Chapter 5
5
NOELLE
A fter the pain pills kicked in, Killian changed into a fresh shirt and track pants. He shouldn't have looked attractive in that outfit, but he did. His muscles stretched the black T-shirt, and his thighs were thick, filling out the silky material and reminding me of how he'd looked naked in the bathroom.
I couldn't help but be drawn to his cock, which had been hard and purple. I'd wanted to grip the base to feel the velvety warmth. I wanted to lick the moisture off the tip. I had to get out of there before I embarrassed myself.
I shouldn't be seeing my boss naked. It was wrong and inappropriate, but every time the image of him hard and dripping with water popped into my head, I got warm all over. My core tingled, and I wanted to know what it would feel like to have his strong body pressed against mine. I wanted to lick the drops of water off his chest, following the lines of his muscles down.
Killian Wilde was my boss. It was wrong to think about him naked even if I accidentally walked in on him. Unfortunately, my childhood crush had only morphed into something more adult. My body betrayed me, aching to be touched by him.
It was frustrating because there was no way I could ease the desire on my own. I rarely had any time to myself. I was running as soon as the alarm woke me in the morning until I fell into bed at night. I did everything quickly and efficiently with two goals in mind: to get everything done and to generate more money.
"You passed the office." Killian's voice jolted me from my musings.
"Oh?" I blinked, unsure where I was. In town for a physical therapy appointment. Not in the bathroom with a naked Killian.
Killian threw a thumb over his shoulder. "It's back there."
"Sorry." My face heated. Did he know what I was thinking about?
I turned the car around, parking in the small lot behind the building. I helped him out of my car, grateful he hadn't mentioned that it was in poor shape.
I opened the door for him, and Killian checked in at the counter. I grabbed a magazine and sat in the waiting room.
Killian tipped his head to see the cover, a smile spreading over his face. "You're reading a magazine with me on the cover?"
"What? No. Of course not." I hadn't registered any of the words or images on the page. But I turned the magazine so I could see the cover. It was Killian suspended midair, the snow flying off his board. His face was covered with goggles, so I couldn't see him. But I'd know the line of his jaw anywhere. The look of determination, concentration, and the precise form. Then there was the title: "Killian Wilde Dominates."
Would he dominate in the bedroom?
Thankfully, I was saved from answering when Killian was called back. He followed the nurse into an exam room without looking back.
I let out a sigh of relief. I was his glorified chauffeur, maid, and whatever else he needed me to be. This was what I'd signed up for. Not the show he gave me in the bathroom.
I wondered if Riley saw him naked often. There had to be something going on there. How could she resist touching him?
I wouldn't last much longer if I was expected to assist him in the bathroom. I wanted to talk to someone about it, but I never confided in friends or my family. I handled everything myself. That way, no one felt the need to offer help I'd have to decline. It was best to put on a show that I was in charge of my life, when most times I felt like I was dropping the balls I was supposed to be juggling in the air.
I glanced at my phone. His appointment was supposed to last an hour. I had time to get on my laptop and see if any work emails had come in. I was hoping for a few more events on the calendar. For now, my main source of income was the donuts, and any events I could schedule. Thankfully, Killian was paying me for my time with him, and that should tide me over for the few weeks he was in town.
I planned to use it to pay Mom's mortgage for a few months. It would be nice to have it paid ahead. And once it was done, she couldn't complain about it.
Mom didn't like me helping as much as I did, but she didn't have a choice. I didn't want her to lose the house. My siblings should be able to live in the family home, even if their father had left when they were little.
We didn't share a dad. I never asked where mine went. But Mom had high hopes for Christopher and Winnie's father, Ralph. He seemed invested for the first few years, but then he left, saying there were better job opportunities elsewhere. I don't know if he asked Mom to go with him.
I opened my laptop and buried myself in work. I checked my email and my calendar, which was disturbingly empty. Then I opened a blank document to brainstorm ideas for marketing. I didn't have a lot of money for that, so I usually posted flyers at the local stores and relied on word-of-mouth referrals.
The problem was, I didn't have a clear plan for one business. I did everything I could to generate money, which meant dispersing my attention across three different endeavors. I was aware that I should focus on one to be successful, and I knew I didn't want to make donuts forever. That was a side thing I did for fun.
