Chapter 22
22
KILLIAN
I 'd won the race, but the thrill of victory was missing. Ever since I got off the plane, I'd been nonstop. There were interviews, training, and planning. The to-do list had been endless, and I was exhausted.
I was at an afterparty where there was loud music, dancing, and lots of women. There were men too, but I couldn't help but feel like I shouldn't be there.
I wasn't interested in the adulation, not in the same way I had been before my injury.
I searched the crowd for Jeremy, who was drinking at the bar, and said, "I'm going back to my room."
His brow furrowed. "You should stay. There are sponsors here."
I glanced around the room. "I've talked to everyone I need to, and honestly, they can set up a meeting if they're interested."
Jeremy straightened, moving slightly away from the woman he'd been talking to. "You know that's not how it works. You have to put yourself in front of them."
I'd seen other athletes do things differently over the years. I was starting to wonder if his approach was the best. "I'm just getting back in the game. I'm tired."
He finally nodded. "You're right. Get some sleep. You'll feel better in the morning."
Except I wasn't sure I would. My time was scheduled from when I woke up until I went to sleep at night. It was early morning trainings, interviews, publicity, and meetings. Then more networking events in the evening. I just wanted to snowboard, and if I was being honest with myself, check in with Noelle. I missed her. I missed our routines. The quiet calm whenever she was in our condo.
In the elevator, I stepped inside, nodding to one of my competitor's, Derek. He was large with shaggy blond hair. He had an easy way about him, but I rarely saw him at the after-parties.
"Great race today," I said to him, remembering he'd come in second in the race I'd run.
He raised his glass in my direction. "Same to you. You looked better than ever."
"Some time off will do that to you." I leaned against the wall.
He raised a brow. "Are you suggesting I get injured so I can rest?"
I smirked. "I'm just saying it worked for me."
He scrutinized me. "It's not just the time away. You seem different."
I sighed, deciding to share with a fellow snowboarder, something I hadn't done in a long time. Jeremy always said not to trust my competitors and to keep to myself. "If you mean I'm less interested in the publicity and parties, then yes, I'm different."
"It happens to everyone at some point. The young guys like the party life, but the ones who want longevity learn to take care of themselves. You guard your time and take care of yourself. Some of the agents have other ideas, but it's best to work with people that share your philosophy." He waved a hand at the door. "Everyone else is out for themselves. You have to be looking out for you."
For a short time, I had Noelle looking out for me, and it was nice. But it was time for me to create the life I wanted. Not just the one Jeremy told me I should want. "That's good advice. Thank you."
He raised a brow. "I never thought I'd see the day when Killian Wilde wanted my advice."
The elevator opened, and we both stepped out, walking in the same direction to our rooms. "You got any advice for having a life outside of snowboarding?"
Derek chuckled. "I'm not the best one to talk to about that. I let the one woman I ever loved get away. I thought my career was more important. If you make a similar decision, you'll quickly figure out that your life is a string of empty hotel rooms. If you find someone who loves you, hold onto her. I wish I had. Good luck." Without waiting for a response, he swiped his key card and disappeared inside his room.
I'd never talked to competitors about much of anything outside of racing. I'd let Jeremy take the lead and tell me what I should be doing. But I needed to be more aware of my options. Maybe it didn't have to be like this. Did I need to compete year-round? I remember something Lincoln said to me when I first went to see him. I needed to decide how long of a career I wanted, because if I kept going at this pace, I would have to retire sooner rather than later.
I hadn't told anyone that. I didn't want Jeremy to think I was worried about getting reinjured. But I was wondering whether I should be taking better care of myself. Had my schedule led to my injury?
I'd always thought Jeremy had my back, and now I wasn't so sure. I was aware that he profited off my success, but I assumed he had my best interest at heart. Now I suspected I was just another athlete.
I dropped onto the bed, finally reading Noelle's message saying she knew I could win. Her words filled me with so much love. I wished I'd told her how I felt. I wished I could contact her now. But it felt like there was this divide between us. Almost as if we'd left our bubble and couldn't return.
Should I tell her how I hadn't figured out how to have something with her, and it wouldn't be fair until I did? I wasn't sure that made sense. Telling her I wished she were here wouldn't accomplish anything. She couldn't travel to see me even if she wanted to. She was tied to Telluride with her various businesses and her family.
For now, my life was here, and hers was in Telluride.
Killian: Thanks for believing in me.
For being there for me, for showing me what more there was to life. I couldn't express all of that in a text message. That thanks meant so much more. Even if I couldn't say the words.
