Chapter 34
Daniel
Heart left me speechless on the sidewalk.
I felt like I might cry or throw up or punch something.
After everything we had been through over the past few months, I was ready to be together.
I was ready to be a father. Well, almost. Was anyone really ready to become a parent?
Ready or not, I wanted to be a part of that baby’s life. I wanted to be a part of Heart’s.
Now I was left with nothing on the sidewalks of Manhattan. I felt like everything I had fought for was ripped away from me in seconds. I felt empty.
Not only had I lost Heart, but we had lost the baby too.
I tried to grasp at what could have possibly happened in the course of a few days.
I couldn’t imagine Heart having an abortion without telling me, no matter how angry she was about the miscommunication a few nights ago.
I also couldn’t bring myself to imagine her having a miscarriage and going through that pain and loss all by herself.
Both possibilities broke my heart. She had been alone for both. I should have been there holding her hand.
I felt tears burn at the back of my eyes. A feeling I hadn’t felt since I was a child. I blinked quickly to prevent them from falling.
“Sir?” a voice said.
I looked up and through watery eyes saw Armand standing there.
“Let’s get you in the car,” he said, putting his hand on my back and guiding me into the backseat.
Never had I been more grateful for him.
“Thank you,” I said before he closed the door.
He didn’t ask any questions. He didn’t even glance back as if he wanted to give me privacy to work through the clear set of emotions running through me. He didn’t drive me back to work. He drove me home, which was a decision I wouldn’t have made, but a decision I needed.
I couldn’t work right now. Not when my heart was angry and breaking at the same time.
Fifteen minutes later, the car pulled into the parking garage and Armand came around to let me out. I gave him a nod that said thank you before going up to my apartment.
I took off my suit that felt like it was suffocating me and climbed into bed. It was barely 2 p.m., but all I wanted to do was sleep. I hoped when I woke up, I would realize this was all a nightmare. There had been too much loss.
Heart lost her job, which was something I would never forgive myself for.
If it weren’t for my desperate impulsivity, she would still work there.
And the other loss, which was almost unfathomable.
The loss of our baby. I had gotten lost in looking for cribs and strollers and onesies, and really saw the joy in it all.
I was going to be a dad. Was being the key word.
I closed my eyes and settled under the covers, falling into a deep sleep. My emotions had worn me out.
My phone trilled loudly. I groaned as I searched for it blindly, feeling around the bed and my nightstand until my fingers wrapped around it. I brought it close to my face and opened one eye. It was Brody calling. It was 5 p.m.
“Hello,” I answered groggily.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Did I disturb you?” he asked sarcastically on the other line.
“Hey, Brody.”
“Are you fucking sleeping?” he asked.
“Yeah, I am.”
“So, you left work after bailing on a meeting with the London rep to go take a nap?”
“Seems that way.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” he asked, his voice rising.
“Look, I don’t really need my little brother babysitting me,” I said irritably.
“Uh, you do, when you’re dropping the ball. We could have lost the whole London deal. You know that, right?”
“Well, did we?” I asked, uncaring.
“No, thank God. Margaret called me frantically to let me know you left. I had to run the meeting myself.”
“You’re a big boy, Brody. You can handle it.”
“Okay, Dad. ”
“It’s about time you stepped up. I can’t do everything for you.”
I knew I was taking my bad day out on him, but it felt good to unleash on someone. Anyone.
“Call me back when you’re not such an asshole,” muttered Brody before he hung up.
I turned off my phone and tossed it back on the nightstand. I rolled over onto my stomach and closed my eyes again. I just wanted to go back to sleep again.
And I did. I slept until five the next morning. The sunrise coming over the buildings served as my alarm clock. I stretched my arms and let out a long yawn. It felt like I had been asleep for days.
I rolled out of bed and padded the cool, wooden floor of my bedroom to the bathroom.
I ran a cold shower and stepped inside, letting the frigid water wake me up.
I brushed my teeth and threw on a pair of gray sweatpants and a hoodie.
I put on a pot of coffee and as I waited, my stomach growled loudly.
Yesterday, I had skipped lunch and dinner in favor of sleep. Sleep was my only escape from what had happened, but now I was awake and moments seeped into my thoughts like I was remembering a dream.
I opened my fridge and pulled out a carton of eggs and a package of bacon.
I fired up a pan, and soon my kitchen was filled with their savory scent combined with freshly roasted coffee beans.
I brought my plate of food and mug of coffee to the large, ten-person dining room table in the large room next to the kitchen.
