20 - Jonah
20
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Jonah
Simon’s explanation had made sense to me, but that evening I lay on my bed brooding, staring at the ceiling and still wondering whether nature really didn’t care when two men kissed. Unfortunately, I had to admit that I hadn’t been as innocent with my tongue as I would have liked. What was the use if the basic concept of life—reproduction—was not guaranteed? And who in me was asking this question? The scientist or the believer? Confused, I rolled onto my side and heard Martin’s voice in my mind, saying, “Don’t worry.”
I screamed inside and tore at my hair. What must he have gone through to come to this conclusion?
Did he suddenly not care about anything? If he had been home I could have asked him, but he worked another night at the hospital as a patient sitter.
Lucien crept into my thoughts again. Tormented, I turned to the other side and cursed him. He was the one who had upset me so much in the first place. His mere presence led me to do things I hadn’t intended. And as irritated as I was to have met him at the matinee, I was glad I did.
He’s so … fragile.
Despite the dark aura that usually surrounded him like a protective cloak, something vulnerable about him awakened my protective instinct. Just the way he kept looking at me made me realize that something was going on deep inside him that he was trying to hide from me. And I was sure it was something that made him deeply sad.
Why do I care? Stop thinking these thoughts!
I would have loved to know what was going on in his head. If he had been home, I could have confronted him, which was long overdue anyway after what happened in the kitchen. Maybe I would calm down a bit if I surrounded myself with his things. At least it was worth a try. Getting up, I sneaked over to Lucien’s room and hesitantly pushed the door open. To my surprise, it was ajar. The paper floor lamp in one corner was on, filling the room with dim light.
A sense of calm washed over me as I glanced at the photographs and posters adorning the walls. Stepping further into the room, I inhaled deeply, catching his scent lingering in the air. Without disturbing anything, I continued my exploration, observing the collection of records, stacks of drawing pads, art books neatly arranged on the shelf, and the array of brushes, paints, and other artistic tools meticulously displayed on the table.
Approaching the bed, I focused on the photos pinned on the wall above the lamp. There was Lucien with Steven, Steven with Marco, and Martin alongside a girl unfamiliar to me. Two particular photos caught my eye: one featured Lucien with the same young woman from the matinee, while the other depicted Lucien with a young man I couldn’t place. They stood against a sunset backdrop on a beach, lost in laughter and each other’s embrace. Lucien appeared strikingly different in the picture—his hair shorter, yes, but more notably, devoid of the gloom that seemed to envelop him now.
I carefully removed the photo from the wall, examining it closely. Inscribed on the back were the initials P+L Vietnam , accompanied by a date from two and a half years ago. In the picture, P stood beside Lu, supporting him from both sides—one hand resting on his back, the other on his chest. Despite the broad grin captured in the image, there was an unmistakable tenderness and affection in the way P held and gazed at Lucien.
The image aggravated me, and it took some time to grasp why. Never during my time in the bar with Lucien had I witnessed such hearty laughter, revealing his gleaming white teeth.
All at once, I was overcome by a deep sadness. I sat down on the floor and leaned against the bed. Resting my chin on my knees, I became painfully aware I knew nothing about Lucien. I hadn’t even managed to ask him a single personal question. Everything I knew about him I had learned along the way. For example, I found out he couldn’t cook or that he only ate pureed tomatoes, leaving the larger pieces aside.
Lucien was certainly not a person who revealed much about himself, but I was convinced that if I had made more of an effort, I would have been able to deal with the situation better.
All of a sudden, the front door slammed shut. I flinched, startled.
Shit! Lu!
The door to the room was only ajar, and Lucien would be coming in at any moment. I quickly placed the photo next to the bedside lamp and hoped for a painless encounter. When Lucien entered and saw me, he stopped in surprise. “What are you doing here?” he asked irritably, looking around the room cautiously.
“What are you doing to me?” I asked, my voice shaking. “Do you enjoy messing with me?”
Lucien closed the door behind him and set his worn leather bag down to the floor. “I don’t understand.”
“Today! With that woman!” My voice sounded so demanding, accusatory, emotional, and strange that I covered my mouth in horror.
“Jo?” Lucien asked, irritated. “My sister?”
“What?”
