Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Mackenzie
I stare at Ryan Konstantin and his family sitting across the dinner table from me.
We’re at my parents' cottage, and this…
This is what I suppose is the dreaded family dinner date where we're all supposed to get to know each other.
My parents have been trying to carry the conversation, but the Konstantins are a tough crowd.
Right now, Dad is talking about some new TV show that's in production at one of his studios. It’s supposedly similar to The Mentalist .
Normally, I’d be the first person to be excited to hear what’ in the works, but tonight, I’m a shadow of my former self.
I can’t stop shaking. I haven’t been able to since Sunday when this crazy bomb landed on me and the world changed again.
My hands are shaking so much I've had to hide them under the table.
At this point, I don't know what is getting to me more—the fear of my situation, the heartache of losing Dimitri, or the insistent nightmares that have riddled my mind.
Or maybe it's just this .
This situation here.
The Konstantins' presence is definitely enough to make anyone's soul shake, let alone my hands.
They look like the worst of the bunch from Azkaban Prison in Harry Potter .
Although Vlad Konstantin has more of a Lucius Malfoy air about him with his suave manner of speech.
Susan has a Bellatrix Lestrange updo and the same creepy vibe you'd expect to find from a character in The Shining .
And Ryan, I'm not really sure what to say about him.
His ghostly pale skin, blood-red lips, obsidian hair, and crow-like face makes him look like the undead. If this were a morgue, I'd believe he was a corpse, and I'd be shocked to find him breathing.
The only thing alive about him is his hazel eyes and the leanness of the muscle along his arms. He's not strong like Dimitri, but he looks like he has a deadly kind of strength.
Like you wouldn't want to mess with him or meet him in the corner of a dark alley.
Everything about him is the opposite to Dimitri. Dimitri has that badass thing going for him, but Ryan looks like he thrives off evil.
I have a distinct memory of some awful scandal to do with him back in high school.
I would've been in junior high at the time. Ryan's girlfriend died.
Some people say she jumped off the tower of the old church. Others say he pushed her because she was pregnant with his best friend's child.
The same best friend was found dead days after the girlfriend's death.
The friend was in a car wreck, found at the bottom of the ravine. And it was torched.
Everything was burned so badly they had to identify the guy from his dental records.
It was agreed that the friend was murdered, but nobody was ever found guilty.
I'm sure the girlfriend was murdered, too. There was no evidence to link Ryan to either crime.
The eyes that stare back at me look like they belong to someone who could kill as effortlessly as breathing air.
I glance down at my plate when I realize I'm staring too long. Then I look back at Dad, who is now talking about the cost of the show.
Mom chimes in, and Vlad looks fascinated with my parents, but fascinated in a way like he's summing them up and trying to decide if they're worthy of continuing their lives above ground.
I can't stop thinking like this—of death and mayhem.
I know I may be biased because of the things I've heard about this family, but now that they're in front of me, I can't ignore the discomfort I feel in their presence.
I try to think about something else, but my mind wanders back to Dimitri, to the painful conversation we had in the woods.
That conversation should have had a happier ending.
He told me he loved me. Dmitri actually said the words. Twice.
I'll never forget that, nor the way he looked as he said them.
I wished we could have been saying them for another reason than breaking up.
How fucked up is that?
When he said those magical words to me, it was like I was still dreaming and breaking up with him was a nightmare.
Everything is so unfair. No wonder I feel like I'm clinging to dear life from the edge of a cliff.
What's worse is, I don't know how I'm supposed to go through with this marriage.
Marriage to a guy who makes my skin crawl and my soul feel like it wants to jump into an abyss.
“Mackenzie,” Dad is saying my name like he said it before and asked me a question. From the quizzical look of expectancy in his eyes, I'm pretty sure that's what happened.
I straighten and glance at the other pairs of eyes watching me then look back to my father. “I'm sorry, Dad, what did you say?”
Dad gives me a tight-lipped smile. “Susan wanted to know when your next show would be.”
I look back at Susan and take in her peculiar features. She has the same dark hair and crow face as our son. “It's in a few weeks." I try to sound more enthusiastic than I feel for the sake of being polite.
“Wonderful, we’ll have to go see you.” Susan clasps her hands and gives me a radiant smile. “We love the ballet in our family. It's something we regularly attend. I hear you'll be joining New York City."
