13. Kara
13
KARA
“ T he GPS is saying it’s only five minutes until we get to your sister’s place.” Kyle peered through the windshield and grimaced. “Are you sure we’re in the right spot? This place is…”
“Bleak?” Alice filled in, a shudder running through her thin frame. She turned back to me. “Is this seriously where Rebel lives? It’s…”
“A shithole,” Kyle supplied unhelpfully. “I think those people over there are shooting up beneath that streetlamp.”
I took a steadying breath, not wanting to look out the windows for fear of seeing the house from my nightmares. The one I’d been held in against my will, on Caleb’s orders.
It had been where I’d met Hayden. And where I’d given birth to Hayley Jade.
I thought I’d put all those bad feelings behind me, but being back here now reminded me exactly of why I hadn’t been able to stay, even when my sister had offered to let me live with her.
I hated this town and everything in it. And Rebel’s place was too close to it.
I cleared my throat. “Rebel’s house is in the neighboring town. It’s not like this. You’ll see. Just keep driving.”
Kyle seemed skeptical, and I couldn’t blame him. It had always amazed me that two towns so unalike could share a border and there not be an out and out war between its residents.
The haves on one side. The have-nots on the other.
Maybe little battles were fought every day, and I just didn’t know about it.
I wanted to keep it that way. Saint View was not the place for me. But neither was my sister’s place in Providence. Caleb had been from Providence, proving that evil lurked everywhere, not just in towns with broken windows and abandoned cars. Sometimes the worst evil lurked behind the doors of million-dollar mansions with luxury cars parked in the driveways.
We rolled slowly through the streets, the houses gradually changing from run-down or abandoned shacks, to low-income government housing, to small suburban dwellings, and finally, as we crossed the border into Providence, to mansions that could be in Home Beautiful magazine.
“Wasn’t expecting that,” Kyle murmured, his hesitant staring becoming star-struck gawking. “These places are huge.”
“Take a left here,” I told him quietly. “This is Rebel’s street. At least, it was the last time I saw her. If she’s moved…”
If she’d moved I didn’t know where we’d go next. There was no backup plan.
“She hasn’t,” Alice said confidently. “I’ve seen the return address on her letters. It’s this address.”
I stared at my sister. “Rebel has been sending you letters?”
She glanced back at me with a frown of confusion. “Not us. You. Ever since our phones were taken away.”
I shook my head, hurt erupting behind my chest. “She never sent me one.”
“She did,” Alice insisted. “They were always sent to our place. Dad gave them to Josiah to give to you.” She shook her head, expression full of anger. “Josiah wasn’t passing them on, was he?”
Stupidly, tears welled in my eyes. My older sister had been a lifeline for me when I’d first returned to the commune with my tail between my legs, one that Josiah had quickly cut off once I was his wife. I might not have liked where she lived, but I had missed her every day.
For the first time since Alice had thrown those tiny pebbles at my window, I felt a tiny kernel of excitement.
“That’s her house, just there.” I pointed. “With the curved driveway.”
My sister was behind those doors. I didn’t know if she would even want to see me after not speaking for so long.
But something inside me ached to try.
Kyle was still muttering in shock and awe over Rebel’s house, and I couldn’t blame him. It was more beautiful than I remembered. The two-story home was nothing short of grand. There were floor-to-ceiling windows everywhere, and the flower beds were neatly arranged, a few new beds in place since the last time I’d been here, though they were bare of any flowers at this time of year. A swing set by the fence line caught my eye, and I couldn’t help but smile. Rebel’s babies would be four by now, not even a full year younger than Hayley Jade. Before we’d gotten cut off, Rebel had told me she was having a set of boy-girl twins, but I’d never even gotten to know their names.
“I wish you’d told me she was still trying to contact me,” I said to Alice. “Did you ever read any of her correspondence?” I wanted to know everything that had been in those letters. Wanted to read every word and know every detail of what had been going on in Rebel’s life.
But Josiah had kept it from me. Just like everything and everyone else. A constant punishment because I couldn’t do the one thing he’d married me for and he resented it every day.
Alice shook her head. “No. But she never stopped writing to you. The last of her letters arrived just last week.”
My heart squeezed as Kyle stopped the truck.
“We’re here,” I told Hayley Jade quietly. “You can get out and stretch your legs. We can’t stay too long, but it’s nice here. You’ll like it.”
She refused to move.
Flinched away when I touched her.