“Josephine. She wanted to see how I was doing,” he explained, hanging his coat over the back of the chair and taking off his shoes.
“That’s … nice,” I said sheepishly, hanging my head. I wanted to sink into the ground. “I should go.”
When I looked up again, Lucien was already sitting next to me. “What do you want in my room?” he asked calmly.
My heart was beating like a drum and I felt hot. It wasn’t good to have him so close to me. I couldn’t let that happen. I glanced toward the door for help but was unable to run away. I was paralyzed. “I just wanted to …”
… feel a little better , I finished the sentence in my head.
Knowing that the woman was his sister had already helped. I should have been out the door by now.
“Can I kiss you?” Lucien asked out of the blue.
My heart stopped for a moment as I stared at him. “Why would you ask that?”
“I haven’t given you a choice yet,” he replied ruefully. “But I hope you won’t say no.”
The image that kept replaying in my mind since our last kiss was the moment I wrapped my hands around Lucien’s head and pushed him away. I thought, forever. But then he had sunk to his knees in front of me …
And now he was sitting next to me, looking at me with his bright green eyes, sad and hopeful at the same time. He fascinated me so much that it took my breath away.
It seemed inconceivable that I would never kiss him again. The longing to feel his lips lingered in my thoughts, prompting a solemn nod.
Slowly, he leaned toward me and kissed me gently. Fireworks ignited in my head when his soft lips touched mine. His warmth flowed into me, followed by a tingling sensation on my skin that felt like bubbling spring water. Overwhelmed by his closeness, his scent, and his sudden passion, I gasped, held onto the bed and pressed myself against him.
My heart raced as he put his hand on the back of my neck and moved closer. When I opened my mouth and let his tongue in, his breath seemed to penetrate me. This time, I joined in the game, nudging the tip of his tongue with mine, circling it like a dance and sucking his lips into me. My whole body throbbed, heat rose to my head, and the blood pooled in my middle. I hesitantly touched Lucien’s neck, played with a few strands of hair and stroked his cheek with my thumb. He didn’t have much of a beard, but it seemed like he’d only shaved this morning. I ran my hand over his chest and ribs, found my way under his shirt, and stroked his back. His skin was much warmer than I expected, and my touch elicited a sweet sigh from him.
Lucien pulled away from my lips and kissed my neck. At the same time, he slipped both hands under my sweater and touched my nipples. I gasped and bit my lip.
“Take this off,” he said, pulling the sweater over my head. “Sit on the bed.”
The way he told me what to do made my blood boil and I obeyed him without resistance, sitting on the bed and watching him expectantly. Although I was hot, I felt a cool breeze and shivered. But maybe it was Lucien’s gaze. He greedily eyed my upper body, running his fingers over my neck, down my chest to my belly button. I flinched when he reached my waistband. My pants had long since become tight and the pulling sensation spread through my whole body. Lucien licked his lips and caressed my belly. A muffled groan escaped me. I was on the verge of unzipping my pants myself.
Lucien clearly enjoyed torturing me. He smiled mischievously and watched me intently as he continued to rub my penis through my pants. And God, he was getting faster and faster.
I found it hard to keep my composure. My eyelids kept falling shut, and as I opened my mouth to take a deep breath, he surprised me with a passionate kiss. I sank back onto the bed, and he leaned over me like a predator. His intense kiss made me forget everything. I just wanted him; I had completely succumbed to him.
I longingly pushed my hand back under his shirt. I wanted to feel his warmth even though my own body was already burning. Finally, he undid the button on my pants and slipped his hand inside.
“Holy…” I gasped as he touched me. In my mind’s eye, I saw him kneeling in front of me again and putting it in his mouth. I felt the wet, warm tightness and then … I had already come.
Lucien smiled, still holding my penis and stroking one of my nipples with his other hand. I was breathing heavily, completely dazed by his intoxicating scent, and I still hadn't had enough. He observed my body with pleasure and continued massaging. “Do you want to know what it feels like?”
I nodded anxiously, and Lu leaned over me to grab a condom and lube from a drawer. Then he removed my pants and threw them on the floor. Everything happened so fast, and suddenly, he was kneeling between my legs and yanking his shirt over his head. The sight of his beautiful body took my breath away. His muscles looked like those of a shapely statue in the soft light, and his skin appeared flawless and clear.
