Wild and Wrangled

Chapter 25 Dusty

Chapter 25

Dusty

After I saw Cam and Riley at Rebel Blue, Emmy and I cleaned stalls and groomed the horses. It was too early for them to start losing their winter coats, so I didn’t end the day with a mouth full of horse hair, which was nice.

“So,” Emmy said as we were walking back toward the Big House—toward our trucks, “anything new and noteworthy to report on you and Cam?” Emmy and I had gotten closer since I came home. We worked together a lot. I was usually with her or Gus, so basically the same person in a different font. Stubborn, hardworking, hotheaded, kind—all qualities that I liked about both of them.

“You’re hanging out with Teddy too much,” I said as I shook my head. “Where’s your subtlety? Your finesse?”

“You two dance around each other enough, so I figure straightforward is the way to go here.”

Huh. I couldn’t really argue with her there, except for one small correction. “I don’t dance around her nearly as much as she dances around me, you know.” Actually, there was minimal dancing these days, but I was still worried that one wrong move would spook her.

“Are you okay with that?” Emmy asked.

I shrugged. I hadn’t really talked about this with anyone, but I liked that Emmy asked. “I don’t blame her. She’s had a weird couple of months, but she gives me just enough that I can’t help but let a little hope slip through all the cracks, you know?”

Emmy nodded. “Hope is good, though, right?”

“Depends,” I said with a shrug.

“On what?”

“On whether or not you’re hoping for something that’s never going to happen.” Sometimes, I wondered if I’d spent fifteen years building Cam up in my head and that when I came home, I’d realize that.

Now that I was here, I didn’t feel that way at all. I almost felt like the feelings I had for her back then were just a solid foundation for the new ones to build upon.

I just didn’t know if she was standing on that foundation with me. I thought she might be. I saw the way she looked at me. She had leaned in to kiss me (as I reminded myself every night when I’d replay that moment before bed, trying to forget the moment when she had pulled away). When we talked, it felt like she was holding herself back—like she was afraid to let herself fall again. I understood it. I empathized with it. I was trying to be patient, but I didn’t know what to think anymore.

Honestly, it frustrated me. I was the one who had been trying to convince her that we could be friends. But now, I was worried I’d given her a way out, a path to escape her feelings for me, and she seemed hell-bent on taking it. And I felt like I didn’t really have any choice but to let her.

I had pushed, and she’d pulled away.

I already knew how this story ended.

Emmy shrugged. “I think it’ll work itself out,” she said.

“That’s…optimistic,” I responded.

“I’m all about love conquering all these days.” Emmy laughed. “I don’t know. I just think you and Cam are tied together in so many ways—in even more ways than Luke and I were. You guys actually liked each other. I don’t think those ties exist for nothing, you know?”

“Are you going soft on me, Ryder?” I asked sarcastically. I’d always known Emmy to be stubborn and fierce, but I liked seeing how much she’d grown into herself since I’d been gone. “You basically made yourself a human shield between Cam and me when I crashed your girls’ night last year.” I remembered the way Emmy placed herself protectively between the two of us. As much as it threw me in the moment, I liked seeing that Cam had found a place and people that would protect her. Especially if I couldn’t fill that role anymore.

“Well, she was engaged. I thought she was happy, and I didn’t need you stepping in and fucking it all up.”

“Was she not happy?” I asked. I didn’t know anything about Cam’s engagement. I didn’t know how she and Graham met, how long they were together—nothing. But in the past couple months, Cam didn’t seem to give any indication that she was a heartbroken woman. She seemed…fine. Not sad, just run-down.

Emmy was quiet for a second before she answered. “I’ve been thinking a lot about it since the wedding day. I just…I think there was more to her engagement than any of us knew, and I don’t know if she would’ve chosen it if she didn’t have a reason.”

My thoughts immediately went to Cam’s parents. To be blunt, the Ashwoods fucking sucked ass. They were somehow completely absent and totally controlling all at once. They dangled money like a carrot but never approval or love or affection. As a teenager, I don’t think I really understood how bad being in that house was for her. I knew she didn’t like her parents, but I don’t think I understood how detrimental it was to feel like love had to be earned.

I think my parents saw it, though. I think that’s why they always let Cam stay for dinner and put her report cards on the fridge. I think that’s why my dad taught her to change a flat tire and why my mom went to her soccer games.

There were parts of Cam that I had to grow up to understand. I think I was finally starting to do just that.

“That bums me out,” I said to Emmy with a sigh.

