32. Hawk
32
HAWK
I drove home in a blind fucking rage, furious at myself for being so stupid. Hayley Jade sat in the back seat, quiet as always. She hadn’t even gotten to see the doctor.
I’d heard Kara cry out. Heard the fear and pain in her tone.
I’d picked up Hayley Jade and run down the hallway like I was fighting for gold in the one-hundred-meter sprint at the Olympics.
I’d never punched a guy out while holding a kid in one arm, but fuck, seeing that asshole from the morgue with his hands on Kara had sent me over the edge.
Now all I could do was curse myself.
Like Hayley Jade wasn’t already scared enough.
Like Kara wasn’t already so fucking traumatized she could barely function.
I’d gone and let her walk away from me, completely unprotected, and look what had happened.
I couldn’t fucking breathe .
Kara didn’t try to talk to me on the way home. She made idle chitchat with Hayley Jade, who didn’t respond.
My chest tightened with every mile that passed, buildings, trees, and the beach all flashing by outside the van windows.
At the Slayers’ gates, Kara finally looked my way and then picked up my phone from the center console.
“What are you doing?” I snapped.
“I need your passcode, please.”
“Seven, eight, three, two,” I rattled off, no fucks given that I was handing over access to everything in my phone. Kara wasn’t exactly the type to go rifling through my texts. Not that she’d find much there anyway. Some old dirty texts from Kiki. Maybe a nude from Amber. But anything of club significance got deleted or wasn’t said in a text in the first place. So she could have the fucking thing if she wanted it.
She tapped her fingers across the screen a few times and then put it to her ear.
I waited for Ice to open the gates, ignoring him when he indicated he wanted to talk, and drove past, leaving him in the cloud of dust the tires kicked up when I put my foot down on the accelerator too hard.
I couldn’t talk to anyone right now. I needed every brain cell just to keep the van on the road and my chest sucking in oxygen.
“Queenie, hello. No, it’s me. Kara. We’re just coming in the gates now. Could you meet us out the front and get Hayley Jade inside for me, please? I need Hawk to come down to the cabin with me. There’s some things we need to talk about. ”
I huffed out a breath. Damn fucking right we had some things to discuss.
Like why the fuck she’d gone off on her own.
And why the fuck I’d let her.
That was never happening again.
Queenie was waiting in the doorway when I stopped the van.
Kara got out and helped her get Hayley Jade inside, and even losing sight of Kara for a millisecond as she stepped into the clubhouse had me strangling the steering wheel as that same feeling I’d had back at the hospital engulfed me once more.
Kara came back alone a moment later and slid wordlessly back into the passenger seat.
We were silent until I navigated the van along the path to the cabin. It was barely even wide enough for the vehicle, the track mostly worn into the grass only by bike tires or feet. I got out first, and she followed, neither of us making a sound until the cabin door closed behind her.
I whirled around on her. “Never again!” I shouted. “Never. Fucking. Again do you leave my sight like that, Kara! What the fuck were you thinking?”
To my surprise, she didn’t cower. She didn’t flinch like she normally did whenever I got loud. Which was a lot because I just didn’t do soft and well spoken.
“You’re right,” she agreed.
I stopped. “What? No, I’m not. I’m being completely unreasonable, yelling at you for walking away when you clearly needed a minute to compose yourself.”
She shook her head. “I put myself in danger.”
I moved in on her so quickly, I actually had to catch her as she stumbled to avoid colliding with me, her back hitting the door. I cradled her head, so it didn’t thunk on the wood, and pressed my body into hers, breathing hard, her face mere inches from mine. “I put you in danger. You were my responsibility, and I let you go.”
“You were just doing what I asked you to do. Hayley Jade needed you.”
“You needed me, Kara. You .” I inhaled her scent, letting it fill my lungs properly for the first time since I’d seen that asshole with his hands on her. I put my lips to her neck, the smell of her not enough to convince me she was safe beneath my body. I kissed her neck, opening my mouth to lick her skin.
She shivered beneath me, her fingers coming to my arms, resting lightly on my biceps. “You were scared for me.”
I’d never admitted to being scared of anything in my life, and yet that cry she’d let out when he’d grabbed her was stuck on a loop in my brain, continuing the rush of adrenaline I hadn’t been able to shake.
