Chapter 54
Daniel
I watched as Heart’s deep brown eyes found mine and widened in surprise.
Her lips slightly parted as if she was about to say something, but nothing came out but a slight breath of air.
We stood there staring at each other for a minute that felt like an eternity.
An eternity I could stay in because it meant she was here with me.
I wondered what her next move would be. Would she shut the door in my face? Would she let me in? Would we hash it out right here? I stood tensely just outside her doorway with her familiar vanilla scent wafting into the hallway, captivating me even more. It felt like I was in some sort of dream.
She looked so effortlessly beautiful in an oversized light blue T-shirt that hugged her round belly and a pair of black bike shorts.
Her hair was pulled into a messy bun on the top of her head and her skin was flawlessly makeup-free.
She clearly wasn’t expecting company, but it didn’t make her any less perfect.
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as if realizing what she looked like, which was more than enough for me, but I could see her self-consciousness get the better of her.
I wished I could reach out and touch her face.
Make her see what I saw. Instead, I stood there and watched as her eyes fell to the ground, her hands moving to her stomach protectively. It broke my heart in that moment.
“Heart…” I started.
“What are you doing here?” she asked softly, still looking at the ground.
“I couldn’t stay away. I can’t stay away.”
“But I said…”
“I know what you said,” I interrupted, “But I don’t believe you. I refuse to believe we are better off apart and out of each other’s lives.”
“How can you say that?” she asked, raising her eyes and meeting my gaze.
I shifted my feet as her pointed gaze penetrated me. I couldn’t tell if she was about to yell at me or cry. Either one, I was ready to take. I knew that I deserved it.
“My whole life turned upside down after I met you. I got pregnant, lost my job, and found out the father of my baby was practically betrothed to someone else. It’s a mess. Us together is a mess. Why can’t you see that?” she pled.
“I know life didn’t go according to plan. Does it ever? I had no idea I would find you on that garden terrace and become completely enthralled with a stranger who was badmouthing me straight to my face. Believe me.”
Heart shook her head at the memory, a flush of color rising to her cheeks.
“But I wouldn’t take any of it back. Not one thing. Well, maybe a few things…but only where you got hurt. But meeting you, taking you home that night, realizing I was going to be a father. All of that I would do one hundred times over.”
She remained silent for a moment.
“Why?” she asked finally. Her eyes searched mine.
“Because this is the life I want.” I pointed between me and her.
“But you said…”
“What I said at that party was a lie. A stupid one to tell for the sake of my company. It was selfish and wrong, but most of all, it was a lie. A big, fat lie.”
“Then what’s the truth?” she asked.
“I want to be a dad. I want to be a dad more than anything, but I want to be one with you.”
My eyes fell to her stomach, which was even bigger than I remembered after our run-in at the doctor’s office. My heart swelled just thinking about the baby inside. How close it was to entering the world and how I might not have a chance to see it. It broke me.
Her hands clutched her stomach even tighter as my eyes remained where they were. How could I make her see?
Then I thought of something. I set the bouquet of flowers and the tea on the ground.
“What are you…” she started.
I reached in my jacket pocket and felt the glossy photo against my fingertips. The same photo I had been carrying around since I found out she was pregnant. The one her friend gave me that day just a few feet away from this very spot.
I pulled the ultrasound carefully out of the pocket and heard Heart audibly gasp when she saw it. The baby was just a little speck on the paper. It was probably just over twelve weeks old.
“Where did you get that?” she asked, her voice breathless.
“Your friend gave it to me.”
She looked at me questioningly. The look on her face told me she didn’t know I had it or that her friend had given it to me.
“Short. Dark hair. Fiercely protective.”
“That would be Monica,” she said with a hint of a laugh.
She gently took the ultrasound from my hands and looked at the picture. Her eyes welled with tears as she looked at it.
“This was from so long ago…” she said, almost to herself.
“I’ve had it ever since.”
“But why? You’ve just been carrying it around with you?”
I shrugged. “Yeah, I guess I have. I don’t know why. I just felt like it needed to be close to me.”
She twisted her mouth as she looked from the photo and back to me.
“Is this a bad time?” said a voice from the stairs.
Heart and I both looked over simultaneously to see who was interrupting this moment.
I saw her landlord standing at the top of the stairs, clutching the banister as she looked between the two of us.
An expression of amusement and enjoyment was on her face, as if she had just walked into a soap opera as a live audience member.