"Yes." I smile back, not needing to muster fake excitement. I will always be excited about the New York City Ballet. "I'm very excited. It's my dream."
“We're excited for you,” comes Ryan's gravelly voice. The handful of words is one of the few things he’s spoken all evening.
“Thank you.” I give him a curt smile and glance at my father when I notice him smiling.
I know he’s probably thinking this conversation looks like a good sign because at least they'll encourage me to dance and they'll be respectful of my career, but to me, it's nothing to hold on to.
“We like the opera, too," Susan adds with a brighter smile.
"And football," Vlad says.
At the mention of football, of course, my mind goes running back to Dimitri.
Vlad talks about his favorite football teams, which includes, surprise, surprise, the Patriots—another Dimitri thing for me to think about.
I'm grateful when the conversation shifts back to Dad's TV show, then I zone out again.
My mind keeps bouncing between Dimitri and his father, and the fragments of my nightmares.
It's all torture to me.
Part of me wonders if it wouldn't have been better if I entered that contract.
I'd be with Levi now with no career, but that may have been better than falling for Dimitri and losing him the way I did.
I had to make a choice, one that led here, to this dinner table with these people.
But I know there'd come a time when Dmitri would have to choose, too.
While we were together, I’d worry that I’d say something about my father, and it would piss him up.
I wondered what we would do if we ever argued about the past.
Or if maybe—regardless of our declaration of love—he wouldn’t have chosen me.
The thought weighs heavily on my heart, and those annoying tears threaten to fall again. I'm beginning to irritate myself with the constant amount of times I keep bursting into tears.
I mustn't do it here.
Scanning over the table, I find my excuse to leave when I see the empty plates and dishes that need to be cleared.
"I'm going to start clearing the table," I say to Mom and I push to my feet.
“Great idea, sweetie. Dessert should be ready in twenty minutes.” Mom gives my hand a gentle squeeze. "Let’s clear up together."
“No.” I shake my head. “You cooked. Cleaning is the least I can do."
She releases me and I thank God that my mother takes the hint I want to be alone.
“Okay, I'll be in there in a little while to look after dessert."
I dip my head then smile back at everyone else before I start collecting the plates, taking more than I can probably manage.
I make my way out of the dining room, but before I walk through the door, I catch Ryan staring at me, giving me the look a stalker would when they found their next prey.
Ignoring the crazy beat of my heart, I walk down the hallway and head into the kitchen. Once inside, I close the door and crumble, allowing a few tears to slide down my cheeks.
My grandmother used to call these types of tears soul tears, the kind where your soul is aching so much that the tears come so freely you could cry at a whim's notice.
I walk over to the counter, set the plates down, and rest my hands on the edge.
The weight of everything presses down on my shoulders, but I breathe and count.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
Inhale, exhale, inhale exhale.
I may not have gained much from my therapy sessions, but at least I learned to breathe.
Straightening, I grab some tissue from the box on the counter and dab at my eyes.
No matter what, I know I mustn't break.
I've been through so much, too much , to fall apart now.
I also sacrificed whatever I could have had with Dimitri for this, for my family.
A little smile plays on my lips when I think of him suggesting we run away.
I wonder if we would've really done it. I was serious when I said yes.
He looked like he was serious, too, but I don't know if running away would've been the answer.
At least he said it. I'll take that to remember him by.
The kitchen door opens, startling me. At first, I think it's my mother, but I get a shocker when I see Ryan coming through the door.
I wish I had a better reaction than freezing up like a frightened deer who’s about to get eaten by a lion. He notices, and an eerie smile drifts across his face.
“Hey, there.” That rich, rusty voice scrapes against my nerves.
"Hi." I pretend I'm not fazed by his presence and like I'm not hold-on-to-the-edge-of-your-seat scared of him.
He walks up to me, towering me with his height. He's an inch shorter than Dimitri and lanky without the muscle, but that takes nothing away from his creepiness. "I thought I'd take the opportunity to talk to you."
"Oh,” I straighten. “That's nice of you.”
He chuckles deep and low. “I'm not nice, though, am I, Mackenzie? You and I both know that. So, this isn't about me being nice.”
My breath hitches and my throat dries, causing my lungs to burn. I did not expect him to say that. Couldn’t he even pretend for the sake of keeping up appearances?