I’d been scared.
I’d been sure that Josiah cunt had her in his grips and that I wasn’t going to get to her in time.
The feeling was wholly unsettling. I wanted to deny it. Put on the fake bravado I used as a shield because it stopped this feeling. This feeling I fucking hated.
It felt a lot like having something to lose, and in this world, that was a liability I didn’t want to have.
And yet I couldn’t lie to her. I couldn’t pretend I hadn’t been terrified.
I was still terrified, and she was right here. Right in my arms .
I was terrified she didn’t want me the same way I wanted her.
I took a step back, but nothing had changed. She still had those huge eyes that just quietly took in the world. She still had those curves I’d wanted to run my hands all over since the very first day I’d met her five years ago. She still had lips so damn kissable I hadn’t let myself near them for fear of getting so attached I’d never stop.
I breathed hard, fighting the damn ache in my chest that reminded me over and over that some other man had put his hands on her tonight.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered again.
I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to kiss her so fucking bad my lips ached. My fingers shook with the need to reach out, shove my fingers into the back of her hair and draw her in. Put my mouth on hers. Taste her, and not in the dirty, filthy way I’d taunted her with earlier.
Kiss her slow and deep. Trace her lips with my tongue. Suck on her until she moaned into my mouth.
I couldn’t do any of that. I didn’t know how to be gentle. Didn’t know how to kiss her like I wanted to. All I knew was fucking. Slamming my cock inside a woman’s body, making her tits bounce and her pussy clench until she didn’t care I hadn’t kissed her. Didn’t care about anything other than the orgasm ripping through her body.
I couldn’t be like that with Kara.
She was my Little Mouse.
I would be the trap that broke her.
I wrenched myself away, needing to put distance between us. I went into the bedroom and yanked open the window, needing the evening air to wash over the heat emanating from my body before I set the entire room on fire.
“I’m sorry,” she said again, following me in. “Please, Hawk… I need you to…”
I turned around. “Look me in the eye and tell me what you need, Little Mouse. Give me some sort of direction here, because damned if I’d know what you need. Or what I need. Or what the hell we’re doing. I don’t know anything, so just tell me what you need.”
She stared me in the eye and sucked in a breath. “I need you to punish me. I want your forgiveness. I don’t deserve that until you punish me.”
I blinked. That had been the last fucking thing I’d expected to hear from her lips.
But there was nothing but sincerity in her words.
She thought she’d disappointed me. She thought she was the one who’d done wrong. Again. She always blamed herself, and one day, I’d put a bullet through Josiah’s skull for conditioning her to feel like that.
She couldn’t have been further from the truth.
But she was removing her shoes. Lifting her skirt and sliding off her panties. Crawling across the bed like she had the last time we’d been in this room. Settling herself on all fours, and then raising her skirt to reveal her perfect, rounded ass.
My dick went hard. So damn hard it ached behind the denim of my jeans.
She was expecting me to take her, the way that fucking asshole Josiah had.
I wouldn’t do it.
I refused to make her feel better by hurting her.
I got on the bed behind her, trailing my fingers up the backs of her thighs and over the rounded globes of her ass. I kept going, skimming the sides of her body, until I got to her tits where I scooped my hands around, taking two indecent handfuls of her and drawing her up so she was off her hands and kneeling.
With my chest to her back, I massaged her tits through her clothes and spoke into her ear. “I want you naked. Every scrap of clothing off. Now.”
She drew in a sharp intake of air as I fit my fingers to the hem of her long-sleeved shirt and lifted it, exposing her stomach.
She grabbed the top, holding it in place, and twisted to look over her shoulder at me. “I’m fat.”
I stopped and squinted at her. “What?”
She shook her head. “I’m not like Amber and Kiki. I’m fat.”
I didn’t understand what she was getting at. “I’m not blind, Little Mouse. I know what your body looks like.”
“I have stomach rolls.”
“So?”
“Stretchmarks. Cellulite.”
“Yeah? Great. If you’d let me take your clothes off, then maybe I’d get to see that for myself.”
I twisted my fingers in her shirt and drew it over her head. Put my lips to her shoulder, kissing the skin on the side of her bra strap.