“Me too,” Emmy agreed. “So don’t give up yet, okay?” And with that, we went our separate ways for the day.

—

When I got home, I noticed a small human playing on the rocks outside of my front door. What was Riley doing there?

I got out of my truck and started walking toward her. She waved at me excitedly as I got closer. “What’s up, kid?” I asked. “Everything all right?”

“I’m bored,” she said with a huff. “And I can’t reach the Fruit Roll-Ups in the pantry.”

“A tragedy,” I responded. “Where’s your mom?”

“She’s asleep in her office.” Riley sighed.

My spine straightened. “Is she okay?”

Riley nodded. “She was working. I think she got tired.”

“You didn’t wake her up?”

“She doesn’t wake me up when I’m tired.” Riley lifted her small shoulders in a shrug. “Can you come get me a Fruit Roll-Up?”

“Yeah, kid,” I said with a nod. “Let me change my clothes, and I’ll meet you back there.”

“I’ll wait,” Riley said and sat down on one of the rocks. I hurried into my house and took off my coat and whipped my long-sleeved thermal over my head before grabbing a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. I smelled like horses, but I didn’t want to shower. I wanted to get Riley her Fruit Roll-Up and make sure Cam was okay.

I swung the door back open less than two minutes later. Riley popped up from her seat on the rock, and before I knew it, she had slipped her small hand into mine and was walking me back toward her house.

“How was the coffee shop?” I asked as she walked.

“It was okay,” Riley said. “I tried a hazelnut steamer today.”

“You didn’t like it?” I asked, based on her tone. She shook her head. “I don’t like hazelnut, either. What flavor do you normally get?”

“Vanilla,” she said.

“You can’t go wrong with a classic.”

“I think so, too,” Riley said. “But my mom says I have to try something new once a week.”

“That’s a good rule,” I said. “Because you wouldn’t know if you didn’t like it if you never tried it.”

“Sometimes I like the new stuff, though, like olives. Do you like olives?”

I wrinkled my nose. “No, not at all.”

“Teddy doesn’t, either, but my mom and dad do,” Riley said. We were close to her house now. “So I’m like them.”

“They’re good people to be like,” I said as I pushed the back door of Cam’s house open. Music was playing from a speaker, and it was nice and warm. Good. The heater hadn’t gone out again. “All right, kid. Show me where these Fruit Roll-Ups are.”

Riley let go of my hand and scampered toward the pantry. I followed her as she pointed to a white box of Fruit Roll-Ups on the top shelf. I reached for it and brought it down to her level.

When Riley put her hand inside the box, she closed her eyes as she shuffled around, and a smile tugged at the corner of my mouth. An image of a seventeen-year-old Cam came to my mind, her eyes closed as she dug through a giant bag of saltwater taffy after one of our hikes. She didn’t know what flavor she wanted, so I told her to let fate decide.

I said the same thing to Riley now, and she looked up at me with big green eyes.

“That’s what my mom always says!” I felt like someone had just kicked the back of my knees. Even when we weren’t near each other, Cam appeared in so many parts of my life. I always got ice cream in a cup with a cone on top because Cam had taught me that you got all the benefits of a cone without all the mess. I always hit my dashboard when I went through a yellow light because we used to pretend it would supercharge us to make it through the intersection before it changed to red. It never occurred to me that I would show up in her life in the same way.

Until now.

“You can have one, too,” Riley said, and I smiled.

“Thanks, kid.” I grabbed a blue Fruit Roll-Up out of the box before I put it back on the shelf. I watched Riley launch—literally, there was no other word for it—onto one of the couches in front of the TV. I wanted that kind of energy.

“I’m going to check on your mom quick, okay?” Riley peeled open her Fruit Roll-Up and nodded. I walked down the hallway at the end of the living room. The door to Cam’s office was open, and a soft glow was coming from it—more than just the light in the room.

When I peeked inside, I saw it was a happy light on her desk, which was piled high with papers and file folders. I scanned the room and saw her asleep in a chair by the window. Her hair was pulled up, and she had her glasses on. An open file folder with papers spilling out was lying on her chest, and her mouth was slightly open. She wasn’t snoring—yet.

I walked through the door as quietly as I could, so I could take the files off her. I tried to keep everything in order as best I could as I set it on the floor next to her. I pulled a blanket out of the basket by her chair—I picked the soft one—and laid it over her.

I thought for a second that maybe I should wake her, but I decided against it. She was obviously tired. I could hang out with Riley—it’s not like I was doing anything tonight.

I looked at her one last time before I walked back out to the living room. It was the most peaceful and calm I’d seen her since I came home.

