Chapter 32
Lucy
Under the rain of the deluxe showerhead, I spiral through the immensity of what just happened with Callum.
Our lovemaking was equal parts gentle and wild, sweet and uninhibited. We claimed each other with urgent intensity, neither holding anything back until we were both breathless and shaking.
I slap my hands over my cheeks to keep them from melting off my jaw. They’re burning so hot. What freaks me out the most is how out of character this is for me.
Even before my abduction, I’d only slept with a few men in college. Sex just wasn’t something that I sought out all that often. And the times it happened were just okay. Nothing mind-blowing. No feelings. Emotions make you vulnerable, and I was never looking for that.
Vulnerability sends me running like Olympic gold is on the line. Even more so after Viktor.
Up until now, I’ve been a modeling hopeful on the outside and a tangled ball of hyper-vigilance, control issues, and panic on the inside. Every day of my life is a fight for confidence and independence.
I’m always trying to appear cutting edge, content, and capable of being alone, even though I’m not any of those things. Not after everything I’ve been through.
Of course, I’m close with my sister. And Nika too. But outside of them—people who’ve known me forever—I’ve always been hesitant to form new connections. Especially after my abduction. I keep people at arm’s length. That’s what I do.
Since Nika and Darren rescued me, I’ve sworn off dating. The idea of physical intimacy with another person, of making myself vulnerable that way? The mere thought churns my stomach.
So what the hell was that in there?
I let Callum strip me naked. I slept with him. I pushed for it.
Even while rubbing body wash all over myself, I can still pick up his scent. The memory of his touch is all over me. Inside me.
That was so…intimate. That’s the best word to describe what we did. Holding hands, gazing into each other’s eyes, climaxing in unison…
I shake my head violently enough to whip strands of wet hair against my cheeks.
After everything I went through with that Russian monster…
After the kidnapping—the auction, the belief that I’d never, ever want to be touched again—how could I do all that with Callum?
And how can I feel, deep in my heart, that it wouldn’t take much for me to fall in love with the man hired to protect me?
Ever since we met, we’ve fought constantly. I can count all the times he’s shown me genuine kindness on one hand, so how can I possibly care about him this much?
Throughout my life, I’ve maintained distance in relationships. Growing up in foster care taught me that emotional connections inevitably lead to abandonment and pain.
The concept of true vulnerability always terrified me.
It took me years to warm up to the idea of finding someone who might have serious relationship potential, and just when I’d decided to venture out of my shell with that hopeful thought in mind, I was snatched off the street by Viktor Roguilin and his brood of criminals.
My time with him confirmed my deepest, darkest beliefs that vulnerability equals danger. Naturally, all my interest in men flatlined and has remained that way for the last several months. But meeting Callum has changed everything for me. And I don’t understand why.
When anyone tries to get close to me, I withdraw. Protecting myself from possible rejection or loss of control is priority number one.
With Callum, I’ve been snarky. Rude. Defiant. Combative. Not exactly romantic.
And yet, ever since his watchful green eyes settled on me, I’ve struggled with the paradox of craving connection while still being terrified of losing control. Maintaining independence isn’t just my preference. It’s a survival mechanism. Without that barrier, I’m lost.
It’s not something I ever imagined I’d be able to forget about so easily, just being in the presence of a man who drives me insane.
Which begs the question, what exactly is happening between Callum and me?
That hot shit last night. This morning’s sex-filled wake-up call…
Even after all I’ve been through, I don’t regret sleeping with him.
Everything about it was incredible. Perfect. He was perfect.
We succumbed to our mutual attraction, but what does that mean for us?
How long is he going to be in my life? Is he guarding me until I testify for the DA?
What happens once the competition ends? If I win, I receive a contract as a Runway Revolution spokesmodel and eventually fly to Tokyo for their big event. Would Callum travel all the way across the Pacific just to protect me?
No matter what, he’s going to vanish from my life when his contract’s up. Right?
If I do win, and he comes with me to Tokyo, what happens after that?
What happens when he gets a new assignment? Is he going to guard some other woman and have this same experience all over again?
For all I know, he mixes business with pleasure all the time.
My doubts snowball.
I need to get out of this shower and greet the day. What’s left of it anyway. I’m sure it’ll be noon by the time I’m out, dressed, and mentally prepared to face Callum.
Man, am I in trouble.
After almost an hour, I finally pull myself together. When I emerge from the bedroom into the rest of the suite, I find Callum in the kitchen, working on something that smells delectably like breakfast.
I float closer. “You cook?” The fluffy pancakes he flips in the pan are a far cry from hardboiled eggs and protein bars. “Where did all this stuff come from?”