I sighed. Any silent truce we’d called when I’d been bribing her with food was clearly over.
The front door of Rebel’s house opened, and a huge man appeared on the porch, flinching against the cold night air in just a thin sweatshirt. He squinted through the darkness, clearly trying to place the unfamiliar car.
“Holy shit, who is that?” Alice asked with a slight hitch in her voice.
The corner of my mouth flickered just a tiny bit. “That’s Fang. Your brother-in-law.”
Taking in her expression of pure lust, Kyle shot Alice a dirty look. “Your brother-in-law, Alice. So maybe roll your tongue up and put it back in your mouth?”
“Can’t,” she practically panted. “He’s so big. Bet he could crack my head between his thighs like it was a walnut.”
“Alice!” Kyle reprimanded before I could. “That guy has to be at least fifteen years older than you.”
“Fifteen years more experienced then,” Alice mused. “I bet he could teach me a thing or two.”
I wrung my hands, shocked by the change in my sister now she didn’t have the constraints of commune rules to abide by. “You wouldn’t have a clue what to do with a man like that. Now get out of the car before he gets suspicious and pulls his gun.”
“He has a gun?” Kyle practically squeaked.
“Fang is the one in the motorcycle club, right?” Alice asked.
“Motorcycle club? Like, the kind who go on nice Sunday drives together? Or…” Kyle’s unspoken question hung in the air.
Or the illegal kind who were just as likely to be making a gun or drug trade on a Sunday as taking a leisurely cruise. That was what Kyle had wanted to ask.
“Or,” I confirmed. “So get out and keep your hands where he can see them. ”
Alice grinned.
Kyle looked like he was about to wet his pants.
All I cared about was how Hayley Jade was taking it, but she was still completely checked out.
I pushed open the car door and climbed out slowly, Alice and Kyle following my lead.
“Who’s there?” Fang called.
“It’s me,” I called back, and then realized it had been five years since I’d seen the man and he probably didn’t recognize me anymore, sister-in-law or not. “Me, Kara, I mean.” I straightened and raised my hand tentatively.
Fang took a few steps forward so he could see better then swore low under his breath. He pivoted abruptly and took two quick steps back inside the house, the door closing behind him.
I froze.
“Er,” Alice mumbled. “Was it something we said?”
“More like someone you’re with.” My chest felt tight. “This is my fault. We shouldn’t have come here. Rebel isn’t going to want to see me after all this time.”
For the first time since we’d made it out, Alice’s happy-go-lucky expression morphed into one of worry. “We don’t have a backup plan. Where the hell are we going to go? I have no money. Neither do you. Kyle drained the last of his bank account paying for the gas to get us here.”
I had the few hundred dollars Shari had given me, but that wouldn’t get us far. My fingers trembled. It was cold out. Not freezing, but definitely not warm enough for the four of us to sleep in the car.
The front door opened again, and me, Alice, and Kyle all swiveled in that direction .
A tiny pixie of a woman crashed out of the front door, knocking her shoulder hard on the wooden post holding up the porch. But it didn’t slow her. She sprinted across the crunchy winter grass, and on instinct, I braced myself for her attack.
She stopped short a mere inch from my toes and stared at me with huge brown eyes that hadn’t changed at all since the last time I’d seen her.
She was a couple of inches shorter than me and probably weighed about half what I did.
But she was the big sister who had given me shelter after I’d left that house of horrors. She was the big sister who had nursed me back to health. And she was the only person in the world I’d thought to run to when I’d had to leave my life behind.
A sob burst out of my mouth before I could even try to control it.
Rebel’s face crumpled. “Oh, Kara.”
And then I was in her arms, wrapped in the fiercest of hugs and wondering how I’d even considered for a second that I couldn’t come to this woman for help.
She held me tight, whispering in my ear, telling me that whatever had happened, whyever I was here now, it was all okay. She would make it okay.
Even though I knew that was a promise she couldn’t make, I just nodded into her shoulder and let her soothe me.
Fang came out onto the steps again, and when I lifted my head with my eyes stinging from crying, I noticed two other men had joined him.
“Where you been, lady?” Kian grinned at me. Then his gaze twisted to where Alice stood with Kyle. “Holy shit. Alice?”
“Who are they?” Kyle whispered to my sister.
“More brothers-in-law,” she whispered back while she waved enthusiastically at Rebel’s partners. “Rebel has three guys. But don’t you dare judge her. She’s not a slut.”
