Chapter 57
Addison
“What do you want for breakfast?” asked Daniel, as he perused the small hospital menu in his hands.
“I feel like I could eat the entire cafeteria,” I answered sleepily.
My stomach grumbled loudly in agreement and I placed my hand on it to quiet it.
The bump that was there twenty-four hours ago had deflated like a balloon and left me feeling empty.
Although Bridgette was here, she had to spend tonight and many more nights in the NICU.
It was a hard idea to grapple with and I missed her so much, even though she wasn’t far and I had already visited her several times.
I must have looked sad, because Daniel stood from his chair and walked over to me.
I scooched over and made some room for him on the small hospital bed.
He slowly lowered himself next to me. He was in his navy flannel pajama pants and Mets shirt from the night before from when he slept on the small couch against the window of the hospital room.
“You okay?” he asked, wrapping his arm around me.
“I just miss her,” I said softly.
“Me too,” he said.
“She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
“I know. Well, she’s tied with you.”
I nudged him playfully and laid my head on his chest.
“I just keep thinking I did everything wrong. She needed a few more weeks to grow and…”
I felt my throat closing up as the tears started forming in my eyes.
Ever since Bridgette was born I had been playing the blame game with myself about all of the things I could have done differently to not have us in this situation.
Last night, it kept me up for hours as Daniel slept soundly just a few feet away.
“Hey now,” said Daniel, stroking my cheek gently. “This wasn’t your fault. She was just excited to meet us.”
I laughed softly. He had been so comforting this entire time, from my water breaking at my apartment to the car ride here with Armand, to the delivery of our beautiful baby girl.
As strong as I thought I was, I didn’t know if I could actually do any of this without him.
Not now that I could feel the solidness of his body next to mine or the calmness in his voice as he soothed all of my fretful thoughts.
“You’re really something, you know that?” I asked as I looked up at him.
“ You’re the one who just had a baby. You’re practically Wonder Woman. Now, let’s get some breakfast in you.”
He read off the breakfast items from the menu and I chose scrambled eggs with cheese, bacon, and pancakes with extra syrup.
Daniel chose the same and called down to the cafeteria to place the order.
I watched him sit at the edge of the bed so serious as he held the phone, like he was taking a business call rather than ordering eggs.
I laughed softly to myself and my heart wrapped around him like a warm hug.
Last night he had ordered two gigantic subs from my favorite Italian deli and had them delivered to the hospital, along with a mini bottle of sparkling cider to celebrate.
The cold cuts I had been missing through pregnancy tasted so good and the sparkling cider was close enough to champagne that it made me think I was actually tipsy.
I wasn’t comfortable yet celebrating with real champagne, since I was breastfeeding and I was overly cautious since Bridgette was so small.
We ate our dinner while we watched a marathon of Friends.
It felt like we were having a date night in, which was something we had never done, and I loved every second of it.
Laughing and stuffing our faces with spicy pepper sandwiches and greasy potato chips.
It felt like we hadn’t lost any time at all.
It felt like we had known each other for years.
Last night was the most reassuring thing I had felt our entire relationship.
Having Bridgette. Going through all of that had brought us closer.
Not once during the delivery did Daniel waver.
He stood by my side with not one shake in his body or squeamish look on his face.
He held my hand as he coached me through the most exhaustingly rewarding moments of my life.
Our lives. He listened to the doctor and did as she said without any hesitation.
I had no doubt in my mind that he was ready to be a father now.
We hadn’t talked much about us yet, or where we were going to go from here. I wanted to, but we had to take it one thing at a time.
Our breakfast arrived twenty minutes later and I shoveled the food in my mouth hungrily and impatiently. I wanted to go up and visit Bridgette as soon as possible.
“Wow, you were hungry,” said Daniel, eyeing my empty plate as he took probably his second bite of eggs.
“I want to go see Bridgette.”
He stood up and took the tray from my lap. “Of course you do,” he said, placing the empty tray on a nearby table.
He helped me out of bed and into my fuzzy hospital slippers. He went to put his on, but I stopped him, knowing he had a full plate of food to eat.
“Stay,” I said. “Finish your breakfast.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, raising his brows.
“Of course. You need to eat.”
“Okay,” he said hesitantly. “But make sure you tell her daddy says hi!”
Those words soaked into my heart like a sponge.
Daddy.
I gave him a soft smile and a nod before walking out into the hallway. One of the nurses spotted me and came walking swiftly over.
“Do you need a wheelchair to go visit baby girl?” she asked.
“No, no.” I waved her off. “I’m feeling strong today. Plus, she’s not far.”
The nurse smiled and went back to the nurses’ station.