He leaned down to me, kissing a trail from my belly button to my cock. Even though I had just come, my body was already pumping a lot of blood into my center again, and when Lucien kissed my glans, a soft moan escaped me again.
He spread my legs a little wider, pushed a hand between my buttocks and touched me between them.
I flinched. Everything inside me went crazy for a moment, but that didn’t stop him from continuing.
He played with my hole, gently massaging the nerve endings. My whole body convulsed with pleasure. I threw my head back and pushed out my chest. I let out such a passionate moan that I slapped my hand over my mouth. It was as if Lu was tickling someone out of me who had longed for such touches all his life.
“Don’t stop,” I groaned and clutched the pillow.
I felt a slight pressure and an incredible sensation mixed with a sharp pain that sent a gasp escaping my lips as I glanced at Lu.
“Don’t worry,” he said gently as he continued to stretch my hole. “It’s just the tip of my finger.”
My whole body was electrified, my breathing stopped. With that little bit of pressure, I was on alert like an animal. But Lucien’s confident smile calmed me down. “Try to relax.”
I couldn't take my eyes off him. There was an unmistakable tenderness in his eyes, coupled with an infectious excitement. He was stunning, and his lips exuded temptation—I longed for it intensely—then he pushed his finger deeper into me. I sucked in a loud breath and threw my head back again. The feeling of pain and pleasure overwhelmed me.
Lucien leaned over me again and gave me a kiss. His finger was still inside me, but the kiss distracted me, and at one point, I felt him move his hand back and forth. I wrapped my arms around him and clawed at him as he continued.
My whole body tingled. Pain and pleasure alternated, running through my abdomen, making my cock twitch. And every time I thought the pain would subside, Lucien added another finger.
I lost all control, could hardly breathe, and didn’t know where my head was. Lucien kissed my neck and nibbled on my nipples. He explored my body and at some point, he pulled his hand out of me.
I could hear him peeling off his pants and caught a glimpse of his erect penis. He quickly put on a condom and moved closer to me again. When he put his tip on and I felt the pressure, I held my breath. Then I gave in.
The feeling of being filled by him made everything else disappear. Pushing further and further into me. I opened my mouth and gasped for air. The pain finally became unbearable, and a scream escaped me, causing Lucien to pause.
I gritted my teeth and took a deep breath. I had never felt anything like it. It felt as if Lucien was pushing everything out of me. There was only him. Everywhere. I exhaled and looked at him, nodding barely visibly. I was ready.
Lucien began to move slowly and very carefully, and it was only at that moment that I realized what was happening. But I couldn’t fight it anymore. I no longer wanted to fight it. It just felt too good.
Lucien triggered a storm inside me that gripped my every fiber and sent me flying higher and higher. He leaned over me, devouring me with kisses. His skin shone under a thin film of sweat and his loud breathing heated me up even more. Without warning, he put his hand on my throat. A tingling sensation ran through me and I stretched my neck. I surrendered to his rhythm, succumbing to his thrusts, listening to his soft moans, and enjoying the way he drilled me harder and harder.
He finally sat up, his face covered in lust. His hair fell over his face, and he seemed so wild … so passionate. He pulled out of me, lifted my legs, and put my feet on his shoulders. When he penetrated me again, he closed his eyes, and a soft moan escaped his beautiful lips. He found his rhythm again and thrust deeper and deeper into me until he reached a point inside me that set off the bomb. I could no longer hold back. “Aaah, keep going!”
Lucien increased the pace, became faster and faster, went deeper and deeper. And he kept touching that one spot inside me that was almost driving me crazy. He drove me closer and closer to the cliff … and eventually over it. The orgasm rolled in like a huge wave and swept me away. Every muscle in my body stiffened. “Oooh yessss …” I pushed my breast out, moaned loudly, and squirted on my stomach.
Lucien didn’t stop. He spread my legs again and lay on top of me, sinking into me faster and faster, letting out a low growl as he also approached the cliff. His breathing intensified, and I felt his penis get bigger, and then it happened—his whole body tensed as he arched and poured himself into me.
I had never felt so happy in my life. Completely exhausted, I shut my eyes and drifted into a deep sleep within a few minutes.