17. Rebecca
Chapter seventeen
Rebecca
That's So True
N othing feels right.
It's as if I am a butterfly with its wings cruelly plucked off, unable to fly and lost in the chaos.
My chest is heavy, burdened by an empty heart and a soul that feels shattered into pieces.
The sound of the teacher's voice drones on and on, filling the room with a sense of suffocation.
Every breath feels like a struggle, each one more labored than the last.
Nothing feels right. The world is upside down and I am just trying to hold on until it rights itself again.
I scoured every inch of the city for Katya, following any lead that might bring me closer to finding her. But she seemed to have disappeared without a trace, leaving no mark or memory behind.
My frustration and desperation grew with each dead end.
But then there was Danny... I knew his reaction would be fierce, his fiery words lashing out like a whip. The disappointment and hurt in his eyes pierced through me, making me feel lower than dirt.
His poor mother stood by helplessly, mortified by my emotional breakdown. I couldn't contain the torrent of emotions that spilled from my mouth, revealing my true feelings in a messy word of vomit. I told her everything.
Well…
Almost everything.
I need to talk to Danny…
My heart sinks as I think about the inevitable conversation with him. Dread and guilt weigh heavy in my stomach, twisting and churning until I feel like I might be sick. But he deserves to know the truth.
The piercing bell rings, jolting me out of my thoughts and sending a searing pain through my head. I force myself to stand and make my way to class, but my body feels weak and shaky.
And then it hits me, a sudden wave of nausea so intense that I can't even comprehend it at first. My feet pick up speed as I frantically search for the nearest bathroom, my muscles burning with exertion. I barely make it before everything I've eaten this morning comes rushing back out of me, leaving me doubled over in agony.
As I gasp for air, tears streaming down my face, all I can do is pray for an end to this suffering.
I slowly turn to see Cat and Penny standing at the sinks, their faces a mix of shock and concern. They approach me cautiously, like approaching a wounded animal. I can feel their eyes on me as they bend down to get closer.
Penny's expression softens as she looks at me with sad eyes. “Are you okay?”
The dam breaks.
Tears flood my eyes, and my body shakes with sobs. Penny pulls me into her warm embrace, her arms offering comfort and solace.
“Oh, babes. It’s all gonna be okay.”
Cat joins in, rubbing circles on my back in a soothing motion. “You gotta tell us what happened so we can help you.”
I sit up, wiping my snot onto the sleeve of my dark green sweater. “There’s… there’s just so much! Oh god, it's overwhelming.”
Penny pulls me back into her chest, holding me tight as if trying to contain all the pain and emotions spilling out of me.
“I didn’t find Katya. I hurt poor Danny’s mom by leaving. My dad is still keeping secrets from me. And Danny… oh god. He has my emotions all over the place. One minute I hate him, the next I just need to be near him. It’s a giant mind fuck. And to top it off, my body feels so fucking off.”
Penny's gentle hands carefully weave and twist my hair, pulling it away from my face. Her touch is soothing and I feel myself begin to relax in her presence.
"So all this stress is making you sick," she comments softly. "It sounds like you need a spa day."
I let out a heavy sigh, wishing that my problems could be solved so easily. Slowly lifting my head, I meet Cat's concerned gaze.
"I'm pregnant," I confess, the weight of the words heavy on my tongue.
Penny's fingers pause for just a moment before resuming their task with renewed care.
Cat nods in understanding. "Does Danny know yet?"
I shake my head. "No, I haven't had the chance to tell him."
The two of them exchange a knowing look before Cat speaks again. "And you're positive it's his baby?"
Penny moves to sit next to Cat, her eyes never leaving mine as they wait for my answer.
"Yes," I reply firmly. "He's the only one I've been with."
Penny takes my hand in hers. “What do you want to do?”
Cat smiles. “We’ll be there for you no matter what.”
“I don’t… I don't want to go through. I’ve thought it over for a bit now. I just… I can’t".”
Penny tilts her head. “Why can’t you?” Cat nudges her. But Penny just shrugs. “What? It’s the same thing the counselors will ask her.”
“It’s okay. I… I just.” I take a deep breath, collecting my thoughts. “I ever planned to live past my eighteenth birthday. I truly thought I would either die at the hand of my mother or myself. All I’ve thought about is finding Katya. Nothing else. Then there’s Danny, who’s had his life planned out. He has goals and will achieve them no matter how annoying he is. If I kept this pregnancy… he would never forgive me. He would think this was my plan all along. To ruin his future because I don’t have one…”
Cat shakes her head. “You do have a future, Becca.”
I half laugh as more tears roll down my face. “I haven’t even applied to colleges. I have made no plans at all.”
Penny shakes her head. “That’s no matter. Cat and I are here for you. But the most important thing right now is this pregnancy.”
“You… you guys don’t even really know me… I was a bitch to you both. Yet you’re being so kind…”
Cat just smiles and shrugs. “You’ve got some darkness in you. Penny and I do as well, so we get it. You’re one of us and got caught in the web of one of them. So, we really get it.”