I needed to take more control of my career. I shouldn't have spent all my time focused on training and racing. There were other details that mattered too, like the contracts I'd signed, the people I surrounded myself with, and my schedule.
I scoured the contract with my agent, and then I called my attorney. I needed someone on my side if I was going to make some changes.
When I was satisfied that I had a plan ironed out, I went to bed, hopeful that I'd be able to create a life I was happy with. I still had a few more calls to make before I could talk to Noelle. I wasn't sure if she wanted the same thing. But even if she didn't, this pivot was a long time coming.
It took getting injured to see how little control I had over my own life. I should be running my career, not my agent. Jeremy shouldn't be setting my schedule without getting the okay from me first. Maybe I let him get away with it for too long, and it was my fault. But I knew better now. There were better ways to live than this.
In the beginning, I was just thankful for a chance to compete, but now I'd earned my spot. It was time for me to figure out how things were going to be from now on.
Jeremy wouldn't like it. But I was determined to make this change whether he liked it or not. I was prepared to walk away if necessary.
Nothing was more important to me than my family and Noelle. I had plenty of money in the bank. It was time I started racing for the fun of it and not the perpetual climb. There was always something I could be doing, but was it necessary?
What if I took a step back and was selective in the races I competed in? What if that scarcity only heightened the desire for fans? It was a gamble, but I had a feeling I was on the right track. I couldn't wait to talk to Noelle, but I needed everything lined up first.
It wouldn't be fair for me to promise something if I couldn't make it happen.
T he next morning, I called a meeting with Jeremy.
When I came into the conference room flanked by my attorney, Jeremy stood up, surprise etched on his face. "What's this about?"
"We need to talk."
Jeremy shook my attorney's hand, then said to me, "I don't understand. Why do you need your attorney to talk to me?"
I sat at the head of the table, my attorney to my right. "I don't like how my career is being handled."
"Why haven't you ever said anything before?" Jeremy asked carefully as he resumed his seat.
"I was focused on training, racing."
Jeremy inclined his head. "That's what you should be focused on. I handle everything else."
"I want to be more involved in the trajectory of my career. From now on, I set my schedule?—"
Jeremy's eyes widened as he pulled up the electronic calendar on his phone that was covered in different colors for practices, trainings, meetings, interviews, and the list went on. "But I already have your schedule set."
I waved a hand at the screen. "That's not working for me anymore. There isn't room for me to breathe or just relax."
Jeremy's shoulders tensed as he leaned his elbows on the table. "We can make some adjustments?—"
"I'll be making the schedule. It will be based on my optimal training times, sleep schedule, and nutrition requirements."
"I'm looking out for your best interests, Kill. I don't understand where this is coming from."
I cringed at his use of my racing name. "You can't possibly know when the best time is for me to train. When I'm the sharpest and most focused."
"Sure, I do."
I tilted my head to the side. "How can that be when you've never talked to me about it?"
That seemed to stump him because he didn't respond.
"My calendar is so full; I don't have time to get adequate sleep. I don't have any downtime to rest, and I never see my family." My jaw ticked with frustration.
"You never cared before?—"
I let out a breath. "And that was on me, but I think there's a better way for me to live, and making these changes is going to make me a better athlete. You have me going all hours of the day, and I'm not young anymore. I have to be more aware of what my body and mind need in the moment." I moved the piece of paper with my new schedule in front of him.
"But what about publicity events?"
"Sponsors can contact me, and I'll let them know when the best time to meet with me is."
"I usually handle that so you can focus on what you do best—racing." His gaze shifted from me to my lawyer, Jason.
"I want more control, and if you don't give it to me, I'm letting you go." I hoped it wouldn't come to this, but I suspected it might.
His shoulders lowered. "I can't believe this."
"I'm sure there are plenty of up-and-comers that are willing to work like that." I threw a finger in the direction of his phone. "I'm not doing that anymore. It's not healthy, and it's not helping me win races."
He ran a hand through his gelled hair. "This is crazy."
"You can make these changes, or we can terminate our contract."
Jason leaned forward. "There's a clause that allows for a termination when the contract is no longer in Killian's best interest."
Jeremy's eyes flared with the realization that I was playing hardball. I wasn't backing down.
"Without me, you won't be at the top anymore." He sneered.
I stood, done with his condescending tone. "It sounds like we're not going in the same direction anymore, and it would be better for both of us to cut ties. My publicist will make a statement to that effect."
He sputtered. "You're really doing this? You're walking away from an amazing career."