As I walked out, I turned off the lights and closed the door—not all the way, but enough that maybe any noise wouldn’t wake her up.

Riley had the TV remote in her hand when I walked back out into the living room. “Can you help me with this?” she said. “I don’t know how it works.”

I walked over and flopped onto the couch next to her. I held my hand out for the remote, and Riley slapped it onto my palm. “What should we watch?” I asked.

Riley shrugged. “What do you like to watch?”

“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “I haven’t had a TV in like ten years, kid.”

Riley giggled. “You’re old. Are you as old as my dad?”

“Not that old,” I said. “Maybe you’re just young.” I turned on the TV and started going through the guide.

“I’m going to be eight soon,” she said. “I’m already seven and a half.”

“You’re going to be eight in July,” I said. “That’s like months from now. My birthday is then, too.”

“How old are you going to be?”

“Thirty-two,” I said.

“Old.” Riley nodded.

“Your mom is older than me, you know,” I said—only by six months, but still.

“My mom isn’t old,” Riley said.

“Well, she’s older than me, so I guess that means I’m not old, either.” Riley folded her arms and rolled her eyes, and I tried not to laugh.

“How do you feel about Mythbusters ?” I asked as I scrolled.

“I don’t know what that is.”

“ Pawn Stars ?”

“I like stars.” Riley shrugged.

“ Pawn Stars it is,” I said and pushed down on the enter button on the remote. After a few minutes, Riley asked, “What’s a pawn shop?”

“It’s a place where people go to sell their stuff, but normally, they don’t get as much money as they want or need.”

“Why?”

“Because the shops have to make a profit, and they’re usually kind of shady.”

“What’s a profit?”

“Um,” I said. “It’s how people make money on stuff—like your shirt probably costs a few dollars for someone to make and then they sell it for ten.”

“Like the clothes Teddy makes?” Riley asked.

“Yeah, so Teddy sells people clothes for more money than it cost her to make them.” There was a whole nuanced discussion in here about cost versus labor, but maybe we’d save that for when she was eight. “So she can get paid for making them. Make sense?”

Riley nodded. “Why are people selling their stuff?”

I shrugged. “Maybe they need some extra cash or maybe they just don’t need that thing anymore.”

“Like a garage sale?” I nodded. “Ada likes those. People in town have them sometimes.”

“They do.” I nodded.

“Do we have a pawn shop?” Riley looked up at me. Her eyebrows had knitted together, and she had bitten down on her bottom lip. When I blinked, it was like my vision was flashing between seeing her and Cam.

“We do,” I said after I found my footing again. “But you can only get to it from the alley behind the diner. It doesn’t have a front entrance.”

“I want to go there,” she said.

“I’ll take you,” I responded. Dahlia, the shop owner, would probably love a visit from Riley—especially if Wayne had been in with all of his scrap metal that day asking for a cool grand. “They’ve got a good vinyl collection.”

“My dad has vinyls. We could get him one.”

“We could. What do you think he would like?” I put my arm over the back of the couch.

“Conway Twitty or Billy Idol,” she said, and I grinned. This kid was getting raised right, that was for damn sure.

Riley scooted closer to me until she could lay her head on my chest. When she did, I froze. I wasn’t around a lot of kids. I didn’t really know what to do, so I just let her stay there. We watched a few episodes in a row of Pawn Stars. Riley asked a lot of questions. I had a good time trying to figure out how to answer them.

“Why doesn’t he pay them what they ask for?”

“Because he’s gotta negotiate,” I said. “What the person asks for is just a starting point.”

“Can I negotiate?”

“What do you want to negotiate?” I asked, amused.

“Bedtime,” she said.

“I bet you could,” I said. “You just gotta know what to ask for—like if you want to stay up thirty minutes later, ask for an hour.”

“Why?”

“Because then you can knock your parents down like this guy does to his customers.” I could almost hear the wheels in Riley’s head turning.

We ate a couple more Fruit Roll-Ups, and I made her a sandwich when she said she was hungry. Not long after that, she fell asleep curled into my side. Just when I was about to join her in snoozeville, I heard panicked steps coming down the hallway.

Cam appeared a second later, looking stressed and frazzled, and like she was about to yell. When she saw me, I brought my finger up to my lips in a “shh” motion, and then pointed to Riley asleep next to me.