That made me pause because I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I enjoyed being my own boss, and the money that came in, but nothing excited me. I did it to support my family. That was my drive. Ever since mom hurt her back, I hadn't thought about what I wanted. My dreams didn't matter anymore.
"You ready to get out of here?" Killian asked, and I jumped.
"Sorry I was just checking in on work." I stuffed my laptop into my bag and stood.
Killian leaned on his crutches, which brought him closer to my height.
I slung the bag over my shoulder. "You want to get some toys for Joey, or should we grab lunch?"
"I'm starving. I have to eat after I work out."
"What were you thinking? There's a healthy cafe. I've never been there, but I've heard it's good. Wraps, salads, hummus toast. Things like that."
Killian's nose scrunched. "Is there a restaurant nearby? I could go for a burger."
"Of course." I led the way out of the office, holding the door open for him.
"I hope you know I normally open doors for women, not the other way around."
"Well, you're off the hook from chivalry until your knee is healed." All I knew about his injury was that he'd had surgery for a torn something or other and needed rest and physical therapy before he could get back in action.
"I don't like it."
My lips twitched at his admission. "Being injured or relying on others?"
"Both," he said simply as he folded himself into the small front passenger seat of my car.
I got in and turned on the vehicle. Then I headed in the direction of the best pub in town for lunch.
"Which businesses were you checking on?" Killian asked as I parked in front of the pub.
"The event planning one. It's not something I want to do long-term. It's just an easy way to bring in money."
"What about your donuts? Do you want to open a bakery?"
I laughed at that question. "I'm staying away from any business that requires me to pay rent on space. That would eat into my overhead."
I shut my door and ran around to his side, where he was already trying to get out on his own. I stood by helplessly as he got out from the low vehicle.
When he was on his crutches, he said, "But if it's what you want to do?"
"I have no idea which business is my passion. I'm just trying things out until one's successful. Then I'll go with that," I said, hoping he wouldn't ask any follow-up questions. I didn't like anyone diving too deeply into my whys. It always came back to my family and supporting them. I couldn't think of anything more important than family.
"At one time, snowboarding was your passion."
I shook my head. "That was silly. I could never make that into a career."
His brow furrowed. "I did."
"You were destined for success out there." I waved a hand. "I was always meant to stay here."
I opened the restaurant door for him, and Killian leaned in close to say, "Are you sure about that?"
Before I could answer, the hostess asked Killian if it was just us two, and then she directed us to a booth by the window.
I buried my head in the menu and didn't look up until the waitress stopped by for our orders. When she left, taking the menus with her, I didn't have anything to hide behind. I placed my phone on the table in front of me, pretending to check my messages. There were none. Usually, it was my family getting in touch with me and occasionally a friend who wanted to go out. But lately, everyone was paired off and busy with their significant others.
It was nice because it took the pressure off me. I didn't get asked why I was so busy, or why I didn't do something for myself. But at the same time, it was lonely. Everyone was moving on with their lives while I was stuck. It was a persistent feeling lately.
Walking away from that scholarship didn't usually bother me. Killian being home was bringing everything back. He was the example of what could have happened. But instead, I was still living in Telluride, trying to figure out my life.
Killian tipped his head slightly. "Are you going to answer me?"
My face heated. I had forgotten the question. "My life is here. There's nothing else to talk about."
Killian sighed. "I never understood why you gave up your dreams of going to college."
"I took a few classes at the community college when I could." I took the business courses I felt I needed to get by. But it wasn't the same as a college degree.
"You never got your degree."
I raised a brow. "It's not like you're using your degree."
"I'm sorry you missed out on that experience," Killian said softly.
I looked away from him, the emotion threatening to overwhelm me. "Yeah, it sucked."
"There was no way you could go? You had a full ride."
"I couldn't go away to school when bills needed to be paid." That was the reality.
"Your mother is an adult. She could have taken care of herself. I'm sure she didn't want you to give up on your dreams."
"We never talked about it. She needed me here, and that was that."
His expression filled with sympathy. "I'm sorry."
The ache in my chest only grew at his kind words. "It's fine. I'm helping my family." I couldn't go back and change that decision. I wouldn't even if I could. There was no other option at the time.
The server placed our burgers in front of us. "Can I get you anything else?"
"No, thank you," I said as she moved to the next table.
"My brother mentioned that your mom works as a consultant."