I shot her a look. Rebel was literally right there.
But my older sister just laughed and hugged Alice with her free arm. The other was still attached to me. She’d pulled back but didn’t let me go, like she wanted to assure herself I was real and actually there.
Or maybe it was me holding on to her for that reason.
Either way, we weren’t letting each other go.
At least not for tonight. Tomorrow would be a different story, but at least I would have right now.
“What on earth are you doing here? Dad kept telling me you were fine but you didn’t want to speak to me after everything that happened, and I understood, really I did, but then I would find myself writing you letters anyway, and even though I knew you weren’t reading them I just kept sending them.” Rebel shook her head sadly in the midst of her babble, her short dark hair falling across her eye. “I’ve missed you so much.”
She had barely aged a day since I’d last hugged her. Barely looked any different other than her once-flat belly now held a gentle curve, proof she’d birthed her babies while we’d been apart.
Little had changed with her, but everything had changed with me. I didn’t know where to start. How to fill her in on five years’ worth of trauma when I could barely even admit it to myself.
An expression of understanding came over Rebel’s heart-shaped face, and then she nodded determinedly, taking control of the situation. “Fuck, come inside. I don’t know why we’re standing on the lawn. Do you have bags? Where’s Hayley Jade?”
I turned back to the car.
Hayley Jade had slipped to the floorboard, scrunched into a ball so tight she could barely be seen.
Rebel took one look at her niece and then stared at me. “Is she okay?”
I touched my sister’s arm. “I have a lot to tell you. Can you help me get her inside?”
Rebel bit into her bottom lip and nodded, but despite me, Rebel, and Alice all trying to coax Hayley Jade out, it couldn’t be done. I didn’t dare get one of the guys to attempt it. They’d scared Kyle, a fully grown man, so I wasn’t about to test them out on a little girl, even if I knew they were totally harmless, at least to people they cared about.
Eventually, I picked Jade up and carried her inside, even though she screamed and kicked and bit at me hysterically.
Tears fell down my cheeks as Rebel quickly showed us to a spare bedroom on the ground floor, and I put Hayley Jade down on the bed.
Rebel left us, and I curled up on the fresh-smelling bed covers, my heart breaking over the way my daughter had just completely shut down.
It wasn’t long before her sobs quieted and her breathing became even. When I raised my head from the pillow and leaned across so I could get a glimpse at her face, she was asleep. I couldn’t blame her. It had been the longest night of my life, and I was exhausted too .
I sighed heavily and got up, untucking the blankets from my side of the bed and using them to cover the sleeping child. “I know you don’t understand any of this right now,” I whispered to her. “But there was no alternative.” I swallowed hard. “I hope you can forgive me one day.”
I got up and moved wearily from the bedroom to the sitting room just down the hallway. Inside, the room was full. Alice and Kyle sat next to each other on a couch, chatting with Vaughn and Kian who sat opposite them, hot drinks in their hands. Fang leaned against a wall, watching over his family, and Rebel had settled herself cross-legged on the floor.
She pointed at the coffee table and the steaming mug clearly meant for me. “Tea. I didn’t think coffee was a good idea at this hour.”
“Peppermint and chamomile?” I asked hopefully. A sip of my favorite hot drink would be heaven right about now.
Rebel shook her head. “Just the regular kind, I think. I’m not sure. None of us drink it. It’s only there for guests.”
I picked up the mug and took a sip, trying not to make a face because I didn’t want her to feel bad. I hated regular tea, but it was hot, and the warm mug was comforting in my hands, and I was so grateful for the gesture.
Rebel’s cheeks were tearstained as she watched me sip my drink. “Alice told us everything. I’m so, so sorry, Kara. I had no idea about any of it. How could Dad have let them do that to you?” Her expression crumpled into a mixture of anger and sadness, and she wrapped her arms around herself tightly.
I swallowed hard, knowing that “everything” was just the tip of the iceberg. Alice knew what had happened in the last twenty-four hours, but little of the years before that, other than what she’d observed from a distance.
But I was grateful I didn’t have to rehash it all for my sister and her partners. It was too fresh and raw.
Vaughn shifted to stand with Fang, letting me have his seat, and while it was my instinct to protest and insist he didn’t put himself out for me, I sank down into the comfy cushions, letting them envelop me in their softness.
Rebel reached over and squeezed my ankle. “Hey. You don’t need to worry about any of it anymore. You’ll all stay here. For as long as you need. Even if that’s forever.”
