Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
Dmitri
The trees in the woodlands taunt me with their foreboding height and thickness. The chill in the air gives off that ominous vibe I hate.
It's like a sign that something is about to happen. Something more beyond my control.
I'm on my way to meet Mackenzie. She left me a note to meet her in the woods outside of Raventhorn.
This whole section is usually off limits to the students because it's private property; it makes it a good idea for a meeting spot.
I made sure I wasn't followed, and I've got the guys on standby looking out to give me a heads-up if they see any of my father’s henchmen.
I was glad to get the note from Mackenzie. I worried all night about how I would find a way to see her again. The thing is, seeing her is easy.
I could walk right up to her apartment at Myrrdin House or meet her on the field at football practice. But I know my father would find out.
I couldn’t even pull off my usual stunts by using the back entrance to Myrrdin because I know I’m being watched more than ever.
After my father left yesterday, I thought about everything under the sun that I could do to fix the situation. I still kept coming up with the same wall surrounding me, practically laughing at me because there's so much at risk and so much to lose if I fight back.
Now that my secret is exposed, everything I try to do will make life bad for Mackenzie.
That’s what my father will do. If he can't reach me to hurt me, he'll hurt her instead.
I follow the river to the top where the boulders are gathered at the caves and find her standing under the willow tree.
The sound of my feet on the dry leaves alerts her to my presence. She turns around, and her beautiful face brightens at the sight of me.
Mackenzie rushes forward, and I run toward her, too. We meet in the middle, and I pull her into my arms for a hug.
As I hold her, I wish I could never let her go. Life would be so simple if that were the answer, just holding her.
“Please tell me you're okay,” she stutters, inching away to look at me.
“I'm fine.” I nod, giving her a small smile.
She sent Kade to the apartment yesterday to check if I was okay. I know she hated to leave me in that situation with my father holding a gun on me, but I wouldn’t have had her do anything different.
“Are you okay?” I hold her gaze and search her eyes.
She nods slowly. “Yes.”
I cup her face and pull her closer to me. “I'm so sorry about yesterday.”
I still feel like a helpless fool for not being able to do anything about my father. Things escalated in such a way that I never saw coming.
“It's okay. I was really worried about you. I didn't want to leave you.”
“You needed to be safe and away from my father. He is the most unhinged person I’ve ever met in my life.” And there I was, telling her she didn’t answer to him. Yesterday gave me a rude awakening of what he is capable of.
“Thanks for defending me.”
“Of course, I was going to defend you.” Hitting my father when he called her a slut was satisfying. I’ve never hit him before. It felt good, but it wasn’t enough.
“This is all my fault, Mackenzie. I got us into this mess.”
She chuckles, but there's no trace of humor in her eyes. “You? No, this is my fault. Remember, I got myself into that contract.”
“Then I took charge of it knowing the risk.” I cut her off before she can continue. “What happened with your parents?” That's the part I want to know. We both know what happened with my father, but I'm still in the dark when it comes to her parents.
“Everything bad.”
“Tell me.”
She bows her head, and her chest caves. I guide her face back to meet my gaze.
“I can't see you anymore.” Her voice is a low hum of sadness.
She's not telling me anything new. Not seeing each other anymore was a given. I'm not supposed to see her either. My father was clear about that
Yet hearing her say it rips me apart.
“So, what else is new?” I try to joke, but there's nothing funny about the situation.
“Oh, Dmitri,” she rasps, a tear tracking down her cheek. She wipes it away, but more come. It hurts me to see her like this.
Once again, I'm stumped. “Sorry, Spider. I've thought of everything I could to keep the peace between our families. The only thing left to do is running away.”
She smirks through her tears. “Running away? Like when we were eight? Do you remember that?”
“Of course.” The memory is still as fresh in my mind as waking this morning.
We thought we could go to the North Pole. We got as far as the field across from our homes and had to turn back because she wouldn't go into the woods. She was too scared of the trees.
“Maybe that's the answer.” I’m half joking, half not. “Running. If I asked you to run away with me, would you go?”
She gazes into my eyes, and she must see the serious side of me because her tears subside. “You’re being serious.”
“I guess I am.” The crazy part of my mind contemplates this bizarre idea. You don’t just run away from the Knights and think you can live free of them, but I’d try it if that were the answer.
“What about football? The Patriots?”
“I'd find the way. So, tell me, what's your answer?”
“I'd say yes,” she replies effortlessly.
“Would you?”
“Yes.”
“What about ballet?” I brush my nose against hers.
“I'd say yes, Dimitri.” Her voice holds a wistful tone that grips my heart.
“Then maybe we should just go. Pack our things, get in my car, and drive away.”
