Chapter 32 Cam
Chapter 32
Cam
I woke up with the weight of Dusty’s arm around my waist and his breath on the back of my neck. When I started to move, he pulled me closer to him and nuzzled into the space between my neck and shoulder.
“Good morning,” he murmured against my skin. His morning voice was something else.
“Good morning,” I said. “What time is it?”
“Not a clue,” Dusty said and then pressed his lips right behind my ear. “Don’t care.” He kissed me again.
I blinked my eyes open, taking in the sight of the other totally made bed. Last night, after I went to the bathroom, Dusty took a shower. I asked him if he wanted me to move to the other bed. He said, “Don’t you dare,” and then pulled me back into bed with him. I fell asleep in his arms almost immediately.
“Did you sleep okay?” he asked.
“Mm-hmm,” I said and then reached for my phone on the nightstand.
“Please don’t make me get out of this bed,” Dusty muttered. “It feels early.”
“Six,” I said. “Which I think is sleeping in for you.”
“Not when I went to bed like four hours ago, and I’m sharing a bed with you, Ash.”
“Shut up, flirt,” I said and turned toward him. Half of his face was hidden in a pillow, and his hair was a disaster. He was perfect. His eyes were closed, and a smile tugged at the half of his mouth I could see.
“Make me,” he said and pulled me closer.
I brought my hands up and covered my mouth. “I need to brush my teeth,” I said.
“What are you talking about? Give me some of that morning breath,” Dusty said with a squeeze to my waist, and I jerked.
“Gross.” I laughed.
Dusty brought a hand up to my face and smoothed my hair back. I did the same to him. I loved the way he looked in the morning glow—I wanted to remember the way he looked right now forever, tucked safely into the Dusty box.
I watched his eyes scan my face. “What?” I asked softly. He looked like he wanted to say something.
“I wanted to talk.” He hesitated. “About something you said last night.”
“Okay…” I trailed off, waiting for him to continue.
“About the ‘no more babies’ thing,” he said, and suddenly I was wide awake.
“Is that…a deal-breaker for you?”
Dusty shook his head immediately. “No, of course not,” he said. “I feel the same way about kids that I did when we talked about them when we probably had no business doing so. I could see my life with or without them—the same thing you said.” I did say that back then, and it was still true. Now, I just saw my life with one instead of zero or multiple. “When I heard you were pregnant, I wondered if you’d changed your mind.”
I shrugged. “Kind of,” I said. “It’s not a secret that Riley was an accident, and when I told Gus I was pregnant, the first thing he asked me was what I wanted to do—no judgment. He just said that we would do whatever I wanted because it was my body, and neither of us knew how to be a parent. We barely even knew each other at the time.
“And, I don’t know, he just cared for me so easily—again, a woman he barely knew—and I just thought that a kid deserved to have him as a dad. Then I met his dad and knew I was right. So, we made the choice to do it together, and I’ve never once regretted it, but I knew as soon as we agreed that I was only going to do it one time.
“I hated being pregnant—really hated it. I know some women love it, but I wasn’t one of them. I hated how my body didn’t feel like my own—like it was stuck in a Space Invaders arcade game. Giving birth was the scariest thing I’ve ever done, and I ended up in therapy after. I had nightmares about it—even though Riley’s was relatively easy from what I’ve read and heard about since then. It was still traumatic for me.” Dusty rubbed his hand up and down my arm. “And it was all worth it to have Riley at the end of it, truly, but now that I know what it entails, I don’t want to do it again.”
“That makes perfect sense to me,” Dusty said softly. “I just—I’ve always wanted to know more about…Riley’s beginning, I guess.”
I rubbed my thumb over his cheek. I couldn’t keep my hands off him. I didn’t want to. “I’m sorry if it hurt you,” I whispered. “Finding out I was pregnant.”
Dusty brought his hand over mine, so he could move it to kiss my palm. “Don’t ever apologize to me for that,” he said. “If we hadn’t ended, you wouldn’t have her, and that would be a damn shame. Plus, we were apart for so long at that point. It did kind of suck when I thought you and Gus were together.” Dusty smiled.
“Right,” I said. “I forgot that he was your hero growing up.”
“Okay, that’s a little much,” Dusty said. “I thought he and Brooks were cool—that’s all.”
“Sure,” I said with a light laugh. “That’s all. So you’re okay with the no more babies thing?”
“Yes,” he said without any hesitation. “Like I said, I’ve always been able to see my life with or without them, but even though I’ve tried, I’ve never been able to see my life without you.”
“Dusty…” He was being so direct again, just like when we were dancing last night. I loved it, but at the same time, it overwhelmed me.
“I know,” he said. “I’m not supposed to say things like that, but, Ash, you’re fucking insane if you think I’m ever going to let you go again.”