She batted me away. “Hawk! Stop it! This is cruel!”
I moved so I could see her face.
She seriously fucking meant it.
I narrowed my eyes. I just wanted to see her in the light. See every damn inch of her body when I made her come .
She covered herself with her arms. “At least turn the lights off. Please.”
I stared at her. “No.”
Her bottom lip trembled. “Why?”
I could see the hate she had for herself. The hate that her prick of a husband had drilled into her with his actions, if not his words.
Had he ever had her fully naked? Had he ever wanted to see every inch of the woman he’d married, or was she just a hole to stick his dick into in the hopes of producing some heir to his messed-up throne?
In an instant, I saw it all in her eyes. Her expression told me I was spot-on.
That she’d never had a man worship her the way I had been craving to do.
The tiny taste I’d had wasn’t nearly enough. It had merely stoked the flames inside me that burned to know her body inside and out.
I slid the bra straps off her arms. Undid the clasp. “You wanted to be punished, Little Mouse. This is how I punish you. The light stays on because I want you to watch everything I do to you. I want you to see exactly how your body responds to my touch. I want you to see how much I want the beautiful body you only see as fat.”
I drew the bra away from her skin, growling at the red marks it left behind. I licked at them with my tongue, soothing over the places the fabric had been too tight. I cupped her tits with my hands for a second, only allowing myself the briefest squeeze of her nipples before dragging down the elastic-waisted skirt.
Without me having to say anything, she lifted her knees and let me toss it to the floor .
The overhead light left nothing to the imagination. It kissed her skin, lighting her up, showing off every part of her I had only gotten to feel in the darkness last time.
Kara clutched at her arms. “Please turn the light off,” she whispered brokenly.
I swore low under my breath and got off the bed. I pulled my shirt off and then went for my jeans, unbuttoning them and undoing the zipper. “Look at me.”
She glanced over, her eyes trailing low across my chest and over my abs.
I kicked my boots off, then dragged my jeans down my legs, freeing my erection.
The fucking thing was hard as rock, straining in her direction.
I palmed it, taking long, greedy strokes just to relieve the pressure the tiniest bit.
Her eyes dropped to what I was doing, heat flaring in her gaze as she watched me jack off over her.
Again.
How many fucking times did I have to do that before she believed it was her who got me hard?
I’d do it every fucking day if she’d let me.
Precum beaded at the tip of my cock, and my balls tightened, ready to come already.
Fucking hell, I hadn’t wanted to come that quickly since I was a goddamn virgin. I had to drop my dick before I embarrassed myself.
She was still covering herself up, acting like her body wasn’t everything I’d been craving.
“Get on your hands and knees again, Kara.”
She did it quickly, taking up the fucking “position” her husband had taught her .
I moved in behind her, rubbing my dick between her legs, hissing when I got my first touch of her wet pussy.
My cock glanced over her clit, and she shivered.
Back and forth I stroked her slit, soaking my cock in the juices seeping from deep inside her, watching her back as her breaths increased.
Every slide was agonizing. I wanted to plunge inside her. Dig my fingers into the curves of her hips and hold on while I fucked her deep.
But she wanted to be punished.
Apparently, so did I.
Not fucking her was the biggest punishment of them all.
Her hips started a slow, mindless rock, back and forth, chasing the friction igniting between our bodies.
I slapped my palm against her ass, hard enough for it to sting.
And was rewarded with a cry that had her knees shaking.
I chuckled. “You aren’t supposed to like punishments.”
Her skin turned the prettiest shade of pink, and I slapped the other cheek, leaving a matching mark.
Again, my reward was a moan of pleasure that made me just want to do it all over again.
She had her forearms down on the mattress, her head buried in the crook of her arm.
I leaned over her, taking a hold of her ponytail and using it as leverage to turn her face to the side of the room where I’d hung a full-length mirror after my shopping trip to Providence .
“Want to see your face when I spank your pussy, Little Mouse.”
She didn’t lift her head, but we both looked over at the mirror.
Her gaze met mine in the reflection.
Reluctantly, because my dick was really enjoying the slip and slide I’d created between her folds, I pulled back, sitting back on my feet so I could see every inch of her.