My body convulses with laughter. "Well, isn't that the truth?" I chuckle.
Penny joins in on my laughter as she pulls out her phone. "Alright, we'll schedule an appointment at the clinic after school. Cat and I will be right by your side."
The thought of having support during this process brings me a sense of relief. "Thanks, Penny."
Her face softens into a smile. "Of course. First appointment will be more of an information gathering session. They'll ask you a bunch of questions, run some tests, make sure you're safe and healthy. See if you know what you want to do."
"I already know what I want," I say confidently.
Penny nods knowingly. "We know. But they have to go through the motions. After that, you'll sit down with a counselor who will discuss all your options with you. There's no pressure, just a conversation."
I look up at her, grateful for her guidance. "And if I'm certain about my decision?"
"You'll see the doctor," she replies simply, her hand resting gently on my arm in reassurance.
With a solemn nod, I agree. "Okay. After school."
Cat, Penny, and I rise from the cold tiles of the bathroom floor, our bodies entwined in a tight embrace. They offer words of comfort and reassurance.
"We've got you," Cat says firmly.
"Always," adds Penny with a warm smile.
Together, we make our way to class, our footsteps echoing through the empty hallways as we continue to hold on to each other for support.
Despite the weight on my shoulders, there is a sense of safety within our shared embrace.
T he final bell echoes through the quiet hallways, signaling the end of another long day. With a heavy burden weighing on my mind, I sink back in my seat and let out a long sigh of relief.
Penny and Cat appear at my locker, and we make our way out of the school together. They position themselves on either side of me like protective shields.
As we step into the bustling parking lot, I feel a sudden chill run down my spine.
Danny's gaze is fixated on me with an intensity that sends shivers through my body. His eyes burn with anger and malice, as if he's plotting some kind of revenge against me.
With an aggressive stride, Danny stalks over to where I stand. Cat and Penny stand protectively in front of me, ready to defend.
“What the fuck is going on?” He demands, his voice laced with anger and confusion. His eyes dart between each of us, trying to make sense of the unlikely trio.
Cat nonchalantly shrugs her shoulders, a hint of defiance in her actions. She glances down at her perfectly manicured nails before meeting Danny's gaze head on. “We're friends,” she states firmly, her eyes like sharp daggers as she challenges him.
The tension between them crackles like electricity in the air as they continue to stare each other down.
Kaiden and Xander come rushing over, pushing between Cat and Danny with a sense of urgency. The air around them crackles with tension, their breaths coming out in short gasps.
“Heyy, guys. What’s going on?” Kaiden's voice betrays his nervousness as he glances between Cat and Danny.
Cat turns towards them with a sickly sweet smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes, but still manages to make me chuckle. This girl is not afraid of any damn thing.
“Nothing much, babe. We were just about to head out for some much-needed girl time.” Her gaze flickers over to Danny, her expression turning icy. It's clear that Cat is not one to back down from a challenge. “But it seems like Danny here has a problem with it.” Her words are laced with both confidence and defiance, daring Danny to speak up against her plans.
X timidly shrugs, his shoulders hunching up towards his ears. “I mean, you can’t really tell them what to do.”
Danny's pleading gaze meets mine, silently begging me to say something, anything at all.
But at this moment, with his friends surrounding us and the possibility of being overheard by other students, I am frozen. And there's no way I can speak up now; not with our emotions still raw and angry.
Cat opens the door to her sleek black car and gently ushers me inside. “Exactly. So we’re leaving. I swear to god, Danny. If you try to stop me, I will run your ass over.”
He sneers in response, his hands clenching into tight fists at his sides. “And if I follow you?”
Her voice drops to a low growl as she leans in close to him. “Don’t. Fucking. Test. Me.”
Kaiden steps forward and pushes them apart, positioning himself between them protectively. “Alright, babe,” he says calmly but firmly. “You girls have fun and stay out of trouble.”
He leans down and softly kisses Cat, causing her previously icy demeanor to melt as she gazes lovingly up at him.
Oh, how he understands her, loves her even through her tough exterior. They truly are meant for each other.
Cat clears her throat as Kaiden nuzzles down her neck with gentle kisses. “We won’t be long,” she murmurs breathlessly. “Love you, Kaid.”
“Love you too, baby,” Kaiden replies with a tender smile before stepping back and letting us leave in peace.
Penny joins us in the car and we drive away in silence as the tension from earlier lingers in the air like an unspoken weight between us all.
As we arrive at the clinic, the air is cool and crisp. We check in at the front desk and I'm led to a small room with muted walls and a comfortable reclining chair. Cat and Penny flank me on either side, our hands intertwined in support.
A middle-aged woman enters the room, her gray hair frayed and messy, lines etched deep into her face. Her eyes are tired and lacking their usual sparkle.