“I dabble. And delivery.” His gaze slides to me. And to my delight—no, horror, definitely horror—all the heat we generated earlier is still there, simmering in his clear green irises.
I glance away, already hot beneath the collar of my t-shirt.
The next part of the competition isn’t until tomorrow, which means I don’t have anywhere to be or anything to do for the next twenty-four hours.
Now that we’ve had sex, the tension has become unbearable. Just standing across the room from him suffocates me.
I’ve got to get out of here and clear my head.
Callum nods toward the plate he’s pushed across the breakfast bar. “Come eat.”
My stomach grumbles, so I migrate toward the counter, eyes glued to the food. Scrambled eggs, bacon, pancakes.
Everything smells incredible, but the aroma also takes me back to those dark days of my childhood, when enjoying a beautiful breakfast surrounded by family was the kind of dream that only existed on television.
Never thought I’d have this with anyone. And certainly not with a man like this.
But I settle onto the barstool and dig in.
Callum observes me the entire time, lounging against the counter. He eats from his own plate without sparing it a single glance.
The weight of his stare starts to grate on me. “What?” The word comes out snappier than I intend.
“How is it?”
“Delicious.”
He just keeps staring, and I can’t tell if he’s waiting for me to bring up the morning. To say something.
It’s obvious we need to have a serious conversation about what that was and what it meant, but I…I don’t have the capacity for that conversation at the moment. Not yet.
Not when I’ve undergone such a dramatic departure from who I was a few weeks ago. A few days ago, even. I gave him my trust, something I didn’t think I’d ever be able to do with anyone ever again.
Shit.
I need a breather.
“I’m heading into the city in a little bit.”
Callum’s eyebrows rise. “There’s nothing on the competition schedule for today.”
“I know.”
“Is there something you need? I’ll have it delivered—”
“It’s my day off.” I struggle to keep my tone neutral. No defensiveness, not here. “I want to spend some time adventuring.”
Callum examines my face before nodding. “All right.”
He’s not fighting me on this? He’ll let me go? Just like that?
“Okay.” I flash him a little smile and finish my food.
Once we’re done with breakfast, he removes the plates and heads for the couch. From his bag, he withdraws a bulletproof vest and a holster for his gun.
Alarm bells ring in my head. “Do you really think we’ll need all that? Surely no one will try anything in the middle of the city in broad daylight, especially when you’re with me.”
“I’ll be prepared if they do.” His gaze sears me. “Of course, if you’d rather not, I’m sure we could find other ways to keep ourselves entertained.”
The way he says that last part triggers a ripple of heat between my thighs.
So if we stay here, he’s hoping we end up between the sheets again? Why does that idea excite me down to my bones even though I still have no real proof he cares about me?
“Tempting, but I’m getting a little stir-crazy. I’ll grab my camera.”
After Callum fits a vest beneath my shirt and dresses in plain clothes to conceal his SWAT gear, we hit the Manhattan streets. Camera in hand, I let my spirit guide me through the city, with Callum—my constant shadow—on my heels.
Striding through the shade of skyscrapers, standing on bustling street corners, and wandering this urban jungle clears my mind.
I veer off the sidewalk into a small park busy with strolling pedestrians and young children.
I pause by a bench to capture two blue jays bathing in a birdbath just beyond it.
I’ve almost got the perfect shot—
“You regret what happened earlier.”
I startle so badly, the birds soar away before I can photograph them.
Callum stands right behind me, regarding me with a stony expression. I haven’t said a word to him since we left the hotel, so I suppose he was bound to confront me about this sooner or later.
I lower my camera. “No.”
His frown deepens as he rubs a hand over his jaw. “Then what’s the matter? What do you want me to do?”
My heart flops like a stranded fish on the bank. “Well, for starters, you could tell me I mean more to you than a paycheck.” If I’m going to deal with these emotions, I need him to tell me that I’m not the only one floundering. If I’m falling for Callum, then I want to know how he feels too.
Callum reaches for my hand. He tangles our fingers, freezing me to the spot with a long, green-eyed stare. “Of course you mean more to me than a paycheck, Lucy. Would’ve thought that was quite obvious by now.”
“Well, it’s not.” I pull away so I can fold my arms and disguise the irrational happiness his response brings me. “How do I know you don’t screw all the people you’re hired to protect?”
He bristles, the muscles in his shoulders tensing up. “You’re the first and only person I’ve ever crossed this line with while on assignment. I swear.”
I lower myself down onto the bench. “Prove it.”
My heart’s on the line, I realize with a lurch. Before I allow myself to fall any deeper into this landslide of emotion with Callum, I need answers.
I need him to tell me the truth, once and for all.