Chapter 19
19
NOELLE
T he last few weeks passed in a whirlwind of resort-assistant duties, physical-therapy appointments, and donut frying. But every night, I came home to Killian, which had quickly become my favorite part of my day.
As much as I was excited that he was feeling better, every new improvement meant he was that much closer to leaving Telluride. I tried to live in the moment and not think about it, but it was hard not to.
When we were watching TV, I'd calculate how many more weeks—or was it days?—we'd have together. At any point, Jeremy could say he wanted Killian to train somewhere else where he could keep an eye on him.
Emails from Jeremy about publicity opportunities had increased. He insisted that doing events before Killian was back on his snowboard would generate excitement for his comeback.
The last time Killian was there, the doctor thought he'd be cleared for full activity at his next appointment.
I knew our time together was coming to an end, but it didn't make it easier.
When I opened the condo door on Friday night, Killian greeted me with a smile. "Tonight, I'm making you dinner."
"That sounds amazing." We'd gotten into the habit of cooking together, especially in the beginning when he wasn't as mobile. But he was getting stronger and more confident every day. He was excited to get back on the slopes, and I couldn't ask him to stay for me.
I dropped my purse on the table by the front door along with my keys, then wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my head on his chest. "What are you making?"
"Lobster with mashed potatoes and broccoli."
"Gosh. I can't remember the last time I had lobster." It was probably at the lodge when Killian's dad had asked me if I liked seafood and urged me to try a bite.
His finger rested under my chin, tipping it up so I could see him. "I wanted to spoil you."
I smiled. "Consider me spoiled."
Then he touched his lips to mine.
I licked my lips. "You taste like butter."
"I made some garlic bread to tide us over until the rest of the food's done." He lifted me onto the counter and stepped between my legs. Then he grabbed a hunk of bread from a plate and held it out for me to take a bite.
I closed my mouth around the crunchy goodness, chewed, and swallowed. Then he handed me a glass of white wine. I sipped it, closing my eyes. "This is perfection."
He braced his hands on either side of my hips and tipped my chin again so he could kiss me. The kiss was soft and sweet. He tasted like garlic and a hint of the wine.
When he pulled back, I said, "Delicious."
He chuckled. "I'm going to be eating you for dessert."
"I can't wait." My body heated all over at his naughty promise. My libido had been out of control lately. We'd had sex in every conceivable position around the condo. Now that he was more limber, he'd bent me over the dining room table and taken me from behind. I got hot whenever I thought about the stuff we'd done. He was more adventurous than any of my other lovers. And it meant more to me because we'd connected on a soul-deep level.
He'd come to family dinner at my mom's house every week, and I'd gone to his. We fit seamlessly into each other's lives, as long as we didn't think about the fact that his home wasn't in Telluride.
I wasn't going to let those thoughts creep in. Not tonight.
He pulled out the lobster and cut it from the shell. Then he dipped the meat into butter and fed it to me.
"I could get used to this."
"You deserve to have someone take care of you."
I felt a pang at that, because I was almost positive that he was saying that person wasn't going to be him.
He fed me and then himself. It was the most intimate meal I'd ever experienced, and when the lobster was gone, Killian washed his hands and then stepped between my legs. "I can't wait any longer for dessert. I have a sweet tooth."
My hands dived into his hair. "I don't want to wait either."
"I've been thinking about tasting you all day."
My core heated at the idea that he'd waited for me to come home and eating me was more delicious than the lobster we'd just shared.
He kissed me, the taste of lobster and butter on his tongue addicting. I lifted my hips as he pulled my leggings down and off.
I eased my butt to the edge of the counter and rested on my hands.
His gaze was hot on my pussy, as if he could devour me with his eyes alone. "You're gorgeous. Already glistening for me."
I practically moaned at the picture he'd painted. "Are you going to taste me? See if I'm as good as the lobster?"
He chuckled. "You're better than any lobster."
I'd never been with anyone who treated me like fine wine, something to be cherished and enjoyed. I'd always been someone who felt less than, but with Killian, I was worthy of everything. The only problem was that he could never be mine. I'd be foolish to think he'd want to keep this relationship going when he went back to work.
The distance would be too much. I'd be worried the women who would be by his side and that he'd forget about me. Why would he want me when he could have anyone?
But then he licked me, and I lost all sense of time and reason. He quickly drove me up, my skin sensitive to his touch. He pushed my shirt up, pulling the cups of my bra down so he could cup my breast as he licked and sucked. When he added a finger, I couldn't stop the orgasm from barreling through me.
I whimpered when he shoved his sweats and briefs down and entered me. His hands were tight on my hips.
I loved everything we did. Whether it was in his bed, on his counter, or bent over the couch. I wasn't sure how I was going to live in this condo when he was gone. It was going to be filled with memories of us.
"I never want to stop doing this."
"So don't," I said as he moved inside me, quickly driving me up again.
Killian knew my body at this point, what drove me wild, and what kept me on edge. He knew how to draw an orgasm from me and could do it in a matter of minutes. It was impressive and had the added effect of me thinking about him whenever we weren't together.
I told myself that we felt things more intensely because our time was limited. If we had all the time in the world, I wouldn't have fallen this quickly. I wouldn't be thinking crazy thoughts about forever.
