Chapter 23
23
NOELLE
I was at lunch with my closest girlfriends, Tori and Addison.
Tori rested her elbows on the table, focusing on me. "What's going on with you? We see you even less than usual."
Addison smiled. "We were hoping you had a new love interest."
"About that?—"
The girls gasped.
I held up a hand. "Don't get too excited. There's nothing official. I had a fling with someone?—"
Tori's expression sobered. "It was Killian, wasn't it?"
I nodded.
"I wondered if something was going on there," Addison said carefully, looking from Tori to me.
"How did you leave things?" Tori asked.
"He got that call to leave earlier than we'd planned. We were supposed to go snowboarding that night together."
"You haven't been out on the slopes in ages," Tori said.
"Since I turned down the scholarship. It hurt too much to think about what I'd lost."
The girls exchanged a look. This was the most forthcoming I'd ever been with them, but it felt right to talk to someone about this.
"I didn't tell him how I felt. We didn't have time to talk about anything. He said we'd keep in touch, but I knew better."
"You haven't talked to each other since?" Tori asked.
I sighed at the memory. "I caved and called Killian yesterday."
They leaned in to hear over the din of the other diners.
"And a woman answered."
Tori reared back in disgust. "What?"
"How could he move on so quickly?" Addison asked in disbelief.
"It was his assistant, Riley. I know it's crazy, but I always worried there was something more there. They spend all this time together."
"You're worried something is going on with his assistant?" Addison asked.
I chewed my lip. "I don't know what to think."
"The difference between you and Riley," Addison said, "is that you liked Killian when you were kids, and he probably felt something too. You have a history. It's completely different."
"Yeah, it wasn't your working relationship that turned into something more; it was your history together," Tori added.
"So you're saying nothing's going on?" I wanted to believe that, but the fear was rearing its ugly head, and it was hard to think rationally about this. That's why I'd called this girls' lunch.
"What did she say?" Tori asked.
"That there was a lot going on and that she'd tell him to call me later."
"That's not so bad," Tori said thoughtfully.
Addison's forehead wrinkled. "Did he call later?"
I shook my head, the pain still fresh. "That's the thing. He didn't."
"That might not mean anything. I mean, it's almost too soon to know." Addison exchanged a look with Tori.
"I hate this. It's why I didn't want to suggest a long-distance relationship. How can we trust each other when he's surrounded by beautiful women?" I pulled up the photos from the afterparty where he was photographed with his agent and a bunch of women surrounding them.
Tori frowned. "He seems to be talking to his agent. Not one of the women."
"I shouldn't be upset because we're not dating. We're not anything."
The girls were quiet for a few seconds, and then Tori said gently, "But you love him."
I nodded miserably. "It sucks."
Tori sighed. "You have to tell him how you feel."
I threw my hands into the air. "How can I do that? I don't know if he feels the same, and he's thousands of miles away."
"You have to find out if he feels the same way you do." Addison chewed her lip.
"I called him already," I said.
"I think you have to try one more time. Text and call. Let him know you need to speak with him," Tori said.
My heart was thumping in my chest as I lifted my phone, and my fingers hovered over the screen. "Are you sure this is the right thing to do?"
Addison nodded. "You can't operate on misinformation and missed conversations."
I sighed. "Fine."
Noelle: I was hoping we could talk.
I showed my screen to them. "There. I reached out."
"And follow it up with a phone call in a few hours. If he doesn't answer or respond, then we'll talk about what that means."
My face crumbled. "It means he doesn't love me."
"I saw the way he was with you at the going-away party. He couldn't take his eyes off of you."
Tori nodded. "He looked torn about leaving."
"You think it was being roommates that pushed you two together?" Tori asked with a knowing grin.
"When I was helping him get around, I ran into him in his bathroom. He was naked. It was eye-opening to say the least."
"I bet." Tori giggled.
My face fell. "But the condo is empty without him. I keep expecting him to be there."
Addison squeezed my hand on the table. "Hopefully, he feels the same way."
"He's probably busy with training and publicity. He doesn't even have time to think about me." I was busy, but I couldn't even fathom needing an assistant to answer my phone for me.
Tori winced. "Yeah, that's rough."
Addison straightened. "We've been worried about you. But we're happy that you feel comfortable sharing with us."
"It's nice to have someone to talk to about this." I'd always worried about what it would be like to share with girlfriends. I was worried I'd be judged and found lacking, but that wasn't the case at all. I felt supported.