Putting my food down, I then sat at the head of the table and began eating.
I looked around my large penthouse and listened to the silence that surrounded me.
In that moment, I realized just how alone I was.
And just how much I wished Heart was here, and how much I wished the room was filled with her laughter and the squeals from our baby.
I really thought maybe our life would end up here.
Toys on the floor, bottles on the counter, diaper baskets.
Figuring out how to do a new life together as we brought up a new life.
I should have told her sooner. I should have told her that night at the charity event.
Instead, we let our emotions get the best of us and it led to what we always did. Being tangled up in one another.
It was the first time in my life that I wished we would have talked rather than had sex. That was saying something. Now there were too many words left unsaid and too many realized dreams that had shattered.
My phone buzzed on the table in front of me. I picked it up quickly, hoping it might be Heart, but knowing deep down it wasn’t.
No. It was Brody:
Has my brother reentered his body?
Me: Not yet. I’m not coming in today. Can you handle it?
I watched the three dots bounce on the screen and waited for the angry response to follow, but it didn’t. He didn’t say anything.
I took the day off and spent most of it on the couch or in bed. It was very out of character for me, as someone who had never even taken a personal day. I just couldn’t focus on work or business deals. All of that seemed so flippant in the grand scheme of things.
I went back to work the next morning, and barely spoke to anyone. I didn’t see Brody all day, which was what I preferred. Margaret seemed to be wary around me, like I might flip a switch at any second. I was glad they avoided me. I just wanted to go through the motions at my desk alone.
For weeks, I carried on like that. I knew I was being an asshole. Even in meetings with potential clients, I didn’t have my usual charisma. I passed them on to Brody, who took them without question. He probably knew I would just screw them up.
One afternoon, after another big meeting with the London representative, Brody came by my office. He knocked and entered at the same time, as he normally did. I never understood what the point of him knocking was.
I looked up from my papers and gave him a nod. He closed the door behind him and sat across from me in one of the armchairs. He watched me silently for a moment, which was irritatingly uncomfortable.
“Yes?” I asked finally.
“We need to talk,” he said.
I sighed and sat back in my chair. “What is it, Brody?”
“I don’t know what is going on with you, but things can’t keep carrying on like this. People are wondering where you are. You’re the head of the company for God’s sake, Daniel. You can’t just keep hiding away in your office and having me run your meetings. People are starting to ask questions.”
“No, they’re not,” I said.
“Yes, they are. It’s a miracle the London deal finalized today after I had to win their trust over the past few weeks. No one likes being passed around like an appetizer. They were wary to continue.”
“But you did it, didn’t you?” I asked.
“Yes, I did. No thanks to you.”
“Then I don’t see the problem.”
“The problem is you are the CEO of this company. I thought we were a team. I can’t keep running my position when I’m doing yours too.”
I stayed silent. I knew he was right. I just couldn’t snap out of this stupid funk.
“I’m worried about you,” said Brody seriously.
“I’m fine,” I said.
“You’re not. But I think I know what will help.”
“What’s that?” I asked curiously.
“Getting away from New York. I don’t mind taking over for a little bit longer if it means you going on a trip, feeling refreshed, and getting your head back in the game.”
“I can’t just up and leave,” I said, exasperated.
“Yes, you can. You’ve already been mentally checked out for weeks.”
He wasn’t wrong.
“Here’s what you do,” he said. “You go and find Kiera—”
“Kiera?” I asked in surprise.
“Yeah. Go find her and patch up whatever went down that has you being the asshole you are. Then you invite her on an exotic vacation.”
I snorted. He thought this was about Kiera. It was laughable. But it also wasn’t surprising. I had let him and everyone else in the world think there were wedding bells in our future because I was trying so hard to protect Heart. In the end, she still got hurt.
I hadn’t confided anything in my brother. Maybe I should have. Too late now. There was no point in telling him when everything had ended. It would be easier for him to assume something else, then dig up the pain that I’d been trying to bury the past few weeks.
“You know she’d love it,” continued Brody. “The girl lives for selfies on the beach at five-star resorts, and she looks good doing it.”
“I’d rather go alone,” I said.
“It would be better with her. Think about it, you can fuck her in every orifice. She’d let you. Happily. Then you can release some of that stress that is clearly pent up.”
I rolled my eyes. Maybe he was right. Not about Kiera. But getting away for a while. It would be good to clear my head and get out of a city that had so many reminders of Heart.
“Where would I go?” I asked.
Brody grinned, knowing I had given in. “I hear Bora Bora is nice this time of year.”