"It's positive. You are pregnant." She hands me a stack of pamphlets, her voice devoid of emotion. "You do have options," she adds, almost mechanically.
I take the pamphlets from her, my heart sinking as I realize the weight of this decision. But I know what I want, and it's not to continue this pregnancy.
The woman lets out an exasperated sigh as I shake my head. "I know what I want. I do not want this pregnancy."
She hesitates before taking the pamphlets back from me. "You really should think about this," she says sternly.
My patience wears thin as I respond firmly, "I did think about it. For a whole fucking week. And I don't want the baby. I want an abortion." The truth of my words hits me like a punch in the gut, but I know it's what's best for me right now.
The woman's critical gaze travels up and down my body, her eyes full of judgment. I feel small under her scrutiny, like a bug pinned to a specimen board.
“Fine. The doctor will be in,” she says with a dismissive wave of her hand.
We wait for what feels like an eternity before the doctor finally enters the room. He is an older man, tall and lanky, with a balding head and thick gray eyebrows that give him a perpetually stern expression.
“I’ve been reviewing your notes,” he says, flipping through the papers on his clipboard. “In one week, you will come back and we will talk.”
I am taken aback by this news, my emotions swirling in a mix of shock, anger, and sadness.
“I… I need this now,” I manage to choke out.
He nods understandingly. “I understand. Unfortunately, I do not have any pills available at the moment. We are understaffed and underpaid here.” His voice is apologetic as he continues, “In a week, I will have them for you. It’s two pills. - take one and the other forty-eight hours later.” He hands me a pamphlet. “This lists everything you need to know. You can expect cramping and bleeding. I would advise against going to school during this time. You will also see a therapist. I will give you a referral.”
“Thank you,” I reply quietly.
Cat and Penny gently take my trembling hand as we make our way back to the car. The air is thick with unspoken emotions, and we drive in silence, each lost in our own thoughts.
My eyes are fixed on the ultrasound resting on my lap, capturing every detail of the blurry image.
A tiny life growing inside of me. So innocent and fragile, yet already causing such turmoil within me. It feels surreal to see it, this little bean-shaped thing that holds so much potential and possibility. I can't help but brush a finger over the picture, as if trying to connect with the tiny being.
Tears well up in my eyes and one silently falls down my cheek. A mix of sadness and reverence washes over me.
A baby I can't keep. A baby I will never know. But deep down, I know it's the right choice for both of us.
As we pull into Danny's driveway, I place a protective hand over my stomach, feeling a sense of tenderness towards this small life that will forever be a part of me, even if only in memory.
We park and head inside, Louise greeting us with a smile.
“Hi, girls?” She can sense something is off. “Everything okay?”
Cat smiles and nods. “Yeah! We just needed a girls’ day.”
She laughs. “We all need those sometimes!”
The three of us make our way up the creaky staircase, the sound of our footsteps echoing off the walls. As I reach for the handle to my bedroom door, I am taken aback by the sight of Danny sitting in the middle of my bed. His dark hair is tousled, and he has a serious expression on his face.
"What are you doing in my room, Danny?" I ask, trying to keep my voice steady despite my rising panic.
He glances at Cat and Penny before turning back to me. "We need to talk. But it seems we have an audience."
I glance back at them, silently pleading for them to leave. They nod understandingly and quickly exit the room. I close the door behind them and turn to face Danny.
"We do need to talk." I say, trying to sound calm as I toss some papers at him. The pamphlets scatter across the bed, and the ultrasound photo lands right on top. "Congrats, you knocked me up," I say bitterly, my heart pounding with anger and hurt.
Danny stands frozen in place, his face drained of all color like a ghost. His lips part slightly, but no words come out as he stares at me.
I sneer and scoff at his lack of response. “Don’t worry, I’m not keeping it. Wouldn’t want to ruin your perfect little life with your oh-so-perfect girlfriend.”
His eyes widen in shock and confusion. “Is this some kind of sick joke?”
I can't hold back my rage any longer. I throw papers across the room, aiming them directly at Danny. “Does it fucking look like a joke?!” Hot tears burn at the corners of my eyes. “Do you think this looks like a fucking joke?!” I point to the ultrasound image in my hands.
Danny shakes his head, muttering. “It's not mine.”
Those three words shatter me into a million pieces. I am consumed by anger, hurt, and betrayal.
“That's rich coming from you! After everything, you have the audacity to deny it?” My voice cracks with emotion. “You truly are a nasty fucking person.”
But Danny remains motionless, not uttering a single word.
“It will be gone by next week, and so will I. You can go back to living your perfect insignificant life.” I spit the words out with venom.
He huffs dismissively. “Good. I wouldn't want a baby with you, anyway.”
My heart breaks all over again at his callousness. “Fuck you, Danny. Fuck you.”
With that last declaration, I grab my backpack and storm out of the room, racing to my car parked outside.
I drive recklessly towards the truck stop - my haven–where I can escape from all of this chaos and pain for just a little while.