All of the nurses had been so wonderful and helpful, especially in the NICU.
I walked down the hallway to the room of incubators where Bridgette was.
I checked in with the nurse and washed my hands before I eagerly made my way to her and saw that she was on her back and looking up with curious eyes.
“Hey, baby girl,” I whispered as I sat down in the chair beside her.
Bridgette turned her little head toward me and her grayish-blue eyes found mine.
I sucked in a breath as I took her in. Every single time I saw her little rosy cheeks and dark brown hair, I felt completely taken aback.
She was so beautiful. So tiny. So perfect in every way.
If I had thought I loved her before, then my heart had grown one hundred times since the doctor placed her in my arms.
I didn’t know how long I was staring at her when I heard a voice behind me.
“Ms. Heartly.”
I turned around and saw the same nurse who stopped me in the hallway and offered me a wheelchair.
“Yes?” I asked.
“Your parents are here to see you. They’re in your room.”
“My parents?” I asked in surprise.
“Yes. Would you like me to tell them to wait?” she asked. If she was confused, she didn’t let it show.
I twisted my mouth as I looked from Bridgette to the nurse, debating what I wanted to do. Debating if this was real. My parents?
“I’m coming,” I said.
I followed her down the hallway to my room and heard voices inside.
Daniel’s and my father’s. I felt my heart quicken as I stepped inside the room.
I saw my mom first, sitting on the couch where Daniel had slept and nervously clutching a familiar little white lamb plush.
Dad stood next to Daniel, who was looking at me with a nervous excitement.
“Mom? Dad?” I asked, looking between the two of them.
“I’ll let you all have a moment,” said Daniel, giving me a kiss on the forehead before walking out the door.
I watched him go before turning back to my parents. My mother was now standing and my father had his arm around her. They both looked at me with glossy eyes. My mother spoke first.
“I know earning your forgiveness is a vague possibility after everything we’ve done. Everything I’ve done. But I owe you an apology. A million apologies.” Her voice broke as a tear rolled down her cheek.
I wanted to go to her and hug her, but it felt like such a foreign thing to do. I couldn’t remember the last time I hugged her. Or saw her cry.
“When Daniel called us to let us know the baby was born…” started my father.
“Wait, he called you?” I sputtered.
Daniel didn’t know much about my parents.
He didn’t know their names or where they lived.
Didn’t know how truly complicated everything was.
Yet, I was completely touched by his gesture and how he had tracked them down to share the news of Bridgette.
This man truly cared about me. I suddenly felt overwhelmed with emotion.
My father nodded. “Last night. We took the first flight out. We wanted to see you. Meet our grandbaby.”
I looked from my father to my mother.
“I know we have no right to see her or have a place in her life, but…”
She clutched the little lamb in her hands even harder and then I remembered. That lamb used to be mine as a baby. I put my hand to my mouth as I registered it all. She had kept it all this time. Even after everything.
“I thought Bridgette would like to have him...” said my mother.
I held back tears.
“Would you like to meet her?” I asked.
My mother and father looked at each other and back to me, nodding enthusiastically.
I led them down the hallway to the NICU. We checked in, washed our hands, and walked over to Bridgette. We found Daniel sitting in the same chair I had been in and holding Bridgette against his bare chest. He looked up as we approached and smiled warmly.
“Skin to skin,” he explained nervously as he realized he was half naked in front of my parents.
I laughed softly as I shook my head. The sight was too precious.
I heard my mother suck in a breath as her eyes took in Bridgette, who lay curled up, her little fingers pressed against Daniel’s chest.
“She’s so… so beautiful, Addison,” said my mother as she wrapped her arm around me gently. At first, my body didn’t know how to react, but I soon melted into my mother’s embrace, now realizing how badly I had missed it.
“Look at her tiny toes and fingers,” whispered my father in awe.
“She’s perfect in every way,” said my mother.
“She looks like you,” my father added.
“And you,” my mother commented to Daniel.
We spent the next thirty minutes admiring every inch of Bridgette, and there weren’t many. I couldn’t get over how small she was, but the doctor said she was strong and healthy, which were the most reassuring words I could hear.
“We should probably let you have your time,” said my mother, not able to tear her gaze away from Bridgette.
I nodded and gave Daniel a thankful look before I led them out of the room. We walked in silence down the hallway. As we approached the elevators, I stopped and looked at them both.
“I want you to be a part of Bridgette’s life. Of my life. But … ”
I saw my mother’s face bristle as she waited for what was coming next.
“We have to promise we won’t drop out of each other’s lives again,” I continued.
My mother let out a sigh of relief and she pulled me in for another hug. My father came from behind and wrapped his arms around us both.