Chapter 56
Daniel
I didn’t let go of Heart’s hand the entire car ride to the hospital.
It felt useless because she was in so much pain, but I wanted her to know I was there for her.
Every time a contraction came, she squeezed my hand until it was turning purple, but it was nothing compared to what she was going through.
I could see the worry in her eyes. I felt it too, but I didn’t want to show it.
I didn’t want to show any fear in this moment because I knew she needed reassurance that everything was going to be okay.
That was what I kept repeating to myself internally, as my heart felt like it was frantically beating out of my chest.
In the baby book I had read, I barely skimmed what would happen if the baby was born prematurely. Now, I was kicking myself because I felt so unprepared. The baby wasn’t supposed to arrive for at least another four weeks. I tried not to think about the chance that their health might be at stake.
Heart groaned beside me as she doubled over in pain. Her contractions were coming faster now, spaced out at about two minutes between each one. Each one seemed to be more painful than the next. I felt helpless as I continued to hold her hand and rub her back with my other hand.
Armand looked nervous in the front seat, but he kept his eyes on the road and expertly weaved in and out of traffic.
It was a good thing Heart had chosen a hospital in Brooklyn.
We wouldn’t be so lucky with time if we were heading into Manhattan.
I could see the build-up of traffic on the bridge, and there was no way we were taking the subway.
“Ahhhh,” Heart cried out.
“I’m right here with you,” I said, giving her hand a squeeze and letting her squeeze back until again my fingers turned purple and blue.
“We need to call my doctor,” she got out breathlessly.
“She’s already on her way,” I said. “I texted Freddy as soon as we got in the car. He filled her in.”
Heart nodded as we pulled up to the hospital. We had made it there surprisingly quick. I wondered how many illegal moves Armand did to get us here so fast. It was just another thing I owed him for. Another thing to tack onto his end-of-year bonus.
He ran around the car and pulled open the car door. I quickly slid out of the seat and he helped me pull Heart from the car. She slung her arms over our shoulders and we walked her through the sliding doors of the hospital. A nurse saw us coming in and ran over with a wheelchair.
“How far along is she?” she asked.
“Almost thirty-three weeks,” said Heart.
The nurse nodded and helped Heart into the wheelchair before looking to Armand and then me.
“And you are?” she asked.
“I’m the father,” I said with a stern nod.
“Come along,” she said, gripping the handles of the wheelchair and steering Heart toward the elevators.
“Thank you, Armand,” I called over my shoulder as I tried to keep up.
“Good luck,” I heard him say.
We rode in the elevators for what felt like one hundred floors until we reached the labor and delivery floor. The nurse asked questions as we rode about when Heart’s water broke and how far apart her contractions were. Heart was in too much pain to answer, so I took over.
“We’re not bothering with triage,” said the nurse. “There’s a good chance this baby will be here within the next hour.”
“It’s too early,” said Heart, crying.
“It’s okay, sweetheart. They’re coming today whether it’s early or not, but we are going to help you through it. We are going to take care of you and the baby.”
Heart looked back at me in a panic, but I gave her a reassuring nod and the best smile I could muster.
The nurse helped Heart strip and change into a hospital gown.
She talked her through everything, including the catheter and the machines she was being hooked up to.
Everything was moving so quickly, but I did my best to try to keep up.
Once Heart was settled in bed and the nurse was done with the wires and the IVs, she began writing information on a nearby whiteboard.
I took my chance and walked over and stood by Heart’s bedside, taking her hand in mine.
“I’m scared,” she whispered.
“Me too,” I finally admitted. “But it’s going to be okay. I promise.”
I hoped that promise wouldn’t be broken.
We heard a knock at the door and a woman in scrubs walked in.
“Addison,” she said with a big smile. “It’s the big day!”
She looked over at me and introduced herself. “Hello, I’m her doctor.” She held out her hand.
“Daniel,” I said, shaking her hand firmly.
She gave a knowing nod before snapping on a pair of gloves and turning to Heart.
“Now, let’s see what we have going on here,” she said, pulling up a rolling stool and taking a seat at the foot of the bed.
I stayed at Heart’s side, her hand in mine as the doctor did a quick examination. She called out a few numbers to the nurse. Something about effacement and dilation. My mind tried to grasp the numbers and make sense of it.
“Well, the good news is, baby is face-down. I can feel the head right there. The bad news, depending on what your birth plan was, there’s not time for an epidural.”
Shit, I thought to myself. I knew nothing about Heart’s birth plan or if she made one or what her thoughts were on an epidural. All I knew was from what I had read was that natural births were painful and I was scared for Heart.
“Okay…” said Heart nervously.
“You can do this,” I reassured her.
She pressed her lips into a tight smile and gripped my hand as another contraction ripped through her, causing her to cry out.
“Is there nothing you can give her?” I asked the doctor worriedly.