Then he circled my clit and thrust harder. Each snap of his hips sent me moving along the counter. He gripped my hips, pulling me back. "I'll never get enough of you."
That was all it took for me to explode. Fireworks went off behind my eyelids as spasms of pleasure shook my body. He followed me over, kissing my stomach as we both calmed down.
"I meant to take you to bed."
I smiled. "This is good too."
He frowned. "You deserve more than a quickie on the counter."
I didn't think of it as a quickie. I liked to think we couldn't get enough of each other. That this entire relationship meant more, but I wasn't sure he saw it the same way.
He helped me off the counter and gave me his shirt to cover my body. "Jeremy got me a plane ticket."
My heart stutter-stopped. "So soon?"
"Lincoln's going to clear me at the next appointment, and then I'll be heading back. I need to do publicity and training. Get back into the right headspace." He avoided my eyes.
I didn't like the insinuation that he was in the wrong headspace with me. I didn't want to ask what this meant for us because we'd never had that conversation, and I'd never been that girl. I knew the score when we hooked up. This arrangement had an expiration date.
Even though I knew it was coming, it still hurt.
Killian pulled on his briefs and sweats, washing his hands in the sink before spooning mashed potatoes into two bowls. "Did you want more lobster?"
"I'd love some." I searched on the ground for my leggings and panties, pulling them on. I needed to be covered for the rest of the evening. He hadn't promised me anything, so I had no reason to be disappointed. I hated to do it, but my familiar walls were refortifying. I was stacking the bricks so that when he left, they would stand higher than before.
I sat at the table by the window where we could watch skiers flying down the mountain. "When do you think we could get on our boards?"
Killian carried the bowls to the table, setting one in front of me. "I'm flying out the day after my appointment with Lincoln. Want to go that night?"
"That would be nice." If we didn't have anything else, at least we could snowboard one more time.
"I thought you didn't want to go out again. That it hurt too much?" he asked as he sat across from me.
I lifted the fork, hovering over the mashed potatoes. "I don't want to miss out on the opportunity to snowboard with the great Killian Wilde."
Killian tipped his head slightly. "You already did. Back before all the wins, the publicity?—"
Did he like that I'd known him from before? Is that what made me so attractive? It was nice being with someone who made him feel normal? But what would happen when he went back to his life? He'd forget about me and enjoy the arms of a woman who didn't have any expectations, hopes, or dreams. No family responsibilities. "Maybe I want to do it with the man you are now."
Killian grinned. "I'll go easy on you."
I laughed, enjoying the lightness of the moment despite the lingering sadness that surrounded his imminent departure. "You'll probably need to."
"It's like riding a bike. I'm sure you'll be talking trash to me in no time."
"Does anyone give you a hard time?"
He sighed. "Not really. That's why it was nice to be here. You don't let me get away with anything, and neither does my family. Lincoln. Rick. They tell me the truth. They don't stand to benefit financially if they get me back onto the slopes more quickly."
"Are you worried that Jeremy isn't looking after your best interests?" I speared a piece of broccoli, then lifted it to my mouth, savoring the garlic-lemon flavor.
He let out a breath. "I'm not sure what to think. We'll see how it is when I go back."
I reached across the table and covered his hand with mine. "If you don't think he has your best interests at heart, maybe it's not a good arrangement for you."
"You don't understand how it works. Everyone around me depends on me winning so that they can get paid. Riley, Jeremy, my publicist."
I removed my hand, feeling slightly rebuffed. "You're right. I couldn't possibly understand what it's like for you."
"Now that I've been away from it for a while, I'm looking at things differently."
I didn't hold out hope that it would make any difference with us. He'd go back and remember how much he loved the spotlight. In interviews, he always had a cocky grin and snappy responses to their questions. He thrived on the competition, the attention, and the accolades. I tried not to think about the gorgeous women on his arm over the years.
I was eating lobster and drinking white wine after having hot sex on the counter with an amazing, attentive man. I should be on cloud nine right now, but I was thinking hard about the future and what it would be like when he was gone.
The apartment would be empty. Even if he had good intentions to stay in touch, the calls would become fewer and farther apart. He'd remember why he was too busy to come home. How much he loved his life when he was racing.
He'd forget all about me.
Killian rose, taking his dish to the sink, rinsing it, and putting it in the machine. "This doesn't mean that anything between us has to change."
I stood and carried the dish to him. "That's a little unrealistic, don't you think? I'll be here. You'll be traveling. We're both busy people."
He closed the dishwasher and leaned against the counter, pulling me between his legs. I rested my palms on his chest, loving the feel of his heartbeat. He was warm and hard, and he was here with me now. We should be capitalizing on the time we had, not worrying about the future.
"I don't want this to be over."
I sucked in a breath. I didn't want to tie him down or ask him to stay or even maintain a long-distance relationship. It was unrealistic, and I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't let myself hope for something more.
He dropped his forehead to mine. "Tell me this isn't the end of us."
The words were stuck in my throat because I couldn't promise him that. Instead, I went up on tiptoe to kiss him. I could do this. I could get lost in him. We had a few more days together. I'd make the most of it because I was positive that he wouldn't be mine after he got on that plane. No matter how much he wished it were different.
I was always the one left behind.