From behind, everything she had was on full display. Her clit, swollen from the way my dick had been playing with it. Her pussy, dripping with arousal. Her sweet asshole, just fucking tempting me with a new way of giving her pleasure.
I slapped her between the legs, making contact with the areas I’d already been working into submission.
She cried out, and her pussy clenched around nothing. And then again. And again.
She moaned loudly, shaking at the force of the feeling.
Holy shit. She’d come without me even penetrating her.
I watched her in the mirror, letting the orgasm die off and pink embarrassment heat her cheeks.
“You came before I was ready to let you,” I accused.
“I’m sorry.”
I shook my head. “Stop fucking saying you’re sorry. Do you have any idea how sweet your pussy is, fluttering like that, wet and dripping?” I bent over her back, wrapping my arms around her, and whispering into her ear, “But the next time you come, it’s going to be with my cock buried inside you.”
I flipped her onto her back, laying her out on the mattress and immediately spreading her legs wide. I dove to her tits, sucking one into my mouth, as much of it as I could fit, while I groped the other, squeezing her nipples until she gasped.
I nipped at the one in my mouth, then sucked it hard, drawing it into a stiff peak for my tongue to worship.
Her legs were spread wide, me kneeling in between them, and I let my mouth travel down her stomach. She had old, faded scars beneath her belly button that were silver in the light and so pretty they could have been tattoos. The skin there was different too, softer, and I kissed every inch until I got to her snatch.
I wasn’t used to women with hair. Kiki and Amber plucked themselves bare everywhere.
Kara had a sweet triangle that did nothing to hide the good stuff between her folds. I spread her wide with my fingers and ran my tongue from her swollen clit to her glistening opening.
I set up camp there, lying on the mattress between her legs, thrusting my tongue in and out of her entrance, fucking her with my tongue.
Her hands landed lightly on my hair, and I groaned at her touch.
“What do you want? You want to come on my fingers? My tongue? Or my cock?” I grinned up at her. “If you choose my fingers or my tongue, just know there’ll be more orgasms until one eventually lands on my dick.”
I needed her too bad. Needed to bury myself inside her.
I licked two fingers and let them take the place of my tongue, thrusting in and out of her while I licked her clit instead .
Her thighs clenched around my head, and I rejoiced in the squeeze of her soft skin and the muscles buried deep beneath.
“Wrap your legs around my head. Take what you need.”
My dick nearly punched a hole in the mattress when she locked her ankles behind my head, drawing me even farther into her core. I buried my face, her arousal coating my lips and the stubble around my mouth. I added a third finger, finding her G-spot buried deep inside and then when her pussy opened up even farther, a fourth.
She was so damn wet. So damn responsive. And she was taking everything I’d offered like the good girl I knew she was. The urge to push her, to see how much she could take was like a dangling carrot, so damn tempting.
But there would be time for that.
After I’d made her come again.
I picked up the pace, and the rocking of her hips met my fingers, telling me she wanted to receive it as badly as I wanted to give it.
I sucked her clit hard, sending her over the edge. She cried out, smothering me with her thick thighs so damn sweetly I didn’t give a fuck if I couldn’t breathe. All I could taste and smell was her, and there wasn’t a thing in the world I wanted more. She clenched and spasmed around my fingers, but the moment her legs unlocked, releasing me, I was there, ready to fill her with my cock.
I thrust into her, hard and deep, my dick catching the last of her orgasm and hitting her just right until the ebbing feeling became stronger, her third orgasm taking a hold .
Her eyes went wide, panic in her gaze, like she had no idea what her body was capable of. The pleasure she could get from sex, as long as the man between her thighs wasn’t her cunt of a husband.
Her pussy claimed my cock. Swallowed every inch like I’d been made for her. She shouted my name. Bucked off the bed. Dug her fingernails into my shoulders as she shook and shuddered, the last orgasm the strongest of them all. Tears filled her eyes, but I didn’t stop. I fucked her hard, knowing those tears weren’t ones of pain because she was fucking me as much as I was fucking her. Her greedy hips thrust up to meet my every move, and her moans and pants told me exactly how much she’d needed it.
Those tears were surprise. Pleasure. And when one dripped down her cheek, I licked it away.
And then I pulled out, dick shuddering, and sprayed her pussy with my cum.