“Unfortunately not. This baby is coming and coming soon. She’s too far along in active labor. The epidural will only slow things down. But I assure you, she can do this,” said the doctor. “Did you hear that, Addison? You can do this.”
“Okay,” whimpered Heart, breathing out.
“I’m going to get my tools prepped and I’ll be back soon,” said the doctor, slipping out the door.
And soon it was. It hadn’t even been ten minutes before she was followed in by a nurse rolling a table full of metal tools. I swallowed hard as I took everything in. It was all happening so fast.
I followed the doctor’s directions and helped Heart get positioned on the bed, with a nurse at her side and the doctor at the foot of the bed.
“Okay, Daniel. Do you want to come down here to the edge of the bed? You can just hold her leg and coach her through it, okay?” said the doctor.
I looked to Heart to make sure that was what she wanted, as we had never discussed my role in the hospital. Hell, I didn’t even know I would be here, let alone actually watch our baby being born. Heart gave me a warm, pained smile that said to do as the doctor told me.
The next thirty minutes, I watched as Heart cried and yelled through the pain, but all the while showing strength I had never seen in anyone. Between the doctor’s orders of when to push and when to relax, I stroked her leg and held her hand, giving her my own words of encouragement.
“Okay, Addison. I want you to push now. Give it everything you’ve got,” said the doctor.
Heart bore down in the bed and gripped my hand harder as she closed her eyes. I watched as her face scrunched together and she let out a cry.
“Breathe,” I said. “Breathe, baby.”
“One more push, Addison. You’ve got this,” said the doctor.
Heart pushed once more and squeezed my hand again.
I felt her leg shake as she put everything into it.
And that was when my eyes fell to the most beautifully strange thing I had ever seen in my life.
Our baby was born. After a few seconds of silence and the doctor skillfully moving, I heard a shrill cry fill the room. My eyes welled with tears immediately.
“It’s a beautiful baby girl,” said the doctor triumphantly.
“Oh,” Heart sobbed, trying to sit up and see.
“Sit back, Mama. I’m bringing her to you.”
The doctor carefully cradled our baby girl as she brought her over to Heart and placed her gently on her chest. I came and stood next to Heart and the baby, running my fingers through Heart’s damp hair.
“Dad, would you like to do the honors?” asked the doctor, holding up a pair of scissors. I swallowed hard, knowing what was coming next. I felt like a bundle of nerves as I shakily took the scissors from her.
“Just cut right here,” she instructed reassuringly, pointing to the umbilical cord.
I did as she said, holding my breath the entire time.
“Good job,” she said.
Then Heart and I cried softly together as we took in our baby girl. She was absolutely beautiful. So tiny. I tried to push my concerns over her size out of my head and just enjoy her first few moments in our world.
After several minutes, the doctor broke the magical spell we were under.
“Daniel, if it’s okay with Addison, why don’t you hold her and assist me in weighing and measuring the baby?”
Heart gave me a nod and carefully held up the baby for me to take.
If I thought cutting the umbilical cord was scary, this was next level.
I carefully wrapped my hands around the baby’s head and body, bringing her to my chest. She was so light.
It was so unreal. I breathed her in as I followed the doctor to a nearby table.
She swiftly took the baby’s measurements and weight.
“Four pounds, five ounces. Sixteen inches,” said the doctor as the nurse jotted it down.
“Now, I need to get her to the NICU. From the looks of everything, she’s perfectly fine, but given her age and size, we need to keep her there for monitoring to make sure she’s healthy. Don’t worry. These are standard procedures for any preemie,” assured the doctor.
“When can we see her again?” asked Heart frantically.
“Why don’t you rest up a little bit while we will get her settled? Then you can come visit her. You can visit her anytime. I promise,” said the doctor, looking from Heart to me.
“Okay,” Heart whispered in disappointment.
I handed our baby carefully to the doctor, who placed her gently into a little bed on wheels. They wheeled our baby out of the room, leaving Heart and me alone with what felt like a hole in my heart.
“She’ll be okay, right?” asked Heart, looking at me teary-eyed.
“Of course. She’s strong, just like her mama,” I said, walking to her.
“We don’t even have a name for her,” laughed Heart softly.
I grabbed a chair and pulled it up beside her. “Well, let’s think of one,” I said, sitting down.
We went through a list of names, me vetoing some and Heart vetoing several others.
“This is something we should have talked about before,” she said, shaking her head.
I knew she was right. There was so much we should have done and talked about before this enormous moment in our lives, but we couldn’t dwell on that now. I was just happy we were together.
I kissed her knuckles softly.
“Let’s not think about that now,” I whispered. “I love you. I’m here. We are figuring it all out now. Just know, I’m not going anywhere.”
She reached her hand up to my face and caressed my cheek. The love I had for her swelled in my heart.
A thought came to me. “What about Bridgette?” I offered.
Heart rolled the name off her tongue as if she was trying it out.
“It was my grandmother’s name,” I added.
She thought for a moment. “I love it,” she said.
I leaned in and kissed her.