I shook my head fast, though my heart squeezed with love for this woman who hadn’t even blinked an eye at me ignoring her for five years. She’d jumped straight back into being the older sister and protector I remembered.
Her heart was so big, but I was a ticking time bomb. One I refused to let explode all over this beautiful life she’d created for herself. “I can’t stay here. It’s too dangerous. It’s the first place they’ll search for us.” I glanced at Kyle and then at Fang. “His truck can’t be out there. They’ll be looking for it. Josiah saw us leave.”
Fang held his hand out toward Kyle, palm upturned. “Throw me your keys. I’ll put it in the garage.”
Kyle fumbled through his pockets and a tiny bit of my panic subsided. It was only a few hours. I knew we had to get farther away, find some tiny town in the middle of nowhere where nobody would think to search for us. But Kyle was slow blinking after driving all night, and Alice was slumped into the couch. It was like making it to a safe place had triggered something inside all of us and signaled to our brains that we could rest. We couldn’t get any farther right now. None of us could survive on no sleep, and here, surrounded by Rebel’s men and the protection of her home, we were safe. I had to believe that after a few hours in a bed, things wouldn’t seem so bleak.
Rebel’s face fell. “Kara, please. You have to stay. Between me and the guys, there’s always someone here. You won’t ever be alone. I’ll tell Dad to back off and leave you alone.”
I shook my head. “Dad is a pussycat compared to Josiah.”
Kian swore low under his breath. “I knew there was something up with that guy years ago. Only had to meet him once to know there was something weird going on. We should have done something back then.”
I shook my head, not wanting him to blame himself when there was nothing he could have done. “There wouldn’t have been any point. You could have kicked down the fence and tried to get us out, but I wouldn’t have gone with you.”
“I would have,” Alice mumbled, like a know-it-all teenager. “That place and Brother Josiah are the worst.”
But she said that with no experience of how the real world worked.
How it chewed up women and spat them out.
How there were dangers here that the commune protected us from .
She was as na?ve as I’d been, and it put her in danger.
“We should all go to bed.” I looked at Alice sharply, noticing the way Kyle’s thigh was pressed against hers. I turned to Rebel and whispered, “Separate beds, if at all possible.”
Rebel clapped her hands. “Right. No hanky-panky for Alice and Kyle! We’re running out of rooms, but Kyle, there’s a guest room out in the pool house. Alice, you can have my room. Obviously Kara can sleep in with Hayley Jade.”
I shook my head. “No, no. We don’t want to inconvenience you.”
Rebel winked at me. “I’ve got three men whose rooms I get to pick from. It’s hardly an inconvenience.”
My cheeks heated at the implication.
Rebel slung her arm around my shoulders. “I’ve missed making you blush. More of that in the morning, okay? After you’ve slept for ten hours.”
The thought of staying here that long filled me with fear. The sun would be up soon, and I wanted to be gone soon after. “We need to leave early. As early as possible.”
Rebel’s mouth pulled into a frown. “I really want you to consider staying. We’ll get restraining orders out against Josiah and Dad and anyone else. We’ll make sure there’s always a guard here…”
The very thought of all of that sent chills down my spine. We’d be sitting ducks. No piece of paper was going to keep Josiah from getting to me.
Five years as wife number one without a baby to show for it had taught me he never gave up.
Even when I begged for him to stop.
There was no begging anymore. No pleading for his forgiveness. No going back. If he found me, I was dead and Hayley Jade would be sold to the highest bidder.
“We have to leave,” I insisted.
Rebel didn’t seem happy, but she finally nodded. “I’ll transfer money to your account now. And more anytime you need it. As much as you want to get you as far as you think you need to go. As long as you promise me you’ll buy a phone and keep in contact. I’ll never forgive myself for not insisting I see you when Dad said you didn’t want to be in contact with me anymore.”
I grabbed her hand. “I would have lied, even if you had. Please. Don’t feel bad. There’s nothing you could have done.”
Rebel gave a reluctant nod and then stood to hug me. She held me so damn tight I almost broke down in her arms again.
It had been so long since someone had hugged me.
But I pulled myself together and moved down the hallway to where my daughter slept. My heart broke as she made tiny, scared whimpering noises in her sleep.
I wanted to hug her to my chest and hold her the way I once had. Soothe her fear and mine too.
I could only pray that one day she would let me.
And that I could hold on and keep her safe, long enough for that day to come.