I watched Cam’s shoulders drop as she exhaled. “Should I take her to her bed?” I whispered, and Cam nodded. I maneuvered Riley into my arms and tried not to jostle her too much. When I stood up from the couch, Cam’s eyes were moving from Riley’s face to mine—like she didn’t quite know where to look, but the expression in her eyes didn’t change. It looked a lot like love.

I tried not to think about it as I moved past her. She followed me down the hallway to Riley’s room and pushed the door open for me. When I set Riley in her bed, she moved a little, grabbed a stuffed horse that was next to her and pulled it close, but she didn’t wake up. I pulled her blanket up over her and met Cam in the hallway as I shut the door softly behind me.

“Wait,” I said. “Does she sleep with her door shut? I saw this thing a few years ago about a house that had a fire and the door being shut to the kid’s room kept him safe, so now I always shut doors, but I can open it if you want me to.”

I was rambling. Why was I rambling?

“It’s okay. She sleeps with her door shut,” Cam whispered.

We walked back down the hallway to the living room together. “She, um, she was waiting outside of my house when I got back,” I explained. “She wanted a Fruit Roll-Up and couldn’t reach the box.”

Cam dragged a hand down her face. She looked exhausted. “I can’t believe I fell asleep.” She sat on the armrest of one of her couches. “I was doing briefs at my desk, and I thought moving to my chair wouldn’t hurt, and when I checked on Riley, she was going buck-wild in a couple of her coloring books.”

“It’s okay,” I said to her. “You were tired.”

“I don’t get to be tired,” she said. “I don’t get to fall asleep in my office—not with my daughter here.” Cam let out a heavy sigh, and I watched the tension return to her shoulders. “A million things could’ve gone wrong. She could’ve tried to climb up to reach the Fruit Roll-Ups and fallen and broken her arm. She could’ve decided she wanted to roam farther than your house.”

“Hey,” I said and put my hands on each of her shoulders. “None of those things happened. You have a smart and thoughtful kid, Cam. She didn’t want to wake you up. She came and got me. We watched Pawn Stars, and she fell asleep on the couch. It’s okay.”

“You don’t get it, Dusty,” she fired back. “You’re not a parent.”

“No, I’m not,” I said, “but I’m also not an idiot, so I know this isn’t worth getting worked up for.” I brought my hands to her face without thinking about it. “And next time you’re tired and you need a nap, you come get me, okay? And I’ll come sit on your couch with Riley. I’ve watched Riley’s village work for Gus, so let me be the part of it that works for you, all right?”

Cam’s nostrils flared, but then her eyes went soft. “Thank you—for taking care of her. She likes you, you know.”

“I’m glad,” I said. “I hope you’re still thanking me when she’s trying to negotiate a new bedtime.”

Cam gave me a puzzled look. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t worry about it,” I said. “Is there anything else I can help you with? With work, or whatever?”

“No,” Cam said and rubbed a hand over her face. “I don’t want you to bore yourself to death.”

“If it’s so boring, why don’t you do something else?” I asked. “Maybe something where you don’t have to work so much? Or that makes you happier and less sleepy?” I tried to keep it light.

I watched her shoulders deflate—so much for light. “Honestly, I don’t really know where to start,” she said. “I don’t really know if there’s anything else I want to do. It just feels easier to just do this and know that I’ve got a secure job, even if I don’t love it.”

“That feels like a really half-assed way to live, Ash, and I’ve never really known you to half-ass anything.”

Cam sighed and shrugged, as if she was depleted. “I didn’t mean to dump all of that on you,” she said. “I just keep waiting for things to slow down a bit, but they haven’t. And I have to see my parents next week, so I’m more keyed up than usual.”

“Why?” I asked. “Not why are you keyed up—I get it—why do you have to see them?” From the outside, it didn’t seem like Cam’s relationship with her parents had changed that much, so I wondered why she was still trying.

“They have this annual fundraising gala thing in Jackson Hole,” she said with a wave of her hand. “They raise a lot of money for childhood cancer research, so I don’t mind going. I just wish I could go…without talking to them.”

“Are they still…”

I didn’t finish my sentence before Cam said, “Yeah. They’re mostly the same.”

“Anything I can do to help?” I asked.

Cam started to shake her head but then bit at the inside of her cheek. “Maybe…” She trailed off for a second. “Do you…maybe…want to come with me?”

I blinked a few times, shocked that she would ask. “Oh. Uh. Y-yeah,” I said quickly. “Yeah, I’ll go.”

“Really?” She sounded as shocked as I felt.

“Really.”

“You’d have to wear a tux,” she said.

“Sounds like a nightmare,” I responded in a chipper voice. “But maybe we can make it less of one.”