Hope sparks in her eyes, but it dies just as quickly. I've never seen her look so sad as she steps away, pulling out of my arms. When she meets my eyes again, she looks lost.
“I'd say yes,” she repeats. “I'd say yes if it were just me to think about, but it's not.”
My brows knit, and I take in the haggard look in her shoulders and body. It’s the kind of look that tells me something else is going on. Something more we haven't spoken about. Something that made her say what she just did.
“What's else is there? What did your parents say?” It’s obvious this is to do with them. After all, it was her father who dissolved the contract.
“My father is in trouble.” A tremor laces through her voice.
In all the weeks we've been together, that's the first time she's mentioned her father.
“What kind of trouble is he in?”
She shakes her head. “I can't talk about that, but it's a kind where I have to marry Ryan Konstantin in a month's time.”
Those words hit me like a ton of bricks, and I stare back at her as if she just spoke in tongues.
“What?”
“My father needs the money. I shouldn’t even be talking about it, and I know you most likely don’t care about my father because of your brother, but I can’t turn my back on my family.”
“Mackenzie, I can’t let you marry Ryan Konstantin.” Apart from the fact that she’s mine, that fucking psycho is the kind of fucked up you don’t want to know.
“I have to.”
“Why the fuck did your father go the Konstantins?” Everyone knows to stay clear of those people.
“Because he was desperate.”
Her answer and her tears shut me down. I realize something serious must be going on for this to be the answer.
“I can’t let you marry him.”
“You have to.”
“But I love you.” It’s strange saying those words outside my heart. I’ve always felt them to such a degree that I thought she could just look at me and know. “I love you, Mackenzie. How the fuck am I supposed to hand you over to someone else?”
She glances heavenward as if the gray sky can give her the answer she seeks. When she looks back at me, I know there’s no hope. “I love you, too. I always have. I never stopped when I was supposed to, and I always hoped you’d come back to me. But this…I would never forgive myself if something happened to my family when I could have stopped it. You can’t, and you mustn’t help me. This has to end here.”
This was the purpose of meeting here. To end us. I see that now.
“Things are bad between you and your father because of me. He pulled a gun on you because of me. The past happened because of me. Your brother is dead because of me. None of that is good. So, we should just…stop.”
“Mackenzie.” I reach for her and grab her arm, but she pulls away.
“No. It’s over. I can’t be yours anymore. You don’t own me anymore.” The hurt in her eyes reaches inside me and crushes my heart. “Whatever you do will make this worse, so we need to stop.”
There’s never been anything in my life that I couldn’t fix. Only us.
I hate that she’s right and that as she steps away from me, I can’t stop her.
“Goodbye, Dmitri.”
I don’t answer because I can’t say goodbye. All I can do is watch her go, feeling like I just lost everything.
I am sitting on the wall of the back porch at Erebus House, watching the swans swim by in the river.
It's just past nine in the morning. I've been out here for a while, since just before sunrise. I have a computer science class in an hour, but I've already decided that I'm not going. There’s no point.
With the little to no sleep that I've had, I'll be useless. The only thing I'll be able to do in that class is switch the computer on and off.
My entire body still feels numb from yesterday, and I have that mind-fucked feeling where I can't think straight.
Usually, I have a plan in my head for every day, every hour, every minute. Today, I have nothing. It’s like my brain checked out on me the moment I lost Mackenzie.
The only thing I've been able to do successfully is think about her.
About losing her, wanting her, loving her.
And I'm worried about her. I'm worried she's been forced into a situation where she has to save her family. I'm worried about what my father may do to her and her family. I'm worried about her being with Ryan Konstantin.
That guy is the last person I thought her father would set her up with.
Adrian Domachenkov would definitely have to be desperate to go down that path.
I get that we're all a bunch of criminals here in one way or another at Raventhorn, but Ryan is dangerous on another level. He and all his kin. They're the sorts of dangerous that's frowned upon by the rest of us and what you call the scourge of the underworld.
If they're not involved in some extra shady shitty dealings, one of them is under suspicion of murder, espionage, or some craziness we all try to avoid.
And that brings me to the next point of worry. Mackenzie's father.
Adrian, what the hell kind of trouble could you be in to need money?
The man is a billionaire, a media mogul.
Why would he need to basically sell his daughter?
I've considered that he must be in some deep shit for him to treat her like this and even approach the Konstantins.
Needless to say, certain things make sense now.
I never understood why Adrian arranged the marriage with Levi earlier in the year knowing that Mackenzie wouldn't be able to pursue her career in ballet if she married into Levi's family.
The women in that family don't work. Some of them might do charity work on some level, but if it's considered too much work, it's stopped immediately.
I knew back then that Mackenzie would've fought for her career. At the time, I was in a state of flux not knowing what to do. Conflict and confusion ruled me.
