Chapter Fourteen — Callum
I never thought I would see the day where a woman proved me wrong.
I thought I’d always be too much. Too dark, too twisted, too sadistic for anyone to truly accept me.
I thought the only way I could get any semblance of love was by compartmentalizing: getting friendship from some people, sex from others, and emotional intimacy from…
well, I gave up on ever getting that one, to be honest.
But Alex has proved me wrong on every count. Somehow, I’ve found a girl who’s just as dark as I am. She also happens to be the smartest woman I’ve ever met. And she’s beautiful. It’s hard to believe someone like her even exists, but she does.
The more I’ve grown to know Alex, the more attached to her I’ve become. It made me scared to reveal everything to her. To really show her the depths of my dark side.
I was afraid that If I showed her what I truly wanted it would be too much. So, I tried to convince myself I could be okay with less. That I could show her a less twisted version of myself and be okay with that.
But Trent convinced me that the only way forward was through. To show Alex everything and see if she could handle it. So I did. Today in the church, I went about as depraved as I possibly could imagine.
And against all expectations, Alex didn’t run.
She stayed.
I can hardly believe it. What I just put her through there in the church is something I never thought any woman would be okay with, let alone enjoy. But she somehow did. In fact, she loved it.
I think this girl is my twisted match made in heaven.
I must be dreaming.
I glance over at Alex, drinking in her curled up body, nestled snugly in my bed, snoozing. A protective feeling washes over me.
She’s perfect.
Somehow, she’s the purest, softest, and gentlest angel I’ve ever met. Yet, she’s also my dirty little slut.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I look at her again, and I feel a tug in my heart.
I would die for that woman, I think, as my eyes flit from her collarbone to her small wrists.
I really would. I accidentally blurted out “I love you” earlier today. I’m not sure if she heard me. I didn’t plan to say it, but it’s true. It’s been something I’ve been thinking for a while now but have held back on saying.
The thing that’s been keeping me from saying it has been my fear that it would be unreciprocated if she really knew me. If she knew how twisted I really was. I kept thinking that once I showed my full self to Alex, it would be too much and she’d leave. But she didn’t.
And now there’s nothing holding me back from telling her how I really feel.
Alex turns slightly and exhales, blowing a strand of her perfect shiny hair out of her angelic face.
Although, there’s still the matter of the game Alex and I have been playing. I don’t care about the money. I want this woman to be my wife. I’d give her a million dollars right here, right now. Hell, I’d give her ten million without batting an eye.
What I care about is knowing that she feels the same.
Because, there’s still a small part of me that wonders… what if she’s been playing me this whole time?
I don’t think she has. I think she’s sincere. But I’ve been wrong about things before.
There’s a chance this has always been, and still is, about the money for Alex. And if that’s the case… I mean, it’s not like I can’t exactly blame her. This is what she signed up for. She signed up for a game.
So if this is about the money for Alex, she won’t have really played me — it’ll be more like I played myself.
I’ll have played myself reading the room wrong. By reading into things. By hoping for too much. And most of all… by thinking a woman like her could ever really love me.
God, I hope it’s true though.
I hope I haven’t misread things.
For once, I hope life actually turns out like the movies.
Is that delusional of me?
It might be. All I know for sure is that I need to know. I need to know it wasn’t just about the money for her.
If I don’t find out for sure, it’ll eat at me forever.
Am I ready, though? Am I ready to let Alex win the seventh game and give her the option of walking away forever?
I don’t think I am.
The answer pops in my head the second I ask the question.
Just one more game, I decide.
I just want to win one more time, punish her one more time, and then I’ll let her win.
But not yet. I’m not ready to say goodbye forever. And while I hope desperately that won’t be the case… you never know. She could walk away forever.
And I’m not ready to take that risk.
Not yet.
Just one more game.
The End