And he’s talking to me as if we’ve met before. Before tonight, I’ve never even spoken to him.
"What is this about, then?" I hate the quiver in my voice, but there's nothing I can do about it.
“A warning.” Ryan nods. “You're with me now, and you're not going to do the same shit you did to Levi by entering some auction to escape me.”
“I didn’t plan on doing that.”
“You better not.” He leans in closer. "If you cross me, I won’t hesitate to punish you. Am I clear?"
I'm so stunned I can't speak. I stare at him, absorbing the threat of punishment.
I've heard enough things about him and his family to know that whatever punishment he’s talking about is worse than death. It will be the kind that will make you beg for death.
"Do you understand me, Mackenzie?" His voice is firmer, louder.
"Yes,” I mutter.
He touches my face and runs his finger down the side to my jaw. “Good girl, because I'm sure I'll have fun with you. It would be a shame to mess up your pretty face or break your little ballerina bones. I like beautiful things, but somehow, they don't last long around me. Don't let that happen to you.”
Oh my God . I won't last.
Something will happen somewhere along the line, and it will be the end of me.
A shudder ripples down my body. The smile Ryan gives me could make Hannibal Lecter shit himself.
“Is everything okay in here?” Mom's delicate voice pierces the fog of fear shrouding me.
Ryan steps back and gives her a pleasant smile. A complete opposite to the one he just gave me. "Yes, Mrs. Domachenkov, Mackenzie and I were just getting to know each other."
He keeps a smile pasted on his face as he walks out, walking past my mother.
As soon as he disappears through the door, Mom is at my side, seeing that I'm shaking. "Are you okay, Mackenzie?" She searches my face, checking me over.
I shake my head slowly. "No, Mom.”
“Oh, sweetheart. What did he say to you?”
I gaze back at her. I shouldn't hate her or my father. They've given me a life with everything I wanted up until now.
It wasn't my father's fault that he was framed.
It wasn't my mother's fault that any of this happened.
It's not their fault that no one can do anything more than what they're doing.
"What difference does it make, Mom? It won't change anything, will it?"
She squeezes her eyes shut for a moment then pulls me in for a hug. "I'm so sorry," she mutters in my ear.
"Me, too," I breathe out, realizing I've fallen into yet another hole.
Ryan is one more problem.
And it looks like I'm destined for a disaster.
The darkness of the college theater is a welcome break.
The English class is starting the day off by watching Frankenstein . It's the Kenneth Branagh version with Robert De Niro and Ian Holm, my favorite. Although I got here purposely late.
I didn't want to sit with my friends. I can see them in the middle row— Isabelle, Annika, Sawyer, and Savannah.
They were probably looking for me before the lights went out.
The only one of them who's aware of my situation is Isabelle. I don't want to make things awkward for the others by making them feel like I didn't want to tell them what was happening to me.
I also don’t want to talk. The more I do, the worse I feel.
The movie starts, and we’re a minute in when someone sits right next to me. I find it odd given there's a whole row of empty seats on my left and right. And the rows before me don't have many people.
The person rests their hand on my thigh, and I nearly jump out of my skin.
I snap my head around to ask them what the hell they're playing at, but I'm stunned when I come face to face with Dmitri in a hooded sweatshirt.
I'm so shocked to see him I can barely breathe, and I experience a range of emotions that runs from shock to relief, to fear, then back to relief again.
When he gives me a wolfish grin, it’s as if nothing ever happened and we could be back at our little apartment again, away from the world and its problems.
I open my mouth to speak, but he slips his hand over my jaw and pulls me in for a kiss.
At first, I sink into him, relishing this moment and wondering if I've fallen asleep again. Then I realize this is no dream.
The problems are still there, and I'm not supposed to be with him.
God, things are worse than ever with Ryan's threats looming over my head.
I pull out of the kiss, but Dmitri grips my hand.
“We need to talk,” he whispers.
“No.” I shake my head.
“Baby, I need to talk to you.”
Baby. That’s the first time he’s called me that. The endearment sounds sweet enough to lure me back into him, but I need to be strong.
“Dmitri, we can’t be seen together.”
I try to keep my voice down, but the guy in front of us turns around and glares at us.
“Can you be quiet?” he scoffs.
Dmitri leans closer and flicks his hood back so the guy can see his face. The instant he realizes who he's talking to, he looks like he's going to shit himself.
