12. Kara
12
KARA
K yle was clearly in love with my sister.
Alice sat beside him in the front seat while he steered us toward Saint View, the little town where our older sister, Rebel, had grown up before our dad had left her to be raised by her mom. Alice stared with wide-eyed wonder at the buildings and other cars as they flashed by in a blur of headlights. Kyle alternated between watching the road and watching Alice, her every smile making him smile too.
I saw it all from where I slouched in the back seat, too scared to raise my head for fear someone in another car might recognize me. We hadn’t seen a glimpse of Josiah or anyone from the commune since we’d left. It all felt too easy, though the constant throbbing in my ankle said otherwise.
Hayley Jade had scrambled to the far side of the truck as soon as we’d been on the road and curled herself into a tight ball, her skinny arms wrapping around her knees and her face twisted away .
I’d managed to get a seat belt on her. But she flinched every time I touched her and refused to lift her head when Alice offered her food and water from a bag Kyle had packed for us.
Hours away from the commune, Kyle was forced to stop for gas, and the urge to use the bathroom was too strong to ignore.
“Hayley Jade?” I asked quietly. “Do you need to go to the bathroom?”
She didn’t make a sound. Her hunched-over back still rose and fell with her breaths, which only eased a little of my worries, but the fact she wouldn’t look at me, speak, eat, or even use the bathroom was concerning.
Alice reached back and squeezed my arm. “Come on. I need to go too.” She opened the car door. “Kyle, we need to use the ladies’ room. Can you watch Jade for a minute, please? And when I say watch her, I mean you don’t take your eyes off her, okay?”
Kyle nodded quickly, eager to please. “Of course.” He was filling the car up with one hand on the gas pump, but he braced his other on the doorframe, so he had eyes on my daughter.
I hesitated, not wanting to leave her alone with a man I didn’t know, even if that man did have love hearts for eyes when he was with my sister.
Alice rubbed my arm, soothing the spot she’d squeezed a moment earlier. “You can trust him. He’s a good guy. He and I have been talking about getting out of that shithole commune for months.”
I widened my eyes at her. “What?”
Alice nodded, tugging me toward the facilities. “Kyle only moved in a year ago. His parents got suckered in by all of Josiah’s bullshit—”
I shot her a look on autopilot. “Alice! Don’t talk like that.”
Alice groaned in frustration with me and tugged open the door marked with a dress-wearing stick figure. “We’re out now. You don’t have to play the part anymore. You’re free.”
I didn’t want to be free like this. I didn’t want to be out here, at a gas station in the middle of nowhere after kidnapping a child from the only home she remembered. I didn’t find any excitement in being on the run, knowing that at any minute, Josiah and his crew could pull up and take me and my daughter and my sister. If that happened…
I shot a worried glance back at the car, but nothing seemed amiss, and my bladder protested at traveling for so long without a break. I ducked inside the bathrooms, quickly relieving myself and washing my hands and was back outside, peering through the truck window to check on Hayley Jade before Alice had even finished in her stall.
Relief washed over me when the little girl was still in the same position I’d left her.
Kyle grimaced at me though. “She’s pretty scared, huh?”
I wanted to stroke her hair, but it was clear she didn’t want me touching her. “I imagine so. It’s been…a lot.”
He nodded. “Do you want anything from inside? Candy? A sandwich?”
I nodded before I could think about how greedy I was being. “Please. That sounds amazing.”
Kyle nodded, his gaze turning adoring as it switched to Alice climbing up into her seat. I followed, getting into the back seat behind her.
Oblivious to Kyle’s love-struck expression, Alice twisted to grumble at me. “You could have waited.”
Kyle walked away to go get supplies, and I bit down on my lip watching him. “He’s in love with you.”
Alice grinned, gaze straying to his retreating form then back at me. “I know. Isn’t it great?”
Surprised punched through me. That was about the last thing I’d expected her to say. “You love him too?”
She barked out a laugh. “Oh my God, no. He’s sweet but he’s…I don’t know. He kind of looks like a golden retriever. Or maybe it’s just his personality that makes me think that. He’s so eager to please, it’s sickening.”
