16. Killian
KILLIAN
I don’t bother being quiet when I open the door to my room, but it doesn’t matter because the overhead lights are still on.
Felix is lying on his bed in a pair of gray sweatpants with an open paperback resting on his chest.
“It’s easier to read if you look at the words and don’t try to use osmosis to absorb them,” I say, just to be a dick.
“I see someone is their usual chipper self.” He puts the book on the bed beside him and watches as I cross the room to my side.
“I would be if I didn’t have to deal with someone blowing up my phone all night and whining about how you were mean to her.” I pull off my sweater and toss it onto my desk.
He snickers. “No, you wouldn’t. You’d still be a dick even if you had an awesome night.”
“Yeah, probably,” I concede. “Want to tell me what happened and why I had to deal with this bullshit all night?” I plug my phone in and drop it on my bedside table.
“What did she say happened?” He sits up and crosses his legs.
“According to the seventeen texts, nine voice notes, three voicemails, and two DMs telling me to check my texts and voicemails, you’re a monster,” I tell him as I strip off my shirt and pull open my pants.
“I am?” He rakes his gaze up and down my body, an appreciative look in his eyes. “What did I do?”
“You cornered her and her friends, threatened them, then you attacked her, and she only got away because she screamed and you ran off.”
He snort-laughs. “Really? That’s what she came up with?”
“Yup.” I push my pants over my hips.
Felix’s eyes track them as they slide over my thighs.
“So what really happened?” I ask, slowly pushing my pants the rest of the way down my legs.
The flare of heat in his eyes is unmistakable, and I take my time stripping them off.
“She cornered me when I was walking around and got in my face. I tried to leave, and she hit me in the back of the head when my back was turned.”
“She did?”
He nods. “I told her to fuck off, and she decided that poking me in the chest after I told her to stop was a good idea. I grabbed her wrist to make her stop, told her a few hard truths, then left.” He leans back on his hands and shoots me a cocky grin.
“So, you gonna kill me for daring to touch your girl?” He arches one eyebrow playfully.
“She promised you’d make me pay for it.”
This time I’m the one who laughs. “I have lots of ways I can put you in your place that have nothing to do with killing or hurting you.” I shoot him a salacious grin. “Not too much, at least.”
He wets his bottom lip with his tongue. My dick pulses as I remember exactly how that tongue felt on it.
The energy between us is weird tonight, and it goes beyond the lighthearted banter or the lack of sniping at each other. There’s a level of comfort and familiarity that’s new, and I don’t know what to make of it.
Felix’s cheeks go pink, and I tear my eyes from his. Without saying a word, I head into the bathroom to do my nightly routine so I don’t climb into Felix’s bed and fuck his mouth again.
He’s still up when I’m done, but he’s turned the overhead light off, and now he’s sitting against his headboard with his knees pulled up to his chest and staring out the window.
“Are you gonna take anything tonight?” I ask as I get into bed.
He doesn’t look away from the window. “No.”
“Do I have to worry about you doing it anyway and ending up in my bed again?”
“No,” he repeats, his gaze still on the window.
I snap off my bedside light and settle on my pillow.
A moment later, Felix’s light goes out, plunging the room into darkness.
I close my eyes and try to will my cock to calm the fuck down. As much as I’d love nothing more than to fuck with my stepbrother and get us both off again, it’s not the right time.
Gotta make him wait between games, otherwise I might be the one who ends up losing.
I’m jerked awake as screams jar me out of sleep.
“What the—” I sit up, one hand groping for my knife as it takes a second to process that the screams are coming from Felix’s side of the room.
They’re loud and full of terror, and even worse than the ones I heard last night. What the fuck is he dreaming about that makes him scream like that?
“Felix?” I shout, my voice rough from sleep.
His scream is cut off by a strangled sob that’s followed by a heartbreaking wail that’s so full of anguish it makes my chest squeeze.
I’m just throwing off the covers when he bolts upright, gasping and choking as he tears at his throat with his hands.
“Felix?”
“Sorry!” he yelps and pulls his hands away from his neck. “Sorry.”
“Are you okay?” I ask stupidly. Obviously he’s not okay, but what else am I supposed to say?
“Fine.” He lays back down. “Fine,” he repeats, sounding anything but fine. “Sorry, go back to sleep.”
I lay back down but don’t close my eyes. Instead, I even out my breathing and wait to see what he does.
He doesn’t move for almost five minutes, then I hear the sheets rustling as he gets out of bed and the soft pad of his footsteps as he walks toward his desk.
Being as silent as possible, I slip out of bed.
Felix is in front of his bookshelf, his hollowed-out book open on his desk. I watch as he pulls a bottle out of it and holds it up to the light.
I found his hiding spot after he left the room today and counted his pills. He has quite the collection of sleep aids, antidepressants, and painkillers, but I’m guessing he’s looking for his Ambien.
He’s so intent on his search that he either doesn’t hear me approach or he’s ignoring me.
I pause a few feet away and wait to see what he does.
He puts the bottle back into the book and pulls out another. He squints at the label, then lets out a loud sigh of what sounds like relief.
“You don’t need those.”
He jumps. “Yes, I do.”
“No, you don’t.” I step closer to him.
“Yes, I do,” he repeats. “I can’t sleep without them.”
“You can.”
He shakes his head and squeezes the bottle so tight the plastic squeaks against his skin. “No, I can’t. Not anymore.”
“You don’t need them.”
He turns those big, liquid eyes on me, and my stomach seizes. Jesus, he looks young and so damn broken.
“Put them away and get into bed.”
He glances between me and his bed but doesn’t move.
Trying a different tactic, I hold out my hand.
He looks at it for a few beats, then back at me and chews on his bottom lip.
“Give them to me.”
He swallows, his throat bobbing gently in the moonlight, then slowly hands me the bottle.
“Get into bed.”
He again looks between me and his bed, then trudges over, his head hanging low like he’s on his way to his own execution and climbs under the sheets.
I can feel his eyes on me as I put the bottle and book away.
Silently, I cross the small space to his bed and pull the sheets back. “Move over.”
“What are you doing?” he asks as he slides across the bed.
“Neither of us is going to get any sleep if you keep waking up all night.” I lay down and pull the covers over me. “And this worked when you were high as fuck. Maybe it’ll help now.”
He rolls onto his side and studies me. It’s just bright enough that I can make out his features, but still too dark to really read his expression. “Thanks,” he says, his voice breaking slightly.
“Are you okay to go back to sleep?”
“Yeah.”
He rolls over so his back is to me. I get comfortable and close my eyes.
I can feel Felix shifting around on the mattress, then he stills and seems to settle. It isn’t long before his breathing evens out, and when I’m sure he’s asleep, I allow myself to relax enough to drift off.
I’m startled awake for a second time, and I open my eyes, blinking into the dark room as I try to identify what woke me up. Crying. There’s soft crying coming from the other side of the bed.
Without thinking too hard about what I’m doing, I roll over and fit myself behind him. Felix immediately scoots back into me, and I wrap my arm around his waist. He grips my arm and holds it tight, like he’s making sure I won’t let go.
I pull him closer and tuck him right up against me. He goes boneless in my arms, and I hold him tight as he cries out whatever is haunting him.
Neither of us says a word, not even when he eventually stops crying and falls silent. I wait until I’m sure he’s asleep, then close my eyes.
I didn’t have cuddling my sober stepbrother to sleep on my bingo sheet for today, but whatever. Hopefully this works and I can get some sleep.