I watched her and waited, then watched the situation some more. When she took part in the Valkyrie auction, ideas began to form in my head.
The feelings I've had for her have always existed, but I was torn between my sense of duty to my family and my heart.
It wasn't until she was to be released from Kyle that I saw my opportunity and decided to strike. I knew that if I didn’t, her father would try to marry her off again.
Adrian must've been desperate this whole time, but it's gotten worse now.
Just thinking his name pushes against that hollow in my heart; it always resurfaces whenever I think of him.
Mackenzie said I didn't care about him yesterday. That wasn't entirely true.
It's not that I don't care. It's just that I'm always conflicted.
Adrian swore blindly that he didn't kill Tommy. A part of me has always questioned whether he was innocent or not. My father would have a field day with that one.
Sadly, I have to see him tomorrow night. Uncle Eric is visiting. He'll be in town for the next two weeks, then he is heading back to Russia. Last week, I accepted the invite to dinner. After what happened on Sunday, I was going to cancel. Then I thought I should go to test the water.
Last night, I got a message from Yuliana reminding me about the dinner, so I assumed they were still expecting me.
Testing the water will give me an idea of my father’s frame of mind.
The problem is his volatility. He changes like the wind, shifting in decision from one day to the next.
You never know which way he's going to sway, what he's going to do, or what disaster he’s concocting.
I don't know what the hell that meeting will be like tomorrow night. Honestly, I wouldn't mind not seeing my father ever again, but it's one of those things I have to do, if only to keep Mackenzie safe.
I might have been shoved out of her life, but that doesn't mean I'll stop being her protector.
The door opens, and Kade walks out. He glances around at the scene ahead of me, at the swans swimming by in the river.
He looks back at me and walks over to the wall to sit on the end. We're silent for a moment. Him observing me and me feeling like a pathetic loser.
“How are you doing?” he asks.
I lift my shoulders into a tired shrug and shake my head. “I've seen better days.”
Kade smirks. “I can tell. You look like shit. But I'm sure I'd look the same way if I were you.”
I give him a little grin, appreciating his light humor. He knows what happened. Kade was the first person I saw yesterday after Mackenzie and I broke up. I'm not the kind of guy who talks about his problems easily, so the fact that I spoke to Kade showed how much losing her wrecked my mind.
I gaze back out to the river and watch the ripples in the water. “I would've left all of this.” My voice is low and reverent. “I would've taken her away from here and left everything behind.”
I look back at Kade. He nods, but then a pensive look washes over his face, and I wonder what he's thinking.
“That's admirable, Dmitri, but in my opinion, you shouldn't have to go anywhere. You shouldn't have to run. Do you want to hear some shit you may not like?” He intensifies his stare.
I straighten, wondering what the hell more he could say to me that I may not like. “Of course.”
He pulls in a deep breath and levels me a hard stare. “You may not want to accept this, but you have this deep obligation to your father. I believe it's because you feel guilty about your brother’s death. I think you feel guilty because you alerted Mackenzie's father that your brother may have taken her. You’re trying to make up for that when it wasn't your fault.”
I stare back at him feeling like I've just been called out, except I wasn't aware of the parts about me feeling like I have an obligation to my father.
Do I?
It doesn’t feel like I do anymore, but Kade is right. I do try to make up for what I call my part in Tommy’s death.
If I feel obliged to my father, it means I could be standing in my own way. Am I? “You think I’m stopping myself.”
“That’s for you to decide. From where I’m sitting, it looks to me like Mackenzie isn’t with you because she feels she has an obligation to her family. And you’re letting her go because your obligation is to your father.”
“No.” I protest even though his words feel like a slap of truth in the face. “I’m backing off because I don't want my father to hurt her.”
Kade leans forward. “You think that simply backing off will stop him? It won’t. You’re just doing as you’re told.”
I clench my jaw. “Fuck. You’re right. Kade, everything I do feels like the wrong thing.”
“Then do what you want to do instead of fucking let your father win. You sitting here looking defeated is him winning.”
“I don’t want him to win, and I don’t want to lose her.”
“Then do what you do best, linebacker, and fight. Fight whmoever you have to and fight to find a way to get your girl back. You know that’s what I’d do.”
I nod, appreciating the wake-up call. “Thank you.”
“That’s what I’m here for. You know I have your back.”
“I know.
He fist-bumps my awaiting fist, stands, and cracks his knuckles. “See you later.”
“Later.”
He walks back into the house, and I stare at the door realizing I knew the answer to this problem all along.
Fight.
There is no question here when it comes to Mackenzie because I'm a fighter.
Now I just have to find a way. Even though that feels like walking around in the dark with a fog holding you back.
Right now, the only certain thing is that I can't let her go.
That will have to be enough.