I blinked, shaking my head. That was a horrible thing for her to say. The way she dismissed him was so unkind. “He’s so eager to please that he left his entire life and his family behind to go on the run with you. And you think that makes him the equivalent of a dog?”
She just shrugged.
When Kyle came back with his arms laden down with more snacks and sandwiches and drinks for all of us, I couldn’t help but feel like we were taking advantage of him. “Thank you,” I whispered, voice full of the gratitude I felt for the man, even if he was misguided to have placed his affections on my sister. “I really do appreciate this.”
“Me too,” Alice chirped from the front seat, kicking off her shoes and putting her feet up on the dash. She ripped open a package of potato chips and tossed a few of them into her mouth. She wiped her fingers off on her long skirt and then held her hand out to Kyle. “Can I play something on your phone?”
My mouth dropped open as Kyle fished the small device out of his pocket and handed it over to her without hesitation.
Alice pressed her fingertips to her lips and then onto Kyle’s smoothly shaven cheek. “Thank you! Four, seven, three, five. That’s the password still, right?”
Clearly this wasn’t the first time she’d used his cell.
“Where did you even get that?” I asked. “Josiah would never allow…”
Kyle shrugged. “My parents tried to take it away when we first moved to the commune, but I was sixteen. I had a life. Friends. I said I’d leave and go live with my best friend and his family if my parents didn’t let me keep it.
“Your parents knew about it?” I asked him incredulously. “Technology has been forbidden for such a long time, they could be kicked out if you’d been caught…”
Alice glanced over at Kyle with a grin. “Lucky we never got caught then, huh?”
He grinned back at her, like they were Bonnie and Clyde on the run and loving it.
All I saw was the naivete. How I’d probably been exactly the same, said the same stupid things when I’d first left.
I’d had so many big dreams.
I was going to become a doctor.
Help underprivileged communities and those who couldn’t afford healthcare. I was going to find myself a nice house, nothing fancy, just a small three-bedroom place somewhere in a middle-class neighborhood. I’d meet a nice man, maybe at the hospital, maybe at a little tucked-away café that the locals all loved. We’d fall in love. Get married. Fill that home with babies.
I hadn’t even been out of the commune for a week when I’d met Caleb. He’d been charming at first, rich and handsome.
I’d instantly imagined him taking me on dates. Driving me out to the beach where we’d drink milkshakes in summer or curl up with him reading books by a fire in winter.
Those dreams had been shattered after he’d left me crying and bleeding.
A tiny baby growing inside me, all that was left of the hopes I’d left home with.
And that wasn’t even the worst thing he’d done to me.
It got so much worse.
I swallowed thickly, turning away from Alice’s fingers deftly moving over the phone screen as she played some sort of animated game on Kyle’s phone, her tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth in concentration.
Hours passed with me lost in my head. Miles flew by beneath the tires of Kyle’s truck, and I periodically pushed food toward Hayley Jade, which she mostly ignored.
I bit back a cheer when finally, her small fingers reached for a bag of candy I put by her leg. She still refused to look at me, but she lifted her head and ripped the package open with her teeth before gobbling down a handful of the sour worms.
“I’m sorry I don’t know what you like,” I whispered to her. “I’ll learn though. And I’ll fill our pantry with all of your favorites. Whatever you want.” I paused, praying she’d respond. “Hayley Jade?” I prompted when she didn’t say anything.
She put the cap back on her water and went back to staring out the window.
I sighed.
Alice caught my eye in the mirror on the back of her sun visor. “At least she ate something. Maybe it would help if you just called her Jade, like Shari did.”
I nodded but didn’t comment. I didn’t want to talk about Hayley Jade like she wasn’t even in the car.
I also despised the idea of calling her anything other than the beautiful name I’d given her.
She’d been named after Hayden.
And he was the one good memory I had from my time in Saint View.
But I would call her anything she wanted if that’s what made her happy. I’d say anything. Do anything. “Would you like that?” I asked her. “Would you like me to call you Jade?”
She didn’t answer, and I didn’t push her any further.
She was here. She was safe. And we were passing the faded sign that read Welcome to Saint View.
I was back. But it was almost the last place I wanted to be.
Saint View wasn’t home. It wasn’t good.
Just like the commune, it was where happiness died and dreams were shattered.