Her cat weaved between her legs and purred at us with the same curious expression as its owner.
“Yes, Edna. Not a good time,” said Heart, a hint of annoyance in her voice.
Edna nodded, but didn’t take any initiative to leave.
“Can it wait?” asked Heart, sighing.
Edna’s eyes widened as she realized she was indirectly being told to leave. Clearly, the lady could not take a hint. Heart had told me how nosy she was. As I looked at her in her pink fuzzy robe and matching slippers, I realized she must just be lonely. I kind of felt bad for her.
“Yes, yes. Sorry. I’ll be going,” said Edna as she scooped up her cat and held it to her chest. She began walking down the stairs and Heart waited until we heard her door close to continue our conversation.
She let out a sigh of a laugh before bringing her hand to her head.
“Are you okay?” I asked worriedly, reaching my hand out and wrapping my fingers gently around her arm.
“Oh, I’m fine. It’s just Edna. Sorry about that.”
I nodded, but didn’t let go of her arm. She looked down at my hand, but didn’t pull away. I took that as a good sign. It was time to go Notebook on her. With no speech planned, I just let every feeling I had do the talking.
“When I first met you, I wasn’t looking for anything.
Relationships weren’t on the table for me.
I wanted to believe I was too busy for one or too disinterested in the same women who only wanted my money or status.
But I think I was also scared. But then I met you.
Somehow, those fears just kind of washed away.
It was so easy with you, like I had always known you or something.
Like you had known me before I became ‘the Daniel Jacobs’—and I say that in the most humbling, embarrassingly way. ”
Heart’s lips lifted into a smirk and it took everything in me not to lean in and kiss her, but I knew I had to get everything off my chest. If our past had proved anything, it was that we needed to learn how to talk to each other. Really talk to each other.
“At first, it was just about the sex. I never thought it would turn into something else or that you would become pregnant.”
I saw her mouth open as she was about to say something, but I continued.
“And I want you to know before you start jumping to assumptions, I didn’t want to be with you just because you got pregnant. Yes, it’s the commendable thing to do, but it was more than that. You were more than that.”
Her mouth snapped shut. I knew her well. Better than she probably knew.
“You are as determined and strong as you are beautiful. Your kindness is too pure to believe sometimes. I’ve never met someone whose true passion was to help others when it didn’t lend them any advantages.
You put me in my place when I need it, and you don’t tiptoe around my feelings.
You also don’t tiptoe around yours. You tell me how it is and your needs.
You’re stubborn as hell, which is annoyingly endearing. ”
I could see her holding her breath as she took in my words, and I only hoped that she was really absorbing them. Believing them. It seemed like no one had told her just how incredible she was, and that was a cruel revelation to me.
“While I know you can raise this baby on your own, and you’d fight tooth and nail to give it the best life you could all while being a loving mother, I don’t want you to do it alone.”
She looked down at her stomach that she couldn’t even see her feet over, and the look in her eyes showed the love she had for the baby.
I could see right then and there the kind of mother she would be.
The baby was so loved already, and that’s what mattered.
It didn’t matter the kind of crib the baby slept in or what clothes it wore or what stroller it rolled around in.
What mattered is that it had loving parents.
I took a chance and gently placed my hand over hers.
We stood like that for several minutes, just embracing the silence and this moment that felt all too fleeting.
I felt a tear fall on my hand and drip off my knuckles.
I looked up and saw that Heart was silently crying.
Her eyes found mine and then she did something that made my heart feel like it was being put together.
She slid her hands from under mine and my palms were then pressed against her firm stomach.
She placed her hands over mine and pushed against them slightly.
That was when I felt it. A kick. The most incredible feeling in the entire world.
I felt my eyes burn as tears began to form behind my eyes.
Then there was another kick. And another.
As if the baby was saying hello. As if the baby knew who I was.
I leaned down and whispered, “Hello.”
After a few moments, the baby became still again, and I stood slowly as if in a trance-like state. How could someone I had never met have me wrapped so tightly around their finger? I had never loved someone so fiercely, except maybe for the women who stood before me silently weeping.
I slowly raised my hand and brushed her tears away with my thumbs. She nestled her cheek into the palm of my hand and looked at me with a soft smile. I could see she was scared. I was too. We could be scared together, just as long as we were together.
“Heart. I love you,” I said. “Fiercely, loyally, and passionately.”
She sucked in a shaky breath.
“It would be an honor to raise our baby together. If you’ll let me.”