The girls came around the table and hugged me.
When they resumed their seats, we ordered a round of drinks.
"Hopefully, he'll talk to you, and if not—" Addison looked at Tori helplessly.
"We'll beat him up for you."
My eyes widened. "No."
Tori shrugged her shoulders. "We could get Xander and Walker to do our dirty work for us?"
Addison nodded. "Yeah, that sounds good."
"Thank you for being here for me." Even if we didn't figure anything out, I still felt better. This was what it was like to have friends. They were people you could share your hopes and dreams with. They gave you good advice and not-so-good advice. But they had my best interests at heart, and that's what mattered.
"That's what friends are for," Tori said, and Addison added, "We're just glad you finally realized it."
I hadn't received an answer to my text, so I followed it up after lunch with a phone call that went directly to voicemail. Killian was busy. I understood that completely. It just sucked because I wanted to tell him how I felt, and he didn't have time to talk to me.
It wasn't anything I hadn't expected, and it was a good reminder that Killian didn't have space for me in his life.
After lunch with my friends, I was convinced I had to tell him how I felt even if it didn't go anywhere. Otherwise, I'd always regret letting him go. I remembered Scarlett saying something about not telling Eli how she felt before she left.
I'd done something similar, and now I was living with the consequences. I couldn't help but feel down about the situation. I was busier than ever with assistant requests at the lodge, and I'd even booked a few spring events after I increased my marketing efforts. But I couldn't shake the lingering feeling that Killian didn't want me.
I always knew it was a possibility. That's why I'd held back. But now that I decided to go all-in, I wanted him to know. I wanted everything, even if it was a fantasy. Wishes didn't come true for girls like me.
I was practical. Realistic. But with Killian, I wanted to be the dreamer. The girl who wished for the stars and got them. Then I'd remember that his life was somewhere else, and mine was here.
After I dropped off deliveries at the lodge, I ran into Eli in the lobby. "Got a minute?"
He nodded, leading me into a small room off the lobby reserved for meetings with guests.
"I'm wondering if I could still take you up on that offer to have days off from donuts?"
Eli raised a brow. "The offer stands. Do you know which days you want off yet?"
"Not yet. I have to figure somethings out first."
He nodded. "Just let me know."
"Thanks for being so flexible."
"We have a line out the door every morning for your donuts, and the guests are raving about our personal assistant service. They feel like it's the ultimate luxury and shockingly affordable."
I smiled at the praise. "I think I'm going to need to hire a few more assistants to keep up."
Eli nodded. "That's a good thing, Noelle. You're on your way."
"It's hard to believe it will last."
"You've got two strong businesses right now. I know you have the means to build them into something that will support you and your family."
I blinked away the tears. "That's the goal."
Eli's phone buzzed. "I have to take this. Was that all you needed?"
I nodded.
He left the room, and I took a few minutes to collect myself. Then my phone buzzed with new requests, and I drove back into town. By the time I got back to the lodge, I was exhausted. I needed to place the task of hiring employees high on my list if I could fit it in.
I swiped my card and pushed the door open, expecting a quiet, empty apartment, and that's exactly what I got.
I put my stuff down and kicked off my shoes. My feet ached, and my shoulders were tight. That's when I noted the rose petals that were on the floor, creating a path to the master bedroom. Who could be here?
Any of the Wilde brothers or staff could get in, but why would they put rose petals on the ground for me to find?
I followed the trail with my heart pounding loudly in my ears. It couldn't be Killian. Riley had said he was too busy to talk to me, much less plan a visit home.
He had training and publicity and zero time for Telluride or whoever might be waiting for him.
When I reached the bedroom, it was illuminated with flickering candles. There was a massage table by the bed, and I wondered if Eli had ordered me a massage service for the hard work I'd been doing. I couldn't help but feel disappointed. It was nice, but I wanted Killian.
That's when the bathroom door opened, and Killian walked out, a towel tied low on his hips.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, my gaze moving from him to the table and then back again. He looked even better than I remembered. Were his muscles more defined than the last time I saw him naked?
He smirked. "Eyes up here, baby."
I sucked in a breath as I forced my gaze to meet his. He moved until he was in front of me. "I had to see you."
"I wanted to talk to you too. I left messages." My brain felt a little scattered. I was fairly sure it was the amount of bare skin on display.
"I didn't get them until I was off the plane, and then I thought we should talk in person. It's better this way."
