.
Nothing with Daniel had been easy up until this point, and I would hate to have the baby brought up in a world that was so unsteady. I couldn’t let that happen.
I took a deep breath before delivering the words that I knew would change us forever. A lie that felt like poison leaving my mouth.
“There is no baby, Daniel,” I said.
He gave me a double-take as his mouth fell open.
“I think it’s best we never see each other again.”
I turned and walked back toward my building.
A single tear fell down my cheek. I quickly opened the doors and entered the elevator, hoping he wasn’t following me.
I looked out the window and saw he hadn’t.
His back was toward me and his head was hung low.
It was the last image I saw before my tears blurred my vision and the doors closed.