"I'm not walking away from anything but your overbearing tactics. Agents are supposed to work with athletes, not run their lives. I'm just sorry it took me so long to realize it."
"Did you hit your head when you fell?" Jeremy asked with another sneer.
I grinned. "If I did, it helped me see everything clearly."
"You're going to regret this," he called after me, but it only made me smile wider. I already felt lighter. My schedule was clear, and I had plenty of time to eat, sleep, and prepare for the important things in my life.
Later that day, I had interviews set up with new agents who might line up with my values. I was meeting with them in my room, because although it was a business deal, it was also a relationship. And if it didn't work for me, then we didn't need to sign a contract to work together.
For the first time, I felt in control of my life. I wasn't a victim of a schedule Jeremy made anymore.
My schedule reflected the best times for me to work out.
I was upfront with each agent I interviewed, asking about their philosophy before I told them about mine. I was worried I wouldn't find anyone who'd fit what I needed until the third one, Noah Hammond. He happened to be the same one that Derek used.
"This is my schedule. I have to okay anything that goes on here." I said it carefully, waiting for the usual pushback, and when he merely nodded, I hesitated. "You're okay with that?"
"You know what's best for you. I hope to get to know you better and find the best sponsors that fit with your beliefs. But I'd never tell you when to train or eat."
I nodded, liking that answer. "How do you feel about sponsor parties?"
He leaned back in his chair and shook his head. "I don't recommend those. They're a good way to destroy your focus. If a sponsor wants to meet with you, then they can schedule a time for us to talk. I don't attend parties and never require my athletes to either. I don't like the atmosphere at those things."
I almost hired him on the spot, but I forced myself to go through all the questions that I'd prepared.
My phone had been ringing off the hook, probably due to the news of my split with my agent. Riley was answering the calls and taking notes so I could review them later.
"I think I want to move in a different direction going forward. I might like to mentor young athletes at my family's resort. As a result, I'll be traveling back and forth. I'll pick my races carefully. I'm no longer training year-round."
"That's a good idea. You'll be able to get a few sponsorships that are noticeably absent from your list." He listed a few huge names, ones I'd never been able to secure. They wouldn't even consider me.
"Why would they consider me now when they haven't before?" I asked him.
"The big sponsors want to invest in someone, someone who has ideals that align with their brand. If you truly want to mentor kids, that opens more avenues for you. But if you're doing it to secure a deal, then they'll be able to sniff that out."
"I'm not doing it for the sponsorships. When I was injured, I was helping some kids. I wasn't able to do much beyond giving advice, but now that I'm on my feet again, I'd like to try my hand at it. I was captain of my high school snowboarding team. I think I have the skills."
He grinned. "I think you're going to be great at it."
It would be nice to have a few big sponsorships to carry me through retirement. But I didn't need any of it. I'd invested wisely over the years and spent almost nothing. Which is why I didn't have a home or much of any assets besides my truck that Noelle was hopefully driving at home.
I liked the idea of her driving my truck around town. Everyone knowing she's my girl, at least until I can get home and could tell her for myself.
"I have something I need to take care of at home."
"I have a feeling this isn't about the mentorship," he said with a knowing look.
I nodded. "It's personal."
"If you're inclined to work with me, I can come with you and scope out the possibilities for your mentorship."
"You'd come with me?" None of my team had ever done that before.
"I want to get to know you better, and what better way to do that than in your hometown?"
"That sounds good." I was relieved I'd found someone who fit what I wanted out of my life going forward. I stood and shook his hand. "I'll have my attorney send over the contract, and we can negotiate the numbers. But I'm looking forward to working with you for many years to come."
Noah stood, and we shook hands. "We'll work out the details. Then let me know when you're headed home."
I'd always wanted an agent who worked with me. I just hadn't been sure that was a thing. I felt like I was finally in control of my life. I was excited to get started. I'd still race and compete, but it would be on my terms.
And I was hoping I'd have my biggest fan at my side for some of them, if not all of them. I needed to talk to my brothers when I got home, and then I had plans for Noelle. There was always a possibility that she didn't want the same things I did.
Everything I'd ever wanted was within reach; I just had to be strong enough to take it for myself.
I wasn't stuck with someone that didn't have my best interest at heart.
I walked Noah out, and when I turned back to Riley, she grinned. "The word is out, and the snowboarding world is buzzing about this new Killian Wilde and what he has planned for the future."
"I don't know if I want that level of publicity." Without even trying, I was getting attention.
Riley handed me my phone. "I think everyone is excited for what's next for you."
I grinned. "I am too."
Now I had a flight to catch and a girl to charm.