“Get the hell up. Or I’ll cut out your tongue,” Dmitri snaps at him. He’s not loud but loud enough to elicit a few curious stares.
With the fear God writhing through him, the guy scrambles to his feet and moves, not just down one row but right across to the other side of the theater.
I glance at Dmitri, finding it so bizarre that he could be this nice, caring person one minute and the next he’s a beast.
He gazes at me, and my heart beats faster, my pulse leaping in my throat. “Come with me.”
“No.”
A sly look washes over his face, and he slips his hand between my thighs, pressing hard against my clit. I have to cover my mouth to stop myself from moaning.
He leans in closer, getting right up to my ear. “If you don't come with me now, the whole class gets to watch me fuck you. Right here.”
My mouth drops open, but damn me, I’m my own worst enemy. I’m wet.
Knowing he could be serious, I get up, and the two of us walk out of the theater, taking the fire exit.
Once we’re away from everyone, he takes my hand and leads me down the stairwell.
We go all the way down to the bottom, to the janitor's closet.
He locks the door from the inside then whirls around to face me.
The sunlight spilling through the skylight window catches the bright blues hues of his eyes. I’ve missed him so damn much it’s refreshing to see him now.
I try to rein in my emotions, but it’s hard. It looks like it’s hard for him, too.
“I need to talk to you.” He walks forward and cups my face.
“Dmitri, please don’t make this harder.”
He gazes deep into my eyes. “I'm not letting you go, Mackenzie.”
My eyes widen. “You have to. I told you what was happening. And your father?—”
He cuts off my words with a kiss and shakes his head, planting little kisses on my lips. “I don't care what you said. I don't care what the situation is, and I don’t care about my father. You are mine.” He inches away to gaze at me. “Mine. So, I won't stop fighting for you even if you want me to.”
My heart melts, and a glimmer of hope fills me. “Dmitri?—”
“You heard me, Mackenzie.” He returns to my lips for another kiss. This time with more force and determination. It's the kind of kiss that I know will bring more, and it does.
Seconds later, we’re tearing at each other’s clothes, then we’re naked and he’s buried inside me, fucking me against the wall.
He takes me ravenously, like he needs to consume me to live.
I moan into every thrust of his hard cock, savoring this moment I never thought I’d experience again.
I shove every worry out of my mind, and when I touch him, it’s like I can’t stop, like I can’t get enough. Like I’ll die if we’re not touching each other.
Then it’s over. I come and he comes, too, and reality hits that we stole one more forbidden moment with each other.
Dmitri pulls out of me and grabs some tissue from the box of janitor supplies.
He holds my gaze while he cleans off the cum leaking down my thighs.
He tosses it in the trash and leans in to press his forehead to mine.
We stay like that for a few moments, enjoying each other until he inches away to stare at me.
“What are we going to do?” I mumble.
“I don’t know yet, but I’ll think of something. I just needed you to know I’m not giving up.”
He kisses the bridge of my nose and moves away to pick up my clothes from the pile on the ground. He hands them to me, and we put our clothes back on.
“Next time,” he promises with a sad smile.
“Next time.” I nod.
He lifts my hands to his lips and kisses over my knuckles. Then he backs away, opens the door, and walks out the door.
I know the drill. We’re back to how we were a month ago, so once he leaves, I’m supposed to wait a few minutes then leave, too.
I rest my head back against the wall, my skin still on fire.
There’s no way I can go back upstairs. I won’t be able to concentrate.
Besides, Professor Lanksky has a ten-minute late rule. Since I was already in the class and left, and I’ve probably been gone for at least fifteen minutes, it’s best I head back to my apartment.
I wait a few moments then walk outside. I’m walking down the path when I suddenly feel eyes on me. Because I’m already so paranoid, I look around.
That’s when I see Ryan.
Ryan Konstantin is standing on the second-floor balcony of the building opposite, watching me.
Damn it. He would've seen Dimitri leaving.
But would he have known we were together?
He couldn’t know that part, right?
Ryan doesn’t know about Dmitri and me. Right?
How would he have known?
Maybe he’s watching the building. Because he knew I’d be here. I’ve never even seen him this side of campus before because he’s studying medicine.
The asshole stays there long enough to creep the hell out of me, then he walks away leaving me feeling like I’ve been drained of my lifeforce.
God. What fresh hell is this?