Chapter 45
Cassie
I t’s been three days since I stormed out of Bluebirds, and honestly, they’ve been the longest three days of my life.
I’ve survived grief and loss in the past, but I’m not so sure how I’ll survive this. I miss Quinn like crazy. I miss his touch. I miss the sound of his voice. I miss the way he smells. I miss the way he holds the back of my head when he kisses me.
I miss everything about him.
But I still can’t wrap my head around what he did. It’s almost surreal. And definitely mind-blowing. So much so that I haven’t been able to think about anything else since I found out.
I’ve laid awake all night, trying desperately to make myself understand. Betrayal is an evil, heartless bitch however, and that’s how I feel. Betrayed.
Surprisingly, Quinn hasn’t called or messaged me, other than a quick text this morning that simply said…
Quinn: Please tell me you’re okay?
I didn’t reply at first. I ignored the message for hours. But as it turns out, Bug chose that exact moment to move inside me for the very first time, and the weird, tiny, fluttery sensation left me feeling breathlessly happy and devastatingly sad and so hauntingly alone that a cold shiver passed over my skin, and I burst into tears.
I eventually replied to Quinn’s text message because no matter what happens between us in the future, he deserves to know what’s going on with his child.
Me: I just felt a kick. I think?
For the next hour I watched and waited for him to reply.
But it never came.
“So, I hear you’ve got a bun in the oven.”
I close my eyes and pray for patience. It doesn’t come. Now that’s a shock. Leon leans his shoulder into the staff room door where Hazel and I are deep in conversation. His grin is lewd, and his sleazy eyes slither over me. I step back to stop the nausea rising up in my throat.
“Get out of here,” orders Hazel.
“Easy there, sweet tits.” Leon laughs, holding his hands up in surrender. “Don’t go getting your panties in a knot. I dig a pregnant chick, that’s all. They’re hot as fuck.”
“You’re sick,” she yells at him.
He laughs again, and this time he actually has the audacity to look proud of himself when he meets my eyes. “You might be hot, but don’t think I’m letting you off the hook just because you’re knocked up. You’re not mooching off me. Not a damn cent, do you hear me? If you can’t do the job, then you’ll be out on your ass. Got it?”
A fake banana goes flying across the room, courtesy of Hazel. It hits Leon square in the middle of his forehead. An apple follows, and Leon lifts his elbow, making the plastic fruit ricochet to the floor. “Apologize to Cassie right now, or get the fuck out!”
The last two words, the k and the t sounds are pronounced with resounding emphasis.
Leon’s cheeks glow with anger. “You’ve got five minutes left of your break, bitches.” He does that thing with his fingers that everyone knows, the one that says I’m watching you , and then thankfully, he shuts his stupid, fat mouth, slamming the staffroom door shut behind him when he goes.
“Okay, so before we were rudely interrupted…” Exasperated would be the word best used to describe Hazel’s expression. “Wow, and… wow .”
I can only assume she’s referring to the extended, special edition with commentary version of the hit series titled, He Did What?
“I know, can you believe it?”
“And you haven’t spoken to him?”
I shake my head .
“Sweetie, he obviously feels terrible about what happened. He was wrong to keep the truth from you, absolutely, but from what you just told me, the guy practically worships the ground you walk on.”
“It’s more complicated than that, Haze.”
“Is it? Because the way I see it, the guy did something insanely beautiful for you before he even really knew you. He gave you a gift you didn’t even know you wanted, or needed, and isn’t that the most beautiful part of all? Doesn’t that show you what kind of guy he really is?”
My entire body sighs.
“He didn’t mean to hurt you, Cassie. If anything, he was trying to do the opposite.”
Embarrassingly, tears well in my eyes. They’re tears of frustration and defeat more than anything else. But I hate Hazel seeing them nonetheless.
I will not cry here, not at Leon’s of all places.
Everything she’s saying is true, though.
“He makes you happy, Cassie,” she continues, pressing her fingers into the edge of the table, leaning forward slightly. “And you make him happy, and together you’re going to have a wonderful life with this baby growing inside you. What’s that saying about yesterday being history, tomorrow being a mystery, and…and, I forget the rest of it, but you see where I’m going with this? You love him, Cassie. Isn’t that enough? When it comes down to it, isn’t love enough?”
My heart pounds double time at her words.
Is love enough?
It’s strange how when you’re going through something really painful, at the time, you don’t think anything could ever be more painful than that. When Jeremy died, I lost a part of myself with him. His body took a part of my body. His smile took a part of my smile. The end of his life ended a part of my life, too.
It’s a different kind of pain this time. It’s a different kind of heartache with Quinn. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt because it does. It really hurts.
Hazel straightens up, a determined set to her shoulders. “Look, you can tell me to mind my own business, but I’ve read a shitload of romance books in my time, and what that man did, bend me over and fuck me sideways, it’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Romantic? How do you figure that?”
“Because he loved you even way back then. He just didn’t know it yet. I’ve watched him come into this bar for years, and trust me, that man loves you. No doubt about it. His eyes follow you everywhere you go. I don’t care what he did, or what he didn’t do, or what he’s going to do in the future because you guys are crazy for each other, and you shouldn’t let something like this get between you.”
I can’t breathe.
“Quinn wrote that letter to you because he wanted to ease your pain. He held you in his arms long before he ever held you in his arms. That’s love, Cassie.”
All I can do is stare at her with tears streaming down my face.
“Come on, we better get back to work. We won’t hear the end of it if we’re late.” Hazel walks around the table toward me and kisses my forehead, wiping the moisture from under my eyes with her thumbs .
My cell phone suddenly rings in my handbag. “I’ll be out in a sec,” I tell her, still sniffling. “This might be Quinn.”
“Take your time. I’ll cover for you.”
I grab my phone out of my handbag as Hazel pulls the door closed, and I don’t even care if I’m late back from my break. I’m just relieved that Quinn’s calling me. But when I pick up my phone, it’s Reed’s name flashing across the screen.
“Hello?”
“Cassie, it’s Reed. I know you’re probably at work, sorry to call you in the middle of a shift.”
“That’s okay. Is everything alright?”
“No.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Quinn had a seizure.”
I freeze. My handbag slips from my fingers, falling to the floor. “Oh my god! Is he okay?”
“Yeah, he’s okay, sort of. He collapsed on the street outside the radio station. An ambulance brought him to the ER. We’re at the New York Presbyterian Hospital. He’s awake and talking, but he had to get a couple of stitches in his chin, and he’s on some new medication to keep him from having any more seizures.”
“More seizures?”
Reed’s voice has an edge to it like I’ve never heard before. “Quinn has epilepsy, Cassie.”
Time stands still for what feels like an eternity. I swallow. My throat is dry and scratchy.
“Cassie, did you hear me?”
A small breath leaks out as my thoughts go into overdrive. “Yes, sorry, I heard you. He never told me that. Is he going to be alright?”
“He’s going to be fine, I promise. His epilepsy is normally really well controlled with medication, but they ran some tests when we got here, and his levels were way off. I think you should come in.”
“I’m leaving right now.” Grabbing my handbag up from the floor, I rush toward the door. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”