I played with a fry, dipping it in ketchup. "I don't know anything about that. She doesn't talk about the resort and what she does there."
"I think if she wants more work, they'll find her something."
I tipped my head slightly. "My mom doesn't take handouts."
Killian took a large bite of his burger, chewed, swallowed, and then said, "Anyone ever told you that you're stubborn?"
I smiled. "You're the only one with enough balls to say that to my face."
His expression turned serious. "We're willing to help."
I stiffened. "We don't need help. We're doing just fine on our own."
His brow furrowed. "Are you?"
I swallowed over the lump in my throat. Mom meant well when she told me to live on my own, but it meant double the monthly bills. I didn't need my own place except for the kitchen. That came in handy to make donuts.
He inclined his head. "There's nothing wrong with accepting help now and then."
I smiled to cover my discomfort with this conversation. "I could say the same to you. Your brothers, doctor, and physical therapist are all trying to help you."
We ate in silence for a few minutes. Then Killian said, "It's never too late to live your dreams."
I chuckled without any humor. "It's too late for me to go to college. I'm not eighteen anymore, and I can't snowboard on the team."
"True."
"And besides, I have a new dream to run a successful business. People change." I held onto the glass of water on the table, needing something to do with my hands.
Killian nodded. "That's fair."
"Have you thought about what you'll do after your snowboarding career?" I asked, desperate to shake off the focus on me.
Killian shook his head. "Not at all."
"The injury hasn't made you rethink your plans?" I wasn't sure if it was a possibility that it could affect his career.
His expression was pained. "I'm planning on coming back from this. The doctors haven't said anything about it affecting my ability to return to snowboarding."
I nodded. "That's good news."
"I'm just worried that there won't be a place for me by the time I get back."
"You're on the cover of magazines. Surely, people haven't forgotten you."
"They might cover my return as a comeback, but if I don't deliver in a big way, then what then? Will I have to retire? Perform at a lower level?"
He's spent a lot of time thinking about his comeback. "Will you work at the resort once you retire?"
"That's what my brothers want me to do. But they have things covered. Even Walker is involved."
"That's right. I heard he's adding hot tubs to the cabins."
"At the condo, I have a rooftop pool and hot tub to enjoy. But we're not using that top floor as much as we used to. Walker has a cabin. Eli built a house. Xander bought a house. And Oliver lives in town with Carolina and Joey."
"Are you thinking about renting out the top floor to guests?" I asked, curious if the family was considering it as an option.
"I think they're considering it. They're sitting empty most of the time."
"Mom never let me go up there. It was a different world, and I was the maid's kid." I couldn't believe I'd said that part out loud. It was something I'd always felt on a visceral level, but I never shared it with anyone before. I might have been teased at school, but it never came from the Wilde boys.
Killian paused and looked at me. "You were never the maid's kid to me."
I didn't respond to his forceful statement.
"We played on the mountain together. You were a competitor. A fierce one at that."
I shook my head. "You're a professional. It was something I did for fun."
"You were good. You got a scholarship."
"Yeah." But I'd never know how far I could have gone with it, and I had to be okay with that. Snowboarding hadn't been my future.
"I hung out a lot at the lodge, but I was there because of my mom. Your parents were nice enough to let me take lessons for free. If not, I never could have afforded lessons, much less the equipment and lift tickets."
"I never thought about that."
"Why would you?" It was free for them. Their parents owned the lodge and resort. For me, it was a handout. One my mom grudgingly accepted because it made me happy. But I never felt like I was supposed to be there.
"You deserved to be there."
I wasn't sure how you categorized getting something for free except as a handout. I was grateful for the opportunity, but I was hyperaware of doing things on my own. Mom drilled into me the importance of being independent. "You ready to go shopping for Joey?"
As soon as the waitress came by with the bill, Killian handed his card to her.
"I wanted to pay for my meal."
He raised a brow. "You're working for me. You don't pay."
"Is that what you do when you're with Riley?" I couldn't help but ask him.
Killian's brow furrowed. "I've never taken Riley out to lunch. I might order food in, but we never ate out together."
I wasn't sure how to interpret that. It sounded like he didn't have a personal relationship with her, but I wasn't sure how that was possible. I'd seen the pictures online. She was a beautiful woman, and they were together all the time. Maybe it was a friends-with-benefits situation. Either way, Killian was out of my league.