He wouldn't have come home to break up with me, would he? We weren't technically together. "What did you want to talk about?"
"I made a mistake." His hand went to my chin, and he lifted it slightly, then moved to cup my cheek. My hand lifted involuntarily to his chest where his heart pounded under my touch. I wanted to touch him all over. But first, I needed to know why he was here.
"What mistake is that?" I asked, pressing my cheek into his palm.
His expression was intense. "Leaving you behind."
My heart longed to take flight, but I held back, needing him to explain himself.
"I didn't tell you how I felt, or maybe I didn't fully realize it until I was gone. I'm in love with you. I was an idiot not to talk to you after that kiss at eighteen, and I'm a bigger moron for walking away from you now."
My heart pounded. I was scared to say those three words to him. What if he admitted that our relationship wouldn't work? Or he changed his mind. But I had to be brave. "I love you too."
He relaxed slightly, leaning down to touch his lips to mine. It was soft and sweet, with a hint of more. He pulled back slightly. "I want to give you a massage. I'm not an expert, but I've been on the receiving end of massages, and I watched a lot of videos."
"You're giving me the massage?" I asked.
He grinned, moving his hand from my cheek. "I promise I'll be very thorough."
My skin heated. "Why are you practically naked?"
"I figured me being in a towel would bring back a lot of memories." He gestured for me to remove my clothes.
As I did, I noticed the soft music in the background for the first time.
He helped me to lay face down on the table. "Aren't you going to cover me?"
He grinned wider. "Now, what's the fun in that?"
I was naked on a massage table covered in soft white sheets, and Killian was greasing his hands with oil. I was hopeful this was going to feel very, very good despite his lack of license and experience.
"I heard you've been working hard while I was gone." His hands landed on my shoulders.
I moaned as his inexpert hands kneaded the tight muscles in my shoulders, arms, and back. My muscles softened and loosened as he moved, and my mind drifted, finding it difficult to string together a sentence.
"You're probably wondering how this is going to work?" His voice rumbled through my body, and I tensed. "None of that. You're going to relax and let me have my way with you."
"I think I'm going to enjoy this."
"That's the idea." I could hear the smile in his voice.
"You probably heard that I fired my agent."
"I hadn't." After the race and the afterparty, I couldn't bring myself to check his socials or the news stories. I wasn't strong enough to find him out with another woman.
"I have a new one, and I handle my schedule now. I choose which races I want to do, how much time I get off, and how I want to spend my time."
I propped myself up on folded arms so that I could see his face. "That's amazing. But you don't think it will be detrimental for your training?"
"Lincoln told me I was overtraining. I didn't want to believe it at first. But he reminded me of the fundamentals: rest, sleep, good food, and intentional exercise."
"I didn't realize he said anything about that."
"He was worried about overstepping but said he didn't want to see me back in his office, at least not until after I retired voluntarily. Not due to a career-ending injury."
"Jeremy didn't care about your longevity," I said, the realization just hitting me.
"He wanted to make as much as he could from me, and then move on to another young guy, one he could push around and squeeze as much money from as possible. But I chose an agent who will work with me."
"That's great, Killian. I'm so happy for you."
He cupped my cheek, his hand smelling faintly of the oil he'd spread across my skin. "I want to be with you as much as possible."
My brow furrowed. "But my businesses keep me busy too."
"You could hire more people for your assistant business and still make a profit. Eli said you already requested time off from your donut-making business."
"I did."
"He said it will help with demand. People will know to come here when you are offering donuts. He doesn't think it will hurt anything."
"So what does this mean for us?"
"I told my agent I want to mentor some kids here."
I raised a brow, moving to sit on the table, and he moved between my legs. With a flick of my fingers, his towel fell, and he was gloriously naked. "Does that mean you'll be here a lot?"
His eyes flashed with heat and searing love. "I'm hoping to spend a lot of time in bed with you."
I smiled. "That can be arranged."
"And I'm hoping you can travel to a few races?"
"I can do that." I was thrilled he wanted me to be by his side.
"I'm all-in with you, Noelle. I'm never walking away from you again. You're mine, forever and always."
"Yes," I said as he kissed me, his hands ghosting over my body as if he couldn't believe I was here. He moved me onto the table, his body hovering over mine. I felt like putty beneath him. He kissed me as his cock slipped inside me. It was a natural coming together, a promise of forever. With each pass of his dick inside me, I felt the truth of his words. He loved me, and he was never letting me go.